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Your Wednesday Night Open Thread

scotchnaut

/

It’s been about February since I did one of these things. I’d like to point out that I’m several beers/scotches in so it “JUST DOESN’T MATTER”.

What does matter? Japan has been killing it just like they did prisoners of war in Unit 23.

The Canuck women own all the medals earned by The Canada so far.

Disappointed that Bike Boxing and Cross Country Wrestling wasn’t included among the new sports this year.*

*may have been stolen from an ancient Second City episode. (can relate more than ever to the intro where multiple tv’s were thrown out of windows)

An election up here will most likely be called soon. The Liberal minority government is looking for a majority. Good luck! All of the three parties lack momentum. Okay, maybe the Libs a little bit.

Jizzlympics should be a Balls search term.

Don’t draft Kadarius Toney under any circumstances.

Olympic stuff on offer includes-

-Rowing

-Not Rowing

-Women’s Rugby*

*”Won’t somebody please think of the children!”

-Basketball

-Tennis

-Boxing

That’s All Folks!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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TheRevanchist

Probably a day behind everyone else, but just got done watching the men’s basketball. Now time for bed. Sleep well, you lovely mofos.

2
Gumbygirl

I’m heading to bed too. Can anyone guess what the only yellow thing was in this large baby’s curry? Hint: rhymes with hiss!

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Brick Meathook

I have re-read the previous “Hollywood” post by DJ Taj and that is an impressive piece of writing. And it even gets better each time I read it. I might read it again.

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Gumbygirl

Taj shows up here once upon a time like a magical unicorn, sprinkles his fairy dust, and disappears in the mist!

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Beerguyrob

This is why we encourage people to write. Not all the time, if they want. Taj just drops in & says, “I got something”, and let’s us put it wherever there’s need. It’s always gold.

“Brick’s Bombers” would be a great occasional series about planes, for example.

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Brick Meathook

I’ll show up on Slack one of these days and lets see what we can do.

Last edited 4 years ago by Brick Meathook
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Beerguyrob

Excellent. “Getting Bombed With Brick” will be a hit.

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Re book slogs, yeahright reminds me i never even finished Guns, Germs, and Steel. It sucked and the more i read about Diamond the more questionable i found the whole thing.

1
Beerguyrob

Loved ZZ Top. Saw them twice in the 80s. This song is… nice.

https://youtu.be/DGlx_Kq8qe0

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Gumbygirl

Dusty’s singing on this one
https://youtu.be/KCLXy-vSu3o

2
Redshirt

Reds have an 8 run lead going into the Bottom of the 9th, and as BLEERGH as my witness, I don’t think its enough.

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Sharkbait

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ae829mFAGGE

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

If your last name is Chalmers your nickname has to be Super Nintendo, right?

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Sharkbait

Back when I played fantasy hockey, the league always referred to Niklas Hjalmarsson as Super Nintendo Hjalmarsson

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Senor Weaselo

I go for the other Simpsons joke, Lord Hjalmarsson.

/Pitt the Elder…

2
yeah right

Additional riffing on the book themes below and a possible idea for a mock draft.

Book (or movie or TV show) that you were totally in to but pissed you off completely at the end.

TV show will probably be universal but I’ll go with a book first.

The Midnight Library. Great concept, I was bought in with the protagonist and then…

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Doktor Zymm

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Quincunx

I read this years and years ago and it immediately popped into my head

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Dunstan

I don’t know if this entirely fits, but there was a fantasy novel I read a while ago called The Runelords that had a really interesting concept and then utterly squandered it in favor of a bog-standard Chosen One narrative.

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yeah right

That absolutely fits.

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Gumbygirl

When I was a kid, my favorite book was A Wrinkle in Time. I read it dozens of times, no joke. Then I found out there were some sequels. Not the same, not even close. That was disappointing.

Last edited 4 years ago by Gumbygirl
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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I thought Midnight Library was good but yeah she had no idea how to end it.

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yeah right

Jimmy Stewart ended it once before.

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TheRevanchist

That’s easy. The Grinch book. He should have ate the corpse of Cindy Loo Who instead of giving back all those gifts. What a dick.

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scotchnaut

“Canuck women’s basketball team tearing the Koreans apart just like Mom and Dad did to me.”

-Jim Stark

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BrkiBCusHs0&ab_channel=SinemaTutkunu

Last edited 4 years ago by scotchnaut
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Brocky

I’m not gonna say I’m disappointed by the physical appearance of the brazil volleyball team……….

