The DFO Euro 2020 (In 2021!) Preview: Portugal

We’re on the verge of the greatest international sports summer ever! We have:

• Copa América
• Euro 2020
• Concacaf Gold Cup
• Tokyo Olympic Games

And it all starts on June 11, 2021 with the European Soccer (Football) championships aka Euro 2020!

Yes, it is 2021 but they decided to keep the name, ok?

From now until the tourney starts, we’ll be giving you previews for every country in Euro 2020, DFO-style, of course. We will also provide previews of all the Copa América countries as the Copa América starts on June 13, 2021 right after Euro 2020 starts.

Euro 2020 will be broadcast in English on ESPN in the United States and on TSN in Canada. Univisión has the Spanish language rights in the US and TVA has the French language rights in Canada. Here is a handy calendar for you to use to schedule your vacation days:

Summer O SoccerDownload

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Today’s team is:

Portugal!

Portugal is the Western most sovereign state in Europe and is located on the Iberian Peninsula.

The regions of Portugal include:

Lisbon – the capitol

Centro

Algarve 

Norte

Alentejo

Madiera

The Azores.

As many of you know Portland is also my frontrunner for place to retire. I’ve spent months of research and so far nothing has deterred or frightened my decision.

Portugal hosts an extensive expat community with the majority being British, Australian and American. English is spoken and/or understood by close to half of the country. The climate is warm and sunny and there are lots of comparisons to the climate of Southern California, which, well yeah is my fucking home.

The people are warm and welcoming, there are numerous beaches with temperate climate and the cost of living is about 60% of what I pay to live in L.A.

I’ll wait a minute while you add up the negatives…

Times up!

In my research the 2 biggest negatives are lack of career opportunities and job security.

Guess what, fuckos! I’ll be retired!

The Algarve is a very popular expat destination with it’s brilliant beaches and abundant sunshine and some of the best surf in Europe. Although many retirees say there’s really nothing to do during the winter and during the summer it’s filled with drunken teens and 20 year-olds. Having lived on the Jersey Shore I can rule it out.

Lisbon is interesting with it being a major city with all that that entails including cultural event access, live music, sports, and the metropolitan vibe. Again, I’m going to be retired and won’t need the intensity that big city living means.

Right now I’m leaning towards Porto: home of Porto FC. Dominators of the UEFA Champions League.

Porto is also the birthplace of Port wine and is named a World Heritage Site by UNESCO. It’s one of Europe’s oldest cities.

In all honesty I’m probably looking at a smaller village nearby with rail access to Porto. Hopefully somewhere with a view because I really want to see sunsets on the Atlantic while looking west. It’s also one of the more temperate climates in Portugal since drifting too far south gets you hotter summers and drifting too far north gets you winter.

Fuck winter. I’ll be retired.

It does have a rainy season but if I’m doing the majority of my local travel by rail that really shouldn’t matter. Porto is large enough to have a vibrant cultural scene, with arts, music and the aforementioned Porto FC.

Did I mention it’s the birthplace of Port wine?

Portugal is rated as having one of the highest qualities of life of any country. It’s SOCIALIZED MEDICINE! is considered some of the world’s best and it has been ranked as extremely safe and secure. Plus it features the Mediterranean diet.

Here’s a fun stat: the average retiree in the United States requires up to $300,000 in savings JUST FOR HEALTH CARE because the American health care system sucks ASS and will take every goddamn bit of money you have ever earned if you get sick during retirement!

I worked too goddamn hard for my retirement. Fuck that shit.

Hope being surrounded by a Roman Catholic culture doesn’t get my agnostic ass in trouble.

Team Schedule

Portugal is in Group “F” with Hungary, Germany, and France – holy fuck. Here is the Group Stage schedule. All times local start time.

15 June 2021 18:00
Hungary v. Portugal  Puskás Aréna, Budapest

19 June 2021 18:00
Portugal Match v. Germany  Allianz Arena, Munich

23 June 2021 21:00
Portugal v. France  Puskás Aréna, Budapest

Hungary in Budapesshht? Germany in Munich? The fuck with this shit?

Team Preview / Top Players

Some dude named Cristiano Ronaldo who is set to be the first player in history to play in five European Championship finals.

Bernardo Silva will be taking on a more relevant role and in addition you have players such as João Félix, Bruno Fernandes and Rúben Neves mixing it up as well. Thanks Guardian.com

They also you know WON THIS FUCKING TOURNAMENT THE LAST TIME IT WAS PLAYED!

Every game in the first round promises to be a proper CORKER!

/not sure if they say the term “corker” in Portugal. Probably not.

Best result when you Google Image Search “Hot [Country] food”

[obviously the correct answer is bacalao since the average citizen eats their bodyweight in salt cod annually but I’m going with this lovely bastard]

That, my friends is a Francesinha, or “Little Frenchy.” One of the signature foods of Porto, it’s 2 slices of bread contain [takes deep breath] 2 steaks, 2 sausages, 4 slices of ham, 10 slices of edam cheese all covered by a secret spicy sauce and served hot.

I’ll wait a minute if you need to change your shorts.

Now you’ve also discovered the real reason why I’m looking so closely at Porto as a destination.

yeah right, Have you ever been to this country?

I have not. Yet. I’m planning on going sometime next summer on a “recon” mission. I’m hoping to spend enough time that I can travel to Porto and surrounding areas which will hopefully help me focus on a possible retirement location.

Why you should root for this country

• You are a fan of Ronaldo and want this team to repeat as champs
• You like Port wine and salt cod.
• You are really rooting for me in my retirement

Why you should NOT root for this country

• You don’t like dried and reconstituted fish products.
• You had a really bad drinking experience drinking a shitty American bottle of port wine.
• That whole “world discovery, world conquest, kill the locals and take their gold then give them diseases, force them to convert religions and kill their women and children thing.” Point taken but if you’re also an American? You’re not allowed to be this self righteous on these matters

Predição!

Woof! 

Again, Germany in Germany, Hungary in Hungary and France being France.

That’s one tough barrel of fish.

Could lose in group play or could win the whole goddamn thing.

How’s that for going out on a limb?

Vejo você na praia!