Today is Memorial Day in the USA, which honors their fallen soldiers in not-classified wars. I’m sure the CIA still resents that today is a mere lunes in most of Latinoamérica.
Hey hey I’m just kiddin’. Wars of occupation, amirite? Boop!
/takes index finger to tap your nose
-Dafuq’s wrong with you?!
//ducks haymaker
Ok. I acknowledge your hostility. Let me make up for it with Taylor Lewan:
Via @ Titans, postimage
Has jingo and is official NFL solemnity. Happy medium, achieved.
NFL NEWS
-Other salutes from the NFL community are here.
-The Cleveland Browns are accused for overpaying TE Njoku to a “4” year, “56.75M” extension. Really Pauls,
THIRD WORLD ANTICS (FÚTBOL EDITION)
-There was some real good fence jumpin’ at the Shempiens final up there in enlightened Pareee last Saturday:
🏆⚽️ #UCLFinal ¡ÚLTIMA HORA!
‼️ Aficionados del @LFC están saltando las vallas y burlando al personal de seguridad en el acceso al Stade de France
📹 vía: @antonmeana pic.twitter.com/LNnq3nmXjz
— Carrusel Deportivo (@carrusel) May 28, 2022
Deficiente organizacion en la entrada de la final de UEFA Champions League.
Colados en todos los accesos y seguridad desbordada
¿Qué hará UEFA con los cientos de hinchas que quedaron afuera?
📹ESPN pic.twitter.com/e01XjYTGFJ
— Marca En Zona (@MarcaEnZona) May 28, 2022
Lotta LIV red in those vids! Goes without saying that Real Madrid fans were already inside, feasting on champers and stem-cell chorizo.
-Over to the southeast, still in La France, A S Saint-Étienne (“or simply ASSE”), was relegated from Ligue 1 yesterday, in a playoff at home, losing on penalties to promoted AJ Auxerre. The local crowd went into Murder Mode:
Absolute lunacy asSaint-Étienne are relegated from Ligue 1. Players run away from their pitch-invading fans for their own safety as flares descend and stewards / police attacked. Bonkers.pic.twitter.com/Xp4YwclrjK
— Nick Harris (@sportingintel) May 29, 2022
“And here come the flares”. That’s Dumbass region shit right there.
WORLD CUP NEWS
-Byron Castillo Update: FIFA has yet to rule on the complaint, by Chile, that the Ecuador international was, gasp, born in Colombia. Chile hopes its Chicanery! Hail Mary produces a Qatar qualification de escritorio—i.e., winning it “on a desk”, not on the field. Ecuador beat Chile in both qualifier games.
Do not confuse de escritorio with de maletín wins. Maletín refers to a briefcase full O’ money, the winning strategy for World Cup hosting. Hosting, not qualifying.
Regardless of what FIFA will decide sometime, Ecuador’s coach (Gustavo Alfaro, from Argentina), decided last Saturday to include Castillo in the squad for the June friendlies against Nigeria, México, and Cape Verde. Bears noting that Castillo recently had a meltdown. He plays for Barcelona SC in the Ecuadorian league and had complained about feeling crushed by stress due to the Chile case. Then, four days ago in an Ecuador league game against Aucas, Castillo committed a penalty, started crying and asked to be taken out. Link’s in Spanish, so allow me to summarize the two-paragraph statement by Chile’s lawyer:
-Among the June friendlies is the Finalissima, played in Wembley next Wednesday. Technically, it is an intercontinental final: the teams are Argentina, the current South American Champion, and Italy, the current Euro—
I’ll probably watch. Psht, it’s the World Series of Hand Gesticulatin’ ffs….
SPROTS TONITE
All times Central:
GRANDES LIGAS
Orioles (Wells) @ Medias Rojas (Hill) – 6:10 PM
Expos: DC (Fedde) @ Mets (Peterson) – 6:10 PM
Cerveceros (Ashby) @ Ositos (Smyly) – 6:40 PM
Mantas (Rasmussen) @ Patrulleros (Otto) – 7:05 PM
Bravos (Strider) @ Serpientes (Gallen) – 7:10 PM
Piratas (Thompson) @ Doyers (Buehler) – 9:10 PM
TOP FLIGHT FUTBOL
Completists may click on to espen deportes. Us élitists would feast on:
Brasil
Internacional hosts Atlético-GO – 6:00 PM
Chile
Everton CD hosts O’Higgins – 7:30 PM
Perú
Alianza Lima hosts Cienciano del Cusco – 7:00 PM
BONUS MINNOW CLASH
Argentina (Primera Nacional)
¡Dato Divertido! It’s the Argentinian second division.
“But first in our hearts”
–hinchas of mediocre Argie clubs.
