A “Throne By Any Other Name” Sunday Evening Open Thread

So, my casual Sunday, which I thought was going to involve beer, sports, and gardening, turned out instead to be a series of pitstops at home design outlets to look at shower fixtures. Because you can’t spend the type of money WineWife wants to invest in a new bathroom & have the whole concept built around something Moen unloaded onto Home Depot for a sale.

I don’t know if this is any good, because all I want is to get clean.

But even at the fancy stores, or maybe because it was the fancy stores, you come across the one piece of equipment that separates the men from the boys. The humble urinal.

Based on Hippo’s Toffee-based piss complaint from earlier today, the timing of this trip seems quite fortunate.

There are so many kinds to get. There are your hands-free options,

 

there are ones with & without a lid,

 

your full-sized options, in one of four colours,

Black hides the blood!

and – for the man who misses sporting events and/or going in a group, there’s a trough option available for home or business use.

And don’t get me started on the numerous bidet options that were available.

It was a truly eye-opening experience, and my behaviour today – while considered by some in the same car to be “childish” and “embarrassing” – ensures I no longer have to enjoin any further adventures in this area. I earned my beer.

And thanks to today’s adventure, I now have options to purchase for where to deposit my used beverages in future.


Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Dallas vs Chicago – 7:00pm | NHLN / Sportsnet
  • NBA:
    • Mavericks vs. Cavaliers – 7:00pm | TSN3
    • New Orleans vs Charlotte – 7:00pm | NBATV / Sportsnet1
    • Phoenix vs LA Lakers – 10:00pm | NBATV / Sportsnet1
  • MLB:
    • Philadelphia at Atlanta – 7:00pm | ESPN / TSN2
  • Futbol:
    • MLS:
      • Austin at Sporting KC – 7:30pm | FS1 / TSN

So I think I actually want to go to work now.

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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[…] last night’s urinal discussion was a big hit, tonight I inform you that the NHL has partnered with Budweiser to be #UpForGoals in […]

WCS

In response to Frau Doktor’s smallest bar, here’s the world’s longest:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yA-CzszvRbY&ab_channel=MLive

This is the Beer Barrell Saloon, located in Put-In-Bay, OH. We were there a couple of years ago. Now that I’m off the sauce, I don’t really know what I’m going to do when we go back this August Who am I kidding? I’m going to read, fish, and hustle drunken college trash at pool.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Finally finished watching the replay of GWS-Essendon from Friday….

WOOOOOOOO

Gumbygirl

The Gumby’s bid you all a good night!

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Doktor Zymm

Please do join though: https://camra.org.uk/join/

BeefReeferLives

Nice. Covid delayed my plans, but I hope that I can have a pint of Sammy Smith’s bitter on cask before another year passes…

Doktor Zymm

If you ever search my name and the first result is someone standing by a sunsut/sunrise please just kill me. Thanks.

ballsofsteelandfury

Classic

ballsofsteelandfury

Fun Not Well Known Fact: Cutler is peeing.

BeefReeferLives

Well, it would be into sand, so checks out…

Gumbygirl

That’s Cutler? He looks better from behind.

Doktor Zymm

Right? Not gonna have a jersey for him, but not gonna burn it either

Gumbygirl

Exhibit A

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Doktor Zymm

I would jab that ass, in a totally non-sexual vaccine oriented sort of way

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Korean shows go from zero to ninety in a heartbeat. In one scene you have some light comedy like the tenants of a building sneaking around to find some hidden gold, in the next you have the main villain beating a prosecutor to death with a hockey stick, complete with blood spattering and everything.

Doktor Zymm

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Yeah, I like real ale, fuck you possibly

Sharkbait

Fullers need to send more of their beers over here, not just the London Pride, ESB or Porter

Doktor Zymm

Well done on you finding those, I miss all of them

BeefReeferLives

Ayup. There’s been a shortage here in the PNW as well. The 3 or 4 british-ish pubs in town haven’t had their usual London Pride for the last 4 or 5 months…

Doktor Zymm

Back when I was unsure of my future and taking the actuarial exams, I ended up taking the first exam which is probability in London. I passed and after drank in a Fuller pub with an older Irish gent

BeefReeferLives

Word. Nought like a proper pint o plain.

