I don’t know about you but it looks like an absolutely beautiful fall day out there. A great day to work in the yard, as a matter of fact. But I won’t be doing that AT ALL. Because of the football, you see. Glorious, glorious games with frothing at the mouth giants trying to disembowel some other guy because he prefers to wear a uniform with a different colour on it. Existential, huh? No? Well, umm, here are the games…
Det vs SD: Melvin Gordon makes his debut against last year’s best rushing defense. Sure there are Suh pieces missing but Melvin [giggles quietly to himself] has some work to do. Welcome to the NFL buddy. These teams rarely play each other so that’s important. The Bolts have 8-8 written all over them.
Ten at TB: I can only assume that this will be the featured game because the NFL is a stupidhead. Titans! Bucs! Oh My! Mariota begins the massive uphill struggle that is getting acclimated to the whys, wherefores and whatchamacallits of the pro game. Evans plans to play but if he’s a no-go don’t blame me for starting him in fantasy. (hamstrings are a such dicey thing with wideouts) Winston gets the start and I miss Giraffe already.
Cin at Oak: This one is for all the chili that you can pour over Ramen noodles. Hey, we’re on a budget! The dangerous (to himself) Dalton has quality help in Green and Hill and he’ll need it because it looks like Khalil Mack is the second coming of [insert name of your favourite defensive player here]. Cincy has never won in Oakland-they’re 0-9.
Bal at Den: This here is the feature game for the 4:25(?) slot. E.S.T. RULES! Apparently the Broncs are dialing it back on O because Peyton can’t feel his fingers or somesuch. I don’t get what the big deal is, I hardly have any feelings at all and I’m fine. Although CJ is a fine back the Ravens are always quite stuffy on D so we’ll see where that goes. Smith, Sr., just get this year over with so that you can get into the booth and be the most interesting talking head since David Byrne.
NO vs Ari: Carson is back! Fans are hoping that last year’s surprising-est team (9 games in) that flew under most folks radar is back and that the window to glory is still open. On paper that seems to be the case. On the other side, Brees has to adjust to the loss of Graham, an aging Colston and the addition of Spiller. Regarding Spiller, and I never get tired of saying this, “He can’t run between the tackles!”. I think Brees will manage just fine with these new variables. If his arm was chewing gum I’d say that there’s still some flavour left. Not sure about that D though…
Arians ready to spike his inside Oakleys on that penalty.
No horsecollar, just a beautiful, bonecrushing tackle.
NOW LET’S GET BACK IN LONG FG RANGE, MEN!!
I just want to post this.
http://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s–HrOvRWZK–/c_fit,fl_progressive,q_80,w_636/1427816224405593521.jpg
“When father says the trust fund is being withheld until you clean the yacht.”
— best tweet I read as a caption
Flacco almost got snapped in half.
ELITESACK
Jameis Winston makes poor decisions? WHO KNEW
He’s basically Lenny from Of Mice and Men. But rapey.
Ooh making literary references, how sexy
Which QB is Tampa Bay going to take with the first overall pick next year?
One of the Magnums?
HACKenberg
How the fuck you doin’ boys?!
7.9/10.
And thank you for asking!
Fuckin’ great.
Still sober.
Shoot Jeeem and Phil into the sun.
I’m opposed to allowing Jeem and Pheel anything to do with something as important as the Sun. We should shoot them into the Kuiper Belt.
When does Payton Manning find time for the footballing?
So TB…..back to back 1st overall picks?
You know what’s a really good idea? Drink a bunch of beers and then go light a fire.
Woo-hoo it’s grilling time.
Door Flies Open?
Cheryl/Carol agrees with the drinking and lighting fires part.
In your skilled and practiced hands, I am positive it is a wonderful choice!
I wish Iloka would’ve dropped a big T bag, he missed a premier opportunity there
I have no idea what a good fantasy score is in these leagues. So. Many. Players.
It’s looking like 130 will usually be good for a win the first few weeks in my league. That’s going to drop a lot as stars get hurt, though.
No, no, Blax. Our commish misspoke. He meant to say that if you break 100 you are clearly an adroit FF god and will be crowned champion forever…. oh god my team is so bad…
And that’s my first “Fuck you, Phil Simms” of the season.
Big Bang Theory premiere on the 21st of September fellas. Bazingas! for everyone.
¡AGNIZAB!
They’re nerds, you guys.
Long-ass FG time again!
Jameis Winston is the 2nd TB rookie quarterback to throw a pick six on his first attempt.
I usually hate those little trivia overlays, but I love that one so much.
He’s continuing the tradition of shitty ex-FSU QBs.
Dear GOD MANNING’S forehead continues its retreat from his face…
I hate myself for enjoying the direct TV high pitched Peyton commercial the first 5 times I saw it :/
So what game is Goodell at this week?