I guess I was expecting a higher percentage of body fat? Does that make sense?

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Sharkbait

I played volleyball in high school. Its insane how much the game has changed since then. Nobody jump served then

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litre_cola

Did they also wear onions on their belt? As it was the style at the time.

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Sharkbait

I set myself up for that didn’t I

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litre_cola

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scotchnaut

I had a low, cross-handed swing serve that made the 9th grade girls squeal in delight. Maybe you could get on my level?

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Dunstan

“I can make 9th grade girls squeal in delight, too!” — Matt Gaetz
“That’s impossible, Matt, girls never experience delight.” — Ben Shapiro

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I remember that too. Eric Sato would come in for a single play to hit his and we’d all go “ooooooooh”.

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Redshirt

So Javier Baez was only fined for openly taunting an opponent. I never thought of any situation where Roger Goodell would be the lesser of two evils, but here we are.

Last edited 4 years ago by Redshirt
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King Hippo

they always get a free pass, like they’s the Yankees or SAWX or sommet

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yeah right

I watched that and was totally entertained. Was Garrett fined for taunting Rizzo when Rizzo did nothing?
I’m not shit talking, I honestly don’t remember because if he was suspended then Javy deserved it too.

Loved the “One pitch!” But I’m a shameless Cubs fan.

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Redshirt

No. He was suspended for causing a fight, even though it was Baez who jumped the rail and entered the field to yell at Garrett. He pretty much did half of what Baez did but as a pitcher.

Garrett does have a history of starting fights, both with Baez and also him rushing the entire Pittsburgh Pirates dugout two years ago.

The problem is a double standard. Castellanos flexed in the face of a STL Cardinal for about a second; the STL catcher rightfully took offense to his pitcher being showed up triggering a brawl. Castellanos gets suspended two games, even though it was Molina who make contact with Castellanos which caused the dugouts to empty.

Baez was jawing going into the batter box, jawing and motioning to Garrett for the whole 16 seconds it took for him to go 90 feet, and then kept jawing to the point where the on field celebration morphed into a “hold Baez back before he starts something”; however the Reds were despondent about choking away another win so they didn’t start a fight. Baez gets fined but not suspended.

Last edited 4 years ago by Redshirt
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yeah right

Excellent answer. Got to admit when the bases were loaded a couple of nights ago and Javy came to bat against Garrett I had my popcorn ready.

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Senor Weaselo

Joe Kelly, however, was suspended eight games.

0
yeah right

Fucker deserved it.

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Brick Meathook

Here’s James Brown on The TAMI Show:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6-E0X2JxCs4

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Anthony In TX

Here, have a classic* SNL skit:

https://youtu.be/uwfdFCP3KYM

*Not “classic” because it’s funny… you’ll see.

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TheRevanchist

LiLo was very pleasant on the eyes back then. Drugs are one helluva drug.

2
Redshirt

Ah, it’s a nice day. Joe Burrow is back on the (practice) field and Joey Votto has found a tap to a fountain of youth. Boy, it’s really gonna suck when the Sports Gods yank this latest Hope Chain on us Cincinnati schmucks.

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TheRevanchist

I’m hoping that god decides to hang out in Cleveland this year so OBJ can whine and the douche-bro QB can move permanently into that stadium once his wife kicks him out.

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ballsofsteelandfury

One of the few remaining charms of the NFL is how it always finds new and unique ways to shatter and disappoint fans of certain franchises…

2
litre_cola

Watson to Iggles incoming, fuck.

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King Hippo

A Very Special “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” glory hole sequel episode

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I just watched a swimming thing where the sideline (sidepool?) commentator said it was the first time there had been an 800M free in the Olympics and the gold belonged to the US. Well i looked it up and some German won it in 1904 so fuck you, lady.

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Horatio Cornblower

They had to forfeit it as part of the Treaty of Versailles.

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Redshirt

Wilson: “Isn’t this overkill?”
France: “What is Germany gonna do? Start another World War?”

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litre_cola

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ijk4j-r7qPA

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Brick Meathook

After The TAMI Show DVD was over I switched to broadcast TV to finally watch the Olympics.

When I changed inputs with the remote the digital broadcast channel that initially came up had crackpot televangelist Benny Hinn dubbed in Spanish.

It was surreal. If I had been high it might possibly have broken something in my head.

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scotchnaut

Augmenting the thread below-

The hardest read you’ve ever done. This could be something from Pynchon or Joyce or a death notice or an email that caught you off-guard. Maybe it was Daniel Alfredsson not being re-signed by the Sens. Have at it.

