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Sexy Friday – 20220812

ballsofsteelandfury

/

,

It’s an abbreviated version of Sexy Friday as things have been CRAZY busy. Lots of balls in the air and I’m doing my best trying to ensure this thing doesn’t turn into a middle school dance.

On the bright side, things seem to be heading in the right direction. I cannot and will not breathe easy, however, until things are locked in place and what’s supposed to happen actually happens. I know that’s cryptic, but I don’t wanna jinx anything.

Tonight, we have hot AFL action as the Home and Away season is winding down. It’s round 22 out of 23 and there is only one more round left after this weekend. There are still 2 spots in finals up for grabs and 4 teams that can claim them.

Tonight’s games are:

Western Bulldogs v GWS Giants at 8:45 Pacific

Adelaide Crows v North Melbourne Kangaroos at 9:10 Pacific.

Gold Coast Suns v Geelong Cats at 11:35 Pacific.

and some other late late night action.

In hot Liga MX action, Litre’s Puebla is taking on Tijuana at 7 Pacific.

No pics or videos today as I’ve not had time to prepare them. I’ll leave it to Brocky or Mr. Ayo to make up for me.

Type away!

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scotchnaut

Just got in from the bonfire. [looks at the time] Oh my.

2
TheRevanchist

In the words of every Andrew W K song ever: party something party party something something else party and party something for party. Fuck yeah.

3
TheRevanchist

Indeed, sexy Friday.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Speaking of sexy and Aussie footy, I’m just sitting here on the beach watching the GWS-Western replay. Don’t make me come back from vacation.

1
TheRevanchist

I see another game is on. I need to be up tomorrow. It’s a busy day. Wrexham, Premeire league, KC preseason, and probably go see the wife in the hospital. Not where I am supposed to squeeze that last one in, though.

1
yeah right

Hola everybody!

Still ticking and still kicking.

How are you good folks doing out there?

3
ballsofsteelandfury

I think they’re all asleep.

0
Brick Meathook

I’m in an hospital post-op loaded on morphine, Dilaudid, and Percocet.

Feels good, man!

2
yeah right

Was this the knee?

0
SonOfSpam

penis removal, at least the remnant scraping

1
yeah right

Does this mean their email pronoun explanation will read “They and Them?”

There’s a lot to sort out.

1
Brick Meathook

Left heel bone.

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SonOfSpam

Yikes, be well.

1
Brick Meathook

They removed it.

0
SonOfSpam

Can they implant it in your penis?

Or replace it with springs?

1
Brick Meathook

Whole foot went, It’s called a Syme procedure. It’s not as bad as it sounds.

3
TheRevanchist

I mean, it sound pretty fucking gruesome! Are you going to be okay?

Did I share that my wife is in the hospital again? Third time since the beginning of June for an emergency surgery. This time, ulcer in the intestines opened and was spilling into her body cavity. Since the previous wounds never healed, they just keep cutting them open and going in there.

Still not as gruesome as losing most of your foot.

Last edited 3 years ago by TheRevanchist
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Brick Meathook

All of my left foot below the ankle. There’s no way to rebuild a foot. But in a Syme procedure they reattach the heel pad to the end of the bone. It takes three months to heel and it will become weight bearing again, but about an inch shorter. I’ll get basically a prosthetic foot. But the important thing is that they can’t find evidence of cancer spread. If that holds it would be a 100% cure. I hope the best for your wife

2
SonOfSpam

Not quite. Too early. Beer is still in abundance.

0
yeah right

You’ve intrigued me with your vagaries. I also suffer from an abundance of them.

The new department is going good. It’s pretty hilarious to hear them try and teach me an address mail merge when I BASICALLY WROTE THE CODE FOR THAT SHIT BACK IN THE MID 80’S!

Not angry at all. Confident.

Tanned, exercised and ready!

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Brick Meathook

The Pratt & Whitney R-4360 was “cross valved:” the intake valve opened slightly before the exhaust valve shut. The supercharged fuel-air mixture momentarily blew through the cylinder, scavenging remaining combustion gases and pushing them out the exhaust port; this helped cool the exhaust valve disk, which was typically the hottest part of the engine and most prone to catastrophic failure.

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Mr. Ayo

SMRT

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2Pack

Two more weeks of work and I head to the beach. But who’s counting right?

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Mr. Ayo

Lara Croft frequents your beach?

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2Pack

They always have some sort of event going on. The beach community associations know their business, it’s a very enjoyable environment where all sorts of stuff happens. Marketing is well thought out, and beautiful women are ALWAYS a part.

2
Doktor Zymm

What’s the difference between flotsam and jetsam?

0
Mr. Ayo

One is a boat, but both are ashore.

2
2Pack

Flotsam is crud that floats on the water. Jetsam is crud that moves across the water, frequently faster than the speed of sound.