(& if you like cask ale and are in the Seattle area, Machine House does good work. https://www.machinehousebrewery.com/about/

Gumbygirl

Art Deco men’s room, Union Station Hotel, Nashville

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Gumbygirl

Urinals too

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Gumbygirl

I just noticed she’s doing Zymm’s trick. Probably should pull the pants down first!

Doktor Zymm

No! That’s the best part!

Doktor Zymm

To clarify, if you do it well, the whole point is that you don’t have to pull down the pants. You can squirt it like a boy!

Gumbygirl

There is zero chance I wouldn’t have a giant piss stain on my pants. You are some kind of wizard. Whizard!

Doktor Zymm

Practice makes perfect!

Doktor Zymm

The smallest pub in Manchester is the Circus Tavern, the bar is in the hall, and the ladies is a different building out back. I met some nice chaps who worked the luggage at MAN and it was a lovely afternooncomment image

BeefReeferLives

Tetley’s on cask? Yum.

Doktor Zymm

It is tasties!

BeefReeferLives

Indeed. So mellow & restrained.

Brick Meathook

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Doktor Zymm

I WILL TRAVEL TO PEE ON THINGS I DON’T LIKE

ballsofsteelandfury

So many graves. So little time.

Doktor Zymm

I don’t pee on the dead

Mr. Ayo

Are you threatening me? What did I do?

Doktor Zymm

If there is a reason I shouldn’t like you and should urinate on you please submit a form to a place.

Sharkbait

My bruins fan friends did that to the Bell Center on a trip to Montreal a few years ago.

Doktor Zymm

Good for them!

Viva La Tabula Raza

One night in the Indian Ocean I was on watch and I read the captain’s night orders and they said we would cross the equator at 0015 hrs, 30 minutes after I got off watch. I loaded up with a couple of Tabs so the old bladder would be full at the right time, and pissed over the fantail at as near as I could tell was the right time. So, in addition to swimming across the Bosporus, I have also pissed across the equator (as a moving not stationary target).

ballsofsteelandfury

Wait, you swam across the Bosphorus???

Viva La Tabula Raza

Yeah. I told the story here before. It was a Boy Scout thing, before there were any bridges. We had escort boats alongside us for the whole time.

ballsofsteelandfury

Holy shit! I must have missed that. That’s pretty friggen cool!

Viva La Tabula Raza

Yeah, I don’t reckon there’s a whole lot of people on the planet that can claim to have done that.

Brick Meathook

According to Wikipedia, at its narrowest the Bosporous is 2300 feet wide. Is thatwhere you swam it?

Viva La Tabula Raza

Not quite at that spot; IIRC the currents are extremely strong at that point. I think it was a little south of that spot, but to be honest it’s been nearly 50 years and some of the details are a little fuzzy anymore.

Doktor Zymm

Viva is legit.

Doktor Zymm

You are possibly my favorite person ever.

Doktor Zymm

Ladies can use urinals too, you just pinch in the right place and it goes forward. It’s been ages since I’ve had to pee in places, and it’s almost always easier to squat, but sometimes the shock value is fun

Gumbygirl

This has never occorred to me! I have done my fair share of squatting, and usually peeing on my own feet. I’ll try it outside someday, but I suspect it will be a disaster. I admire your ingenuity!

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Doktor Zymm

Try it in the shower first, it’s not hard to pick up but you will get pee on your hand. But dudes think their hands are clean no matter what, so you good!

ballsofsteelandfury

This checks out.

Doktor Zymm

Please wash your hands after touching your penis

ballsofsteelandfury

I wash my hands BEFORE I touch my penis.

