Your Early Slate O’ Games Open Thread

Let’s do some games…

Atl @ Dal: Cowboys QB play should be wince-ertaining. Wouldn’t it be great if Dez threw a tantrum while watching from the sidelines? Falcons CB Trufant should take Williams out of the game leaving Potden with…Dunbar out of the backfield? Witten might be able to do something I guess. The other JJ, the one that doesn’t embarrass himself on a near weekly basis, Julio Jones, just keeps rolling along.

Ind @ Ten: This is where the Colts O busts out, right? They did play against two above average D’s (Bills, Jets)- not that that should be an excuse but I thought Luck was better than that. Mariotta has thrown 6 TD’s with no picks at this point but hey, it’s early. There’s plenty of time to come back down  to earth.

Cle @ Oak: The Raiders showed some moxy last week, transferring their impending loss over to the Ravens with only seconds to spare. Now they’re off to see the wizard, uh, Browns. Oakland has lost 19 of their last 20 road games which is impressive and not surprising simultaneously. Browns are down to just 3 DB’s-Pierre Desir (no relation to Pierre Garcon) is to play opposite Haden. At QB McCown is up to bat.

Cin @ Bal: Bengals are 2-0? How’d that get past me? Oh yeah, I don’t care. Surprisingly it’s Eifert leading the team in receiving but I’ve no doubt that Green will speed by soon. Perhaps as early as today. The Ravens #1 corner, Jimmy Smith has given up 10 catches on 16 targets for 141 yards. That’s not what a shutdown gets paid for. Flacco’s buddies in the passing game not named Smith include the likes of Kamar Aiken and Crockett Gillmore. If that’s the case I’m leaning towards Cincy in this one.

Jax @ NE: I hate New England-just putting that out there. That said, this game is a foregone conclusion and the Pats will be 3-0 because there is so much evil in the world.

NO @ Car: Use the running game, Luke! That thing featuring Ingram and Spiller? That one that’s mediocre at best? Yeah, that one. Kuechly is out again but NO is a fat mess right now so it doesn’t much matter. Carolina rolls easy here.

Phi @ NYJ: Philly needs this one desperately and may be without Murray’s complete lack of production. That Kiko Alonso trade has paid huge dividends [makes wanking motion] He’s out after making 7 tackles in two games. Could we see Geno? Probably not but we may not see Decker, Revis and Ivory either. The Jets have forced 10 TO’s in the last two weeks! All hail the Jets DC who is…Kacy Rodgers? Never heard of the guy.

TB @ Hou: This is the sort of game that the average football fan, realizing it’s his only option, would say to himself, “TB/Houston? What did I do to deserve this? [pauses for a moment] Actually, perhaps I should stop masturbating to mental images of that cashier at the drug store that I think might be 18 or so. It’s so hard to tell these days.”

SD @ Min: Covered by Yeah Right.

Pit @ StL: Not sure what to make of this game. The Rams should be able to get after Ben and put pressure on the potent passing game but Bell is back and should have a big one. Gurley is scheduled to play but it sounds like he is hobbled. Hmm. I’ll take the Steelers wearing down the StL D and pulling away in the 4th.

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Do you think one team’s unit has hated the other team’s unit as the Jets D hates the Jets O?

Bortleback

Surprised the Titans didn’t do a Brandon Marshall there to complete the derp

Sill Bimmons

Titans gon’ Titan!

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

And THAT is why I don’t watch the Titans. That play explained it more succinctly than I ever could.

Sill Bimmons

TOO SOON RAVENS BUT HOLY FUCKBALLS BABY PUNCHER

Bortleback

Do the Ravens even have any other receivers?

Sill Bimmons

Doesn’t seem like it.

John Difool

Seems fitting Fitzmagic decided to grow a Custer stache, just in time for his team to get their asses handed to them by an Indian.

Sill Bimmons

TRIPLEBOX

King Hippo

Jeff Fisher: “I don’t care. Someone just fucking put a bullet in me already.”

Sill Bimmons

If the Bengals could tackle Baby Puncher this game would be over.