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I thought Jetsam was the one that has its starting quarterback tear his ACL in a preseason game.

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Mr. Ayo

No, that’s Zachsam.

2
TheRevanchist

The letters up front.

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2Pack

Mr Ayo pinch hits a Home run here folks. Well done good Sir.

3
Mr. Ayo

All about supporting the team Mr. Pack.

Rise and grind. Sexy Friday is leased and rent is due every week.

5
yeah right

Hardest working man in show business.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Damn, that’s 11 wins in a row for the Dodgers and 22-3 in their last 25 games.

1
Doktor Zymm

How artful of them!

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SonOfSpam

Puns, maam, may I have some more?

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I first thought you said “guns” and was like, yes, yes, we all heard what happened at the Orange County PTA meeting…

1
yeah right

It is a far far better dick joke than I have ever told!

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

15-2 coming into the All-Star break, then 18-3 since. My goodness what a good time to be jumping on the bandwagon!

1
BC Dick

Doing it for Vin. No one’s talking about the Yankees (late) record pace and wagoneers can feel no pain hitching their dog carts to a just cause. Great stuff.
I listened to him in high school while I waited to record Shania Twain music videos on VHS so as to which I would self-flagellate. It was magical.

1
yeah right

Now you’re my boy Rikki.

We go way back.

Don’t hitch up to this wagon.

Just don’t.

Over here just saying.

A soul is a hell of a thing to try and retrieve.

3
Gumbygirl

Gumby and I were just talking. Wouldn’t it be the Bradiest thing ever If Tommy Boy waits until a week before the season starts and retires again? I would pee my pants laffin’!

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Doktor Zymm

He’s gonna pull an Office Space and see how long they keep sending him game checks once he stops showing up to games

4
yeah right

Does Marcia still get hit in the face with a football?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k04Wv0fydvU

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WCS

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Redshirt

To any DFO Jest fan who stood by my side when Burrow’s got ded.

It’s Not Your Fault – Good Will Hunting (12/12) Movie CLIP (1997) HD – YouTube

1
yeah right

Some still say, when the campfire is low and the whisky bottle has been passed around that…

Maybe Namath really did sell his soul.

Hell indeed hath fury.

2
Senor Weaselo

The Yankees are doing their best to play like a football team, and maybe, if they’re lucky, win a game this week.

1
Horatio Cornblower

They are absolutely cooked right now, and if by chance you read about a fan charging the field at Fenway to attack Aaron Boone tomorrow just go ahead and assume that someone else should probably do the mock draft on Monday.

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Mr. Ayo

You were here the whole time.

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Redshirt

That reminds me, thanks for helping me move tomorrow night after 7:15 PM EDT. I really appreciate it.

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Mr. Ayo

My pleasure!

1
Doktor Zymm

If it was the early 80s they could be absolutely coked

1
SonOfSpam

Go balls out and attack Aaron Judge.

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SonOfSpam

AFTER ALL HE’S THE JUDGE AND YOU’RE THE LAW TALKIN GUY

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Doktor Zymm

If it’s any consolation to Redshirt, I keep forgetting that the Bengals are supposed to be good now, so it’s totally possible the entirety of the NFL is doing the same and won’t gameplan for them

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Redshirt

Based on all the NFL “Experts” picks for this season, you may be on to something. They’ve gone from being an alternating cellar afterthought and average afterthought to being a playoff afterthought.

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Wakezilla

Messi rightfully not getting nominated for the Ballon D’or is some good shit. The vitriol from last year must have been so bad that FIFA knew they couldn’t rig another bullshit win for RonMessi

1
Horatio Cornblower

I’ve never understood how that award had any credibility given the huge difference in overall quality in the various national leagues. To me de Bruyner should have one a couple, but his excellence is overshadowed by Messi or Ronaldo playing against inferior competition.

1
rockingdog

Found a funny;

[posting crying selfie to linkedin from job at mcdonalds] today i am devastated. we had to execute Grimace for his many sins of the flesh

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Doktor Zymm

Isn’t Grimace supposed to be a toddler?

0
Doktor Zymm

At any rate, his great-grandma is still alive and named ‘Jenny’

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BC Dick

I sure hope not. That whole hard drive would have to be burned.

2
SonOfSpam

No, he’s a bottom.

1
Doktor Zymm

His alleged Uncle O’Grimacy raises even more questions

0
rockingdog

Fernando Tatis is suspended for the rest of the season
That’s NOT rocking

Oh well
Goooooo Padres! ⚾️

1
Horatio Cornblower

Damn ringworm.

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Redshirt

When I get elected Evil Overlord, all team’s coach’s postgame speeches will be televised. Even the blowouts.