¡Hijo de Dato Divertido! This tourney is also known as the “Torneo Malvinas Argentinas 2022”. Lots to unpack here.
First, the usually reliable Google Translate throws out “Malvinas Argentinas Tournament 2022”. By translating half of all words (assuming 2022 is a cognate), GT did 50% of the job and called it a day. This exemplifies Argentinian worksmanship.
Second, a faithful translation would be “Falklands Argentinian Tournament 2022”, while pedants would insist on a contextual translation: “[The] Falklan[d] [Islands Are] Argentinian 2022 Tournament”. Then footnote the 1982, snorts, “war”–a martial cakewalk that was Margaret Thatcher’s opportunistic hour. As the genocidal Argie Junta back then deserves ZERO love, the Iron PM gets a pass for that one.
Anyway, the Argentina Constitution of 1994 says the Falkland Islands are Argentinian. So yeah, the branding Malvinas Argentinas is a statement of fact, not wishcasting through populist reinforcement.
Lest you think I’m editorializing, here’s a microfiche from the era:
Via “Our Dumb Century”
Footnote: per Wiki P (sourcin’ orgy woooo!), Pederast Andrew (né Prince Andrew) “served” in the Falklands War, evacuating casualties from the conflict. In full circle news, his crimes evacuated on the little prestige British Royalty still has. Hey, I’m a silver lining findin’ kinda guy, ok? Ok!
Anyway,
Deportivo Morón hosts Deportivo Riestra – 7:10 PM,
and I had a Lit. Prof. who would’ve quipped: “The first club should be named ‘Redundancia’.”
STANLEY CUP PLAYOFFS
EASTERN CONF. GAME 7
6:00 PM (espen)
N.Y. Rangers @ [INTENTIONALLY LEFT BLANK]
Did you root for the Hartford Whalers OR get triggered by one weather event AND have a lawyerly disposition? Then you’re in. We’re officially a Rangers support group. “[T]he home team has won every game in which the [INTENTIONALLY LEFT BLANKs] have played this postseason”, so some voodoo is in order. This is the best my neighboUrhood botánica had in store,
, so let’s pretend the Rangers are the side piece on the right 🔥
All gifs via giphy.com
Just checking in after a busy Memorial Day, (lotsa gardening, lotsa sun, some dog walking, a fair-to-middlin’ amount of beer), to confirm that the Vichy Whalers, (hat tip to Bobby Big Wheel on Twitter for that little gem), have indeed, and in glorious 6-2 fashion, shit the bed.
I will drift peacefully off to sleep this evening with visions of crying Canes fans dancing in my head.
THIS GUY BOBBY BIG WHEEL I CALL HIM VIKTUN QUISLING BECAUSE HE WAS THE INSPIRATION FOR A TERM USED TO REFER TO PEOPLE WHO TRAFFIC IN BETRAYAL.
A few years ago my daughter wished me a Happy Memorial Day, in a thanking me for my service sort of way. “Sorry honey, I’m still alive.” Eh, wasn’t her style anyway.
We’re all happy we get to celebrate you on Veterans Day.
Needs more guns.
https://twitter.com/Johnson__joey/status/1530499958490660865
Those blue guns make it pretty clear she’s working for COBRA!
You gotta post the one with the military vet and his “22” year-old gf. The comments are hilarious.
Also, if Joel up there is 44 I’m 28.
Rode hard, put up wet.
Yeah she’s 22 like you’re 28
Morgan’s boobs are bolt ons. Phoney as three dolla bills…
Those might be 22.
The meeting with the other right brother, the one who can’t fly, went very well. My brothers and I have always been close and I know that somewhere Ma’s smiling.
After 2 years there was plenty of random shit to talk about and we’re able to skirt around the real stuff.
Doesn’t mean I have to do it on the regular but it was decent for the soul.
I almost forgot!
https://www.outofthewoodstherapy.com/blog/nationalvaginaappreciationday
I thought Mother’s Day covered that or is that just boob appreciation?
The Whalers are really embarrassing themselves.
A very ambergris performance
For future planning purposes:
January 13 – Sex in the Shower Day
Starting off the year with Sex in the Shower Day! So why don’t you make sure the grouts are clean and towels are ready for a steamy shower with your partner?
January 15 – Fetish Day
It’s the day to celebrate your deepest, darkest fetish! Treat yourself to some safe fetish today – alone or with a partner!
February 7 – Work Naked Day
You can join in celebrating this day only if you work from home! Please don’t come to work naked or you won’t have an office to go to the next day.
March 3 – Threesome Day
If you’ve been thinking of getting some threesome action, well, this could be the day to get some. If you’re in a relationship, ensure first that your partner is up for it. Nobody wants a surprise threesome, especially if it’s the first time.
