Was @ NYJ: This game features two above average D’s that get it done differently. The Slurs blitz a league-low 11% of the time and the Jets a league-high 53%. QB-wise Cousins has two pick-sixes that have lost games and Fitz hasn’t cracked 1,000 yds yet and has 6 Int’s to go with his 64.5 QBR. TO THE RUN GAME! Ivory is a tough, slug-it-out between the tackles type that usually doesn’t go down after first contact. No wonder he’s had so much trouble with injuries through his career. Morris is a slogger as well, averaging 3.1 ypc this month. Looks like an old-timey fight-it-out-in-the-trenches kind of game to me. I think the under on this game is 3.
Ari @ Pit: Vick has a dog’s breath QBR of 28-dead last in the league but you already knew that and the fact that this game depends on Bell. ‘Zona’s wins have come against NO, the Bears, the 9er’s and Detroit. So yeah, they can beat down their weaker brothers but this is a test I think they’ll fail. According to PFF, DE Heyward and LB Harrison are the 5th and 2nd best at getting QB disruptions at their respective positions. I’m glad to see the Hall of Fame Fitz is having a big bounce-back year-he’s averaging 8+ targets per game and making the most of them, having scored 6 TD’s already.
KC @ Min: In KC, if you look to the West there are Charcandrick’s as far as the eye can see. Most of the talk in that town centers around how exactly will Andy Reid mis-use him. I’m going with, “chews up significant yardage, gets into a groove and then is taken out of the game for seven minutes”. Meanwhile, no worries in Minny about AP-he just moved into 10th place all-time for RB TD’s. As we all know, Smith is faced with the blitz often on 3rd down and can’t handle it. He’s ranked 34th out of 35 qualifying QB’s with respect to QBR on that down-expect the Vikes to have a series of small get-togethers in the Chiefs backfield over the course of the game.
Cin @ Buf: Dalton is my “Five Games In” MVP. He’s racked up 1500+ yards, 11 TD’s with only 2 picks-he’s doing everything right at the moment. Soooo…needless to say, die-hard Bengal-backers are wondering when the other cleat is going to drop. The Bills should get McCoy back today after Boobie brought the 2.7 ypc thunder against the Titans last week. Hey Look!-over there under “Questionable” status, it’s Percy Harvin getting comfortable again. It looks like Manuel gets the start today-maybe he’ll play really well and the Bills will have a QB controversey on their hands? Nah.
Chi @ Det: Yards per pass attempt-wise you’re looking at the two worst teams in the league. Of course an argument could be made that you’re looking at the two worst teams, period. Let’s move on, shall we?
Den @ Cle: The Bronc’s have given up 79 points total so far this year-don’t expect too many more to be added to that total today. What’s got only one functioning arm and is using it to hang on for dear life? The Peyton, that’s what. His 77 QBR is 20 points below his career average. He should use that big noggin of his to figure out that this is his last year. I’ve turned the corner on Josh. He’s thrown for over 1200 yards (to the likes of Barnidge, Bowe, Hartline and Hawkins-though Benjamin has been a surprise) with just the one pick. That said, he’ll probably double that total to two after this game. The Brownies have numerous problems but the QB spot isn’t one of them.
Hou @ Jax: Speaking of doubling up, one of these teams will do so in the win column today. Hopkins is on fire-his 578 yards and 75 targets lead the league. The one game I saw (yeah, I watched a Texans game, come at me) he did whatever the hell he wanted to do on the field, no matter the coverage and with ridiculous ease. Hoyermallet will get the start though if history is any indicator, we may see some Mallethoyer. The Houston coaching staff is looking more and more like that girlfriend that can’t quite decide between the red dress or the green dress. Over at a Jax fan site they’re celebrating the fact that they’re favoured for the first time this year. Hug that one point close Lennie, I mean Jags fans, but not too tight unless you strangle it a la Of Mice And Men. I do think that a steady dose of Yeldon, Hurns and Robinson should get this done though.
Mia @ Ten: Titans have lost their last 7 home games. Ouch. Meanwhile, new coach Campbell had this to say upon being hired, “Miso excited about this opportunity to turn this team around. Rest assured we will play Miller a lot more-he’ll be ramen left, ramen right and ramen right up the middle. Landry will dashi up and down the field, no doubt about that. The D is going to be more aggressive-I’ll be calling for bisques from all directions. We’ve got to get the opposing QB to say to himself, ‘What The Pho?’ Okay, I’ve got to go and prepare my team, GAZPACHO, one and all!”
Ah damn. Gonna be hard to lose this one, Detroit. ARE YOU UP TO IT?!?!
THE BEARISTOCRATS!
Not touched, but not caught.
Terrible reffing all day both ways in this game… and FUCK
You sound surprised.
Sanders is out of bounds. He’s gonna get bailed out
Take a look at whether his foot is out of bounds.
When did Chicago adopt the cursive B logo? Seems kinda half-assed.
1951
That’s a damn touchdown.
Holy shit never mind he’s out of bounds!
