AFC South Fever-Catch It! Your Thursday Nighter Open Thread

Indy @ Hou: Arian is coming back to full strength against the right team-versus the Colts he averages a TD per game, 120 rush yards and 6 ypc. Is there anyone who can’t  run against Indy? I don’t think so. Here’s betting that Mallethoyer has the sort of game that will have the Texan fan screaming for Hoyermallet to start the following week. As of this writing (Wednesday) both Luck and Hasselbeck were questionable which led to the re-signing of Josh Johnson. Needless to say, one of the questionables will be dragging his carcass onto the field Thursday evening. You know how teams end up regretting not re-upping a star player because he ended up on a division rival and went on to show that he could still be productive?-Texans management doesn’t feel that way about Andre Johnson. At the rate he’s going, Donte Moncrief (no relation to Sidney Moncrief, the do-everything 6’4″ guard for the Milwaukee Bucks in the 80’s that was asked to guard everyone from Jordan to Dr. J to Larry Bird and never got the credit he deserved and was my childhood hero, dammit!) is going to be the guy that ends up getting double coverage, leaving T.Y. to wonder, “hey, what about me?”.

 

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King Hippo

JINGLE TIME!!

“Bill O’Brien Sucks At This!”

JerryJones-Thugs-N-Harmony

He will join Philbin on the firs list soon enough

Sill Bimmons

Please rate the following Fats:

Humps
Domino
Minnesota
Trans-
Boys
Bacon
Tire
Polyunsaturated
Burger
Bottomed Girls

ThursdaySkyGoddess

You forgot Waller.

entropy

Well, obviously Fat Bottom Girls make the rocking world go round, so they’re first…. Then bacon and trans….

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Snow?

Sill Bimmons

–Ph fats were not considered.

Moonbatting Average

You forgot Trans

-Caitlyn Jenner

Moonbatting Average

I’m not good at reading

Mother Puncher

Burger
Enjoyable
None-existant
Glutton
Hommina Hommina
Ass
Z
In bed

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Bottom Girls #1, bacon a distant #2

JustStopDude

Its not really acting Phil.

Hasselbeck is literally that fragile.

WCS

JJ Watt flagged for a penalty?! He was just choppin’ wood out there!

Senor Weaselo

MORE FLAGS FOR THE FLAG GOD!

Old School Zero

Texans Ultimate Warrior needs his own column.

Damj I hope Luck’s bloodletting treatments do their thing, because the Colts need him back.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Why on earth was an audible necessary on 4th down? Was it really a surprise the Texans had everyone on the line of scrimmage?

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Curiously competent

Claymaker

Phil wants to play by those old realistic Madden rules where punting is mandatory on 4th down.

entropy

Please lose a yard… Please lose a yard….

(No dog in this fight, I just think it would be funny)

JustStopDude

Go for it. What the fuck have the Texans done offensively during this year that makes good field position will test your defense?

Stabby Pants

Oh hey, the Terps are gonna fire Edsall. That’s made my day.

JerryJones-Thugs-N-Harmony

They should just play in those Maryland flag uniforms from now on

Stabby Pants

Those have grown on me. Like a fungus, but I kind of like them.

King Hippo

announced the firing, but that they aren’t sure exactly when or how they will go about it. That’s classy and professional, eh?

entropy

“Come on in tomorrow, but bring boxes.”

JustStopDude

Never should have fired Ralph in the fucking first place.

And what the fuck was the deal with pulling the names off the jerseys? Fucking UM started the name thing originally.

JerryJones-Thugs-N-Harmony

Tonight’s game will usher in the year of the checkdown pass

John Difool

Yea we get it already, J.J. Watt is pretty fuckin’ good….. the other 10 days around him suck so hard they can bend light.

Stabby Pants

Once Clowney learns how to rush the passer, Phil? What do you think he’s been trying to do?

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Get maximum value out of his health insurance?

King Hippo

UW’s kicker sucks enough to play in the NFL.

entropy

Yeah, he was wide open because he was running BACK TO LINE OF FUCKING SCRIMMAGE. Most defenses don’t prepare for the rare “let’s just go backward” offense.

Old School Zero

2.5 oz gin, 0.5 oz good dry vermouth, 0.5 oz absinthe, stir on ice, strain into chilled glass.

It’s the gift that keeps on giving.

Moonbatting Average

Sounds like a potion for invoking NSZ

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Given the NFL’s track record of treating women, I’m happy that that coin toss didn’t end with one of those poor women getting punched in the throat.

WCS

“I’ll do it.” — Greg Hardy

Kungjitsu

… on a pile of assault rifles

litre_cola

No one saw nuthin.

Mother Puncher

The camera turned off before they started the Oklahoma drills.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“If you’re gonna run the sneak play in Texas, you really want to go with a running back.”

– DeMarco Murray

blordinaryfagicmox

Zerlon Tipton Alert!
He just got back from his secret volcano base where his plan to take down the global telecommunications network got foiled by a man with a watch.

blordinaryfagicmox

fuck!

