Your All-Devonta Thursday Night Football Game Open Thread

The Hipp was kind enough to post a JV thread which alludes to the fact that, though we love/hate the NFL ball, we don’t wear sports blinders. On the ice the Sens are playing the Pens and of course the Dodgers are hosting the Mets (deciding amongst themselves who will eventually be decimated by those goddamn PED-using, bat-flipping bastards up in the Toronto). So sit back and relax and I’ll set up the Falcons/Saints for you.

Atl @ NO: Why is the spread only 3, 3.5? Them Vegas-ians know something, don’t they? Julio has hamstring and toe issues-receivers and hamstrings in the same sentence is never a good thing. Devonta is on an epic run [snorts] these last few weeks, piling up yards and TD’s as though they were canned goods in anticipation of a supposed Cubs WS win which would surely signal the end of life as we know it. At this point the Saints look like the teamification of Sunday morning on Bourbon Street. The D can’t do anything  (blitz and hope for the best tonight?) and Drew can’t put up the points like he has in years past. I like Breezy-he got the short straw in San Diego and turned it into a fantastic career. Now however he’s stuck on the down-side with a team that doesn’t look like it will be competitive for 2-3 years. I read somewhere that 21% of their 145 mill. is tied up in paying players no longer on the club. That’ll slow up your rebuilding process. The good news is that Breezy can bathe in his solid gold bathtub, covered in $100 bills-that’ll take the edge off.

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bourb0nblues

Freeman points for some, disappoint for others.

Sill Bimmons

Huh.

the Alpha and the Amoeba

Never count out Matty Spice, the most clutch of the Spice Girls

litre_cola

5 dollars a bag at a bodega

jjfozz

Ryan not happy. Hookers in NO scurry for cover.

Sill Bimmons

Falcons have really looked like shit.

King Hippo

I think that look is accurate.

Dick E. Phuck

I’m starting to think Browner was never a good corner.

nomonkeyfun

Fozz,

When the wife gets back and asks what you did, you can proudly load up DFO; then pack a bag and move into a sad 2 bedroom garden apartment.

litre_cola

Yo, you can’t even complete a pass Breaux

JustStopDude

Is there anything more frustrating to see than a free play on offensive…and the QB does a checkdown…

Senor Weaselo

Alex Smith approves.

litre_cola

Incompetent refereeing? That’s unpossible.

blaxabbath

I’d like to see the officiating crews be half union and half scabs. They’ll still be inept, but we can take sides over who is responsible for everything being fucked up all the time.

Like Congress.

Old School Zero

BLEERGH IS DISPLEASED

Moonbatting Average

If the Patriots or Packers had Atlanta’s schedule, they’d somehow each go 25-0 in the regular season. Yet the Falcons are gonna lose to the sad-sack Saints in week 6. Can we relegate the NFC South?

Porky Prime

Like let them secede? The idea has merit.

Moonbatting Average

Like MAKE them secede

jjfozz

Is the draft king narrator Ed Norton? Am I high?

Porky Prime

“Hey, Ralphie Boy!”

Moonbatting Average

It is and you are

nomonkeyfun

Did he curbstomp a black guy?

JustStopDude

NOLA related. Recently I got a job offer about 30 minutes away in Mississippi. Did the phone interview and everything. So they want an in person interview.

They expected me to drive 13 hours one way for an interview on my own dime, get my own hotel, and then drive back. So basically I would have to take 3 days of vacation, do a shit ton of driving, because they were too cheap to payout a flight and a hotel for me.

Needless to say, I doubt our salary discussions were going to go anywhere.

Martin

Southerners are incompetent at business? No fucking way.

blaxabbath

This is the Obama recovery.

*Posted from my Chrome Browser. Chrome: It’s how ugly cars become cool*

nomonkeyfun

Thor throws 100mph.

/drink

blaxabbath

Jameis Ryan

jjfozz

Halo Master Chief spotted in the crowd

Porky Prime

“Oh, so you think you my master now?”