“Some of you keep asking why you don’t get any playing time. Well, we now have it on film why. Don’t worry, we won’t dwell on it too much in the Film Room. Most of you won’t be here in September anyway.”

Last edited 3 years ago by Redshirt
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Col. Duke LaCross

BAH GAWD! That is one SEXY FRIDAY down below.

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Sharkbait

You just know Wilson is gonna download a bunch of MILF Nurse videos to help with the post surgery recovery

Last edited 3 years ago by Sharkbait
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Redshirt

I don’t think so. He probably has it downloaded to his iPad the Jets gave him that has all their plays.

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rockingdog

LoL JETSSS
Think he got injured in this preseason game

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BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Like a Surface tablet ™ can play videos

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Horatio Cornblower

Fernando Tatis got bagged for PEDs and apparently blaming a prescription he took for ringworm.

Motherfucker, you are playing and presumably residing in San Diego, not Haiti or Bumfuck, Alabama.

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Doktor Zymm

Ringworm seems a fairly mild punishment for walking around barefoot in Boltman!’s lair

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Dunstan

Can anyone think of an example of a professional athlete testing positive for PEDs and immediately saying “yep, I did it, I cheated, you caught me”? Instead it’s always “oh, I must have forgotten to read the label on that Peruvian cold medicine I took that one time.”

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Doktor Zymm

Well yeah, that’s not how wink wink nudge nudge works. There is zero benefit to admiting wrongdoing in that scenario

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herodotus450

Lance Armstrong?

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Doktor Zymm

LIESTRONG!

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Dunstan

But it was years after the fact, wasn’t it? Long after he’d actually sued people for defamation for telling the truth about his drug use.

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herodotus450

I dont remember exactly. I think he vehemently denied it, until there was a positive test/proof, then he just disappeared/apologized on Oprah?

1
Doktor Zymm

He built an empire and clutched it until it started to crumble around him, then he desperately tried to salvage what he could. Although, to be fair, cyclists being psycho about performance enhancement are one of the big reasons we even have anti-doping rules, so really he was acting in the grand tradition of his sport by ruining it for everybody

2
Horatio Cornblower

There was some British cyclist who famously (well, not that famously, since I can’t remember his name) said “If ten will kill me I’ll take nine.”

3 guesses what killed him, and the first two don’t count.

2
Doktor Zymm

During a Tour de France mountain stage!

1
Redshirt

Yeah, that’s bullshit. You pay someone to tell you how to exercise. You pay someone to fix all your meals. But you get your creams and balms from the merchant at the beginning of the Aladdin animated movie?

Last edited 3 years ago by Redshirt
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Horatio Cornblower

Oh, do you not?

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WCS

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Horatio Cornblower

Andy Petitte did, then looked pretty bad when a second positive test turned up.

1
Redshirt

Did– Did I hallucinate the Bengals last season? How’d the really do?

0
Horatio Cornblower

Second place is first loser.

0
Redshirt

Wow! We finished 2nd in the Division?! Nice!

4
Horatio Cornblower

In the NFL, which means nothing.

Please do not ask me how Dallas did, I wish to remain safe and hypocritical in my circa 1990’s coccoon.

1
Redshirt

Uh, okay. They did okay. They lost the playoff game with a Hail Mary Pass.

They certainly didn’t try to run for a first down with no timeouts. No, siree!

1
Doktor Zymm

Much as the stripes of the Bengali tiger protect it from detection and the subsequent fleeing of their prey, so too the camouflage of faulty memory protects the Bengals football team and their fans from the flight of their hopes and dreams

3
ballsofsteelandfury

@Mr. Ayo –

First off all, GOD BLESS YOU!

Second, would you be at all interested in becoming an author and taking over the Sexy Friday post? The pictures you post are AMAZING. I love the angles, the composition, the lighting. They’re very artistic and classy. They’re perfect for this space. You wouldn’t have to post a ton each Friday either. Maybe 10 or so to get the party started.

Think about and let me know if you’re up for it.

Pun definitely intended.

3
King Hippo

FRESH FISH!!!!!!

1
Horatio Cornblower

I don’t think he’s allowed to show that part, Hippo.

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BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

What happens if the fish is in Seattle and its being thrown?

2
Horatio Cornblower

Well then the fish better have consented.

4
BC Dick

Only if he puts a space between the h and the t

3
Mr. Ayo

Oh, I have great fictional series in mind that I could totally expound upon and produce an offseason worth of weekly posts that would also be littered with a tastefully curated selection of sexy pictures.

lol, just kidding. I’m a brain dead pervert. Add me to the back room slack channel if you need proof.

Last edited 3 years ago by Mr. Ayo
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ballsofsteelandfury

I’ll take that as a yes!

1
Redshirt

4th String QB Alert for Arizona.

0
Mr. Ayo

Wow, can’t believe they’re playing Kyler this early.