March 14 – Steak and Blowjob Day
This day was created as an unofficial satirical holiday as a male response to Valentine’s Day. On February 14, women are sent flowers and gifts to make them feel appreciated.
A month later, men like to feel appreciated by taking them to a steak dinner and giving a blowjob after. It’s funny, yes, but this day is popular with men. Plus, it supports breast cancer awareness.
Apr 14 – Cake and Cunnilingus Day
As a female response to Steak and Blowjob Day, this other satirical has been created. On this day, women are supposed to eat cake and receive oral sex from someone else. Cake and Cunnilingus Day supports charities such as the Prostate Cancer Foundation.
April 16 – National Horny Day
Send nudes! National Horny Day is the day to send tingles to a prospective partner. Or, if you’re in a relationship, amp up the excitement during the day and prepare something crafty for the night.
April 24 – Lingerie Day
Take out your best pair of lingerie or if you can, buy a new pair to surprise your beau. Feel sexy all day and be ready to be ogled at during the night.
May is Masturbation Month
The month of May is dedicated to celebrating masturbation. Although this is unofficial and only coined by some fanatics, May can be a month to release your stress through frequent masturbation.
May 5 – Make Out Day
If you’ve been in a relationship for a long time already, you probably haven’t made out with your partner recently. Not to worry, that’s normal. On this day, it’s time to rekindle the passion you get when making out. Take the time to have a hot make-out session!
May 8 – Outdoor Intercourse Day
Have you ever fantasized about having sex outdoors? Well, this could be the day to try it out. Go somewhere where few people passers-by. And if you don’t want to be caught in action, it’s better to do it at night. If you want the thrill and you don’t mind doing giving some public action, then nobody’s stopping you from trying it in broad sunlight.
May 14 – Online Romance Day
It’s the day to be romantic online! Be sure, though that you’re not falling through a scam. Most scammers take advantage of this day to steal hearts and money!
June 9 – National Sex Day
National Sex Day falls every June 9th – and it’s the day to get extra kinky in bed! Dedicate some time today to spend some hot quality time with your partner!
June 14 – Nudity Day
Nudity Day is probably the day when the number of sent nudes skyrockets. Nudity is best celebrated by sending nudes to the people you trust.
June 21 – World Kama Sutra Day
World Kama Sutra Day is different from National Sex Day. Yes, it’s still sex. But this time, sex Kama Sutra style is celebrated. Kama Sutra requires your and your bodies to be in the same contorted positions.
June 22 – No Panty Day
Ever gone out from your home without wearing undies? Lots of girls do it. Although that’s not really considered safe (you can get bacteria!), you can join in the fun of No Panty Day every June 22. We suggest not to do it if you’re planning to do some strenuous activities, though!
July 6 – Kissing Day
International Kissing Day is every July 6 of the year. On this day, people don’t just kiss, but also reminds them to recognize the simple value of a kiss between friends, family, lovers, and even pets!
July 21 – Handjob Day
Women, stretch those arms cause if your man knows about this day, be prepared to get a handjob request.
July 24 – BDSM Day
An unofficial sex holiday, July 24 is dedicated to celebrating BDSM by taking part in erotic practices or roleplaying. If you’re new to BDSM, it involves dominance, submission, sadomasochism, cuckold, bondage, discipline, and many more. It’s an erotic activity that plays on your fetishes related to your emotions.
July 31 – National Orgasm Day
Experiencing an orgasm can be life-changing. On National Orgasm Day, we celebrate learning about orgasms, experimenting with toys and/or your partner to achieve an orgasm, and having a climactic sex experience!
Aug 11-13 – International Swingers Day
International Swingers Day is celebrated every 2nd Saturday of August, which is why the date may vary. This is the largest day of celebration for swingers and is mostly celebrated by clubs throwing a huge lifestyle party and convention.
August 23 – Go Topless Day
Gaining more popularity each year, Go Topless Day is celebrated to raise awareness for women’s equality. The date of Go Topless Day moves, depending on the day it lands on – however, it’s usually celebrated on the last week of August. On this day, you can see women running across the park without their top on – gender equality, girl power!
September 4 – World Sexual Health Day
Observed every September 4 by countries all over the world, World Sexual Health Day is dedicated to raising awareness for sexual health. Some organizations conduct talks about practicing safe sex during this day.
October 1 – Massage Day
Bring out the oils; it’s time to give your partner a nice, sensual massage. If you want to bring your game up, why not learn a few massage tricks online?
October 6 – Kink Day
Happening every October 6 of the year, Kink Day is an unofficial holiday to find out and explore the kinky side of your sexuality. You can do it alone or with your partner – just remember to get consent and be safe!
