Reality Beckons: Pre-Offseason Monday Open Thread

Pro fitbaw ends in two weeks, after an incredible Divisional round and absorbing Championship games. This climaxing ascent ends in a freefall into nothing, and I mean

, leaving one hungry and forlorn. Like when two souls find love, but separate forever after one night of cavorting, flirting, and filth. This is also my pitch for a remake of “Old Yeller”.

Yes, it’s that time of the year when we have to look toward common banalities (family, the outdoors, health services…), because the lack of NFL games leaves an emptiness for which there is no substitute. And please: narcotics are a year-long commitment; enough with the calibration crap. All I know is NBC has the Owl this year, so maybe Collinsworth will make me break out the Seconal I’ve been saving in the freezer since ’17.

NFL NEWS

Going with the House Organ today; espen had two Steven A vids in the NFL landing page, which I take personal.

-Reported yesterday: Raiders hire Dave Ziegler as GM, Lyin’ Josh McDaniels as head coach. The item mentions the P*tr**t W*y and credits McDaniels with guiding White Mac “through an impressive rookie year”

To think that, sometime in the future, such #kontent will become revisionist history. But, anyway; it’s never too late to learn from one’s mistakes, which holds also for a chickenhearted careerist whose word means nothing (ditching the Clots HC job years back), and who got fired over videotaping after the P*tr**t W*y got caught for doing that.

-New Giants coach Brian Daboll will help Daniel Jones get better at… Everything. I wish well to Daboll and the Jints, for entertainment purposes. It’s the path of least resistance, as the JInts are in half of the NFC East’s 39 primer time games each year. In the article, Daboll is quoted as saying to Jones “hey, give me some things that you really like in your last three years”, upon which the QB broke down in PTSD tears.

-Bears hire new OC: Luke Getsy, formerly the Packers’ QB coach and “passing game coordinator”. I open the floor to what you think such coordination entails—I mean, you know, beyond Getsy leading the “Yes, Master” chorus in the QB Room Zooms.

-Not news, but worth noting: the Bengals did good on Redshirt’s peroration last Monday on what is not wrong with the current overtime rules: “IT’S CALLED DEFENSE YOU WHINING ASSHOLES.! ALL [the Bills] HAD TO DO WAS KEEP [the Chefs] OUT OF THE ENDZONE AND THEY’D GET THE BALL!”

-Zac Taylor says he had the “the best two years of my life” RAMMINNNG ITTT under Sean McVay (’17 and ’18). Taylor said of McVay: “He’s really showed a lot of us young guys you can do it your own way.” Sigh. Now I’m disarmed of any cynicism. Great.

-Rams open up as four point Owl favorites. My two FairCoins: the Cincy defense came alive back when the team was at its lowest point, on the last KC possession in the 2^nd QRT. That’s a mentally tough unit. Plus, the Bengals have the best QB and kicker in the Owl. I’m not a Bengals fan, but (-4) feels like a slight.

-COUNTERPOINT: The city of Cincinnati is already feeling itself plenty, after the AFC Championship. Schools are cancelling classes for the day after the Owl, February 14.

I applaud the civic foresight; hell, even the tiger looks hungover. But too many typos for a school tweet. Consider yo’self finger-wagged, Falcon Social. Tut. Tut.

-Incidentally, Valentine’s Day falling on Mandatory Hangover Day is tricky by itself. The Bengals winning the Owl too really increases the cataclysmic potential.

-Someone asked me about the updated Pro Bowl rosters

SPROTS TONITE

All Times Central

Hockey! Hockey! Hockey!

Panthers @ Blue Jackets – 6:00

Edmonton @ Ottawa – 6:30

Anaheim @ Detroit – 6:30

Vancouver @ Chicago – 6:30

Devils @ Maple Leafs – 6:30

NCAA Women’s Basketball

Arkansas @ Tennessee – 6:00

Indiana @ Michigan – 6:00

Oklahoma State @ Iowa – 8:00

Pre-Madness Flotsam

Duke @ Notre Dame – 6:00

West Virginny @ Baylor – 8:00

January Jetsam

Pelicans @ Cavs – 6:00

Clippers @ Pacers – 6:00

Heat @ Celtics – 6:30

Kings @ Knicks – 6:30

Raptors @ Hawks – 6:30

Warriors @ Rockets – 7:00

Blazers @ Thunder – 7:00

The NFL season is the most fascinating banality in this pestilent realm we call “Now”, and all that remains is a very, very interesting Owl. To deaden the blow of the offseason, I already got out my old Onion books. I’ll share one article: “Gaywads, Dorkwads Sign Historic Wad Accord”:

“ROCKVILLE, MD—In a historic show of wad solidarity, delegates representing gaywads and dorkwads signed the first-ever Wad Alliance Treaty Monday in the cafeteria of Adlai Stevenson Memorial High School.”

Christ, what a lede! The pics are amazing too. There; now you can say you laughed reading this post.

[Checks to see if fishing for compliments worked]

I hate alla youse. As soon as Aging Narcissist approves my compensation plan, I’m outta here.

All gifs via giphy.com; banner pic from my cellphone; think the hour is Atlantic time for yesterday’s coin toss.