NFL Noise:
- Dr. Anthony Fauci, the guy constantly rolling his eyes whenever Dr. President Trump speaks on COVID-19, says the only way professional sports will happen this summer is by holding events without fans in attendance and by keeping players in hotels.
- This would work at a place like Skydome, which has a hotel attached to the facility.
- One guy who likes this idea – Kirk Cousins.
- “Honestly, we practice every day in an empty grass area and pump in fake crowd noise for away games…So honestly to go out and just play the game would kind of be refreshing, a breath of fresh air, to just let us know that we don’t have to have all the smoke and the fire, we can just play football.”
- PFT, in their analysis, takes a very good dig at the Chargers when they point out:
- “[It] would create a very real advantage for teams like the Chargers, who have grown accustomed to performing before hostile crowds both on the road and at home.”
- Which, given a member of the office staff was just diagnosed with COVID-19, seems practical.
- “[It] would create a very real advantage for teams like the Chargers, who have grown accustomed to performing before hostile crowds both on the road and at home.”
- This comes on the heels of Trump trying to assemble
The Avengersa team of advisors from various sports leagues & organizations to look into restarting American sports leagues.- These include NBA commissioner Adam Silver, NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred and NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, Patriots owner Robert Kraft, Cowboys owner Jerry Jones and Mavericks owner Mark Cuban, as well as WWE President & ardent Trump supporter Vince McMahon.
- Not coincidentally, his wife Linda is chairing the pro-Trump super PAC America First Action, who have committed to spend $18.5 million in Florida for the 2020 election cycle.
- Naturally, every jagoff on the planet had opinions.
- These include NBA commissioner Adam Silver, NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred and NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, Patriots owner Robert Kraft, Cowboys owner Jerry Jones and Mavericks owner Mark Cuban, as well as WWE President & ardent Trump supporter Vince McMahon.
Are they going to be advised by Tim Donaghy, Pete Rose, Art Schlicter, Vince Russo, Bill Belichick and the ghosts of the 1919 Black Sox?
— Official cicerone to King Charles III (@beerguyrob) April 14, 2020
- A high school football coach has accused the Colts of stealing his design.
- And he has receipts, proving he’d shown them his logo back in 2016.
Here is my original logo sheet and date of creation. pic.twitter.com/FZK1bIDvU8
— Coach Kubuske (@CoachKubuske) April 13, 2020
Finally, the reveal you’ve all been waiting for – the Browns have new jerseys!
- They decided to ditch the “modern” look they likely stole from Tampa Bay & instead went back to the old school look.
- But they are keeping the brighter orange that was introduced by the 2015-19 uniforms.
- A return of basic striping & the removal of words from the jerseys also enhance the elegant look of the simpler design.
- One slight modification is the rounded numbers, instead of hard-blocked edges.
- Honestly, it reminds me of the Brian Sipe-era Browns I grew up watching & admiring.
To further wet your whistle, the Browns put together an enjoyable video outlining their jerseys over the years. Not surprisingly, despite being a one-minute video, it goes heavy on the Jim Brown & omits most of the last 20 years.
Today’s internet good dog is Winnie, a Golden retriever who loves her mailman.
Winnie's favorite part of the day is when her friend, the mailman, visits – and she knows to wait patiently until he drops off the mail 💛https://t.co/5lmEzTFFOR pic.twitter.com/HBjtaeLTu0
— CBS News (@CBSNews) April 15, 2020
Dogs, like politicians, loves bribes… and strange men who rub their bellies.
Tonight’s … entertainment?:
- Wrasslin’:
- AEW Dynamite – 8:00PM | TNT / TSN2
- NXT – 8:00PM | USA
- Remember – WWE is an essential service. You won’t get your Trump-check unless you watch it.
- Wrestlemania 32 – 8:00PM | Sportsnet360
- the consensus “worst” Mania of the last 10 years.
- TSN Soccer Special: Alphonso Davies – 7:30PM | TSN
- A review of the short history of one of international soccer’s brightest stars from the moment he stepped on the field with Vancouver Whitecaps FC to the moment Bayern Munich fans chanted his name after a Champions League game.
- Including how he almost ended up *shudder* at ManU.
- A review of the short history of one of international soccer’s brightest stars from the moment he stepped on the field with Vancouver Whitecaps FC to the moment Bayern Munich fans chanted his name after a Champions League game.
- The Chicago block – 8:00-11:00PM | NBC
- If you want gain some points with the missus, let her drool over the men & lesbians of Wednesday night.
