THE 9 CIRCLES OF LEASTS

Duchess
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This isn’t Duchess’ Inferno. If anything I am Virgil, here to guide you on a tour… well o.k. probably I am more akin to Virgin since this is my first time.

First Circle (Limbo) – the Kommunity. Limbo is a place for people who would have had a great day/week had something bad not happen to them. Say a horrible injury during a game before they can get started. Needless to say, this spot has a standing reservation for RGIII. However, today this place is for us all. May we all find some way to find catharsis in the KSKocalyps. Thank you to Darkest Timeline Zach Morris for allowing me to get mine.

Second Circle (Lust) –  Tom Brady’s Broken Phone. The last time an incident with a phone spurred this many comments and controversy it was nicknamed the Fappening.

Third Circle (Gluttony) – Sheldon Richardson. You know it wouldn’t be a 9 circles if it didn’t have at least one Jet player Jetting it up. 143 MPH? I guess we should just be happy that a public figure got pulled over with a 12 yr old in his car and nothing too bad happened.

Fourth Circle (Greed) – Russell Wilson’s windfall. I am not saying Russell Wilson doesn’t deserve to get paid, he does, but $60MM guaranteed? That is “Call it a day, sit back like your name is Kaepernick” money.

Fifth Circle (Anger) – Pats fans… #Ballgahzi

Sixth Circle (Heresy) – Peter King. Seriously, this guy reported Russell Wilsons contract signing by saying it was “A smidge less than Aaron Rodgers”. Smidge? Who writes this stuff? Peter, if the word Smidge could talk he would tell you he is embarrassed to be associated with that tweet.

Seventh Circle (Violence) -… I just beg you not to read any PFT comments about Jen Welter.

Eight Circle (Fraud) – Redskin’s PR Department. I don’t know how you are going to try to spin signing Galette. “We think he will go after the Quarterback with as much intensity and ferocity as he did that woman on the beach.”

Ninth Circle (Treachery)Goodell  Uproxx. Yesterday, I was pissed about the banning of Sill and was thinking that at least KSK was still in existence. Then today, like many here, I felt like my dog got run over and the neighbor kid kicked me in the shin all while getting hit in the balls with a baseball. I don’t want to turn this into a TWIFY. I just want Uproxx to know that for now they are worse than Goodell.

In closing

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Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

So we got these going for us.

Which is nice.

Sep

THAT’S how you hustle on this, our most infamous day!

/slaps Duchess’ ass, hard

His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly
Martin

Corgi Friday may return, but that’s not my department.

laserguru

I’ve always loved these.
Nice job, Duchess.

trollsoharduniversity

Those bastards went to Ape’s goodbye post and unlinked to the reprint of the banned budlightghazi post. Fuckers.

Also, anytime I posted “FREE SILL BIMMONS” in the komments, it never got posted.

Hint: kommenting “FREE SILL” and then replying “BIMMONS” will get through

His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

Anyone still going to visit Film Drunk? It’s still a quality site.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I’ll read Vince’s reviews, but that’s it.

Croooow
Croooow

What would be the worst of the bunch? Warming Glow?

His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

Since Ufford left, it deteriorated rapidly. Kurp just doesn’t have it and Rowles just pulls shit out of his ass. Only one worth a damn is Danger.

Wakezilla

Oh it’s Warming Glow and it’s not even close. However, if Uproxx Sports is actually supposed to be a sports site and it just killed KSK, I might have to reconsider. The sports coverage on Uproxx Sports is atrocious.

Horatio Cornblower

Warming Glow is useful only for the comments on shows like True Detective or Sons of Anarchy, where everyone hates on Dustin. Other than that it’s a shithole.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Yeah, other than Vince’s reviews it’s kinda rough. This Week in Posters, You’ll Never Guess Who Is Joining the Cast of X, and Porn Is Respectable We Swear

ballsofsteelandfury

But it IS respectable!

Door_Matt
Door_Matt

I will say, for the record, that I did defend UPROXX during the Commeghazi scandal when it first broke. Some guy seemed like he was hot taeking about a comment getting deleted, and I trolled him… Turns out I was the one who got trolled!

THANKS FOR NOTHING UPROXX!

SurlyDuff
SurlyDuff

Redskin’s PR Department. I don’t know how you are going to try to spin signing Galette

Snyder was really impressed by how he dealt with the local natives.

Smithchez
Smithchez

I’ve been told this is a proper place to make dick jokes. Hopefully I was not misinformed. With my sadness over the events of this morning, combined with saying goodbye to KSK as we know it, I felt a username change was in order. And what better name to represent Jets fans than a chimera of shitty quarterbacks.

As for the post, very well done, Duchess. It takes a massive fuckup to knock his high holy gingerness out of that treachery spot.

WCS

Genochise! Our power grows stronger by the day!

Door_Matt
Door_Matt

I think if you were to have a crowd chant that in a stadium you might thing they’re shouting genocide… Which would be totally worth hearing the TV announcers try to deal with it.

Smithchez
Smithchez

Luckily that’s way too long of a word for the average Jet fan to spell out loud.

laserguru

Damn glad you made it. Welcome!

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Me rikey.

ballsofsteelandfury

Awesome work! I’m so glad to have these here. They were some of my favorite komments to read. I hope you keep these up on a weekly basis. At the very least as a recap of the week that was.

Old School Zero

Went to an Uproxx Sports post about Tebow and typed in “GET FUCKED”. Went back a few minutes later and it’s been deleted.

Cowards.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

You forgot to add #TOTINO’SPIZZAROLLS

makeitsnowondem

“Look, I don’t know how many times I’ve explained this…”

— Tim Tebow

Old School Zero

oh goddamnit

WCS

Sure, this was written about Reagan/Bush I, but, the lyrics could just as easily be applied to Uproxx right now. #UpForWhatever

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Always preferred this one: