That was a great day, wasn’t it? Remember when that guy scored? I didn’t think it would happen. But that guy that got injured-that was a bad break. But at least the home team won, right? And the cheerleaders, oh the cheerleaders! That rookie is going to be something special, isn’t he? But that vet-I thought he was going to be okay but it’s obvious the years have taken their toll. And that team that is 1-0? Who could have seen that coming? So much to discuss at the water cooler tomorrow!
NYG vs Dal: Hey Romo, here’s your early Xmas present-Giants starting safeties Brandon Collins (a rookie) and Cooper Taylor ( I assume he is a developmentally-challenged hobo that hides in a shopping cart when on the sidelines). If the Cowboys D falters a bit we may get a shoot-out but the talent levels between these teams is significant. Eli likes turtles.
Honest question…what kind of scandal involving football would be required to get you to swear off the sport?
I’m thinking ritualistic cannibalism. Or FIFA level corruption.
They start prosecuting football gamblers.
Simmons gets named commissioner might do it for me.
NO ONE UNDASTANDS OWAH ADMINISTRATIVE DUTIESSSS
Like, football as a whole? I mean, if I had to wear pants maybe
I honestly can’t think of anything these assholes could do to make me think less of them.
Definitive proof that routine, non-concussive head trauma leads to long-term degenerative effects.
Sad thing is, we’re almost there.
FIFA level corruption getting exposed, which, to be honest, I think we’re not that far off from seeing. But it’ll be the Feds who uncover the scandal.
Making Trump commissioner
Charles Haley’s penis becomes commish.
There’s nothing. There’s literally nothing. If I didn’t quit last year, I never will.
Quick math has the Cowboys winning 15-0?
Fuck it. Score’s a score. Here’s Sarah Shahi. Bonus: She was a Cowboys cheerleader.
http://36.media.tumblr.com/07170032eed8ec54c555131bd9779e6b/tumblr_nsivfbIKun1uq3x5lo1_1280.jpg
Dude, that’s scary
And lo, after the 7th second, Mike rested
g-string made out of Nate Newton’s ballsac
She looks airplane friendly.
I take the 3 points gladly.
Just a field goal. My nipples are atwitter, but still wanting more FUCK DALLAS
Your nipples are on twitter? Like, in a picture, or do they have their own account(s)?
I hope they don’t have their own account, I would like to think I knew where they were when they’re hard enough to type.
Two accounts, but the Left is more political than the Right.
Dez could have gotten higher on that jump if JERRAH didn’t have that sponsor weighing him down
Why is it so loud? Cowboys fans are idiots.
How funny, we have a Suicide Girl on the avatar, and if Dallas loses they’ll be the Suicide ‘Boys.
How we doin?
Bad heartburn tonight. The Dragon’s Milk didn’t help. Thanks for asking. You?
Here is your Austin Collie update:
He’s still pretty underwhelming. Now he’s catching passes from John Beck, who constantly does stuff to make me wonder how the shit he was ever considered good enough to play in the NFL.
This has been your Austin Collie update.
Eli’s gonna be one of those guys who looks 13 years old until he’s about 60, and then he’s gonna shrivel up like a prune and look like death.
So, this:
Holy fuck, is that an un-doctored picture?
Yes.
It’s clearly doctored, he’s wearing a band aid
“Hello, I’m Eli Manning”
“And I’m out of control gyrating on Santa Clause’ lap Eli Manning….”
My god that’s incredible. Well done, sir.
Hello, I’m Eli Manning
“And I’m Aryan Nation Eli Manning…”
Cmon boys, stretch this drive to the 1st quarter break!
I know it’s really too early in the season for Romonobyl, but I still want disaster for ol’ Tony.
Never too early.
Steve mariuchi is worried the Cowboys are gonna score too fast.
Steve Mariachi is worried the night is gonna end too fast.
gah
The NFL would be better if all the QB’s had to get geeked up on mushrooms before every game.
Finally an NFL where Johnny Football could succeed
They tried that. The experiment was called Matt Leinart
Hey! Trojan QBs know it’s best to snort a mountain of coke before games.
The buttfumble was because Sanchez thought he could run through his lineman.
It would certainly improve the post game interviews.
Wheel! Of! Hallucinogens!
