Sexy Friday – 20221118

TGIF! So long, work week and good bye to the Packer’s season! Their owners should do something with their framed owner certificates and fix this. Speaking of those cheese heads, let’s give them some survival advice on a subject they know all too well.

Survival – Personal Edition

That’s right, today we’re going to learn how to manage excessive flatulence.

• Avoid lactose such as milk and sugar. Many folks are lactose intolerant to varying degrees. At any degree, if the lactose isn’t digested, then colon bacteria will ferment the milk sugar, creating gas.
• Portion control. More food will create more gas no matter the type of food. If you’re looking to not embarrass yourself, eat small meals. You can always make up for it at home.
• Avoid foods that contribute to farts. This includes, of course, beans, broccoli, cabbage, amongst others. Look, I could give you a full list, but that’s for some other blog or you could just do a cursory internet search you lazy bastard. The reason these contribute to your smelly ass is these foods contain carbohydrates that cannot be digested which your colon bacteria is more than happy to feast upon.
• Think this is an old wives’ tale, but peppermint tea can help. How? Why? If I knew I wouldn’t be calling it a BIG TEA conspiracy.
• Even if you’ve followed all of this advice, it’s entirely possible you are still a bloated gassy mess and need some relief. Be respectful and find an empty bathroom. If you really want to squeeze all that gas out, get on your knees, bend forward, and stretch your arms out in the customary Buddy Signal pose. That will put the most pressure on your gaseous body.
• Fun facts if you’re below average: The average person toots up to 14 times a day, producing a quarter liter of gas per day. If you’re above average consult your doctor or dietician and be ready to change your diet.

Now that we’re all flatulence free, our no pants policy should be an even better success in the clubhouse moving forward!

Survival – World Cup Edition

Join the World Cup DFO pool here:

https://www.footytips.com.au/comps/DFOQ?p=futbol

Password is futbol

Click here to get to commenting

Survival – Species Edition

Time to put the sexy in Friday!

Enjoy the weekend, folks! Alright, now let’s get to what’s most important: Commenting and drinking!