Third Place Everton and Lamar! (Plus Other Minor Things Previewed)

King Hippo - September 17, 2016September 16, 2016

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Pictured is Ronald Koeman, in a rare smiling pose. Despite being unbeaten on the young season (with three wins on the bounce, after humiliating David Moyes on Monday Night Footy with some help from Big Rom), Big Ron is something of a perfectionist, always urging his players to strive

UEFA Euros Preview – Belgium

King Hippo - June 5, 2016June 4, 2016

As the above-pictured Romelu Lukaku (Everton WOO!!!!) goal may remind you, Belgium are the side that took out los Estados Unidos in the Round of Sixteen at the 2014 World Cup (aka, the last time fellow Evertonian Tim Howard wasn't a sack of monkeyshit). Unlike his Cutler-sulky Blues teammate

Foxy Footy’s Crowning Weekend? Plus Rounds 4-7!

King Hippo - April 30, 2016April 29, 2016

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As an Evertonian, I'm up early today mostly to boo. Plus I have to wake up kids and drive them around for various school-related shit. Parenting is hard, even half-assed single Dad parenting. Yes, our dear friends at Leicester City only need 3 points out of 9 (or Spurs

No Raging Semi FOAR the FA Cup No Mo (smh)

King Hippo - April 23, 2016April 22, 2016

Above is Ramiro Funes Mori, grabbing the badge. That's all well and good...except it's in the midst of a 4-nil loss to the Redshite, after getting a red card that will keep him out of the "Hail Mary" chance to save the lost season at Wembley Stadium today. Fuck.

FA Cup Quarterfinals/Abbreviated EPL Schedule Preview

King Hippo - March 12, 2016March 11, 2016

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Finally, there is no way around it. I have to talk about the FA Cup. We are now in the quarterfinal round, which is the last played outside London's Wembley Stadium (ie, the stage where Everton will feel they've accomplished something and shit the pitch). It's known as a

Pre-Super Bowl L EPL Super Happy Funtime Preview

King Hippo - February 6, 2016February 4, 2016

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Through the magic of Amazon, I recently acquired a new Everton fleece throw. Since its addition, the Toffees are 2-0 and have yet to concede (albeit against a shockingly shite League Two side in the FA Cup, and the Barcodes in the League). I can only hope neither

Everton/Swansea and Arsenal/Chelski Match Thread

Lesser Sports

King Hippo - January 24, 2016

Just something to tide you over until somebody else wakes up and starts loading some GET HYPE! material.

2016’s First EPL and JV Footy Saturday Preview

King Hippo - January 2, 2016January 1, 2016

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Did everybody enjoy all the shitty blowouts yesterday? That's not even counting those of you who encountered "day after" gastrointestinal distress ,, smgdh. Fortunately, this weekend shall never run out of teh footy, and the law of averages says SOME of it eventually has to be watchable...right? Aresnal opens

Welcome Back EPL Saturday! Preview

King Hippo - January 1, 2016January 15, 2016

As perhaps 2 or 3 Commentist Party members may have noticed, there was no Saturday morning thread last week, thanks to the Premier League taking the week off for FA Cup 3rd round action (i.e., the round when Premier League sides enter the tourney against what's left of various lower

I Have No Clever Title – EPL and JV NFL Open Saturday Thread (7 November)

King Hippo - November 7, 2015November 5, 2015

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Our calendars turn to November, and sleeping weather starts to kick in. Well, for those of us whose internal clocks allow such things. Enjoy your youth while you can, Commentist Party members under 35. It's like a 2x4 to the face when you wake up and it's