- Lego Masters – 9:01 PM | FOX
- In the final challenge of the season, the two remaining duos go head-to-head as they create their most epic master builds yet. Eliminated contestants return and loved ones come to cheer the teams on. Hosted by Lego Batman himself, Will Arnett.
- Blood Sugar Rising – 9:00 PM | PBS
- The history and science of the hidden crisis of diabetes, an epidemic that affects 100 million Americans, costing over $350 billion annually. Spotlighting some of the faces behind the statistics whose stories bring insights and hope.
- Given the average [DFO] commentist’s sedentary lifestyle, we might as well watch to see how we can avoid this inevitability.
- Forged in Fire – 9:00 PM | HIST
- Four smiths forge a Japanese tanto dagger. Then, two competitors return to reproduce the Sodegarami.
- Brockmire – 10:00 PM | IFC / CTV Comedy app
- Jules tries to win Beth’s approval of the relationship she and Brockmire are trying to rekindle.
Again, there’s a little something for everybody.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=muPE3Nu-JqY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y9a49oFalZE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YcY3FH208l8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vt9yRFWvY8s
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jGl7g_a5YLA
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rhhTCeDKUQw
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZIdCo_QAz_E
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fj9tyTMp3JU
My quarantine song I guess: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQ5vv4c8oW8
Y’all seem to be sleepin’ so good night
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OqIlLRWQ1k0
Considering we’re dealing with a not horribly deadly virus, we’re really losing on the easy setting. We’ve fucked up bad, and we should feel especially bad because this disease is as manageable as it is. We suck, the government sucks more, and not in a good way.
So established, not going to St. Pierre and Miquelon this year. Still trying to go to Greenland and the Faroes, tentatively rescheduled for late June.
I’ve got a tiny family, and they kinda socially distance anyway, so no family has gotten the ‘Vid yet. I have at least one friend who tested positive and had pneumonia, but is happily fully recovered now. He says it’s fucking awful btw, so if you’re like me an kinda meh as far as being exposed, maybe rethink. I’m personally curious as to a) if my generally pretty kickass immune system can cope (never had the flu, but had nasty kidney and ear infections) and b) if it’s actually worse than aforementioned kidney and ear infections. During my adult ear infection I was in so much pain that walking was difficult, despite my limbs not being infected, and I couldn’t follow an episode of Futurama that I had seen probably 20 times before. Sounds like this is what Covid is, but with breathing instead of ears.
I am happy to report that the pizza turned out delicious.
If pizza of any sort isn’t delicious there’s a real existential problem
Truth. I was afraid the dough wouldn’t cook through. However, cast iron + 550 degrees = no problem.
Well done (in every sense)! I’ve yet to move on from freezer pizza, and when I do it’s likely to be shitty delivery pizza
@ Viva La Tabula Raza, so what was the comment you were going to post about the Bond films?
Oh man, I got really drunk and did not compose the soliloquy i promised. I really do have some relevant responses to your wonderful post. You’ll just have to be a little patient. 1960s Bond films are right in my wheelhouse. Please have patience with my inattentive and easily distracted attention.
I’m staying off work tomorrow for a doc appt and an errands run (packy, HEB, etc). I will get high and explain.
also, speaking of profile pics, what made you choose a cap of Ron Pearlman(??)?
I thought that The Name Of The Rose (1986) was one of the most awesome novels and one of the best films of it’s time (1980s). The recent John Turturro remake was adequate, but not earth shattering.
The Umberto Eco book? Wasn’t aware there was a film, I guess I should watch?
Sean Connery/Christian Slater/mid-1980s. I’ve read the Eco book several times (can be a struggle). Seen the Connery movie many times. Remake was worth watching (John Turturro version) .
Good to know!! It’s significantly more readable than other Eco books, he’s on the shortlist of authors where I’ve started but not finished a book. It’s single digits. Don’t know how I missed the movie, I went through a very pro-movie phase in the 90s. I’ll have to see if it’s on Amazon
I have read a number of Eco’s books over the years. Definitely an acquired taste. Recommend to all, but be patient
And the fact that you have responded means you have to move in with me and you inherit all my property.
and that was submitted with a giggle.
Wore pants (jeans) for the first time in roughly six months today. It was hot out and I didn’t want to carry a purse so I needed pockets on my lunch walk. Pants are super weird.
Pants are overrated.
We would have accepted shorts.
I do have leggings and shorts with pockets, but they weren’t immediately accessible. If I take a walk tomorrow, expect short shorts with some weird bulges for a chick.
“Are those keys? Is she happy to see me? I don’t even know”
-review of tomorrow’s walk
“Is that a roll of Certs or are you just happy to see me?”