6
Horatio Cornblower

He has a Fortnite tournament to get to later.

2
Redshirt

Guarantano? Oh, come on! That can’t be his real last game!

1
Redshirt

In honor of Sexy Friday, here is a theory that is too delicious to be true.

Why Many Think Melania May Have Ratted Out Donald Trump (msn.com)

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Here’s something I thought was cool: prior to Magellan’s crew arriving back in Europe after circumnavigating the globe (and discovering their calendars were different by one day), nobody had thought of the concept of the international date line.

3
herodotus450

Before then, the International Date Line was: “Yeah they’re pretty good, in spice cakes and such.”

2
Redshirt

In their defense, between the stealing of land, destruction of culture, enslaving of the innocent and the Number Six Dances, deciding the International Date Line wasn’t a high priority.

2
Horatio Cornblower

Just one more decision Magellan didn’t have to make.

2
Redshirt

Notes from Cincinnati:

  • Brandon Allen is on a Head Owie Timeout.
  • Bengals backups are showing why they are backups.
  • McPherson continued where he left off last season.
  • Randy Moss’s kid is holding himself out of a job.
1
Mr. Ayo

So, “one year wonder” label?

0
Redshirt

Too soon to tell. Only 3rd stringers are playing. Current O-line is the backups and starters from the Super Bowl, which explains why the 3rd String QB is running for his life at every play.

Reports are in practice that the starters are doing going, and Chase all but putting together a Hall of Fame career in this year’s Training Camp.

We’ll know more in Real Week 1.

Fans showed up though. This is the loudest its been in a preseason game.

Last edited 3 years ago by Redshirt
1
King Hippo

If history tells us anything, they’ll wander the desert for several years, then come back to lose the Owl to RRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! again

3
Redshirt

Hey! Except for the 1987 Strike Year, the 1980s Bengals were painfully average in between the Super Bowl losses, thank you very much.

0
King Hippo

That’s the first time you’ll ever hear “Brian Griese” and “huge asset” in the same sentence.

Last edited 3 years ago by King Hippo
1
Mr. Ayo

Is this a Nick Foles “asset” situation or something else?

1
King Hippo

He’s no Horse Cock Lock let’s put it that way!

2
King Hippo

Captain Blough >> Captain Dingleberry

(may not be true, but at least he has all his shots)

2
Doktor Zymm

Captain Crunch has the edge on both

3
Mr. Ayo

Facts! Way more people enjoy him.

3
BC Dick

It’s Captain Beefheart all the way for me. Although if I have to eat it drenched in milk I’d lean to Crunch.

3
Doktor Zymm

Your balls are in the air? Did you lose your fancy underoos or just airing ’em out?

3
King Hippo

Usually, that’s backwards of how gravity works on old man balls, too!

3
Doktor Zymm

Now I’m curious about scrotal plastic surgery procedures, but not actually curious enough to look anything up

2
King Hippo

yeah, your poor Googlebots won’t be able to unsee THAT!!

2
BC Dick

Take a handful of each side, fold up and over, staple until snug.

2
King Hippo

MILF-huntin’ Mormon done popped his ACL. Jets are in mid-season “let’s roll” form.

4
Mr. Ayo

What a moribund cursed franchise they are.

1
WCS

A POX ON THEM

2
King Hippo

unFARE 2 pox imogodbless

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WCS

Clubhouse Jest fans:

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(artist’s conception)

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Mr. Ayo

You can’t script this.

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Sharkbait

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Last edited 3 years ago by Sharkbait
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Senor Weaselo

Dammit Hades, I didn’t want to do more interviews!

4
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Found on reddit: “Just texted my buddy that he suffered A mom contact injury. Best autocorrect ever”

5
Doktor Zymm

Wait a second… The report I saw said “Dr. Chao speculates it’s a torn ACL”
Could it be nothing more than drug induced knee gas?

2
Mr. Ayo

Sigh, very well. Do I get scale pay for this?

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Mr. Ayo

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JimU

You’re doing the lord’s work Ayo!

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Mr. Ayo

Woah, easy. The lord created them, I’m just sharing them.

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Mr. Ayo

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Mr. Ayo

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Mr. Ayo

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Mr. Ayo

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King Hippo

I say YES, because you always bring the angular ladies!

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Mr. Ayo

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Mr. Ayo

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BC Dick

O tan lines, my tan lines…

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Mr. Ayo

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Mr. Ayo

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Mr. Ayo

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Mr. Ayo

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Mr. Ayo

Spoiler: My pic of the week

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King Hippo

She likes naps TOO! We have so much in common!!

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Mr. Ayo

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Mr. Ayo

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Mr. Ayo

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Mr. Ayo

And 2 you have to work for because Internet Dad is a total prude.

h
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