Marble League Rolldown: Events 10 & 11

Senor Weaselo - August 4, 2020August 4, 2020

It's a battle throughout the standings as we've crossed the midpoint. After this article, there will be 5 events left at Marble League 2020. Combine that with the return of Marbula E (Mercedes was running away after the first 3 races; sponsors Envision Virgin Racing were stuck in neutral) and

Marble League Rolldown: Events 8 & 9

Senor Weaselo - July 28, 2020July 27, 2020

We return to the Andromedome and to the Rolldown, as we get to the midpoint of the season's biggest competition that won't get stopped by the Miami goddamn Marlins. The last time we were here, records were falling left and right. The hurdles had the record continuously get lowered, and the

Marble League Rolldown: Events 6 & 7

Senor Weaselo - July 21, 2020July 20, 2020

We return to the Rolldown, described by someone on the Jelle's Marble Runs subreddit as "Comprehensive. To the max." This week another two events were on the schedule as we watched to see whether another team wanted to join the Minty Maniacs, O'rangers, and Crazy Cat's Eyes in the upper

Senor’s Marble League Rolldown: Events 4 & 5

Senor Weaselo - July 14, 2020July 14, 2020

We're back at the Andromedome, and as we've moved into the actual dog days, we're moving into a two events per week format. So that means slightly less clogging up the airways on my end as we cover two events as the Minty Maniacs and O'rangers seemingly square off for

Senor’s Marble League Rolldown: Event 3

Senor Weaselo - July 8, 2020July 7, 2020

Welcome back to the Rolldown. With two events complete, Balancing and Halfpipe, we move to the first individual event of the competition, the Funnel Endurance. The question is, will it follow form? And of following form, will a third different team take gold, or will the O'rangers or Minty Maniacs

Senor’s Marble League Rolldown: Event 2

Senor Weaselo - June 30, 2020June 29, 2020

Well, we're still here, so that's nice. We return to the Rolldown with the second event of the 2020 Marble League, the halfpipe! In our first event, it was the Minty Maniacs surprising us all by taking gold in their first event all the way back from the depths of the

Senor’s Marble League Rolldown: The Games Begin! (ML2020 Opening Ceremony & Event 1)

Senor Weaselo - June 23, 2020June 22, 2020

Yes, we made it. We're not all dead yet and can experience the gravitas, the splendor, the magnificence that is the pinnacle of marble sports. Marble League 2020, from the Andromedome. To lead it off, the opening ceremonies, with King Stardust, and the primary members of the JMR Staff and Committee

Marble League Rolldown: ML 2020 Qualifiers (and Friendly Round)

Marble League Rolldown

Senor Weaselo - June 20, 2020June 19, 2020

And just like that, with a quick turnaround, we're back. It's time for the 2020 Marble League Qualifiers, to fill out the full lineup for next week's championship. 20 teams will compete in four events, with the top 12 advancing to this year's big stage, Marble League 2020. Let's do

The Inaugural Marble League Rolldown!

Senor Weaselo - June 17, 2020June 17, 2020

That's right, we've got a new column while there aren't any human sports, which at this rate won't be for a while as Arizona, Florida, and the rest of the South goes through its coronavirus wave. Y'all laughed and scoffed when New York got hit (because the American strain is

[DFO] Ranks the 2020 Uni Crop

Senor Weaselo - May 18, 2020May 17, 2020

Good day, and welcome to possibly the first in an annual series. Or actually the second, since I panned the Jets' unis last year and this is along the same vein. A whole bunch of teams changed their uniform layout this year, so it's only right that we go over them

Your 2020 Banner Madness Recap and Unveiling

Senor Weaselo - March 31, 2020March 31, 2020

I believe we have a winner. 58. “In honor of Veteran’s Day I’ve taken a shot of Bulleit and neglected to adequately provide mental health services to myself.” beats 59. “If Garrett had only hit a woman with that helmet he’d be back by Week 14.” 32-12 And there you have it. A champion