Remember that old SNL sketch “Fecal Matter with your Host, Doug Fecal”? No? Yeah I figured it was just me. It was a solid (heh) talk show format with a specialized host and topic. Well, we ain’t exactly doing Pod Flies Open around here, but what about in written form, maybe say like a mix between Doug Fecal, Jack Handey, Balls’ 25 questions, Rev’s take on Larry King, and I don’t know, my own fucked up mind? With that backdrop I present to you the second edition of Random Thoughts with BFC! Now also an open thread! If you want to make this interactive, drop a note/question/bon mot in the comments ala my old Mouth Flies Open attempt at an advice column.

• Today marks 32 days since I last had a drop of alcohol.  I’m not looking for a chip, merely noting the march of time. I hadn’t done a forced “cleanse” like this since before COVID. I was doing booze-free months since before Dry-nuary was a thing (terrible name, why the fuck would anyone brag about inventing it).  I usually pick whole calendar months but had to slot something in between a wedding and DFOCon East this weekend. I guess what I’m saying is please don’t let Hippo take advantage of me if my tolerance means I’m a lightweight in Baltimore.  Guess I should have a beer tonight!
• You know what’s a weird feeling? Procrastinating work with writing for DFO.  I shouldn’t say “weird” as much as “makes me very cognizant of how much I don’t want to be working even when the to-do list is longer than John Holmes’s kickstand.”  Nothing makes me feel more demotivated than knowing I’d rather be working on a draft of an open thread a week hence than tear into work so I can go to bed at midnight instead of 1am.
• Little known fact–in the back offices of DFO, after you overcome the mountainous pile of pants cast aside by the door, you can see how many comments have been made on this here site, and (at least for my view) how many are your own.  As a result, I know a) that we’re closer than I would have thought to 1 million comments and b) that I am responsible for 2.3% of the comments on this site to date. I honestly can’t decide if that’s higher or lower than I would have guessed.  Or what that means for my use of time (or YOURS).
• You know what’s fun?  Not being able to fall asleep until 3 or 4 in the morning, being so exhausted that work is a brutal slog the next day so you go to bed early the next night, and then the rebound effect means you’re up til four am the following attempted sleep.  Hooray for sleep disorders!
• Not gonna lie, I quite enjoy that spontaneous turn of phrase “attempted sleep.”  Though it does remind me of the phrase “attempted carjacking” which reminds me of this classic Robert Schimmel joke:

Last week I was involved in a carjacking. Fortunately none got on the upholstery.

• LinkedIn birthday messages are just the worst.  If you’re wishing me a happy birthday on LinkedIn, it’s because you don’t have any of my actual contact info because we are not friends.
• Found on twitter: an entire website of “absurd trolley problems” for you to vote on and see if you’re more or less of a sociopath than your fellow online denizens. Or just waste a few billable minutes

• The Zach Wilson banged his mom’s best friend story is the best thing that could happen to the Jets. No more boring mormon, suddenly he’s the second coming of Joe Namath. And he should absolutely be a returning Kharacter around here. Or at least some competition for Grumblelord in going after your mom.
• If you’ve been wondering where Dan Snyder is and/or wishing you could see him testify before Congress, sorry Charlie, he’s hiding out on his boat in international waters like a coward so he can’t be served a subpoena. Class act that one.
• I cannot believe that everyone and their mother is preparing for a recession and car dealerships are still charging “market adjustments” over MSRP.  MSRP for a new 2022 Nissan Rogue SL? $33,500. So sure, why wouldn’t a used 2021 model go for $37,000?
• It is fantastic to see a Senate candidate with a sense of humor, especially when he’s going against such an unlikable asshat

To all yinz + youse down the shore today: hope you saw my very nice message ✈️ to one of NJ’s famous longtime residents 🥰 pic.twitter.com/xiVd6q5JIm

— John Fetterman (@JohnFetterman) July 10, 2022

• Speaking of Pennsylvania, and credit to blaxabbath for pointing this out–THE Ben apparently was outraged by the renaming of Heinz Field to Arcisure Field, being consistent in his belief that there’s no reason not to force something to happen against someone else’s will.
• Congratulations to Condi Rice and the Denver Broncos. Obvious joke is obvious, but I look forward to them finding WMDs at Arrowhead and launching a devastating preemptive strike at the Golden Corral.
• A friend is throwing a little thing tonight at a local brewery, and given the recent spate of DC breweries and distilleries closing on short notice, gotta support the locals (and bring this booze-free streak to an end). So that’s what I’ll be up to tonight, how’s about you?

What’s On TV Tonight?

CFL

Edmonton @ Montreal, 6:30pm DFO Time

Béisbol

‘Stros @ Angels, 7:07pm DFO Time, ESPN+
Honestly, tons of other games on but check your local/regional listings

Fútbol

ESPN claims none of it’s televised, so check it out and find your own feed, I guess

Aussie Footy

Western v St Kilda, 4:50am DFO Time, WatchAFL app

That’s it from my noggin for now, enjoy French food if you can tonight!