REDACTEDS On the Road

DFOing Good

BrettFavresColonoscopy - December 7, 2016December 5, 2016

Scene: Exterior, late morning on a crisp, unseasonably warm December day in DC. An exciting weekend of football has been completed, as long as you can find "excitement" in missed field goals/extra points, a snowy Bears-49ers game that saw two NFL teams fail to complete a pass in the first quarter

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 58)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - December 2, 2016December 1, 2016

The scene: The Shop Till U Drop superstore, where the motto is,“It's cheaper to deal than steal!” The front of the store is in shambles. There's a yuuuge hole in the center of it and rubble is strewn everywhere. People are milling about. Police are on the scene, setting up

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 57)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - November 25, 2016November 24, 2016

The scene: The Door Flies Open clubhouse, where the DFOers are gathered for Thanksgiving. Beerguyrob is working the bar and chatting with King Hippo, Marc Trestmans Windowless Van and WCS, while Yeah Right, Teddy's Bridge Over Troubled Water and Rikki-Tikki-Deadly play video games on the big screen TV. Yeah Right:

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 56)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - November 18, 2016November 17, 2016

The scene: Future Moose's opulent (if virtual) bedchambers. Moose is there with Ballsofsteelandfury, who is in the virtual form of Future Clone Debbie Harry. Future Clone Lynda Carter is sitting on the bed, swinging a pillow and giggling. Future Moose: So you're sure the Man in Plaid is deactivated, Balls? Balls...?

It’s Here! The HRTN Poster is Here! OMG!!!

Beastmode Ate My Baby - November 14, 2016November 28, 2016

The scene: The DFO clubhouse, where Darkest Timeline Zach Morris has called a meeting. DTZM: All right, settle down, everyone. Now, I've called you all here to... Marc Trestmans Windowless Van (pulling a plastic car toy out of his box of Tootie-Frootie-O's): Whoa, man! I got a prize! OSZ: And yet another thing

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 55)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - November 11, 2016November 10, 2016

The scene: 150 million years ago. Early afternoon. Before lunch, but long enough after breakfast that you're getting peckish. You're thinking of those Diggler's Donuts in the break room, and wondering if it's worth the walk past Steve's cubicle to get one. I mean, Steve's an okay guy, but he

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 54)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - November 4, 2016November 3, 2016

The scene: Doktor Zymm's semi-secret laboratory in the DFO clubhouse. Doktor Zymm is wearing surgical magnifying glasses and working on the android body of Man in Plaid #2. She has a panel in his chest open, and is working carefully with a pair of delicate forceps, moving wires and making

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 53)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - October 28, 2016October 28, 2016

The scene: The Door Flies Open clubhouse, where Cookiethulhu has just pulled the Man in Plaid #2 out of his mouth in front of several semi-horrified DFOers. Well, DTZM looks horrified. As does WCS. Doktor Zymm looks strangely fascinated, Sill Bimmons is rubbing his chin and nodding solemnly and Ballsofsteelandfury

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 52)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - October 21, 2016October 20, 2016

A note to our loyal readers: Here at the busy offices of Hard Ride To Nowhere we're sure to read each and every piece of fan mail that comes across our desks. Over the past year the query we've most often come across is: Whatever happened to those two detectives?

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 51)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - October 14, 2016October 13, 2016

The scene: The Door Flies Open clubhouse. A meeting is in progress. In attendance are Darkest Timeline Zach Morris, Ballsofsteelandfury, WCS, Marc Trestmans Windowless Van, Sill Bimmons, Doktor Zymm and Cookiethulhu. They're sitting at a wooden table. It has the club logo in it. It's pretty cool. Hey, remember when

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 50)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - October 7, 2016October 6, 2016

The scene: Future Moose's bedchamber. It's still yuuuge. And Future Clone Debbie Harry is still pillow-fighting Future Clone Lynda Carter in a seemingly endless replay. Future Moose himself is searching the room, looking behind dressers and curtains. Future Clone Debbie Harry (hitting Future Clone Lynda Carter with a pillow): Tee-hee! Future Moose

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 49)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - September 30, 2016September 27, 2016

The scene: Wally's World of Waffles, where Future Clone Debbie Harry and PK are finishing off a 36-inch waffle. Granted, most of the ingestion was on PK's side of the table. And there are two empty syrup jars in front of him. And a few empty plates that once had