Speaking of Wichita (neutral), the last 2 days on my way to work at Wesley Hospital I have seen that the WPD has turned the parking lot by the basketball arena into an open area for new officers to practice pulling people over. Unnerving indeed:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iqq6atTEFb0
SHOTS!! SHOTS!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i1C0RVfQGS4
FIRED FIRED FIRED!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=91GIuFbY_F0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q2bZS_nPPNA
Tom Petty gets you yet another upvote.
It’s just hard for me to picture Cobra as a public health worker. Bon chance, amigo.
The thing I hate about drinking and not drinking, both are shitty for sleep. I’m probably about 2 weeks away from going full-on grad school and just sleeping whenever unless I have a meeting. When I did my first-year research paper I worked on and off without regard to sunlight for four days straight. When I finished it was something like 7am on a Wednesday, and there was a bar near me that opened then so I could go get a beer. Can’t do that now, so it’ll be more Unabomber style when I finish something at a weird hour.
There’s something to be said for day-drinking bars.
Lots, not everyone is on a normal schedule
My favorite diss on this show.
I hate Jonah, but he’s great for being the target of quality insults
I’m looking at suggested YouTube videos, and just a guess here, but calling Chase Young “The Predator” might not be the best thing for him.
All the games will be in Witchita. Peter King, if he’s still alive, has a gross orgasm.
In other news, do you ever wonder how many insects you’ve peed on when you use the toilet in the dark?
NOPE!! Not going to happen here:
http://www.kake.com/story/42010701/wichita-state-asks-board-of-regents-for-permission-to-raze-cessna-stadium
The Trailer Park Boys binge continues. I can’t believe how many seasons they got out of this.
That was one of those shows I enjoyed, but not sober
You watching this documentary on Saskatchewans?
Okay, this is probably my favorite episode of the whole thing so far. Goddamn, when he throws the piss jugs at the crowd of kids.
She may be able to sting like a bee in that outfit, but she ain’t gonna float like a butterfly. Also, with those shoulders and that weight of glove, she’s probably not going to sting like a bee either.
I’ve never actually fought, but I really do miss boxing training. I wonder if the wall is anything like an actual punching bag with gloves?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9blSYZrT8lo
[Balls perks up]
[Hippo gags]
Yeah I do
Didn’t think about that sounding like you two were “hanging out.”
Binging Veep. Fantastic show
Even when it’s bad, it’s very watchable
“How am I doing? I’m eating so much pussy I’m shitting clits!”
Best. line. ever.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZpxaiNV_sM
A Lap Dance Is so Much Better When the Stripper Is Crying
I was lonelier than Kunta Kinte at a Merle Haggard concert
That night I strolled on into Uncle Limpy’s Hump Palace lookin’ for love
It had been a while
In fact, three hundred and sixty-five had come and went
since that midnight run haulin’ hog to Shakey Town on I-10
I had picked up this hitchhiker that was sweatin’ gallons
through a pair of Daisy Duke cut-offs and one of those Fruit Of The Loom tank-tops
Well, that night I lost myself to ruby red lips
milky white skin and baby blue eyes
Name was Russell
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
Well I find it’s quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
Well, faster than you can say, “shallow grave”
this pretty little thing come up to me and starts kneadin’ my balls
like hard-boiled eggs in a tube sock
Said her name was Bambi and I said, “Well that’s a coincidence darlin’
’cause I was just thinkin’ about skinnin’ you like a deer”
Well she smiled, had about as much teeth as a Jack-O-Lantern
and I went on to tell her how I would wear her face like a mask
as I do my little kooky dance
And then she told me to shush
I guess she could sense my desperation
‘Course, it’s hard to hide a hard-on when you’re dressed like Minnie Pearl
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
Well I find it’s quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
So, Bambi’s goin’ on about how she can make all my fantasies come true
So I says, “Even this one I have where Jesus Christ
is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole
with a lawn dart as Garth Brooks gives birth to something
resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus’s tummy-tum?”
Well, ten beers, twenty minutes and thirty dollars later
I’m parkin’ the beef bus in tuna town if you know what I mean
Got to nail her back at her trailer
Heh. That rhymes
I have to admit it was even more of a turn-on
when I found out she was doin’ me to buy baby formula
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
Well I find it’s quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
Day or so had passed when I popped the clutch
gave the tranny a spin and slid on into
The Stinky Pinky Gulp N’ Guzzle Big Rig Snooze-A-Stop
There I was browsin’ through the latest issue of “Throb”
when I saw Bambi starin’ at me from the back of a milk carton
Well, my heart just dropped
So, I decided to do what any good Christian would
You can not imagine how difficult it is to hold a half gallon of moo juice
and polish the one-eyed gopher when your doin’ seventy-five
in an eighteen-wheeler
I never thought missing children could be so sexy
Did I say that out loud?
