Indy @ Hou: Arian is coming back to full strength against the right team-versus the Colts he averages a TD per game, 120 rush yards and 6 ypc. Is there anyone who can’t run against Indy? I don’t think so. Here’s betting that Mallethoyer has the sort of game that will have the Texan fan screaming for Hoyermallet to start the following week. As of this writing (Wednesday) both Luck and Hasselbeck were questionable which led to the re-signing of Josh Johnson. Needless to say, one of the questionables will be dragging his carcass onto the field Thursday evening. You know how teams end up regretting not re-upping a star player because he ended up on a division rival and went on to show that he could still be productive?-Texans management doesn’t feel that way about Andre Johnson. At the rate he’s going, Donte Moncrief (no relation to Sidney Moncrief, the do-everything 6’4″ guard for the Milwaukee Bucks in the 80’s that was asked to guard everyone from Jordan to Dr. J to Larry Bird and never got the credit he deserved and was my childhood hero, dammit!) is going to be the guy that ends up getting double coverage, leaving T.Y. to wonder, “hey, what about me?”.
JINGLE TIME!!
“Bill O’Brien Sucks At This!”
He will join Philbin on the firs list soon enough
Please rate the following Fats:
Humps
Domino
Minnesota
Trans-
Boys
Bacon
Tire
Polyunsaturated
Burger
Bottomed Girls
You forgot Waller.
Well, obviously Fat Bottom Girls make the rocking world go round, so they’re first…. Then bacon and trans….
Snow?
–Ph fats were not considered.
You forgot Trans
-Caitlyn Jenner
I’m not good at reading
Burger
Enjoyable
None-existant
Glutton
Hommina Hommina
Ass
Z
In bed
Bottom Girls #1, bacon a distant #2
Its not really acting Phil.
Hasselbeck is literally that fragile.
JJ Watt flagged for a penalty?! He was just choppin’ wood out there!
MORE FLAGS FOR THE FLAG GOD!
Texans Ultimate Warrior needs his own column.
Damj I hope Luck’s bloodletting treatments do their thing, because the Colts need him back.
Why on earth was an audible necessary on 4th down? Was it really a surprise the Texans had everyone on the line of scrimmage?
Ummm, that was a great play-call on 4th.
Curiously competent
Phil wants to play by those old realistic Madden rules where punting is mandatory on 4th down.
Please lose a yard… Please lose a yard….
(No dog in this fight, I just think it would be funny)
Go for it. What the fuck have the Texans done offensively during this year that makes good field position will test your defense?
Oh hey, the Terps are gonna fire Edsall. That’s made my day.
They should just play in those Maryland flag uniforms from now on
Those have grown on me. Like a fungus, but I kind of like them.
announced the firing, but that they aren’t sure exactly when or how they will go about it. That’s classy and professional, eh?
“Come on in tomorrow, but bring boxes.”
Never should have fired Ralph in the fucking first place.
And what the fuck was the deal with pulling the names off the jerseys? Fucking UM started the name thing originally.
Tonight’s game will usher in the year of the checkdown pass
Yea we get it already, J.J. Watt is pretty fuckin’ good….. the other 10 days around him suck so hard they can bend light.
Once Clowney learns how to rush the passer, Phil? What do you think he’s been trying to do?
Get maximum value out of his health insurance?
UW’s kicker sucks enough to play in the NFL.
Yeah, he was wide open because he was running BACK TO LINE OF FUCKING SCRIMMAGE. Most defenses don’t prepare for the rare “let’s just go backward” offense.
2.5 oz gin, 0.5 oz good dry vermouth, 0.5 oz absinthe, stir on ice, strain into chilled glass.
It’s the gift that keeps on giving.
Sounds like a potion for invoking NSZ
Given the NFL’s track record of treating women, I’m happy that that coin toss didn’t end with one of those poor women getting punched in the throat.
“I’ll do it.” — Greg Hardy
… on a pile of assault rifles
No one saw nuthin.
No worries. They were pushed down a staircase shortly thereafter.
The camera turned off before they started the Oklahoma drills.
“If you’re gonna run the sneak play in Texas, you really want to go with a running back.”
– DeMarco Murray
Zerlon Tipton Alert!
He just got back from his secret volcano base where his plan to take down the global telecommunications network got foiled by a man with a watch.
fuck!
http://38.media.tumblr.com/f6a7ba3a6c642c7b71944d8335fed49f/tumblr_nvnxirTWmt1tef8b3o1_500.gif
So that’s how Ivonka married Donald
I get it Houston, sometimes I have no motivation to do my job at work
I live in Houston now, and I’d guess that 50% of the ‘sports fans’ at work today did not know this game was happening tonight.