Doktor Zymm

Before and After is a Wheel of Fortune Category for a reason

ballsofsteelandfury

I do wash my hands after but my question is this:

If I took a shower in the morning and my penis hasn’t been anywhere outside of my underwear, shouldn’t it be clean?

Doktor Zymm

So why do you wash your sheets and towels? Bodies emit shit.

ballsofsteelandfury

Good point

BeefReeferLives
Viva La Tabula Raza

When my granddad was in his 80s he would tell the tale of the gal he knew back when he was in his 20s in the 1930s that could do just as you describe here. I never asked him about her post-pee hygienics.

Doktor Zymm

Dudes don’t care about the after, pee hands or not, it’s impressive and memorable 😀

Doktor Zymm

And it’s not hard to clean your hand, it’s basically just drying it off….

Don T

I’d rank pissers like this:
1. Floor to wall urinal
2. toilet
3. Open field
4. Normal urinal
5. Who’s Next monolith
6. sink
7. Gatorade bottle
8. Your grandpa
9. Trough

Last edited 3 years ago by Don T
Brick Meathook

10. From the top of a 200 foot lighting tower

ballsofsteelandfury

What about on a Pissatorium?
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ballsofsteelandfury

I would LOVE to piss here.

ballsofsteelandfury

Le pissoir est très classy!
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Last edited 3 years ago by ballsofsteelandfury
Brick Meathook

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ballsofsteelandfury

I would totally pee in public in Paris
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ballsofsteelandfury

Or in Amsterdam
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litre_cola

Yep, the ones on the canals give you a great view.

Doktor Zymm

Yep, I will piss all over that

Brick Meathook

The only way to avoid eye contact is to stare at the valve and read the patent numbers:

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Game Time Decision

How about this for a urinal. Would you use it?
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Sharkbait

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ballsofsteelandfury

I love our goalie

litre_cola

I yelled when he stopped that

ballsofsteelandfury

YES!!

litre_cola

Puebla get Atlas, you get your dad’s Blue Cruise no?

ballsofsteelandfury

Looks that way! WhooHoo!!

ballsofsteelandfury

It’s only because of him that we’ve moved on.

litre_cola

Wikipedia says they go to kicks Balls.

ballsofsteelandfury

Woohoo!

ballsofsteelandfury

Oh shit! I’m wrong! We’re going to penalties!

litre_cola

Balls, I have to say I love that your team’s #1 sponsor on their kit is……the team’s website.

Doktor Zymm

Watching Dead Presidents and those actors don’t look anywhere near high school age

Brick Meathook

Beer keg urinal:

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Game Time Decision

This just reinforces that you don’t buy alcohol you just rent it

BeefReeferLives

I love this concept. There’s something very “full circle” about it…

ballsofsteelandfury

YES!!!!!!!

litre_cola

Yuuuge gol.

ballsofsteelandfury

Twas a beauty

litre_cola

They are all over yous.

ballsofsteelandfury

Damn. That was a good ass goal though.

litre_cola

Oooof, that was a hell of a gol, very Fulhamish finish for Toluca.

litre_cola

Decilitre is developping a unibrow. When should I shave the middle? He is 4.

ballsofsteelandfury

Never!
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Mr. Ayo

If you want him to be elite, never.

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Brick Meathook

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ballsofsteelandfury

You hate to give up a goal in injury time…

litre_cola

Got your road gol though.

ballsofsteelandfury

It’s a one-off, though. No double leg. We need to win or we go home. Since León finished higher in the table, they would go through with a tie.

litre_cola

Well fuck, that is stupid.

Brick Meathook

THE TWO GREATEST URINALS I HAVE EVER SEEN

The Lion’s Den Pub in the basement of The Red Lion Inn, Stockbridge MA

The Red Lion Inn is straight out of a Norman Rockwell painting, because his studio was in Stockbridge and he painted it often. The Lion’s Den Pub is in the basement, and the mens room has enormous ceramic “floor console model” urinals that are the size of bathtubs. You can’t miss no matter how hammered you are.