Jameis Winston prefers smoking crabs.
/gently pushes door open/
Good evening chaps
Assless chaps!
What up Colonel
Eli looks like JPP gave him a new coloring book, but kept the crayons.
He’s hoping he can graft one of the crayons to his hand
… and then Eli ate too much paste.
Look at Eli’s stubble! I hope they show him “Am I Normal” this year at middle school.
He has to finish “Everybody Poops” 1st
Elk looks like JPP gave him a new coloring book, but kept the crayons.
Cowboys got their Jewkah from a Corpus Christi trailer park.
When much longer does Coughlin need to coach in order for his pension to vest?
He’s going to be one hell of a Walmart greeter
Doesn’t matter, they all seem to die two days before retirement.
His pension vest is composed of non-primary colours, of course.
“Squirting to the outside” is just a courteous thing to do, imo
Or just give a tap on the shoulder first
Grit catch
Gym rat
1st one in, last one out
Witten is sunburned as hell. Rub that on the turf.
That’s Cabo for ya!
Any word on what the Sims injury was? Not my team, but hate to see a man in that much pain.
Just shove him forward five more yards, Giants. Jesus fuck
“Giants” as in “giant defensive deficiencies”?
So are the 50-yard lines on all the NFL fields now marked in gold because that’s where PATs will be attempted from?
NBA Jam style point multipliers, I assume
Is there a hot zone?
SB 50
Yeah, I need him to destroy my fave team so that I can win the fantasy.
What’s up, jerks?
Well the jerk store called; and they’re all out of you
/yes I am as bald as George
Really need Randle to run like he stole some undergarments. Just gotta hope with a guy like this that he doesn’t also shit himself. ALLEGEDLY
Bears gonna eat the children.
Shut the fuck up Collinsworth.
+1 kotw
After the end of the 3rd quarter, when the Giants players hold up four fingers, it’ll be a tribute to JPP, not a gesture to finish strong in the 4th quarter.
Remember when NFL drama was Amukamura getting dunked in the cold tub? Ahh, the innocent horrible hijinks of the past.
bears gonna eat the children
EEEWWWW! The zombies just keep getting more disgusting!
Oh, never mind, just Jerry Jones.
Cromartie already has kids playing in the NFL?
Cromarties momma plays the NFL.
He’s established his own cadet branches, the Habsburgs would be proud.
Tony Romo wearing an NFL hat is the worst.
Vinovich is reffing the SNF opener? Sorry in advance to whichever team’s getting fucked, but someone’s getting fucked.
fumble?
I’m finally back from the woods after 4 days! HOW THE FUCK YOU DOIN’, BOYS?
LET’S ALL POINT CAUSE WE ASSHOLES
Chris Collinsworth, a guy who tripped and stumbled his way across a football field during the 80’s like a baby giraffe with Parkinson’s disease is now the Howard fuckin Cosell of this generation.
Too bad he wasn’t as good at breaking tackles as he is at breaking eardrums or he’d be dipped in bronze right now.
Oddly, he’s worshipped in Cincinnati. I guess when it’s Cincinnati, you take what you can get for heroes.
You see what they eat for chili; clearly they have poor taste
There was only one good white receiver in the 80’s and Steve Largent was one of them
“Not Caring One Iota, For Mariota” seems to have been a better strategy than “Packin’ It In, For Winston”
If ever there were a night for a tornado to rip through a crowded event
/politely opens door
How are we doing Boys and Girls
Thank you for coming, please have a seat and hate the Cowboys with us would you?
Subway: We’re just your friendly neighborhood sandwich makers and are in no way interested in diddling your kids. Please believe us. Please?
Sub shops are pretty much a lose-lose. You skip Subway for Jimmy John’s? Jimmy John is an asshole who makes the Cecil-killing dentist look like an amateur.
I hope you guys don’t mind Fear the Walking Dead spoilers.
Zombies ate somebody on that show tonight
Not at all. Mainly because I can’t be bothered to watch it.
My wife decided she liked it and I hate the Cowboys and Giants, so…
Time for the Cowboys to start of a new streak of going 8-8, picking a team to root for as a kid is a bad idea
If I went with who I liked as a kid, I would be a Colts fan or a Broncos fan, cause they named after horses.