Wow, I haven’t seen a Houston crowd looking this restless since they ran out of chicken fritters at the Golden Corral in Sugarland.
“We need to double the chocolate fountain output!”
“I’m givin’ ‘er all blah blah blah blah!”
http://33.media.tumblr.com/1500e2dd6cdc092105c0135e94886036/tumblr_nuumj7nCj31upwit4o1_400.gif
How did the Texans win a game?
By ignoring their strong running backs and letting their QB try to sneak for a yard.
Aztec sacrifice. They’ve run out of virgins.
They won at the Ala…. no wait….
It was Tampa, right?
Res ipsa loquitor.
Or Rapey Jameis loquitor. Something like that.
QB Sneak failure, drink.
Way ahead of you
The only thing more baffling than CBS’s success with ncis:csi:svu is that no other network has figured out how to copy it.
The old people who watch NCIS lost the remote a long time ago.
Still no rail link between NYC and Atlantic City.
If you want to understand why Atlantic City died, look no further than that.
Jersey Shore didn’t do em any favours.
That happened about 40 miles north in Seaside Heights.
I think NYC feels about New Jersey the same as the Nazis felt about the Jews.
Not when it was the only place within 2500 miles that you could gamble if you could get there door-to-door in two hours.
you’ll take a smelly, semen-crusted bus packed full of 80-year olds and you’ll LIKE IT, mister!
Donald Trump is gonna build the best, most successful rail line from New York to Berlin, and have the Pakistanis pay for it.
With a big fuckin WALL next to it!
Just in case anyone hasn’t heard, McDonald’s now has all day breakfast….. because fuck a clock…. and intestines.
Saint Taint-thanks for liking my post. Appreciated.
http://40.media.tumblr.com/e62001c2f4b27c81abc47b5a4c3837ca/tumblr_nv8vvmSGUC1uq9czoo2_1280.png
Another Jobs movie? #hollywoodeatsitself
We got jobbed.
“No no, it’s not a job, it’s an *internship*. That’s why we’re not paying you.”
– Sleazy Hollywood Executive
We still need you to try out this couch.
Reminder, we’uns can start watching Washington/SC now and hope it sucks a tiny bit less.
Congratulations to Portly McCoronary, for being the ten millionth Texans fan to yell “you’re my boy, Blue” when Alfred Blue takes a handoff.
/dramatization: the Houston Texans do not have ten million fans.
Sorry, Sill.
YOUR MY BOY BLUE
Im at abar watching a game and i finally found a beerci like Breckenridge vanilla porter
http://33.media.tumblr.com/b92b100955d95937ee8ef0c4c29038e4/tumblr_nvkundbm4w1s3g3ago1_400.gif
Im sick of being stuck with my fantasy team for an ENTIRE week. I want to draft a new team every play!
Let’s launch draftsultans.com
LemonDraft.com?
It’s a party every play!
Wait. What the hell does that Mustang commercial mean? In order to hear the exhaust you need a microphone and enough speakers for Lollalooza?
So…do you guys think literacy is going to outlast the earth’s oil supply? I used to think it would but after that last iPhone ad I’m starting to doubt it.
The McDonalds breakfast all day commercials make me weep, because people sound like god damn idiots in Twitter and the like.
Matt Hasselback,,….guess who’s back…. guess who’s back, guess who’s back, guess who’s back….da…da…da…da…
This is what happens with Meth. This young man here was a college graduate.
http://l3.yimg.com/bt/api/res/1.2/.dTDQxbxGSCiHlTVaZuPXQ–/YXBwaWQ9eW5ld3NfbGVnbztpbD1wbGFuZTtxPTc1O3c9NjAw/http://media.zenfs.com/en/person/Ysports/jimmy-clausen-football-headshot-photo.jpg
His future was a head of him. And then he did meth. Now look at him.
http://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s–Aqd7MmXL–/18j533iwskgjdjpg.jpg
Meth forced Jimmy Clausen to not only go through puberty…but also turn into Ryan Mallet. And no one wants to be Ryan Mallet.
Please folks. If you do chose to do meth, make sure you are an NFL owner. Otherwise. Stay away.
I won 250 on fanduel this weekend. Took it all out immediately.
Does Bud Light think we forgot who was playing in this slap fight?
If your weekend starts on Thursday night…you probably are drinking bud light.
Or you have flex work hours, which are the shit
Out of all the teams, you wouldn’t expect the Texans to forget about Dre.
They forgot to pay him, also forgot to cover him.
That high five just put Hodor out for another month.
more time for him to learn about cement
Fanduel and DraftKings dot com….come snort the latest designer drug before a bunch of fat white guys on Capitol Hill outlaw it.
Matt Hasselback is making the Texans defense look foolish. That is a depressing statement.