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Horatio Cornblower

It’s Gravity’s Rainbow, and it’s not close.

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Gumbygirl

Yup. I made it through the Crying of Lot 49, but I was defeated by Gravity. Pynchon needs to stay in hiding, if he’s still alive, because someone will straight up murder him for that nonsense.

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scotchnaut

The 1st paragraph of Crying of Lot 49 is sheer brilliance. “V” is incredible and worth reading if you can put it on your list.

1
yeah right

I enjoyed it. Maybe it was the underground postal service. Not sure but it was fun.

1
Gumbygirl

It’s been long enough, I could probably take a flyer on V. But if he pisses me off again…

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Warthog

His sentences are brilliant, but they add up to nothing. Or at least anything I can sort out. Paul Fussell makes some sense of it in Great War and Modern Memory. Inherent Vice is good, though the movie outshines the book by a lot.

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Dunstan

I’m gonna say that the hundreds of hours I billed for document review are going to take precedence over even the shittiest novel.

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Dunstan

That said, the Lord of the Rings series was a chore, too.

As an undergrad I took an elective in Science Fiction and Fantasy, and LotR was the one time I never managed to finish an assigned book. I tried, but I kept falling asleep. All those damned songs and poems and long discourses on the history of Middle Earth.

I liked the films. So I tried again after they came out, and nope nope nope. I don’t think I even made it past the Tom Bombadil chapter. The fact that so many LotR fans are miffed that he isn’t in the films mystifies me.

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King Hippo

I ditched Moby Dick for Cliffs Notes like 30 pages in. Just horrid, turgid stuff.

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Horatio Cornblower

Moby Dick is a classic, sir.

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yeah right

Guns, Germs and Steel. Loved the historical elements but I don’t think I ever needed to know that many noble grains existed.

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Horatio Cornblower

That would be high on my list as well. Every now and then I think I should give it a reread, and every now and then I think “nah”

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Nostromo was fucking overrated and a slog

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Doktor Zymm

Naked Lunch. Even after reading it I’m not sure it’s really a book

0
yeah right

But didn’t you need yet another chapter on the “Junk sick morning?”

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Doktor Zymm

What is the methadone of books?

0
yeah right

Absolutely. I never had any intention of trying heroin… again, after reading.

1
Don T

Linear algebra textbook. Dishonorable mention, Foucault (ultimately, a fraud IMHO).

0
Warthog

Went through a Russian phase, but Dostoyevski gave me consumption. I read the Bros K in summer and felt like I would never feel warm.

2
litre_cola

Just as our Premier DiSantised our province I got a text.
comment image

Basically fuck it you are all on your own and we are going to stop asymptomatic testing just in time for school. Good times.

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ballsofsteelandfury

I’m surprised she didn’t text back with, “Sorry, it’s fuck yourselves because it’s plural. “

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Gumbygirl

This is why I love you!💖🤣

1
Anthony In TX

Aren’t you legally required to send another text that says “sore-y” to her?

2
litre_cola

I may apologize for the grammatical error Balls pointed out BUT THATS IT!

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Holy shit! Remember how nasty the water in the Río diving pool got?
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Horatio Cornblower

A Fijian just absolutely murdered an Argentine in Rugby 7’s, to the point where I think The Falklands belong to Fiji now.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Clean hit?

0
Horatio Cornblower

I’m not an expert on the rules of rugby, but it looked like a textbook hit.

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

He hit him with a textbook?

1
Dunstan

The NFL Confronts Vaccine Refusers – The Atlantic

Last month, the Washington Football Team invited the renowned immunologist Kizzmekia S. Corbett to speak with players and address any questions they might have about the coronavirus vaccines. Corbett isn’t just a random expert; she helped create the Moderna vaccine. Despite Corbett’s impeccable credentials and expertise, Washington’s defensive end Montez Sweat remained staunchly opposed to vaccination even after hearing from her. He claimed he needed more information, although Corbett was on hand to answer any questions he might have had. “I probably won’t get vaccinated until I get more facts and that stuff,” Sweat said.

On the one hand, I’ve heard from an immunologist who helped create the vaccine. On the other hand, let me hear what Joe Rogan has to say…


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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Wow, good for the NFL (shocking) and fuck that guy (not shocking he plays for Snyder)

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scotchnaut

Corbett isn’t just a random expert

I aspire to that level of bad writing. Jesus Fuckballs….

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Anthony In TX

“…and that stuff” is doing some SERIOUSLY heavy lifting in that quote.

