This isn’t Duchess’ Inferno. If anything I am Virgil, here to guide you on a tour… well o.k. probably I am more akin to Virgin since this is my first time.
First Circle (Limbo) – the Kommunity. Limbo is a place for people who would have had a great day/week had something bad not happen to them. Say a horrible injury during a game before they can get started. Needless to say, this spot has a standing reservation for RGIII. However, today this place is for us all. May we all find some way to find catharsis in the KSKocalyps. Thank you to Darkest Timeline Zach Morris for allowing me to get mine.
Second Circle (Lust) – Tom Brady’s Broken Phone. The last time an incident with a phone spurred this many comments and controversy it was nicknamed the Fappening.
Third Circle (Gluttony) – Sheldon Richardson. You know it wouldn’t be a 9 circles if it didn’t have at least one Jet player Jetting it up. 143 MPH? I guess we should just be happy that a public figure got pulled over with a 12 yr old in his car and nothing too bad happened.
Fourth Circle (Greed) – Russell Wilson’s windfall. I am not saying Russell Wilson doesn’t deserve to get paid, he does, but $60MM guaranteed? That is “Call it a day, sit back like your name is Kaepernick” money.
Fifth Circle (Anger) – Pats fans… #Ballgahzi
Sixth Circle (Heresy) – Peter King. Seriously, this guy reported Russell Wilsons contract signing by saying it was “A smidge less than Aaron Rodgers”. Smidge? Who writes this stuff? Peter, if the word Smidge could talk he would tell you he is embarrassed to be associated with that tweet.
Seventh Circle (Violence) -… I just beg you not to read any PFT comments about Jen Welter.
Eight Circle (Fraud) – Redskin’s PR Department. I don’t know how you are going to try to spin signing Galette. “We think he will go after the Quarterback with as much intensity and ferocity as he did that woman on the beach.”
Ninth Circle (Treachery) – Goodell Uproxx. Yesterday, I was pissed about the banning of Sill and was thinking that at least KSK was still in existence. Then today, like many here, I felt like my dog got run over and the neighbor kid kicked me in the shin all while getting hit in the balls with a baseball. I don’t want to turn this into a TWIFY. I just want Uproxx to know that for now they are worse than Goodell.