Moonbatting Average

Go to NOLA and get mass-produced beignets!

blaxabbath

Seriously. You can basically get any regional backed good anywhere in the nation. It’s not like you need locally sourced ingredients. Fucking flour and sugar. Pretty sure I can get fine beignets at a place in Mesa.

JustStopDude

Alright…homeowners please answer me this because it has always confused me.

Why the fuck do people bother with bagging up leaves? I get cleaning the gutters. I do that for my folks all the time. I get doing landscaping. I get why you want to bag your grass if you take a long ass time in between mowing your lawn.

But for the fucking life of me, I don’t get why people bother with fucking raking and bagging leaves. (I am asking this because of that stupid Lowes commercial). Its not like your grass is going to die from leaves.

blaxabbath

That black dude is actually just blowing them into the street.

Where else to you put them then? I’m thinking of getting a cheapo harbor freight chipper this fall for my leaves.

JustStopDude

I would just mow them into little bits to fertilize the grass. But once I mowed the last time for the summer, I figured fuck it.

jjfozz

“BECAUSE IT KILLS THE GRASS AND I DIDN’T WORK MY WAY UP FROM A TENEMENT IN LITTLE ITALY TO THIS HOUSE IN THE BURBS TO HEAR MY SON BITCH ABOUT RAKING LEAVES! SO RAKE THEM UP, YOU SPOILED FUCKER!”

Explanation given to me by my dad. About 1,276 times.

Horatio Cornblower

If you leave the leaves, (huh, didn’t even mean to do that, yet here we are), they will kill your lawn. If you leave anything over grass so that it can’t get sun it will kill the grass. Most towns require you to bag your leaves for town pick-up.

JustStopDude

THANKS OBAMA! FEMA CAMPS AND HOMEOWNERS ASSOCIATIONS ARE THE SAME THING!!!!

Martin

Not true.

FEMA’s death camps end your life mercifully. HOAs are worse than Nazis.

Martin

Because lawyers are motherfuckers, and none more than those that enforce chickenshit zoning laws and HOA mandates.

King Hippo

I don’t. Fucking leave mine where they fall. Fuck if I care.

blaxabbath

I’m actually going to bag ours so I can save them for browns in my compost next spring.

Yes, I’m going to save waste to add to waste to make dirt. I am basically the hipsters’ dracula.

*Posted from my Chrome Browser. Chrome: People in this coffee shop would be disgusted to see I’m using this browser*

Martin

Real answer: Because if I’m paying the gardener, he better do something for that money.

King Hippo

Other than fuck my wife!

Martin

The meteor game.

Fuck UCLA and Stanford

Dick E. Phuck

As long as it also includes Rick Neuheisel.

bourb0nblues

Or call Bane.

Martin

Nah. I want an EXPLOSION, not a pussy implosion.

Implosions are for NFL losers.

blaxabbath

Also, that was a Tim Tebow pass.

*Posted from my Chrome Browser. Chrome: Wins as much as Tim Tebow*

Senor Weaselo

I do like your Chrome dynamic sig.

makeitsnowondem

“Pick up Snead,” he said to himself, “he’s sure to get a lot of targets.”

litre_cola

Just swore at myself for the same thing. Burned a high waiver position.

Old School Zero

“Bench Brees,” he said to himself, “Kaep is going to have a way better outing this week.”

Martin

YOU ….

You DEFINITELY have to lay off the weed.

Old School Zero

Confirmed.

Martin

Gotta lay off the weed bro

Sharkbait

Is this where we’re meeting? Hippo?

King Hippo

SIGH. Yes.

blaxabbath

So NO didn’t kick the FG. Got an encroachment and moved like 2 ft closer to end zone. Then the announcers are saying they should NOW kick it?

Old School Zero

They’ve been proving themselves to be the dumbest idiots in football all night tonight.

blaxabbath

Oh! Is this the Jim and Phil team?!

I don’t really pay attention because we always seem to get Saragusa and some other bums on Sundays (B Crew). Then the psychopaths who work for SNF.

ProzacElf

……did Nantz really just use the term “outyardaging”?

