PreparatioUns Underway – Monday Open Thread

There has been enough recreational fitbaw the last couple of weeks to make it inevitable [grabs chest, sighs]… That Week 1 is Coming Soon. We stand at three more weeks. It is time to start making the transition to receive unto us Red Zone channel.

Amén.

I’m sure that, like me, your NFL fandom confounds many in your circle—be it nosy neighbors, the family sads, or spam emailers. It’s a cruel sport, they say. The rules are ungraspable. That was a catch! Why Not?! The gridiron is a jingoistic metaphor for capitalist exploitation, and many of the other usual… “Observatiions”.

Well, I do not aim to place a “DO NOT ENTER” tape around my personal space on every Sunday between 9/11 and the ’22 Owl, but I can vow to pick sweeter words to describe that prophecy. My only hope is that there is no public health emergency, the military catches monkeypox, and world governance is reduced to a pustule-off.

NFL NEWS

-Eagle trade WR J.J. Arcega-Whiteside to the C-Hox for DB Ugo Amadi. Per Pro Fitbaw Reefer, Arcega-Whiteside has 35 targets in 40 games since 2019. But no doubt Yahoo Fantasy will flunk your ass if you don’t pick him in the 12^th Round. Hugo Amadi, sadly, could not be reached at post time because he was in a ‘60s Italian film having a negroni in Capri with Marcelo Mastroianni…

No no no. That’s wrong. Here’s the real Amadi:

Via PFR & Highest Tech Ever! Imaging, Ltd.

-Ravens took CB Marcus Peters off the PUP list. No word if Mike Vick is still off the PUP li—

You:

I should’ve tried harder. Maybe with an “Old Yeller” joke. Sorr.

–Injury Updates:

• Niners’ DB Jimmy Ward has a hamstring injury and is doubtful for Week 1. He’s started 14 games in 2020 and 16 in 2021, per PFR.

• According to Fox News, QB Zach Wilson was diagnosed with “with a bone bruise and torn meniscus” and will have surgery tomorrow in the Soviet Republic of California. Why Fox News? Why the glammm, of course!

Via BlindinglyFactualTruf.com

–In Practice Today:

• RB Melvin Gordon, Donks Woo!

–In Theory Today:

• The NFL published some of its Top 100 players list and QB Mac Jones [snickers] is…

#85

SPROTS TONITE

All times Central. As always, slur free:

GRANDES LIGAS

Mantas (Beeks) @ Y*nk*s (Cole) – 6:05

Ositos (Stroman) @ Nacionales (Gray) – 6:05

tWBSs (Bradish) @ Azulejos (Kikuchi) – 6:07 EXCATY

Mets (Carrasco) @ Bravos (Strider) – 6:20

Reales 9Bubic) @ Mellizos (Ryan) – 6:40

Ases (Kaprielan) @ Patrulleros (Otto) – 7:05

Los Fokin Astros (Urquidy) @ Medias Blancas (Cueto) – 7:10

La Vanwagon (Urías) @ Cerveceros (Peralta) – 7:!0

Marineros (Castillo) @ Angelinos (OHTANI!) – 8:38

Imma watch this. Just gotta find the um… Other laptop.

UPDATE: I must have given it away while moving.

Serpientes (Bumgarner) @ Gigantes (Cobb) – 8:45

TOP FLIGHT FÚTBOL

Perú

Melgar hosts Academia Cantolao – 7:00

Bolivia

Aurora hosts Royal Pari – 6:00

Here in PR, Royal Pari would describe the weekend-long jubilee for the birth of Duke WCS the Li’l ‘Un. Alas, Wiki P says Royal Pari is a club from Barrio El Pari in the Bolivian city of Santa Fe. Founded on 1993, this is their first time in the Bolivian A. The crest is interesting:

Via Wiki P & postimages.com

Clean design, yea. But I don’t see any knee-biting animus from that lion. Dude better get dental implants. Lotta gums there, lotta gums.

Costa Rica

¡Oh sí! Los ticos are making their debut in these August pages.

Heh, that pun is for academics and calendar deniers—screw you and let’s catch up!, respectively.

• Pérez Zeledón hosts Puntarenas – 8:00

 La Asociación Deportiva Municipal Manuel Pérez Zeledón is undefeated the ugly way: 2 wins and 3 empates, scoring 7 goals in five games, 0 in GF. Blech.

Puntarenas is hawt. It was just promoted to Costa Rica’s Primera and has 4 wins and a loss—scoring 11 goals with EIGHT in GD. And look at this beaut of a logo:

Via puntarenasfc.cpm / postimages.com

You the man, Morose Drunk Shark.

Ecuador

 Deportivo Cuenca hosts Delfín – 7:00

Per WP, Delfín was founded in 1989 and won the Ecuador top flight in 2019. It was the first team from a city that was not a provincial capital.  On the other hand,

Via here

For all the small town origin, that is a very, very corporate logo.

DEGENERATES’ KRNR

In alphabetical order, so keep your ego in check,

Argentina. Primera Nacional (2nd Tier)

Ferro Carril Oeste hosts Almirante Brown – 7:10

Colombia Primera B

 Leones hosts Cúcuta Deportivo – 7:35

Official page

Now THAT’s a lion. He could bite a kneecap good. Although with that underbite, I can’t see how that would be enjoyable. Patella first maybe.

FINALLY,

Canada can watch the Titans. Hell, China can watch the Titans. Howevah,

If I have to get… creative to see the games, ah just might will. Maybe I’ll get one of those laptops that shoot down popups like it was Duck Hunt. Besides, fubo carries Red Zone.

In sum: yeah yeah whatever, NFL. Your* not the only game in town. I have other interests.

*app is

Banner via @hostiledesign; gifs via giphy.com.