Welcome To The End – Monday Open Thread

The offseason ends this week—let’s dance wooo!

The Hall of fame Game is August 4, the Thursday after this one. By tomorrow, all NFL teams will have started their training camps. Personally, I’m getting pretty freakin’ excited about this season. My watch list:

-Everything AFC West. Sign me up for the reality show.

-Danny Dimes,

-Bengals and Ravens becoming the new PIT vs. BAL rivalry

-Truth Biscuit disappears from our lives forever

-Lions Thanksgiving game being for stakes—wait: Bills @ Loins? Hm.

-Bills becoming the 2022 waaaaay overhyped team that will crash Cleveland style a couple years ago

-the 2022 crash of the Cleveland Browns

These are just some off the toppa my head. Hey, I you don’t like it,

Via @Tribe_XX

NFL NEWS

-The Bears had bought property 30 miles from Soldier Field, maybe for a stadium, so Chicago is offering renovations and even a dome for Soldier Field.  A dome for Chicago? Unthinkable, like offering a diaphragm to Mrs. Cromartie.

-The NFL announced today its new streaming service, NFL+. NFL Sum will work for streaming devices and take the place of Gamepass. It’s still not clear who will keep the “Sunday Ticket” package and the announcement made no mention of the Red Zone channel. I give this Press Release an A in Underwhelmingness.

-Kyler Murray’s contract includes a “You Better Study” provision: four hours per week of independent study, without cellphone, or the TV on, or while playing video games.

Normally, I would be aghast at an employer treating an accomplished professional athlete like he were a snot-nosed brat, but

[gets lost in judgmentalin’ dreamscape]

SPROTS TONITE

Grandes Ligas

Bravos (Fried) @ Filis (Suárez) – 6:05

Mantas (Kluber) @ tWBSs (Voth) – ^:05

Guardianes (Plesac) @ Medias Rojas (Pivetta) – 6:10

Padres (Manaea) @ Tigres (Hutchinson) – 6:10

Piratas (Brubaker) @ Ositos (Sampson) – 7:05

Angelinos (Syndegaard) @ Reales (Greinke) – 7:10

Balboas (Freeland) @ Cerveceros (Ashby) – 7:10

Los Fokin ‘Stros (Odorizzi) @ Ases (Oller) – 8:40

Gigantes (Junis) @ Culebras (Gilbert) – 8:40

Guardianes (Otto) @ Marineros (Flexen) – 9:10

Nacionales (Espino) @ Doyers (Gonsolín) – 9:10

TOP FLIGHT FUTBOL

Copa América Femenina

¡Semifinal!

Colombia HOSTS Argentina

These teams have tied their last three games against each other.  The Colombian team is nicknamed Las Chicas Superpoderosas, which is how The Powerpuf Girls are called in Latinoamérica.

Incidentally, if called to foster care ONE of the Powerpfuff Girls, I would pick… Hmm.

Bubbles, what to do with Bubbles. My guess is, I’m sad to say: pretty much end up doing whatever Bubbles wants. Her over-the-top cuteness and shrill voice can wear down even the strictest of drill sergeants.

Bubbles might be best served being raised by a she-wolf, ancient Rome style.

Blossom, oh my God.

That’s chalk right there.

Blossom is self-motivated, a natural leader. She will never need a reminder to study or keep a fucking calendar—you can do it on your phone! Will Blossom designate drive you? Oh yes, even if you’re only kinda high, just for the self-satisfaction of scolding you for 36 hours straight. I became an atheist to avoid sermons, so no thanks.

Buttercup

Oh yeah. Brilliant and a handful. Mischievous and fun. Buttercup most definitely will melt her cellphone if I gave her the calendar tirade above. I would have to put up for Buttah a liability fund, instead of a trust fund. I would be on first-name basis with bail bondsmen and also fork over a lumpy sum for Buttercup’s Quinceañera—especially for the ankle GPS bracelet. It would be difficult keeping a straight face while “angrily” correcting Buttercup.

Predicción – Colombia 1 : 0 Argentina, the Powerpuff Grilss never really drift apart from each other. Even after Bubbles steals Blossom’s fiancé a month before the wedding.

Argentina

Unión Santa Fe hosts Godoy Cruz – 7:30

Vélez Sarsfield hosts Huracán – 7:30

Bolivia

Bolívar hosts Jorge Wilstermann – 6:00

Brasil

Coritiba hosts Cuiabá – 6:00 PM

Ecuador

Macará hosts Delfín – 7:00

Paraguay

Resistencia SC hosts Guaraní – 6:15

FINALLY,

I gotta share this. I’d take a right – to left diagonal easily.

By Gemma Correl. All gifs via giphy.com