2
Brick Meathook

I’m watching The TAMI Show on DVD, the most legendary concert film ever made. James Brown is on now, which is beyond belief. The Rolling Stones follow him and you see just how good they were in their primes (and this was1964).

1
Gumbygirl

I haven’t seen that in years. It’s really good!

0
ballsofsteelandfury

Rugby Sevens is on! Women’s competition!

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Brick Meathook

Scotchy, how wrong you were:

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scotchnaut

You’re always right.

2
Gumbygirl

Gumby got his first job in telecom after he retired from the navy, with zero telecom experience, because he drew trim and drain for the hiring manager.

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ballsofsteelandfury

He what now?

1
Anthony In TX

Nice to see the use of the word “trim” hasn’t gone out of style.

1
Gumbygirl

It’s a submarine thing. Ask Brick.

0
Anthony In TX

I’m currently struggling to get through The Once and Future King by T. H. White. I feel like it’s something I should be enjoying because I love fantasy and know it’s considered a classic, but it’s just not clicking for me. I’m about 20% through the book–is that enough? Should I keep going? Don’t you hate it when you buy a book and there’s no connection there?

0
Dunstan

Yeah, I think that’s about as far as I got, too.

1
Viva La Tabula Raza

I’ve only been able to get through his later stuff. Thomas Pynchon is the James Joyce of David Foster Wallaces.

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ballsofsteelandfury

I’ve given up on books much earlier than that. Why waste your time?

2
Dunstan

Yeah, I’m on Team Quit Books You’re Not Enjoying. If you’re reading for pleasure rather than work or school, just abandon it and move on to one of the other billion or so books out there.

2
scotchnaut

I’ve never played for that team until about three years ago. Honestly, when you’ve read more than, I don’t know, 200 or so books-you know what’s bad and what’s good. So why not move on? Bad writing exposes itself so quickly after you’ve read a shit ton of stuff.

1
Dunstan

Yeah. In my late 20s I went on a mission of trying to read some of the “classics” that I had not yet done. I liked some of them, but also discovered that there are some books that may be great works of literature in some sense, but just aren’t for me.

(Glares at Moby Dick. The chapter on 1,001 uses for whale oil did me in.)

1
ballsofsteelandfury

I firmly believe some books are considered “classics” just because some poor person was forced to read it and decided that everyone should suffer the same fate.

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Horatio Cornblower

Buddy, I’m 120+ pages into ‘Gravity’s Rainbow’ and determined to finish all 700+ pages, just to say I did it. ‘The Once & Future King’ is a walk in the park in comparison. You can do it!

In all seriousness I read that when I was a lot younger, and remember liking it, but I’m not sure adult me wouldn’t have been bored. As a general rule of thumb I’ve always tried to finish every book I start, but now that I’m on the losing side of 50 I am very much reconsidering how I spend my leisure time. If you don’t enjoy it, or aren’t doing it for a gag, (glares at Thomas Pynchon’s paper-bag-covered head), why force it?

2
Warthog

I had the same reaction to it. Go find a recap to satisfy the unfinished feeling and find a book you enjoy.

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Anthony In TX

All right, y’all are officially the best. I’m taking everyone’s advice and moving on to something better. Fuck that book.

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Men’s gymnastics is on tonight!
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scotchnaut

I Want More Gymkata! Kurt Thomas is the master. If you dare challenge him, you must bring your own pommel horse. If you don’t, you will cede the higher, um, groundhorse!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yMQmBupWJXI&ab_channel=JoBloMovieClips

Last edited 4 years ago by scotchnaut
2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Best Parts”? That video better be 93 minutes long!

0
Gumbygirl

That is an incredibly dumb, yet incredibly entertaining movie. I love it!

1
Horatio Cornblower

I’m sure people around here know this, but that actually happened.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aj535O4ZJxM

In the 1976 Olympics, Shun Fujimoto competed in the rings, (which are absolutely insane) and the pommel horse after having broken some part of his leg. In this essay, I will compare his will to win to Simone Bi…

/is absolutely bludgeoned to death by a hail of rotten fruit and garbage

5
Brick Meathook

This is legendary

1
scotchnaut

“It’s only a fracture.”

-Rejected line from Monty Python’s “The Holy Grail”

2
Dunstan

Still think the American men’s gymnastics team hasn’t been the same since they stopped putting Mr. T in charge.

1
scotchnaut

“Olympic Men’s Golf-because we needed to dial down the interest in the Games quite a bit.”

3
ballsofsteelandfury

Excellent job, Scotchy!

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