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
Well I find it’s quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7qFF2v8VsaA
Willem Defoe is easily amused
Hey, they’re playing classic celebrity Millionaire, so that’s cool. Just the ol’ lifelines.
And Nikki Glazer fucked up. So that’s amusing.
She will fuck sideways and down too……. based on YouTube comments anyway.
I saw that too. If its for charity, they’ll should undo it. If its for real, she’s S.O.L.
If it’s the old rules of charity they’ll still give her $32K.
Hey, they undid it!
Speaking of blowjobs.
Sorry, too soon.
Like foreign futbol, although I don’t begrudge anyone their fandom, I don’t pay any attention to professional wrestling, though I think I have seen some commentary here at DFO indicating some interest. Is anybody here excited that WWE wrestlers have been declared “essential workers” by Trump’s buddy DeSantis in Florida?
https://www.rawstory.com/2020/04/its-a-rancid-case-of-quid-pro-quo-sports-reporter-sounds-the-alarm-about-florida-governor-and-wwe/
Desantis is like the crazy hobo, except he’s a governor.
Sounds like something Scotchy can take care of…
I was hoping, but don’t want Scotch coming down with COVID-19.
Plus De Santis probably has a 24/7 security detail around him. He should, anyway.
Scotchy can get around that if you distract them.
The filth of the behavior is only truly appreciated when you take into account that today there was a mass firing of talent, production, and crew, not because WWE was in trouble, but because they wanted to hit their pre-pandemic projections. Vince McMahon is perhaps the worst person alive.
I’m sorry, but surely he can’t be more disgusting and horrible than the Orange-utan himself?
Well, he did play the villain in their storyline, and wrestling usually tries to mirror reality as much as possible, so.
Well, mass murder and like, but these two are cut from the same cloth.
So my college daughter has been home since March, with nowhere to go, which has certainly put a crimp in my plan to, once the kids left, subject poor Mrs. Cornblower to disappointing sex any time we wanted to, or she needed an extra $50-$100.
Tonight the kid is out, sitting 6 or more feet away from another friend, and since gas prices are way down, and there’s no where to go anyway, I had extra money around. So we’re in our bedroom, “expressing our love in a physical manner” as Mr. Burns might say, when I hear the dog coming up the stairs and realize, with some horror, that our bedroom door is wide open, the dog is allowed on the bed, and it’s 50-50 that I’m about to get a wet dog snout in the ass.
Now, that sort of thing my fly in German porn but it is not something that I’m looking forward to, although to be fair, I’d also never really thought of it until right then, when it was a distinct possibility. My wife, distracted by Words With Friends or Candy Crush or whatever she’s doing, is oblivious. I am at a point where stopping and yelling at the dog is not a possibility.
Fortunately he wandered off without jumping on the bed, probably because he’s easily frightened by unexpected sights.
I tell you that to tell you this:
Me, later: So I didn’t tell you this at the time but the dog came into the room and I was terrified I was about to get a wet canine nose in my ass.
Her: Ha-Ha. Oh, that reminds me, I have to show you something in the basement
Me: (Pause) WHY WOULD THAT REMIND YOU OF ANYTHING, AND WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU GOT GOING ON IN THE BASEMENT!?
/turns out it was totally unrelated.
//I apologize for the visual you all now have. If it helps, pretend I’m Brad Pitt.
Shoullda let her be on on top.
The dog?
At least his daughter didn’t show up.
Now that would have been a porn script. Well, assuming they had a pizza on the way.
I don’t see the problem
Well at least the dog got some warm peanut butter out of the deal.
“expressing our love in a physical manner” as Mr. Burns might say,
Frank Burns or Montgomery Burns?
Was it filmed and produced by Ken Burns?
No, by Ken’s younger and less talented brother Ric (a real person).
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ric_Burns
To be fair, his best known piece was a pretty good PBS documentary
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_York:_A_Documentary_Film
narrated by Major Charles Emerson Winchester III.
Robert Burns would like a fucking word.
Several words, because you know…..
That really burns my ass.
Am I the only one here that can’t watch the news anymore? But also has to read headlines to see what new level of dumbassery our country’s “leaders” put on display?
No – you are the only one to put it so eloquently.
I stopped about 2 weeks ago.
Well, yeah, but what about watching the news?
[BOOM!]
I try to watch, but can only take so much. The science part, while still depressing is not chocked up with dumbassery and is informative….. well until it is used/ not used by our “leaders.”
At least we have cat videos.