Of Thrones
The one where people have hunger.
Broncos, Ravens and now Zebras going down. Sports Authority Stadium just turned into The Serengeti Plain.
Where’s Walter Palmer?!
When am I going to start getting pressured by the NFL to go to Jared and lease a Lexus for Christmas?
Halloween
After watching the new series, Code Black, this Fall on CBS
During tonight’s game.
I don’t know if Jared has a Lexus…but I heard his Econoline van is available!
Aren’t you a little old for Jared?
Ref down, we have a ref down.
As long as it’s not sassy ref. My life would be over.
Where is that broad refing this week? Guessing MNF?
He was at browns/jets
REF DOWN! REF DOWN!
Should’ve been you, Bill Vinovich.
This is what we practiced for in the preseason!
http://i.imgur.com/7drHiqr.gif
We have a dead zebra on the field.
That asshole dentist strikes again!
Who needs a fullback when you got a backup center?
That was the slowest explosive play I’ve seen in a while.
Strong taek: Mariota might be good.
Fells is just big.
This Titans/Bucs game is fucking awesome
That’ll make my list of unexpected comments.
TBH, mostly because i did a year at Oregon and Jameis is fucking up
http://i61.tinypic.com/6o2x3r.jpg
Guys I just wanted share the reason I couldn’t drink for A WHOLE SEASON
That’s alot to live up to!!
D’AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW Loogit the baby!
Very nice! Good luck! So far things are looking good for you!
So early. The Ging generally shits his pants halfway through the 3rd quarter
Outstanding
Too cute! (Oh, the baby as well.)
That’s borderline child abuse.
Is that you? The one on the left, I mean.
Indeed, having trouble reaching the keyboard though :/
That lovely, lovely child, already cursed to be a Bengals fan.
KotW
Von Miller just put an elite indentation in the turf.
WOO!!!
Oh yes the always delightful commercial break followed by kickoff for touch back followed by commercial break.
Dear NFL it’s not the product that the rest of the world doesn’t appreciate, it’s the fucking commercials. I would pay extra just to save a few brain cells if you would stop shoving commercials up our asses.
Thank you for your time.
Taking the GF to the Cards Week 3 game vs 49ers. We’re watching today and trying to pick out which player should be her favorite. After she passed on Fitz, I just suggested she get a pink Leinart jersey.
Conrad Dobler
Marmalardception…what, huh, fuck you
Can’t trade that dude either!
Amateur here, how do I post a photo?
Image location should work
TESTING…
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_VyjsgY-iYE8/TUIuForcfYI/AAAAAAAAAH4/D3gDvf7h-LE/s400/81iY-dkUBpL__SL1500_.jpg
A link should usually auto embed, but ot depends on the source.
Also, check that the link ends in a .jpg, etc.
It usually starts with performing a bizarre sexual favor for a Moderator…
Make sure that the link ends with the image file – http://www.example.com/shittychili.jpg for example.
Do comments disappear off the deep end after a while?
Maybe Aldon Smith comments.
They disappear behind an arrow that says “older comments”.
Laserface just threw a derpception and Detroit is up by 10
Whoever called that play needs to be beaten. That’s twice now they’ve thrown on third and short.
Frank Reich/Mike McCoy is an idiot.
Other team: Some
Raiders: 0
WHERE IS THE PARODY!?
I don’t know much…but I know the guy from Empire is in jail.
I think he got in trouble for letting the dogs out.
So it was him!
Year of the Kicker.
where is my panic button?
YAY, kicker!!!
Holy fuck, it’s like the Chargers are trying to give the game to the Lions.
Missing that throw is very worrisome.
Well, his arm strength’s evidently okay.
Fuck it. I’ve given the zantac half an hour. I think I can start drinking now.
Dragon’s Milk at 11% ABV should be safe on my touchy stomach, right?
It’s a very mild 11%. Love that beer.
So do the Saints pay whatshisfaceholdout now?
Seahawks. Whatever.
Fuck it all.
Doubt it. Paul Allen has drawn the line.
Fuck – I hope the Rams aren’t for real this year.
They were looking pretty good. TOUGH defense, and Foles looked decent (and durable) at QB.
So, do you think improves Chancellor’s chances of signing?
Christ – if the Ram’s defense actually hits its potential…well, they still won’t make the playoffs but the Cards/Hawks will be destroyed before their first post-season games.
Dear god I hate being able to hear Pey Pey ramble on and fucking on at the line.
OMaha?
Kvetch kvetch stoopid Seahawks grumble grumble.
With that out of the way, how the hell is everyone today?
Not nearly drunk enough.
You guys, I love Emmanuel Sanders so much.
Quite the upgrade over Decker/Welkah.
Winston’s first career pass is a pick six? Sweet, sweet karma.
Oh, damn. I bet you Lovie almost showed some emotion on that one.