October 17 – Ass Day
October 17 is National Ass Day in the United States. This day is meant to appreciate and embrace your booty. Flaunt your backside today. Happy National Ass Day!
October 21 – International Fisting Day
Fisting – a sex act that’s often misunderstood or shamed, has a dedicated day to be celebrated by raising awareness about the censorship and banning of fisting in adult entertainment. On this day, activists and enthusiasts learn and share stories of fisting, make videos of fisting and try fisting with a partner.
November 4 – Sex Toy Day
Sex toys have gained popularity and acceptance over the years – and rightfully so! This day is celebrated by experimenting with sex toys. Some make videos of identifying them, sharing their use, or showing how to use them to get maximum pleasure.
December 22 – Global Orgasm Day
Every December 22, the world celebrates Global Orgasm Day. This day isn’t just meant to have excellent sex. Global Orgasm Day has a more profound mission than that, believe it or not. Global Orgasm Day aims to bring change in the Earth’s energy field through the most significant possible surge of human energy with the intention for peace. So, if you want to join the celebration of Global Orgasm Day, get an orgasm while thinking of peace.
December 22?! With the Holiday Season, it seems hard to fit in Global Orgasm Day, even though it comes every year.
I don’t know if I want to know the source….
It’s legitimate…
Oh your personal calendar counts as a source?
Hippo’s WASP judging intensifies
I, for one, have honoUred the month of May.
You’re a True Patriot.
We all quick scrolled to see what you’ve been up to, lol!
Look, I’m just trying to get laid here. Let’s not make it anything more than that.
Evening. I’ve just landed at LAX if any of you have started driving for Uber.
I just took off from LAX yesterday. It’s like we’re twins.
My car is filthy and I’m probably 3 hours away. How does $1700 sound?
Horatio’s Seething Rage’s goaltender just simultaneously ripped his gooch apart, gave himself hernia, and castrated himself.
The back-up back-up just let the Ice Gints score, and it’s 3-0.
Ice Gints scored their third well after the midway point. The Curse does not apply now.
Ouch!
https://twitter.com/AlisonL/status/1531451229972353025
He’s gonna need a taint transplant.
Sports Fans: “OH, MY GOD!”
Cincinnati Sports Fans: “Eh, I’ve seen worse.”
I was away from the computer but watching that. They were saying knee or leg, but my money is on “torn, and we do mean torn, groin”
As most of you know, I own a sweet Cessna Citation X private jet that I fly on trips to my various businesses and investment holdings throughout the western hemisphere. Some of you have even been on it as guests for my always popular flying coke orgies; you’ll remember that this baby can hit 700mph, and that’s stock. Well, I did the engine upgrades I was talking about, with the big fuel pumps and the water/methanol injection and the rocket assists, and now I can push it over 15000mph! If I fly low the sonic boom causes herds of cattle and sheep to explode. The engines burn out after one flight but it sure is fun. Here’s some footage I took yesterday over Arizona, or maybe Utah, I dunno, when I’m going that fast I get lost pretty easily:
https://vimeo.com/715269037
Sorry about the stains!
Embarrassing!
I swear I lost my favorite cock ring on the last flight. It’s the one with E=MC2 on it.
If you find it I’ll buy you a slice of pi.
Even better, make him one of your banana cream pi’s.
Oh shit, that was yours? It didn’t fit so I left it behind.
It’s girthy.
Don’t worry, 90% of the locals (who know/care that Game 7 is happening) are happy the Ice Gigantes are winning.
Never forget:
https://youtu.be/vZAajrxvDs4
Today’s post is chef’s kiss.
Brilliant!
It’s difficult, but I think the Chile lawyer gif is my favourite.
I also enjoyed:
De Maletín
¡Hijo de Dato Divertido!
World Series of Hand Gesticulatin’
Argentinean workmanship
Deportivo Morón
Side Piece candle
I will never not appreciate “[Intentionally Left Blank]” for the Vichy Whalers
Like I always say, hooligans gonna hooli.
And god dammit Tabula Raza, where are you? Much love, man.
https://youtu.be/kx_G2a2hL6U
In the 1986 Lybia raid by the Air Force, there were two U. S. casualties. One was Major Fernando L. Ribas Dominicci. His body was the only one the Lybians handed over to the U.S. Ribas Dominicci is buried in Utuado, PR, where he was born and raised. There is a monument to him the entrance to Utuado and there is also an airport here named after him.
Silly Don T. It’s not Lybia. It’s Labia.
RIP Great Uncle Lacy
MIA Vietnam, 4/21/70
Don T’s writing style always makes me feel like he’s angry with me for reading. #challengingcontent
/ thanks
It’s more of a general seethe. With bits!
I appreciate it.