One of us must be drunk, and for once I know it isn’t me…..

ThursdaySkyGoddess

If you had to work with Pheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel twice a week, you’d be drunk on TV too.

ProzacElf

True dat.

litre_cola

Does Simms think this is the 4th quarter?

WCS

HERPADERPA

Old School Zero

This has been a remarkably flag-free game… THE FLAG GOD DEMANDS A SACRIFICE!

Sharkbait

Ask and ye shall receive.

WCS

HAIL BLEERGH

Old School Zero

HAIL BLEERGH!

King Hippo

No fantasy points unless you are a shit TE that nobody would ever dream of starting.

blaxabbath

Had to send flowers to a customer at work’s funeral today. I had to type up the little message and just stole some generic “our thoughts are with the family” thing. Felt weird to sign it, “The Staff of COMPANY X”.

*Posted from my Chrome Browser. Chrome: It’s showing more life than the Dolphins*

Martin

Nobody wants a condolence card from a fucking company unless the deceased OWNED the company.

litre_cola

Wolfman seems to to have coaxed a performance out of his D, Did he invite them in the van?

Senor Weaselo

Did he threaten to put them in the back of the van?

Martin

Yes to both.

WCS

The opposite. “You fuckers don’t start playing some fucking defense, no more van time for you!”

litre_cola

I hear there are candies, puppies and submarine sandwiches.

Martin

YOU MEAN WE GOTTA START PAYING FOR HOOKERS!!?!?!?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

blaxabbath

That VIP suite Odam was staying in wasn’t much of a step up from a van.

Martin

/A lone wolf cries in the distance

Porky Prime

Clap for the Wolfman!

Because he has it. The clap.

Martin

OWOOOOOOOOOOOOOO*

(*Translation: IT BUUUUUUUURNS)

Porky Prime

So how long before we have a Wolf of Wall St./Social Network type movie about DraftKings and Fanduel? I say 3 years. Right after the next 3 Steve Jobs movies.

Old School Zero

Whoops, reply fail.

Martin

It was pretty funny. Nice schtick to have.

blaxabbath

I’m not saying Tomsula is a good coach, but how could he possibly succeed walking into that bare cupboard that is stocked with just an old box of arm & hammer and some tires (which are on fire).

Old School Zero

yeah, but what browser does he use? Netscape?

Horatio Cornblower

Whenever I start to feel bad about the Saints I reread some stuff about Tom Benson and then I figure “fuck that team right in the earhole”, and I feel OK about myself, because I know Breesus understands.

blaxabbath

Those C-words bountygated Kurt Warner in the Wild Card game. Last game he ever played. Since they won the SB, all that BS got downplayed as part of their “tough/winning culture” (while the NFL threw the book at the team).

Horatio Cornblower

Man would I give that girl a reason to laugh at me.

Dick E. Phuck

Just photoshop Josh Sitton’s face on this and it’ll be A.A. Rod’s ultimate fantasy.

Old School Zero

The FanDuel spokesman looks like a guy who doesn’t clearly understand the word “consent”.

blaxabbath

Don’t need to when BOTH your parents are attorney!

*Posted from my Chrome Browser. Chrome: Less Rapey than Fratboys*

Horatio Cornblower

“Whatevs bro, just make with the mac ‘n cheese.”

Martin

There’s a cocksucker in Bel-Air who uses three swimming pools worth of water per day, but will not even be remotely the biggest asshole in L.A. if an NFL team moves here.

blaxabbath

The news just showed me mudslides out there. Talk about wasting water!

*Posted from my Chrome Browser. Chrome: It doesn’t use water*

blaxabbath

When will the NFL require all playing surfaces be like Scotts Brand Premium Grass, forcing all domed stadium cities to kick in another $300,000,000 to upgrade their facility to meet gameday specs?

litre_cola

Dont forget about the 100000000 concession upgrades, just cuz.

nomonkeyfun

You left off a 0.

Martin

Even more reason to build a stadium in Los Angeles.

litre_cola

Free time when the S/O is away is fantastic. Just had a Steak dinner, redwine, smoked a joint, ate doritos, ate 3 chocolate croissants, just opened another bottle.