Warming up the stacks at the factory
Sanders you moron
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING SANDERS!
I’m gonna do another Mad Libs, but instead of using PK’s column, I’m gonna use footage of the Browns game, and instead of using the words you put in the blanks, I’m just gonna substitute the word “butt” every time they say McCown.
Refs have money on 0-16, Part 2, as well.
Come on Bears…I want another 0-16 Detroit season!!!!
It appears the Lions will be happy to do it themselves.
BRUTON!!!!
People talk about our troops being heroes, but the real hero is David Bruton.
THANKS JOSH OR LUKE
GREG
Browns.
Things people might think GSH stands for : God Shittin’ Hell
WTF? Did someone spray Stafford with water? Fat bastard’s sweating like the buffet’s about to close.
Spilled his Natty Ice
On the plus side, my college bball team had their 1st scrimmage yesterday. I can focus on that now that the Cardinals are in freefall.
Why didn’t the Bears call timeout right away just in case the Lions get a TD? They have no timeouts so they could just kneel down if they get the ball back and don’t need to score
Injury time out.
A competent team on their own 40 with 3 timeouts and only 1:06 on the clock should get within field goal range. Let’s see what the Browns do.
Caldwell is fixin’ to kick a field goal.
IN
COM
PLETE
FUCK YOU
/was funny
FACK you, shitty punter
Shameless family plug : My cousin just got a job with em, so drink em if ya see em
These guys are real good. Top-ten or so American brewery.
Didn’t care much for the Union Jack but the PIVO was pretty tasty.
I’m in Illinois, but it was actually recommended by a dude in Ca.
No no no Fox, fuck you, Bears @ Lions is in no fucking way “bonus coverage.”
More like “bone-us” coverage, amirite?
You are correct. The word “bonus” is from the latin meaning “good” and that in no way describes Bears/Lions.
Noooooooooo Demaryius……..
The shit, Demaryius?
With all those birds on the field this Cleveland-Denver finish is looking like a John Woo film.
/two handed finger guns in slow mo
So, how can Detroit get 4 points to send this shitshow into OT? Or possibly IT?
Jane you ignorant slut.
I haven’t watched a football game this season until today. At a bar that has a beer, shot, and a dog for $5..
If I weren’t on my third order I would hate the world with the flame of a million suns.
As it is, I would put it at 250,000 Suns. So a normal weekday hatred.
4-1 Jets, soon they will have the dreaded EXPECTATIONS and it’ll all go to hell.
“We’ll do our best to help.”
-NY Media
That Browns uni demands a different font
There’s no sarcastic font, is there?
Stupid McCown. Just take the sack and eat the time.
He’s a McCown ,, smgdh
There are two hot chicks trying to give away free Miller Lites. But I can’t even, because Miller Lite is HORSE PISS
Any of you West Coast folk familiar with Firestone-Walker?
Nope
Boy I have really started to detest Dan Aykroyd. I kind of always viewed him as a B-level Bill Murray, but now I am convinced he is a hack and will do anything for money.
Did Uproxx buy the NFL Twitter account?
“…this catch is AMAZING!”
“OMG DeAndre Hopkins YOU CAN JUST STOP!”
“..THERE ARE NO WORDS!”
The NFL had a field on Twitter and the INTERNET EXPLODED.
When you see what Martavis Bryant did you WILL NOT BE ABLE TO EVEN
Is it #UpForWhatever
Sponsored by FanDraftDuelKings
Draft Kings is ON FLEEK
Shit, overtime and ordering another beer is now my BEST case scenario. Life really Goddamn sucks.
I only WISH the Chargers/Steelers game had gone to overtime.
Well now don’t I feel like an asshole.
/am an asshole
You’re having a rough go of it, my friend. Make the best of it. Get a shot, too!
Honestly rather see Cleveland score a quick touchdown.
Holy FUCKBALLS Martavis
Jesus, that Martavius Bryant touchdown was like watching someone running Bo Jackson around in Tecmo Bowl.
THE BEN is gonna be a coach someday, I’m calling it now. He’s having too much fun on the sidelines right now.
He is gonna be so much to photoshop smashing through walls….
CAN’T WAIT
God bless @LSUFreek
Assassins Creed: Random History Event Subject
Templars did it!
Assassins Creed: Kent State
Lions FG. BOO!!! Danielle Panabaker anyways.
http://img005.lazygirls.info/people/avatar/avatar_danielle_panabaker_necessary_roughness_EJoMAswe.sized.gif
Somewhere, Greggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg just wrote “Game over.” in his notebook.
[*Redacted] s : moribund
Red Zone : Playing the Bears game non-stop
Drink : Empty
I will remedy the one element of this trio of horror that I have control over.
I can totally see Cleveland fumbling on the one yard line here.
Only being able to beat sub-.500 teams is not going to help ARI in the playoffs (I mean, after they play the NFC South champ).
Jacksonville is kind of amazing really….they draft new and presumably better players each year…sign free agents who are presumably better than the players they replace…yet they never…ever improve…not one bit.
LOL. I know! It’s quite uncanny.