Your Rockin’ Friday Night Football Open Thread

CALLOOH! CALLAY! IT’S GAME DAY!  Twas brillig this week wasn’t it? Tell me about it. Anyway,  tonight we should see actual starters for a dad gum whole half, maybe. Come the 4th quarter of the third game we usually get “pity play”. Those guys that have little to no chance at making the squad get thrown out there for a series or two as thanks for being human tackling dummies for their far more physically gifted superiors. Don’t forget to bring your playbook the next (first?) time the coach wants to see you.

N.E. at Carolina: Despite what I just said above, Bellichick most likely won’t be playing Gronk or Edelman. There are extenuating circumstances however-Gronk hasn’t finished his drink yet and Edelman is practising sitting out for his inevitable “concussion-like symptoms” that will manifest themselves at some point in the season. Brandon Gibson gave the gift of a torn ACL so that Aaron Dobson could wear a Pats jersey for a wee bit longer. Hey! I’ve got an idea! Let’s watch Reggie Wayne run around and try not to throw up all over himself at the thought of where his life choices have led him! Word is that the stinking Pats have put together a talented and deep defensive line that will wreak havoc this year. That’s just what I wanted to hear…

There’s a big rb battle going on between the likes of Brandon Wegher, Fozzy Whittaker, Cameron Artis-Payne and Jordan Todman. Wegher has scored a td in the pre season and apparently has a nose for the end zone. He’s in the lead right now. It’s Joe Webb time again! With Benjamin gone it becomes absolutely essential that Greg Olsen stay healthy. I’m thinking that Newton and his te do a season-long Chang and Eng impression. Derek Anderson is only 32? I had him at 38 or so. I guess being an almost-was ages people in my mind.

Detroit at Jax: If anyone should get a Chunky Soup spot it should be Stafford, right? Ameer Abdullah, a rook out of Nebraska is impressing everyone to the point that he has inserted himself into a RBBC with Joique Bell. Good for him. Joique is under-rated in my mind. He makes the most of his opportunities when Chunk’s arm needs a rest. Who will fill the enormous void that Dirty Sue left on the Lions line? My guess? No one. I’m also guessing that Mr. Budget, Ryan Broyles gets cut this fall. He’s slower than recovery from major brain surgery. Also, Dan Orlovsky!

I’m curious to see if Bortles comes to realize what a great safety valve new addition Julius Thomas could be. The Jax receiving corps is young and under-valued. Hurns, Robinson, Lee and Blackmon can all do damage so now it’s just a matter of consistency. T.Y. Yeldon gets his first start tonight ’cause Gerhart has a stomach thingy. Them rookie rb’s is all kinds of sexy these days. The O seems to be in a good spot (looks at O-line roster) ahhhhhhhh. There you go.

Tennessee at K.C.: The guy I figger is gonna take Bishop Sankey’s job, David Cobb, is out tonight. Oh well. Sankey runs like a wounded hooker-trust me, I know. So get ready for tons of Antonio Andrews, folks. He was a member of the Brat Pack, wasn’t he? Where, oh where is LenDale White when you need him? Mariota looked okay last week in limited time simply by not being panicky when things didn’t go exactly as planned. That seems to be half the battle as a rook qb. I’m betting McCluster doesn’t make the 53 man roster. Tennessee is high on Dorial Green-Beckham who hasn’t played in two years. He’s been holding his own while playing with the 1’s.

Alex Smith’s fave tune? “Tiny Bubbles”. Go figure. The Chiefs are doing their best to lift the Titans. There are 8 ex-Chiefs on the Titans squad. I’m guessing we’ll see plenty of Chase “King O’ The Pre-Season” Daniels tonight. Charcandrick! Tight end Kelce is supposed to bust open this year as he did well towards the end of the year. I recognize the names Poe, Hali and Berry on the defensive roster and not much else. That doesn’t mean very much yet I thought it was important to mention.

 

Let’s drink.

 

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Wakezilla

You want to have your quarterback look good in the red zone. Have Blake throw a slant pass here.

Doktor Zymm

Bortles chortles

Doktor Zymm

HAHAHAHA. This would be way funnier if it was a real game though. So…Jags win the superbowl?

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Language!

makeitsnowondem

Gonna go ahead and pimp my (hopefully) 20-team fantasy league here, since I’m still seven managers short. 1QB 3WR 2RB 1TE 1W/R/T 1Q/W/R/T 1K 1D/ST 1IDP. We will all be scraping the very bottom of the waiver wire on a regular basis. Respond and I’ll email you the link.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

My wife was bouncing it off a friend of hers, if that’s cool.

I’d bounce it off my friends, but you guys all know about it already.

makeitsnowondem

It’s absolutely cool. Any friend of your wife’s is an acceptable fantasy manager of mine.

blordinaryfagicmox

Hoo-urns!

makeitsnowondem

Good job punting inside the 40. Jesus.

Senor Weaselo

Seriously? It’s the preseason, there’s no risk, go crazy!

makeitsnowondem

Lions gon Lions.

