Your Week 2 Early Slate of Games Open Thread

Ten mother-lovin’ games? Better get to work…

Car @ Hou: The Hoyer Era lasted a wee bit shorter than the length of one football game. Congrats coaching staff, no matter who you play at QB going forward you’ll have to answer a boatload of questions about the guy you didn’t start. Kuechly’ (no matter how you spell it, it looks wrong) is out today but the Panther D shouldn’t have much of a problem against the Texans. Where’s Greg Olsen? Nowhere to be found last week. He had only two targets.

SF @ Pit: Hyde went bananas last week and Bush is out (surprise!) so look for more of the same. If Kap spies a gap he should be off and running-the Steelers secondary is iffy. TE Davis may be able to take advantage of the same situation. Brown has a minimum 5 catches and 50 yards for an NFL record 33 consecutive games-the second longest active streak is 4. I thought Wheaton would take advantage of Bryant not being around. That has not been the case.

TB @ NO: Both teams are 0-1 but this division battle will have no ramifications in the future. Winston looked overwhelmed last week just as he did in the preseason. Evans should be ready to go-adjust your lineups accordingly. How ’bout that disconnect between lousy QB play and points expected to be garnered by a quality WR in fantasy? Brees threw 48 times last week. The Wolf Man bulldozed the Saints to 31st in the league in total defense last year. I wonder what he’s got up his sleeve this time around. Colston has had a great run but it looks as though his knees have gone the way of the fax machine.

Det @ Min: As we learned last week, Stafford has been in the league X number of years and still gets rattled by blitz packages. The Lions D is goig to fall from a top 5 unit to somewhere in the middle of the pack.As yeah right said, “give AP the damn ball!” That should solve a number of problems for the offence in general and Bridgewater in particular. Maybe the coaching staff had him on a “carry count”? Otherwise, it doesn’t make sense.

Ari @ Chi: Ellington is out so Johnson (Chris) and Johnson (David) will clean up the running game. I think Andre will come back to a muddled RBBC situation. Palmer picked up where he left off last season. A Warner-like renaissance for him? I’d like to see it. It’s imperative that Allen get pressure on Palmer early. Jeffrey’s hamstring is acting up-if he’s out Patrick Peterson is going to take the next WR out of the game so that leaves Bennett at TE as the only viable threat in the passing game. I don’t like the Bears chances.

NE @ Buff: Rex said that everyone wants them to beat the Pats and he is right. Gronk has scored 9 TD’s in 7 games against the Bills but is generally limited against Ryan defenses. McCoy is questionable so we may see a whole lot of Boobie. Buffalo looked amazing last week and in the preseason as well. Brady doesn’t do well against pressure and this Bills D can deliver on that front.

SD @ CIN: The Chargers D held Megatron to 2 catches-can they do the same to Green? Allen, Green, Floyd, Gordon, Woodhead, Oliver and Gates later on-Rivers has a ton of toys to play with this year. Cincy has no injured players! It doesn’t matter. It is very important for Hill to chew up the clock so that Rivers doesn’t get on the field.

Ten @ Cle: The huge story this week is that Terrance West returns to Cleveland to wreak mediocrity and take a seat on the bench. Mariota, huh? What happened last week? McCown is out and Bowe is questionable, which in this business is known as addition by subtraction.

Atl @ NYG: Ryan shouldn’t have any problems unless he’s terrified by invisible pass rushes. Tevin Coleman looks to be the guy in the Falcons backfield. Say a prayer for the Giants secondary-Julio Jones is in town. Vic Beasley against Ereck Flowers-who ya got? There is a 50-50 chance that the Giants could be 0-3 five days from now. (they meet Wash. on Thursday)

StL @ Was: St. Lou ambushed Seattle last week and should take their opponent out behind the woodshed this week. My buddy Cunningham didn’t embarrass himself last week. The jury is still out on Foles though he didn’t throw a pic last week. Rashad Ross scored 4 TD’s in preseason and is looking for his first in real play. He replaces D-Jax this week.

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ThePirateSloth

I really haven’t been paying attention, but with the Titans/Browns game as the game of choice for CBS in Oregon, I wonder how many Mariota Titans jerseys are being rocked at bars right now.

Old School Zero

Probably not as many as there were at the beginning of the game.

Wakezilla

Nice to see the Rams are still the Rams. I don’t know what it is, but St. Louis just owns Seattle whenever they play. My theory is that Fischer out crazies Caroll with trick plays. . . Or the entire game, Fischer has people sitting behind Caroll yelling “Truther Truther truther,” like the Phillies manager yelled the N word at Robinson in 42.

Sill Bimmons

MARMALARDDOWN

blaxabbath

Ted Ginn scoring TDs? Thought he have that up when he signed with AZ last year.

King Hippo

thanks to my coin, I left him in my 20-team league starting lineup and feel super smart!