Doktor Zymm

I bet anyone who picked the Jags to cover is feeling like crap right now.

King Hippo

I’m sure the Bears will bail me out. RIGHT??

Sill Bimmons

/raises hand
//feels like crap
///has other reasons

I don’t think I’ll see a consistent Jets offense in my lifetime.

Sill Bimmons

TOO SOON BENGALS BUT HOLY FUCKBALLS AJ GREEN

The Maestro

HOLY SHIT AJ GREEN

Doktor Zymm

These games are shaping up in exactly the right way for the NFC East to be as clustefucky as possible. As it should be.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Sill Bimmons

Stillers D did a good?

Stillers D did a good!

Doktor Zymm

Ballsitchmore making a comeback?

Sill Bimmons

Already done.

The Maestro

And the Bengals look like shit again, and balance is restored to the universe.

Doktor Zymm

It’s amazing how quickly I’ve become a Falcons fan, and it’s also amazing how quickly I’ll stop caring as soon as they finish beating the Cowboys.

ProzacElf

The Falcons: The team no one cares about unless they’re playing someone you hate.

King Hippo

NEVAR change, Red Rocket.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Lothar of the Hill People

Andy Dalton will not be out-derped.

Sill Bimmons

Hey, at least one thing went right!

ALFRED BLUE WOO

King Hippo

I cut the sumbitch after the first two weeks. GRRRRRRRR

tundrajim

All of Dallas’s hopes now lie in Doopy Pantz. Yeah, this game is over.

John Difool

Doopashima

Doktor Zymm

“Hi, I’m broken collar bone Tony Romo, and I have DirectTV”

Old School Zero

“And I’m playoff-chance killing Romonobyl, and I have an AM radio with a broken antenna.”

Spur

Wide open. The Falcons are literally only giving the ball to TWO players and the D can’t seem to stop it. Holy fuck.

Oh Jets O

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
blaxabbath

Ok. Just got seated at fake college stadium. Should be a….long e lenience since I couldn’t bring in booze.

Sill Bimmons

The Titans are a tragedy.

Old School Zero

Kellen Clemens entering the game!

BOLTMAN CANNOT SILENCE THE VOICES!

Sill Bimmons

Dude musta blowed his laig out when he done hit that 58-yarder!

Spur

horid coverage on jones.. absolutely horid

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Lothar of the Hill People

It says “aim here.”

WCS

they be helly jelly

Horatio Cornblower

God if Brady didn’t get up from that sack it would be the best thing ever.

King Hippo

Reading Jeff Fisher’s mind: “I’m just waiting to die.”

Horatio Cornblower

I’m thinking Indianapolis might actually not be very good this year.

I see the Patriots are true to form, boy if only my team’s owner was chummy with the league and able to get rules that maximize the efficiency of my team’s style of play to the detriment of all other styles of play. Also I wished my team engaged in extreme gamesmanship, bending and even breaking of the rules. I’d be as happy as a clam.

The Maestro

So I fell asleep there for a little while and last I heard Brandon Weeden made 20 straight completions and WAIT WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED

Kungjitsu

It’s 44 to Gotdamm 10. Put Jimmy Garappolo in.

Bortleback

Brady has a secret deal with Bill that Garappolo doesn’t replace him in blowouts until week 5, just to give two fingers to the shield

Spur

Cowboys need to put Kellen Moore in as QB.

Horatio Cornblower

I’d like to thank CBS for sticking with this riveting Patriots-Jaguars game. This 34 point lead could evaporate any second now!

Doktor Zymm

I’ve been driving back from a wedding up in the Philadelphia suburbs, so I got to listen to the first half of the Eagles game on WIP, then the third quarter of the Ravens game on RAVENS GAMEDAY NETWORK (aka 98 Rock). Now that I have options, what’s worth watching the 4th quarter of?

ProzacElf

Cowboys/Falcons has become remarkably watchable, believe it or not.

ProzacElf

I’m also enjoying the Colts shitting the bed, while we’re on the subject of things I was not expecting while missing the first 3 quarters of everything. Even if they did just score.

Old School Zero

San Diego M*A*S*H unit it full effect today.