Winter, You Can Frostbite My Balls

jjfozz - December 21, 2016December 16, 2016

“Winter lies too long in country towns; hangs on until it is stale and shabby, old and sullen. “ Willa Cather wrote that and I couldn’t tell you who Willa Cather is if you promised me a tureen full of bourbon, a rack of prime rib, and videos of PK getting

Old People Are Good Fuel for Bonfires

jjfozz - June 27, 2016

Old people suck. They should be returned to the earth so we can grow tastier carrots and potatoes. Old people are fucking up my neighborhood, and imposing their outdated, cranky views on young couples and their kids. It started at an HOA meeting – dreadful punch and cookies, not a drop

Please Drive Your Car Off a Bridge

jjfozz - June 6, 2016June 6, 2016

Every damn day I drive to work. The round trip takes about two hours. And every minute of those hours I am filled with loathing. The kind reserved for obese people at Chinese buffets and child molesters. People cannot fucking drive. They think they can. They cannot. Because 99.5% of the

Your Kid Sucks at Sports

jjfozz - May 31, 2016May 31, 2016

I have two sons. One plays baseball and soccer. The other plays football and lacrosse. They may play in high school. They are not going to college on a sports scholarship. They are not going to play any of these sports professionally. And while I loathe the NCAA, read this