#7osingbad7y

blaxabbath

Guess the NFL doesn’t ned to run NoMore commercials when they can show AP running.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Sill Bimmons

The Bears appear to find themselves in a bit of a…pickle.

http://i.ytimg.com/vi/6YMPAH67f4o/hqdefault.jpg

blaxabbath

Pretty sure they can run the read option with Jimmy.

I mean, what’s the loss when Campbell rips off his arm?

Martin

Recognizing that these week’s matchups were a collection of dumpster fires within dumpster fires is why there’ll be no themed Sexy Fridays.

Martin

I never posted that when I first saw it and now I wish I had because my gif didn’t have that fucking watermark.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Lotsa hair gel in that car.

Martin

And nitrous oxide, if I recall.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Fuck you Ford for fucking Ben E. King’s corpse.

blaxabbath

Bears opt to run against one of the best run D’s in the league.

Unsuccessful.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Still smarter than three Clausen pass attempts on the previous series.

Sill Bimmons

The Tyrod Taylor Experiment is not having the best of beginnings.

Martin

The last time there was this much heat and intensity in Cleveland, the Cuyahoga River was ablaze.

blaxabbath

This is gonna go fucking ‘They are who we thought they were!’

bourb0nblues

Tyrod throwing that ball to nobody in particular.

blaxabbath

Jared Allen does have a stupid face though, yes?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Arizona is giving the Bears gifts…that we will turn into a field goal.

blaxabbath

Here comes the fake….

fleshwound_NPG

lulz cardinals

Old School Zero

Week 2 is always a weird one–bad does good, good does weird, Trent Green puts on only his left shoe. If Week 1 is a silly one to jump to conclusions on, Week 2 is even worse.

That said, BROWNS ARE GONNA WIN THE SUPER BOWL!

John Difool

The [*Redacted] s come out in the 2nd half to deliver the killshot…..by turning the gun towards themselves.

theeWeeBabySeamus

So I says: SCREW YOU GUYS!!! I’m going to go watch football!!!!
And I turn the game on to see Cam Newton Promptly throw a pick at the goal line.

The above is a true story, except for me shouting SCREW YOU GUYS. I embellished that. I really just snuck off to check scores.

ThePirateSloth

I’ll just leave this here: http://i.imgur.com/kdtpobe.jpg

Col. Duke LaCross

Dan Snyder is the Bizarro World John Oliver.

Sill Bimmons

SEND YOUR SEED

Brocky

Credit to the bears sound guys for playing the bearstwo signature songs

Holy shit jared allen

Martin

Jesus Christ. The Titans really ought to think about putting some blockers between Mariota and the Browns.

John Difool

With that moustache and gum chewing I’ll bet Jeff Fisher drives home from the stadium in a ’77 black Trans-Am with t-tops and a golden bird emblazoned on the hood.

blaxabbath

Thank god Clausen is in. That retard Palmer pick might otherwise cost ARI.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Holy turnovers!

fleshwound_NPG

HOLY SHIT CARDINALS

Sill Bimmons

Hospital ball from Mallett.

JustStopDude

I’m just sitting here waiting for the true Cleveland to start playing…

comment image

nomonkeyfun

Even the Browns can win against an imaginary team.

Smithchez

Factory of…gladness?

Col. Duke LaCross

Those idiots that have been hoping for Cutler to get benched are getting everything they deserve with the Clausen era so far. What is that, four balls swatted out of the air?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Exactly what I hollered to the idiots at the bar.

Martin

Wow. What a run by Benjamin.

King Hippo

he looks like an actual football player!

Old School Zero

That was the most excitement Cleveland has generated since their last major industrial accident.

ThePirateSloth

A Gronk sandwich? Panties all over New England just exploded.

Brocky

Reminder that jimmy Clausen is terrible

BrettFavresColonoscopy

The proof in the pickle is in the eating of it.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Falcons defense = Maginot Line

Mother Puncher

Bad move Browns. Just giving the ball right back to Mariota.

Recovery Whiskey

more proof you can be all kinds of hero in college and be a total dipshit in real life.

King Hippo

It will only get worse, Bears fans. You really have no idea how goddamned awful the emu really is.

blaxabbath

Chicago fans booing.

How awesome.

synapticmisfires

So…this is a few minutes ago now but wasn’t that Dalton play a fumble? I thought they did away with the tuck rule.

Just felt like a fumble to me, I don’t really have a rooting interest. If anything the Chargers scoring would hurt my fantasy D.

Old School Zero

It did not look to me (a Chargers fan) like he was actually throwing a pass, and that the only reason the ball came out was because he was hit. To me (a Chargers fan) that seems like a fumble.

Sill Bimmons

Why is she wearing a fanny pack?

King Hippo

I think that’s good TD for Megatron

Brocky

Oh now the bears make a play

Does Tomsula ask the stadium crew if he can help cleaning up the stadium after the game. He needs another side gig.

fleshwound_NPG

CARDINAL DERP

Old School Zero

It’s true. Mike McCoy has no testicles.

Martin

Heisman winner who hands off well but can’t throw for shit. Are we sure Manziel didn’t go to USC?

Sill Bimmons

MEGATRON OOB

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