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It’s Here! The HRTN Poster is Here! OMG!!!

Beastmode Ate My Baby

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The scene: The DFO clubhouse, where Darkest Timeline Zach Morris has called a meeting.

DTZM: All right, settle down, everyone. Now, I’ve called you all here to…

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van (pulling a plastic car toy out of his box of Tootie-Frootie-O’s): Whoa, man! I got a prize!

OSZ: And yet another thing that will inevitably become a bong.

DTZM: Guys! If you could pay attention for a minute here, I just wanted to show you this…

DTZM unrolls the Hard Ride To Nowhere poster.

hrtn-poster-small

WCS: Hey, didn’t you commission that months ago?

DTZM: Yes, well, the designer has…issues…

Cut to: The club’s pool table. A figure is passed out beneath it. A pair of cowboy boots are sticking out, and there are several empty vodka bottles scattered around. Brocky is poking the figure with a stick as JJ Fozz, pool cue in hand, stands nearby looking irritated.

Brocky: Is he dead?

JJ Fozz: Who cares? It’s your shot, dumbass.

Cut to: The DFO meeting again. The DFO members are checking out the poster.

OSZ: This looks nice!

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van: Hey, like, where’s my name, man?

OSZ (pointing): Right there, Marc. It’s pretty hard to miss.

Horatio Cornblower (high-fiving Covalent Blonde’s index finger): Woo! Top line, baby! That’s what I’m talkin’ about!

Covalent Blonde: So, how can we get one of these?

DTZM: You can order one from Zazzle. They’re $26.95 plus shipping…

Ballsofsteelandfury: Seriously? My Star Wars poster was only, like, ten bucks!

DTZM (sighing): That’s because Disney can mass-market their posters, Balls. They can print off 100,000 of them without blinking and put them in every mall and big-box store in the world. This is print-on-demand…

Ballsofsteelandfury raises his hand.

DTZM (continuing): Which means each and every copy of the HRTN poster is printed individually.

Ballsofsteelandfury (turning his raised hand into a finger gun): Gotcha!

Covalent Blonde (to Ballsofsteelandfury): Star Wars poster…?

Ballsofsteelandfury: Ummm…it was for my niece…?

Covalent Blonde: Uh-huh. So, no folds in this thing…

DTZM: Zazzle shipped it in a triangular box made of heavy cardboard. It arrived in perfect shape. And Zazzle offers free shipping for ten bucks a year, which might come in handy since there’s going to be more HRTN merch.

OSZ: Really? That’s kinda cool…

DTZM: And he has the Digglers Donuts license, so he’s promised some fun stuff from that line as well.

Covalent Blonde (cracking knuckles): And trust me, he’s gonna keep that promise.

Doktor Zymm: Zo, how can ve get zis poster?

DTZM: That’s easy! Just follow this link…

Zombotronic

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van: Whoa! Like, how do we know that that doesn’t just take us to, like, underground fight videos, or naked Belgian chicks, man?

WCS (on his laptop, looking disappointed): It doesn’t. It’s really a Zazzle store.

DTZM: It’s all right, Marc. You can click the link.

Zombotronic

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van: Okay, man. Hey, do you wanna buy a toy car? It’s only, like, twenty-seven dollars, man…

OSZ: Marc, you’ve already turned it into a bong!

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van: I have? Oh, right, man. Sometimes I just do that without even thinking about it… Wanna buy a bong, man?

OSZ: I think I’d rather have a poster…

 

DTZM: Then just go here…

Zombotronic

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Romonobyl

*sniff* I thought after all these years, even those at the “other” place, I’d at least have made Key Grip or something (I won’t sink to Best boy, non-Austin Texans just don’t roll like that). Must be another one of those “Cowboys suck” things, don’t you agree Spur? What’s the team fandom equivalent of racism/sexism, et al?
Perhaps this will be reconsidered during the direct-to-pay-per-view (holy shit that’s a new hyphen record for me!) sequel. Otherwise, expect a tersely worded summons from this red state snowflake’s attorney.*
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*wanna go halvsies on the legal fees Spur? Funds are low, had all my money on the DNC.

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Beastmode Ate My Baby

DAMMIT! I knew I’d leave a few key names off. I did petition for names on the Google group…

OK, there will be a sequel poster (next year) so I’ll get some of the missing DFOers on that one.

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Romonobyl

I was jus’ keeding of course. If every regular commentor (still hard not to spell it the “other” way) was put on there it would have to be continued on reverse. I’m a member of the Google Group but haven’t gotten very involved yet, and I rarely participate off-season so I hardly qualify.
Pretty cool project, but I thought it was Hard “Ticket” to Nowhere?

/and I still think it’s an anti-Cowboy conspiracy. Wait till we build a wall around Arlington, and we’ll make Philadelphia pay for it!

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Porky Prime

Neat.

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Brocky

I saw the reviews numbered over 8000, and while I am not going to doubt this sites abilities to pull viewers, looks like they merged all of the posters together.

i’ll certainly have an order placed soon.

it’ll be a fun conversation starter.

and by fun i mean people will be looking at me weird.

so yeah a normal day in the brocky household.

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nomonkeyfun

Also, I am very happy to be the penultimate name listed, just so I can use the word penultimate twice in one sentence.

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litre_cola

Had just a shit day, then this! I will drink in this horrible town tonight! Yep back in Dumpsville, Canadia! 3rd week running, supposed to have been here 3 days. Thanks to you commentists for getting me through it.

/fuck Alshon jeffery with Barry Bonds steroid head

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

What percent of proceeds go toward inflating our share price?

