[peeks out from under the covers] Has it started yet? No? Who said I was scared? I’m not scared. Maybe it’s YOU that’s scared. [sighs]
Wash @ NYG: The Giants should be 2-0. Let’s get that out of the way right now. Howevah, The Catastrophic Meltdowns really like the vibe that this team is giving off. As far as Washington is concerned, if this Matt Jones kid is the real thing and Morris keeps going they’ve got a running game that may take them to the NFC East title. Not that that will be a great accomplishment this year. Ain’t sour grapes grand? Cousins’ play is up and down and he doesn’t have D-Jax but the Giants don’t have Rogers-Cromartie so that should be a wash. Beason is ready to give it a go tonight-maybe he’ll make it through the whole game. You just never know, maybe the Giants finally get their *Coughlin* shit *Coughlin* together. We could be looking at another snooze-fest but, “It’s Still Real To Me, Damnit!” What can I say, the scotch is poured. (into an Oktoberfest-sized stein)
“The Giants have scored three ways tonight.”
Somewhere, Tiki Barber’s ears pearked up.
Is it me or did Eli throw that 3rd down pass at the Vereen’s feet without even realizing he could have completed that to Vereen for a possible TD?
I wasn’t planning on drinking tonight, but with this game, and these teams…what choice do I have?
Hey, it’s 10:30am here, and I’M thinking about it.
Exactly why I’m one beer away from switching to whiskey
This game would be more appropriately broadcast on Porn Hub with all the sucking Cousins we’re putting up with.
At least they’re practicing Safety.
Really Phill? The Skins are still in it?!?
Skins just two Colt McCoy touchdowns down.
Nancy Kerrigan was chasing Eli down? With her bad knee?
WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
Eli has never gone the first two games of season without an interception. His 85 attempts to start the season is also a personal best. Dear God, he is one of the derpiest franchise QBs in history.
Jeebus, how do you miss THAT?
Eli can’t even throw interceptions without underthrowing them.
“Clearly, that’s an interception.” — Donovan McNabb
Send in the clowns
The New York Tall Freaks v. the Capitol Injuns. Love my Thursday.
I love that DirectTV commercial.
Did Eli just call out “Bloomberg” at the line? Should probably change that to “DeBlasio” this season.
Listening to the game on the radio, after the coin toss, I heard perhaps the most useless PKish factoid.
“Since 2010, the Giants are 0-7 when they win the toss and defer.”
Alright, the first wasted TO.
Decimation: the Roman practice of killing every tenth man in a mutinous unit.
A casualty rate so low that the commanders of a Legion were willing to inflict it on their troops in order to ensure total obedience.
BEING DECIMATED IS NOT ONLY NOT COMPLETELY HORRIBLE BUT COMPLETELY SELF INFLICTED
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Decimation_(Roman_army)
YOU GET A FLAG! AND YOU GET A FLAG! AND YOU GET A FLAG!
http://www.wired.com/images_blogs/underwire/2013/01/oprahbees.gif
Just for Sill:
http://i.imgur.com/G1aCjnp.png
This game COULD get derpier. Colt McCoy is active, no?
That ref seems to have fashioned his own larger, more noticeable flag prior to throwing it. Thing was fuckin huge.
Has Berman ever referred to Reuben Randle as “Randle in the Wind”? He must have, right?
DO NOT GIVE HIM IDEAS!!!
GET OUT OF MY BRAIN
DON’T GIVE HIM IDEAS
Awesome. Great minds, jinx, all that.
Reuben “The Studdard” Randle is open for bidding…
My dog is looking at me reproachfully for watching this game instead of playing with her, and she’s absolutely right to do so.
Dogs have short memories and are very forgiving though.
She’s going to start eating her own shit to give you something more entertaining to watch.
Every person who has a dog in their house, should have the goal of being as good of a person as their dog thinks they are.
Perhaps the only inspirational card I’ve ever agreed with.
No. I still haven’t tried FuckDuel’s Fantasy Asshole weekly contests, you bag of dicks. Get off my TV now.
Don’t worry. They’re overcompensating because they know the FCC’s going to shut that shit down in about a month.
This is like a “Punting Spookshow”, I half expect a video package from Rob Zombie at halftime talking about the ideas he had for TNF…
We’ve only just begun…to derp…
Skins, Giants and Refs are having a derp off.
Each drive more puntier than the last!
ICRM: a.) How long are you in town?
3.) is this work or business?
~.) what part of town are you in?
