Instant Hippo Thoughts – Week 17 (the Penultimate), 2022 Season

Far be it from me to curse things while not every NYE hangover is yet even lifted…what am I saying, that is EXACTLY on brand for me.  Everything is totally fucking fucked.  Eat a dick, 2023.

We won’t speak any details of the Black Panthers cowardly surrender to The Man.  Conduct unbefitting, to the extreme.

Hold that SEPA Wal-Mart jorts order – Minshew Mania has bitten the dust.  N’Awlins had the ball basically the entire Q1, somehow the Iggles’ D did NOT wilt, holding onto 13-nil halftime hole.  Philly would manage only a 56-yard FG and a busted coverage deep ball TD strike, before shooting themselves fatally in the dick, on a late pick 6.  20-10, road Saints.  YES, that means the #1 seed could sickeningly lack any gender identity.  Welcome to NOBUMMER’s America smgdh.

What about the 3-loss Vikings, you say?  Make that 4 losses, as they no-showed in a 41-17 humiliating loss in Green Bay.  Oh Jeebus, you can hear the narrative rumble.

Shit, even the Tomsulas looked in line to follow their fellow Division leader-types into the gutter, but Purdy Mouth and Palz came back to beat the…Jarrett Stidham Raiders?? – 37-34, in Extra Time.  I didn’t watch any of the late games, because I was angry.  But Stidham appararently went off – 365, 10.7 YPS, 3 scores.  Fucking wow.  Extend his contract, Guilty Remnant Mark Davis!

Christ, even the P*ts somehow remain alive/in control of their destiny, 23-21 home winners over the “I fucked Ted” LOLfins.  Poor Teddy Ballgame, his body just can’t handle this gladiator sport.  Throws a brutal pick 6, hurts himself trying in vain to tackle the returner at the 2.  Hey, maybe that Miami #1 pick that Denver gets will be reasonably mid-range?

Yeah, Denver played.  Yeah, they lost again.  27-24 away to the Chefs, at least we kept it almost interesting for most of the day.  Poor, ded Charmslinger.

Sherman’s Ashes beat the Qards at the death, 20-19.  Nobody fucking cares.

I guess at least Detroit won?  They get the Narrative Packers next weekend, each at 8-8.  Poor Strawberry Fields took YET ANOTHER senseless, pointless beating.  After an early 7-zip Bearistocrats! lead, DET closed on a 41-3 run.  OOF.  Playoffs are still possible.

But not goddamned likely, because the stupid SeaTruthers beat the collapsing Jets, 23-6.  Mike White ain’t Superman, after all.

Clippers du Merde claim the Battle for Los Angeles, 31-10.  Not that any Angelinos give two shits about them.  BLECH.

Pretty sure the Redacteds are eliminated, after a sad-even-by-Dakota-Jeebus-standards performance, losing 24-10 AT HOME to #ThePauls.  Proving again, there is just no fixing stupid.  Stupid is a limiting reagent, teach your children well.

Jersey A will make the playoffs, clinching the 6th seed (I think) with a resounding 38-10 beatdown of the Fat Humps.  Good on y’all, Vertically Enhanced Persons!

Today’s game meant as little to the Jaguras’ playoff situation as it did to the 500s.  No matter, Duval’s Finest boat raced to a 31-3 win anyway.  Enjoy that 1st overall pick, whoever replaces the stoic Hobo Lovie Smith.

As you likely – and correctly – surmised by now, I will not stay up for Yinzers/Ratbirds.  SNF has its own thread, toggle back and look at that if you will.

I do look forward to discussing the flexed Week 18 schedule in the morning.  We always come back for more, eh?