Wakezilla

Counter-point: The guys fighting for a spot are going to do it based on their special teams play. So it makes more sense to see what they do there?

makeitsnowondem

Trouble is: You’re probably going to punt into the end zone, rendering all their efforts meaningless.

Wakezilla

Hurray for the weekend! Finally, we can all sit back, relax and let it all hang out

http://www.boobsrealm.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/leanne_Crowher-huge-tits-bus-open-her-shirt.gif

I think I might lift some weights tonight

http://i.imgur.com/rUNw2AT.gif

then do some squats while watching the games this weekend

http://giant.gfycat.com/OblongOrdinaryKissingbug.gif

Doktor Zymm

A PENNY IS LARGER THAN A DIME AND THEREFORE EASIER TO STOP ON!

Doktor Zymm

This week has been blowtastic. I had a “If you talk to me I will stab you with a rusty fork, but only in my imagination because I adhere to a social imperative to be polite no matter how shitty I’m feeling” headache when I got home, but a bottle of prosecco, some whiskey and some fantastic empanadas has put me in a much better football watching mood.

Why Thank You Eddie

My english not to good. You are welcome to me.

blaxabbath

Empanadas from where?

Doktor Zymm

Empanadus

Why Thank You Eddie

/pushes door open slightly/ How are you doing, fellas?

Wakezilla

The good: My doctor is a female who is a very pretty late 30 something year old who was messing around with my junk today.

The bad: I need to go into physiotherapy to rehab my groin. Also, I got stung by a wasp in the hand yesterday and it’s still swollen as shit and hurts.

Doktor Zymm

Youch. Good luck.

Doktor Zymm

WTF? When in the last many years did Randy Moss get a haircut?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

B. Bortles looking surprisingly competent.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Doktor Zymm

TD JAGURAS.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

They win the pre-season!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[check calendar]

[moves Mary Kate Olsen down in his fantasy ratings]

– Mark Sanchez, 2004

makeitsnowondem

Top TEs in Worst. League. Ever.:

1. Rob Gronkowski
2. JJ Watt
3. Greg Olsen

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Gentlemen. I see we have returned to our ways of of yore…alcohol, bad football and dick jokes.

Why Thank You Eddie

Days of yore..yore mama!

/lifts leg to pass gas

makeitsnowondem

These are for you, McNulty OSZ.

comment image

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

He would have been a fan of Billy “White Shoes” Johnson if the man hadn’t been such a showoff.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That made me laugh.

blordinaryfagicmox

Why doesnt she just roll off the tracks? Shed still be tied up but at least out of the way of the train.

Senor Weaselo

Whoa, Miracle Whip? Isn’t that a bit zesty for Flacco?

makeitsnowondem

Loving the banner picture of The End of History. I used that image as my laptop wallpaper back in law school. Never actually got to drink one, though.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

I’m a shareholder in BrewDog. Never got to try End of History, but Tactical Nuclear Penguin and Sink the Bismark were definitive highlights of my drinking career.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Tammiception!

Defensive Back Mike Wallace
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You guys, I figured out Bible Man’s secret identity! It’s Derrick Rose!

The Commentist Party

If anybody is disappointed they’re not broadcasting the Patriots-Panthers game, don’t be. It’s five minutes in and there have already been three punts and zero first downs.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Wow. Firstrowsports has gotten SUPER ad-filled.

Lothar of the Hill People

Yeah, I can’t imagine how anyone can use it without an adblocker.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

and a condom.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Where, oh where is LenDale White when you need him?

Have you checked with Captain Boomer of the Samuel Enderby, or Captain de Deer of the Jungfrau ?

Brick Meathook

And what channel are these theoretical “games” being broadcast?

I’m going through my DirecTV app on my iPad air here in my cell in county lock-up and fuck all if I can find anything on the 1200 channels I subscribe to on a credit card number I got from a website in Estonia.

I did find the CFL Toronto vs Edmonton game on ESPN, high school football, and something called “High Tech Rednecks,” which sounds vaguely amusing. But no NFL unless I missed something obvious.

I was framed in case you were wondering, not that anybody cares. Oh well, it’s not so bad.

Brick Meathook

OK wow, CBS is pretty obvious. It was a little TOO obvious, obviously.

Love to chat but Friday is chili night and it’s pretty good.

...

I actually LOL’d at the Stafford Chunky soup line.

Henceforth, Stafford shall be known as “Chunk.”

SonOfSpam

But then we’ll get confused when McNabb blows Chunks.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Senor Weaselo

I refuse to believe the phrase “Gronk hasn’t finished his drink yet” has ever been uttered. Along with “Gronk’s taking it easy tonight, he’s the DD.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

He’s smiling NOW.

Senor Weaselo

That’s considered one drink for him, right?

Changlorious Basterd

Hmm, I’ve been away for a week or so and now my GIF’s won’t post properly

Senor Weaselo

Dave Franco is dead to us all.

American Pie Story

Happy Fucking Friday indeed.

How the fuck ya doin’?!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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American Pie Story

No walk ins?

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