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Beastmode Ate My Baby

Those records are…under review. But I’ll be sure to release them at a future date. Totally. Yup.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I’ve got a problem…when registering for Zazzle, they ask me if I’m at least 13 yrs or older. I don’t know if they mean chronologically or maturationally. The answer is not necessarily the same. This is stress I don’t need.
😉

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Beastmode Ate My Baby

It’s chronological, dude. You’re cool.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Hehe…thank goodness.
‘Tis ordered, btw. I’m all excited and shit.
But I do expect the artist to sign it for me at some future date, just so ya know.

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Beastmode Ate My Baby

Does spilling vodka on it count as a signature?

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Only if you share the vodka.
Cheers.

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Spanky Datass

IT’S REALLY HERE AND MY NAME’S ON IT!!!!1!!!
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nomonkeyfun

I think I’ll get the Horatio sized poster and put on the wall next to the bible quotes my boss puts up.
I think it will show some of the differences between the two of us.

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Beastmode Ate My Baby

Just some more quick info:

I answer down below as well, but the poster’s native 24×36 size looks great. Smaller should be no problem (although you’ll probably lose some of the tiny text at the smallest size). Bigger might pixellate…

The default poster paper that Zazzle prints on is a really nice quality.

No rpoblems with the shipping. They shipped in a triangular box, very solid cardboard, and wrapped butcher paper around the poster. I used the standard shipping and it got here in a few days (western U.S.). All you Cali-forneeans should get it really quickly.

Standard 24×36 poster frame works perfectly.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Don T

Finally, a GOOD reason to go to the Post Office.
/21 finger-guns salute

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“21 finger-guns salute”

THAT’S A LOT OF RESPECTFUL FINGERBLASTIN’!!

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Don T

Is there any other kind?

/picks nose, pinky out

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LemonJello

Not gonna lie; I had a little fanboy moment when I saw my internet name on the poster.

“LOOK MA! I’M SOMEBODY! SEE?”

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Me too; thankfully I was able to miss the keyboard…. the dog was NOT HAPPY THOUGH.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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entropy

My god that was funny.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

My dog; NOT AMUSED.

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blaxabbath

Will the XL version come out blurry?

Also, if you all want to be SMRT, one person should order a bunch and then you can call get them in the Vegas DFO get together. It’s a price conscious AND good for the environment.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

He makes a good point, except that I already ordered mine. The rest of you should totally do it, though.

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

And then we can all sign (draw penises on) each others, and prove to everyone that we are real and not just all figments of a Yeah Right flashback.

/Signs everyone’s poster as “Trent Green”

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SonOfSpam

“That’s funny…I sign everything with the name ‘L.O. Commander’”

– Trent Green

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

FINE!

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Beastmode Ate My Baby

I did the design at 24×36 in PhotoShop at 300dpi. The poster I ordered was the standard 24×36, and it looks perfect…text is super-clean, everything looks great. I’m guessing that getting one of the larger posters will lead to some pixellation and blur, unfortunately. The other sizes are mainly there in case someone wanted to get a smaller one (Imma looking at Zymm) but I saved the settings based on ratio rather than size, so it defaults to having the larger sizes as well.

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

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I see Michael’s has some decent frames for around $20 bucks. Gotta protect this beauty from any time traveling particles and seals that might be waiting back in the future. Er, forward in the future? Dok can explain this to me later.

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laserguru

Ordered and on the way!

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blaxabbath

Shut up and tell us how to put it in a casserole!

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Sharkbait

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jjfozz

Fuck the poster, I’m getting the entire graphic tattooed on my penis.

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blaxabbath

Tattoos.

Also known as a Baltimore Tuxedo.

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LemonJello

The tattoo artist:
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well, they do say you can get the whole bible on the head of a pin, so theoretically it IS possible.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Essentially LemonJello’s joke, just more pedantic.

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SonOfSpam

When will this be available as a unisex negligee?

Asking for a friend (points at penis).

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Beastmode Ate My Baby

SOOOOOOOOON!

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I haven’t been this excited about a product since I appeared in six consecutive editions of “Who’s Who Among American Football Fans”!

[whips out credit card]

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LemonJello

Welp, so much for TangerineJello’s college fund. I’ll be getting one for the office.

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The Maestro

It was my birthday yesterday – looks like I just ordered this year’s present to myself!! So excited for it to arrive. Fantastic work as always, Beastmode. Looking forward to continued zaniness.

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Senor Weaselo

You too? Birthday twinsies, high five!

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entropy

Yeah baby! That poster really is excellent, Beastmode. Well done. I’ll be ordering one shortly.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Blaxabbath has been doing a great job as Line Producer, especially considering the amount of work he has to do to keep up with our Line Consumer.

http://images.thehollywoodgossip.com/iu/s–6trg0F4U–/t_xlarge_p/f_auto,fl_lossy,q_75/v1404847387/johnny-manziel-rolls-bill.jpg

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entropy

There’s an Irish Pub in Flagstaff that has a shelf above the urinals ostensibly to place your drinks, but I have never seen it look like anything less than a powdered donut.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The term “powdered donut” did not have nearly as interesting a set of submissions on urbandictionary as I’d have expected.

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blaxabbath

Oh damn it! I literally saw the poster, saw my title, looked up this image,

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And then saw that the joke was already made.

We need some fresh comedy angles around here. I suggest bringing in some women.

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Horatio Cornblower

I’m sorry, where do I go to order this? I didn’t quite get it from the article.

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LemonJello

Just send me your credit card info and I’ll have one of my Nigerian princes place the order for you.

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litre_cola

Pooh, I am just waiting for his dowry to clear and then we are all laughing! Crazy that we know the same prince.

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LemonJello

It’s a small world after all!
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