JerryJones-Thugs-N-Harmony

So that’s how Ivonka married Donald

JerryJones-Thugs-N-Harmony

I get it Houston, sometimes I have no motivation to do my job at work

Claymaker

I live in Houston now, and I’d guess that 50% of the ‘sports fans’ at work today did not know this game was happening tonight.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Wow, I haven’t seen a Houston crowd looking this restless since they ran out of chicken fritters at the Golden Corral in Sugarland.

Sill Bimmons

“We need to double the chocolate fountain output!”

“I’m givin’ ‘er all blah blah blah blah!”

Stabby Pants

How did the Texans win a game?

Mother Puncher

By ignoring their strong running backs and letting their QB try to sneak for a yard.

Sill Bimmons

Aztec sacrifice. They’ve run out of virgins.

John Difool

They won at the Ala…. no wait….

King Hippo

It was Tampa, right?

Res ipsa loquitor.

Or Rapey Jameis loquitor. Something like that.

Senor Weaselo

QB Sneak failure, drink.

Mother Puncher

Way ahead of you

blordinaryfagicmox

The only thing more baffling than CBS’s success with ncis:csi:svu is that no other network has figured out how to copy it.

Kungjitsu

The old people who watch NCIS lost the remote a long time ago.

Sill Bimmons

Still no rail link between NYC and Atlantic City.

If you want to understand why Atlantic City died, look no further than that.

litre_cola

Jersey Shore didn’t do em any favours.

Sill Bimmons

That happened about 40 miles north in Seaside Heights.

Kungjitsu

I think NYC feels about New Jersey the same as the Nazis felt about the Jews.

Sill Bimmons

Not when it was the only place within 2500 miles that you could gamble if you could get there door-to-door in two hours.

King Hippo

you’ll take a smelly, semen-crusted bus packed full of 80-year olds and you’ll LIKE IT, mister!

WCS

Donald Trump is gonna build the best, most successful rail line from New York to Berlin, and have the Pakistanis pay for it.

entropy

With a big fuckin WALL next to it!

John Difool

Just in case anyone hasn’t heard, McDonald’s now has all day breakfast….. because fuck a clock…. and intestines.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

We got jobbed.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“No no, it’s not a job, it’s an *internship*. That’s why we’re not paying you.”

– Sleazy Hollywood Executive

nomonkeyfun

We still need you to try out this couch.

King Hippo

Reminder, we’uns can start watching Washington/SC now and hope it sucks a tiny bit less.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Congratulations to Portly McCoronary, for being the ten millionth Texans fan to yell “you’re my boy, Blue” when Alfred Blue takes a handoff.

/dramatization: the Houston Texans do not have ten million fans.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Sorry, Sill.

Sill Bimmons

YOUR MY BOY BLUE

indieguy

Im at abar watching a game and i finally found a beerci like Breckenridge vanilla porter

blordinaryfagicmox

Im sick of being stuck with my fantasy team for an ENTIRE week. I want to draft a new team every play!

JerryJones-Thugs-N-Harmony

Let’s launch draftsultans.com

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

LemonDraft.com?

blordinaryfagicmox

It’s a party every play!

entropy

Wait. What the hell does that Mustang commercial mean? In order to hear the exhaust you need a microphone and enough speakers for Lollalooza?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So…do you guys think literacy is going to outlast the earth’s oil supply? I used to think it would but after that last iPhone ad I’m starting to doubt it.

entropy

The McDonalds breakfast all day commercials make me weep, because people sound like god damn idiots in Twitter and the like.

John Difool

Matt Hasselback,,….guess who’s back…. guess who’s back, guess who’s back, guess who’s back….da…da…da…da…

JustStopDude

This is what happens with Meth. This young man here was a college graduate.

http://l3.yimg.com/bt/api/res/1.2/.dTDQxbxGSCiHlTVaZuPXQ–/YXBwaWQ9eW5ld3NfbGVnbztpbD1wbGFuZTtxPTc1O3c9NjAw/http://media.zenfs.com/en/person/Ysports/jimmy-clausen-football-headshot-photo.jpg

His future was a head of him. And then he did meth. Now look at him.

http://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s–Aqd7MmXL–/18j533iwskgjdjpg.jpg

Meth forced Jimmy Clausen to not only go through puberty…but also turn into Ryan Mallet. And no one wants to be Ryan Mallet.

Please folks. If you do chose to do meth, make sure you are an NFL owner. Otherwise. Stay away.

litre_cola

I won 250 on fanduel this weekend. Took it all out immediately.

entropy

Does Bud Light think we forgot who was playing in this slap fight?

Stabby Pants

If your weekend starts on Thursday night…you probably are drinking bud light.

JerryJones-Thugs-N-Harmony

Or you have flex work hours, which are the shit

Senor Weaselo

Out of all the teams, you wouldn’t expect the Texans to forget about Dre.

blordinaryfagicmox

They forgot to pay him, also forgot to cover him.

Mother Puncher

That high five just put Hodor out for another month.

JerryJones-Thugs-N-Harmony

more time for him to learn about cement

John Difool

Fanduel and DraftKings dot com….come snort the latest designer drug before a bunch of fat white guys on Capitol Hill outlaw it.

Stabby Pants

Matt Hasselback is making the Texans defense look foolish. That is a depressing statement.