CFL Beat: Week 10

Well, hello. Your friendly neighboUrhood Maestro is on sabbatical in Europe with Lady Maestro. You get me for a sub on this instalment of CFL Beat, for which I gladly volunteered my talent. Which won’t be necessary after all. Maestro, being generous and dutiful, left a post skeleton (great), and a series of… “Style Directives” that are “totally up to you”.

In league news (via CFL House Organ):

-The kicking game is awesome. Kickers are

on pace to make 39 field goals from 50 yards or more this season, 10 more than the record 29 set in 2018. The single season record of eight was established by J.T. Hay in 1986. René Paredes [Calgary] leads the league with six.

-Out of Regina come the news that the Roughriders released “American wide receiver Derel Walker” yesterday. Walker is a eight-year CFL veteran who appeared “in one game for the Riders this season”. Hey Maestro, I doubled sourced this item instead of making cracks at Regina’s expense. Note, taken.

WEEK 9 PREVIEWS [sic]

Shouldn’t it be RESULTS, M? But hey, OK, you’re the boss.

BYE: Edmonton (0-8)

The Elks are on pace to “miss playoffs for the first time in CFL history”. Per the Daily Hive, Edmonton also set “a North American professional sports record for most consecutive home losses at 21”. [Googles awful seasons in NFL (Detroit and Cleveland), and of Texas high school football]. Checks out.

BC vs. Winnipeg : 

PICK: Winnipeg

RESULT: Winnipeg 50 – 14 BC

Toronto vs. Calgary : 

PICK: Toronto

RESULT: Upset! Calgary 20 – 7 Tirana

Montreal  vs. Hamilton : 

PICK: Montreal

RESULT: Montreal 27 – 14 Hamilton

Ottawa vs. Saskatchewan : 

PICK: Saskatchewan

RESULT: Saskatchewan 26 – 24 Ottawa. Smrt pick tho.

WEEK 10 PREVIEWS

Winnipeg (6-2) vs. Edmonton (0-8), Thursday, August 10th, 9:00 PM EDT (TSN, CBSSN, CFL+): 

The Elks will start QB Tre Ford for this one. This will be the first game by the Ontario native. Ford was drafted 8th overall by Edmonton last year and had a 40-yard time of 4.45 at the 2022 University of Buffalo pro day.

PICK: 🚧🚨TRAP GAME🚨🚧 Winnipeg just  dropped a 50-burger to a top-seated division rival. Going with the Elks and the rookie QB. Gimme anarchy.

Saskatchewan (4-4) vs. Montreal (4-3), Friday, August 11th, 7:30 PM EDT (TSN, CFL+): 

Montreal QB Cody Fajardo injured his left shoulder last week against Hamilton and did not practice Tuesday. However, he’s expected to start on Friday. Per TSN, Fajardo has also spent most of the season playing through “an injured knee” and Montreal has allowed the second most sacks in the CFL (29).

PICK: Expo city all the way baybeh. My heart bleeds for veteran QBs running for their lives AND Fajardo happens to be a beautiful coast town in the east of Puerto Rico. Plus, I’m culturally bound to reject Roughriders.

 Maestro: Respect the #Brand. Don’t make it about you.

Me:

I am posting on The Internet. Of course it’s about 🎶MEEEEEEEEEEE🎶

 In sum, Montreal.

Calgary (3-5) vs. BC (6-2), Saturday, August 12th, 7:00 PM EDT (TSN, CBSSN, CFL+): 

Per the Daily Hive item above, Calgary may also miss the playoffs for the first time in league history. The Stampeders can get back in the hunt with a win and loses by either the Roughriders or the Tri-Cats.

The Lions QB, Vernon Adams JR. has a left knee injury, but has been practiSing with a knee brace. (It’s not cultural appropriation, Maestro; it’s ambiance!)  The item notes that backup QB Dane Evans did not practice on Tuesday, so Adams will start, barring catastrophes or The Fragility of Man.  

PICK:  i pick BC and offer some advice. The only Vernon Adams Sr. I saw on the web was an engineer on [🥱] LinkedIn. Drop the Jr., be your own man,* Vernon.

* Advice inapplicable to Marvin Gaye dad scenarios. Reference older than Maestro, ✔️ on MY list of “style and stuff”.

Ottawa (3-5) vs. Toronto (6-1), Sunday, August 13th, 7:00 PM EDT (TSN, CFL+): 

Tirana’s QB Chad Kelly has an ankle injury but practiSed in full yesterday. The TSN item notes that Kelly played with Donks Woo! and the Clots.

On the otha hand, the Ottawa Sun has a litany of WRONG with the Redblacks, “last in each of the following:

 Sacks allowed (33, while Toronto has just 10), passing yards per game (204.5), passing touchdowns (three, while Winnipeg has 17), completions of 30 or more yards (six, by comparison Winnipeg has 21), average yards per play (5.16), opponent passing yards (314.6) and 30-plus-yard completions by an opponent (20).”

 PICK: Yeah, Imma play the DFO hits on this one: fuck Tirana, REDBLACKS.

BYE: Hamilton (3-5)

Last Monday, there was a “mutual agreement” between the Tiger-Cats and offensive coordinator Tommy Condell to get professionally away from each other. Which is great CFL material. But I will nawt spoof with an extremely apologetic exit interview. That would be caricature. Plus it’s very hard to recreate the most Canadian tradition of venomoUs passive aggression:

“Senior assistant coach Scott Milanovich” will call plays henceforth.

STANDINGS AND STATS

East Division Standings

West Division Standings

Passing Yards

1. Collaros, WPG – 2292
2. Maier, CGY – 2077
3. Fajardo, MON – 1877

Passing TDs

1. Collaros, WPG – 16
2. Adams, Jr., BC – 9
3. Kelly, MON – 9

Rushing Yards

1. Oliveira, WPG – 593
2. Mills, CGY – 483
3. Ouellette, TOR – 427

Receiving Yards

1. Bane, SSK – 615
2. Schoen, WPG – 610
3. Mack, MON – 601

Defensive Tackles

1. Awe, CGY – 62
2. Dean, SSK – 53
3. Thurman, HAM – 48

Sacks

1. Betts, BC – 10
2. Jefferson, WPG – 8
3. Leonard, EDM – 6

Interceptions

1. Houston, WPG – 6
2. Dandridge, OTT – 4
3. Daniel, TOR – 4

Field Goals

1. Ward, OTT – 26
2. Paredes, CGY – 24
3. Whyte, BC – 22

PICK POOL

Remember to submit your picks here! https://www.pooltracker.com/join.asp?poolid=221760

Bof. BC Dick: bowler, curler, soothsayer. Bravo.

UPDATE: The table is updated. And I put my picks in too.

I’m vested, baby!

Finally, JK Maestro, about “#Brand.” and stuff.  I know you’d never punctuate after a hashtag. Have a blast in non-air conditioned Europe!

Enjoy the games, everyone.