The old Boot Camp drill halls at Great Lakes Naval Training Center, IL

The four WWI-era drill halls were like enormous airplane hangers with arched wooden roofs and an uninterrupted floor space the size of a football field, used for marching drills during the long winters next to Lake Michigan. The concrete floors were polished smooth like Roman roads by the thousands of leather soled feet that marched across them over the decades. The mens rooms had ceramic troughs with a continuous flow of water flowing from one end to the other; they were slightly higher at the source end and lower at the drain end. How long were they? 40 recruits could take a leak simultaneously, and since each company was 70-80 recruits they entered in 2-rank piss-drill formation. 80 guys in-and-out in 90 seconds. Next! (The old drill halls were torn down in the 1990s)

Last edited 3 years ago by Brick Meathook
Doktor Zymm

So, I know the fake fly improved accuracy, but in your opinion, when does the variance introduced by drinking override aim to the point that it’s pointless?

Brick Meathook

It overrides it when you can’t actually see the urinal anymore due to temporary blindness and/or brain damage.

Doktor Zymm

Fair.

BugEyedBoo

The latrine at the firing range at Ft. Dix was a giant outhouse. There was a huge trough and two rows of seats, six seats long, with no dividers. Say hi to the other members of your company. There was no TP, because you were supposed to save the TP that was in your rations. C-rats for me; this was before there was such a thing as MREs.

Doktor Zymm

Hey baby, wanna shuttle your cock up high? You’re gonna need one of these. It’s different playing badminton at altitude.comment image

Doktor Zymm

I will be forever sad that I missed the World Inferno show at NoRio, where they apparently set innocuous fire to the floor, much like my 21st birthday

Doktor Zymm
Doktor Zymm

One for the trouble, two for the time

Doktor Zymm

Hotel, Motel, Holiday Inn

Doktor Zymm

You take a Ho to Hotel, cause a HO TELL EVERYBODY

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

A fun thing about Mother’s Day today was seeing Baron Von Underbheit I mean Greta Van Susteren invent the fiction that ANTIFA was trying to change its name to “Birth Persons’ Day”.

litre_cola

Wut? Do I even have to look this up to see if it’s real?

Dunstan

It’s Bill Belichek’s favorite holiday!

*grumble grumble I’ll give you breakfast in bed*

ballsofsteelandfury

THE TROUGH URINAL LIVES!!

I need to get one. I don’t know what for yet, but I need to get one.

King Hippo

Carter-Finley Stadium had a piss trough for most of my match-attending days. Truly a sad day when they “upgraded.”

tWBS would noe wut I am talking about here

BrettFavresColonoscopy

You’ve seen this right?

https://youtu.be/CZfEAc0iPPA

King Hippo

Indeed, the Wrigley trough was the last such stop on me long, pissing career. Y’all even beat the As on that chilly afternoon.

litre_cola

The old Winnipeg Arena had the trough and it was heavenly. Currently my local, which I can’t go drink at, still has the trough in use. “Trough sinks in the ladies” says Mrs. Cola. So they live all in Canadia!

That being said I did enjoy individual headrests at a pub in Slovakia.

Doktor Zymm

This raises an important question, now that the NY marathon no longer sets up the world’s longest urinal each year, what is the record holder?

Doktor Zymm

Also, now that The Mutiny has closed, where is the largest urinal in Chicago?comment image

ArmedandHammered

This is what we had in our communal bathroom in our dorm. No stalls for the toilets and the toilets faced the urinals. The showers were just a large tiled room with the single door and 20 shower heads. If you had any bathroom modesty you lost it by the second week, wore diapers, or just stank.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I have never encountered a urinal with a lid and don’t want to

yeah right

I would piss on it 10 out of 10 times.

litre_cola

That is exactly what I thought. Why would one of these be necessary???

Doktor Zymm

Don’t piss on the messenger!

Dunstan

/Donald J Trump has entered the chat

BeefReeferLives
Last edited 3 years ago by BeefReeferLives
King Hippo

oh my cats a LID upon a urinal is an abomination