A. Until Sunday.
3. My stupid company sends me places for no reason, but not Portland. (This is vacation.)
~. I’m in downtown Portland. I’m staying with friends somewhere south of there. I forget the town name.
Awesome. It is definitely a lovely place to visit. If you’d want to meet up for a beer, I could email you, but I’d imagine you’re full up on your schedule with friends, so no worries.
Voodoo Doughnut sucks, go to Blue Star Donuts instead.
“A bad decision by Kirk Cousins.”
Did anything else happen?
“He even threw it like a total pussy!”
Dan Snyder will can the Other Gruden, and name himself head coach.
So this game’s over, right?
The derps have only just begun.
Just got off the phone with the boss. Asked if I was willing to go to Mongolia for six months on a job.
“I would not pencil me in for anything long term”
“What the fuck does that mean?!?”
Mongolia? Was North Korea already taken?
There is a steel mill, literally in the middle of fucking nowhere, that the Chinese government is building.
Millions are being spent on a facility that we are suppose to commission…and it will immediately get shutdown and never operate again. From what I understand, the last three field engineers who have been sent there have all quit.
Hold out for Bhutan.
Gunnar Keil is awake, and can move his limbs.
The Giants have really set themselves a high degree of difficulty for blowing this lead.
I bet they fire Chucky’s brother at halftime.
Ha ha ha, that made their defense look GD weak.
If the Giants are just gonna run the ball, I don’t see how the skins can overcome this lead.
INSURMOUNTABLE LEAD
Even the players’ moms think this game is a waste of time.
Nah, know what was really a waist of time? That afternoon I spent hours making a belt out of watches.
Did Eli not see Harris? Or was there a safety?
This drive ends with a missed field goal, right?
The DB formerly known as a virgin comes up big!
Arent we all former virgins?
Yes, but I was making a Prince reference.
Well, most of us are. I imagine there are few 25 year olds on the site tonight.
Between Cousins and Eli, we might see several players threatening the single game interception record.
Gotta get the FG, right?
SCORAGAMI!
Figured I needed something a little more potent for this one, so I cracked open my bourbon barrel aged Arrogant Bastard.
/takes a sip
Yes. That’ll do nicely.
I’m on the west coast and early football is PK weird. Primetime football at 5 p.m.? Uberweird!
A safety as the first score? I love the NFC East.
The guy next to me at the bar was visiting Uproxx. Do I kill him?
Depends on what west coast city you are in.
But generally, yes, but make sure it’s quiet.
It’s Portland actually.
MAYBE IT’S YOU.
WHAT? Goddamnit, you gotta tell me this shit. How long are you in town? What goddamn bar are you at?
Can’t be me. I’m on my couch.
I’m in Portland through Sunday.
I’m at the Deschutes Public House.
No – invite him here!
if he says no, THEN kill him.
/or if he says “brage”
I love it that Giants fans are finally feeling the same as Jets fans have for all these years… doesn’t matter how awesome the first three quarters are, every Giants fan knows, deep in their black little hearts, that this team is more than capable of fucking up so monumentally they can erase ANY lead at any time.
What makes you think that Giants fans have little hearts? I would assume they are gigantic, swollen thick with the grease of a thousand slices of pizza and…what else do those CHUDs in New York eat, anyway?
Point to you, sir. Allow me to amend: “…. in their cavernous, troll-filled, cholesterol-laden bilge pumps of sludge that they call hearts….”
Swap Giants for Bears and you’re still 100% right.
Jets-Giants is going to be a scoreless tie, because it’ll also be that point in the year where the Jets fall apart more than usual.
I almost feel like a Pats fan for this, but jelly much.
JK
I remember the Kent Brown and Dave Graham days. God were they awful. We looked on Kerry Collins as our saviour.
Let’s face it, unless your fuckin Yankee fan you know lots of misery.
Of course I’m fuckin jealous! Jesus the Jets best chance at the Super Bowl in the last decade was MARK FUCKING SANCHEZ!!!
Dave/Kent Graham was the best bad QB the Giants ever had!
I feel sick just typing that.
I would love to be fuuly involved in this derpfest, my computer has decided to behave like the NFC East. My network is in and out. May be forced to rely on crap “smart” phone.
“Black hearts”? You spelled swollen livers wrong.
There’s going to be more penalties than completions tonight.
In games like this, if the offending player catches the flag, the penalty should be called back. If it’s on the defense, loss of down and five yards. Offense, replay down with five yard gain.
Technically, that’s the fourth actual punt. Let’s see if this flag makes it 5…