Bonus is you only have to read the headlines to see what new level of dumbassery our country’s “leaders” put on display. Efficient!
That’s true; [we are fucked] in mere minutes.
Welcome to 1996
1980.
Nope. I’ve pretty much given up even reading the NY Times.
Medieval Fireman Bob was one of my favourite shows back in the 1990s.
This SNL skit is so underated!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sz-Yw0c7cF0
Likewise, people forget Rosanna Arquette has/d a great rack.
Toto is gonna meet you all the way on that comment.
Maybe Weezer will cover that song as well.
She’s in the category of hidden beauty like Kate Winslet. When she’s clothed, you don’t really notice it. You see she has boobs, but its not a noticeable trait.
When she reveals what’s underneath, for a second or two you try to hear a choir singing because with the beauty you’re seeing, you almost expect it to be accompanied with a choir.
For a brief moment there back in the second half of the 1980s, Jon Lovitz was a pretty funny guy.
(watching National Treasure 2: National Treasurer)
In the end when the bad guy makes Nic Cage stay in the flooding chamber of gold, everyone and the background music makes it looks like they’re seconds away from drowning. But by my count, the chamber is flooding at a rate at best an inch of minute, and the chamber is about 1200 inches tall. So they have about 20 hours to leave and find help to get back into the chamber of gold and drain it saving Nic Cage.
Seeing how that conversation would go “We need help to get access to the trillions of dollars worth of gold underground” they would probably have that sucker open in under and hour.
Sharing a trillion dollars in gold? Are you sure you’re a Republican?
Stealing, not sharing.
Anybody take up any new hobbies yet?
I miss coke SO MUCH!*
*WHAT A FEELING!
Original recipe?
Yes.
“Will a nice family adopt my nose?”
Some are cooking more. To be fair; yeah right did warn about vegetable prep with the wrong knife.
Uf. Even the stump is ripped.
Does drinking more than normal count? If not, then, no.
That’s a damn good hobby. Sort of like short wave radio.
I’m trying my hand at making deep dish pizza tonight. WineWife just got her trade show trip to Chicago cancelled, so I’m trying to be supportive while still getting pizza out of the deal.
I’m trying to be supportive
Please be careful, man.
With the six foot radius rule, I’m finding my depth perception is getting better. With me plotting routes to be six feet from everyone while walking, I may have a future as a torpedo guidance officer in a submarine. I’m plotting solutions on the fly with ease.
No, still concentrating on relapsing.
Look at the bright side; you are not concentrating on prolapsing.
I hope no one tells Trump that mass shootings and school shootings are way down, because he’ll be taking credit for that during his next clown show tomorrow.
March was the first school-shooting-free month since 2002.
DO BETTER, APRIL.
My wife oversees a Retirement Home in Ontario that doesn’t have a single case of Covid because she was way out in front of this pandemic, policy-wise. My question to you is- Bananas. Why are they so squishy?
They’re only squishy if you wait too long. Then you gotta explain the the rectumologist how it got all the way up there; much easier when they’re green.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eghL7ORV1lg
Assuming you’re using a slang term for penis, it happens when you get older. Try different kinds of porn or perhaps anal.
Please refer to this education material, if you are out of options or feel a bit adventurous.
(NSFW – take a guess why)
h ttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pegging_(sexual_practice)
Those are always stiff.
This Vince McMahon, I call him Henry Frick, because in response to rumbling of his employees unionizing, he is responding by firing a good part of his employees and forcing the ones he didn’t fire to work in unsafe conditions for reasons of ego and greed.
It’s the American Way
That’s my boy!!
—DJT
“BARRY” is a great show, I’d recommend everyone watch it while it’s still free on HBO. But man I would refrain from watching the Season 2 finale if you can, ends on a dour note.
My brother says his neighbor is NoHo Hank’s doppelganger.
“Are people disappearing?”
-Scotchy, asking for a friend
“Well, that explains the mold.”
“Barry” is outstanding – can’t wait to see how dark Season 3 gets. (Answer: DARK)
Commissioner Ron Mexico, at your service.
https://sports.theonion.com/espn-execs-fuck-it-air-the-dogfighting-1842661538
??
Ol’ Winnie is going to be disappointed when the anthropomorphic overflowing colostomy bag in the WH and his buddies defund, privatize, and totally destroy the USPS.
Vagina Dentata; The Movie.
Meh. It’s been done.
Meh, missed the joke.
Not that is was that obvious in the first place.
Not the first time that’s happened, and as I age, definitely not the last.
New Belgium Trippel, gentlemen
She didn’t seem to mind the analingus so much until she turned and saw who was applying it.
Isn’t that usually the case.