Plus this is a mildly entertaining derpfest.

*sponsored by the not gambling FanDraftDuelKings

blaxabbath

You smoked an entire joint? I’m impressed.

Just took up weed like 6 months ago. Addicted.

*Posted from my Chrome Browser. Chrome: It’s sponsored by AT&T somehow*

Moonbatting Average

Mine is also out of town. Playing Forza 6 like a madman while I can

Horatio Cornblower

Mine’s in the other room. I’m still drinking, eating, watching sports and making dick-jokes.

I married well.

litre_cola

You , are a smart individual.

jjfozz

Just thinking, the only time a dude wants to hear, “He has a quick release” is when he’s playing QB.

Other wise, it sounds like someone’s talking to an ex girlfriend.

Martin
Porky Prime

Are we sure that’s Daniel Murphy and not Dale Murphy?

Dodgers should be up 3 but down 1. Makin a brutha want to watch football.

Old School Zero

Staging Bills-Jaguars in London shortly after we may or may not have committed a war crime in bombing a hospital is not the best foreign policy. Pretty sure Blake Bortles is going to get arrested by the Hague.

Senor Weaselo

Blake Bortles bombs buildings?

King Hippo

but didn’t we already tweet out a sad face emoji?

makeitsnowondem

Bortles is a pretty good scapegoat, since they’ll have to assume the bomb just missed.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I don’t see the downside.

Moonbatting Average

Baseball Jets take the lead over the Baseball Rams-Raiders-Chargers

jjfozz

Did the Seinfeld cum in his pants?

Moonbatting Average

If not, Jon Stewart did

nomonkeyfun

/Sheepishly raises hairy palm.

jjfozz

Why in fuck are we inundated with movies about Steve Jobs?

An inventor/CEO who was a raging, unbearable asshole? Wow! Never heard of that before.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

To steal a joke I saw elsewhere, because if they release a new one every two years the Apple-polishers will flock to it in droves.

Sharkbait

Beat me to it

Dick E. Phuck

You think this is bad? Wait til we get all the Belichick biopics once he dies.

blaxabbath

Fuck – and we’ll all go watch the origin films because we want to know where he came from. And then they’ll expose us to Jar Jar Binks.

WCS

THERE WILL NEVAH BE AHH BETTAH ONE THAHN HIM! NO ONE DENIES THIS!

nomonkeyfun

Yeah, but think about the MILF-aliciousness in those movies.

Maybe we’ll get Alison Brie and Gillian Jacobs getting into a catfight over the Grumblelord.

Sharkbait

Because Apple lovers need their bi-yearly helping of Jobs.

Senor Weaselo

So, I’m busy thinking about Halloween costumes in case I actually get invited to things. Debating how to pull off Krombopulos Michael. Black long-sleeved shirt, black sports vest thing, black sweatpants, goggles, and a tiny water gun for the anti-matter gun?

Big Black Richard

I’m trying to figure out how to go as Lamar Odom in a way that won’t be over the line tasteless.

blaxabbath
ProzacElf

The question is will your costume even need to be remotely accurate, or are you likely to get invited to a function where people are familiar with Rick & Morty?

Dick E. Phuck

Steve Jobs: Let the Papers Hit the Floor

Moonbatting Average

Matt, I am disappoint

WCS

— Matt Ryan’s parents

blaxabbath

“Others noted that the all-day breakfast menu is confusing to some customers because it varies regionally. In some states, McDonald’s is offering McMuffins on the all-day menu, while in others, only biscuit sandwiches are available.”

Because it’s such a greater task to make an english muffin than a biscuit.

WCS

Congress should really do something. Maybe.

WCS

My cat running headlong into the sliding glass door she thinks is open will never not be hilarious.

nomonkeyfun

Daniel Murphy for President!!!
“We could do worse.”

Horatio Cornblower

Well he is a born-again with a problem with the queers so he should fit right in with the current GOP slate.

Fuck that guy.