Your Early Slate Open Thread

Was @ NYJ: This game features two above average D’s that get it done differently. The Slurs blitz a league-low 11% of the time and the Jets a league-high 53%. QB-wise Cousins has two pick-sixes that have lost games and Fitz hasn’t cracked 1,000 yds yet and has 6 Int’s to go with his 64.5 QBR. TO THE RUN GAME! Ivory  is a tough, slug-it-out between the tackles type that usually doesn’t go down after first contact. No wonder he’s had so much trouble with injuries through his career. Morris is a slogger as well, averaging 3.1 ypc this month. Looks like an old-timey fight-it-out-in-the-trenches kind of game to me. I think the under on this game is 3.

Ari @ Pit: Vick has a dog’s breath QBR of 28-dead last in the league but you already knew that and the fact that this game depends on Bell. ‘Zona’s wins have come against NO, the Bears, the 9er’s and Detroit. So yeah, they can beat down their weaker brothers but this is a test I think they’ll fail. According to PFF, DE Heyward and LB Harrison are the 5th and 2nd best at getting QB disruptions at their respective positions. I’m glad to see the Hall of Fame Fitz is having a big bounce-back year-he’s averaging 8+ targets per game and making the most of them, having scored 6 TD’s already.

KC @ Min: In KC, if you look to the West there are Charcandrick’s as far as the eye can see. Most of the talk in that town centers around how exactly will Andy Reid mis-use him. I’m going with, “chews up significant yardage, gets into a groove and then is taken out of the game for seven minutes”. Meanwhile, no worries in Minny about AP-he just moved into 10th place all-time for RB TD’s. As we all know, Smith is faced with the blitz often on 3rd down and can’t handle it. He’s ranked 34th out of 35 qualifying QB’s with respect to QBR on that down-expect the Vikes to have a series of small get-togethers in the Chiefs backfield over the course of the game.

Cin @ Buf: Dalton is my “Five Games In” MVP. He’s racked up 1500+ yards, 11 TD’s with only 2 picks-he’s doing everything right at the moment. Soooo…needless to say, die-hard Bengal-backers are wondering when the other cleat is going to drop. The Bills should get McCoy back today after Boobie brought the 2.7 ypc thunder against the Titans last week. Hey Look!-over there under “Questionable” status, it’s Percy Harvin getting comfortable again. It looks like Manuel gets the start today-maybe he’ll play really well and the Bills will have a QB controversey on their hands? Nah.

Chi @ Det: Yards per pass attempt-wise you’re looking at the two worst teams in the league. Of course an argument could be made that you’re looking at the two worst teams, period. Let’s move on, shall we?

Den @ Cle: The Bronc’s have given up 79 points total so far this year-don’t expect too many more to be added to that total today. What’s got only one functioning arm and is using it to hang on for dear life? The Peyton, that’s what. His 77 QBR is 20 points below his career average. He should use that big noggin of his to figure out that this is his last year. I’ve turned the corner on Josh. He’s thrown for over 1200 yards (to the likes of Barnidge, Bowe, Hartline and Hawkins-though Benjamin has been a surprise) with just the one pick. That said, he’ll probably double that total to two after this game. The Brownies have numerous problems but the QB spot isn’t one of them.

Hou @ Jax: Speaking of doubling up, one of these teams will do so in the win column today. Hopkins is on fire-his 578 yards and 75 targets lead the league. The one game I saw (yeah, I watched a Texans game, come at me) he did whatever the hell he wanted to do on the field, no matter the coverage and with ridiculous ease. Hoyermallet will get the start though if history is any indicator, we may see some Mallethoyer. The Houston coaching staff is looking more and more like that girlfriend that can’t quite decide between the red dress or the green dress. Over at a Jax fan site they’re celebrating the fact that they’re favoured for the first time this year. Hug that one point close Lennie, I mean Jags fans, but not too tight unless you strangle it a la Of Mice And Men. I do think that a steady dose of Yeldon, Hurns and Robinson should get this done though.

Mia @ Ten: Titans have lost their last 7 home games. Ouch. Meanwhile, new coach Campbell had this to say upon being hired, “Miso excited about this opportunity to turn this team around. Rest assured we will play Miller a lot more-he’ll be ramen left, ramen right and ramen right up the middle. Landry will dashi up and down the field, no doubt about that. The D is going to be more aggressive-I’ll be calling for bisques from all directions. We’ve got to get the opposing QB to say to himself, ‘What The Pho?’ Okay, I’ve got to go and prepare my team, GAZPACHO, one and all!”

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fleshwound_NPG

BROWNS!

A GOOD!

entropy

The ALCS is in Toronto tomorrow night? It’s gonna be what, 11 degrees there? Awesome.

Senor Weaselo

The Rogers Centreh has a retractable roof.

entropy

Ah. I pay no attention to Toronto.

Spur

Are pigeons some sort of spectacle in Cleveland or something?

entropy

The residents eat them.

John Difool

I believe it’s considered a game bird up there.

fleshwound_NPG

Did not notice the “BROWNS” on the pant legs on the Browns uniforms until now.

Holy shit somebody has to be shot for that.

blaxabbath

That’s ALL i’ve noticed.

Did they change the helmets at all?

Doktor Zymm

They stole the idea from Victoria’s Secret sportswear

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blaxabbath

Fox getting analysis from A-Rod. “How does the team look?”

A-Rod: “Well, if it were me, they’d be onPEDs their entire career.”

Holy CTE, Fouts

makeitsnowondem

Jester King Estival Dicohotomous. Sour beer with strawberries, chamomile and spelt. Awesome. Liveblogging from a bar with beer flights is fun.

Doktor Zymm

Bortle Bortle Bort Bort Bort

Bortleback

My son is also named Bort

Spanky Datass

Boy be blind.

Sharkbait
Lord Joe Don Looney

There is so much derp this afternoon. It is glorious.

Spur

Why the fuck is A-Rod on my television screen right now?

litre_cola

Tanneyhill is hot garbage.

Bortleback

Have their opponents started signing people off the Dolphins practice squad before they play them to fuck with Tannehill?

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

TRANNECEPTION!

Spur

That somehow was the Miami defenses fault.

Redshirt

Once again, the bengals are allergic to success

King Hippo

Update for Dok – there is one Skins (or N!@@er F@ggots fan, if one prefers) fan here. He is wearing a Cooley jersey. I kinda want him to knife fight Meeechigan sweatshirt guy to the death. He did NAWT wash his hands after pissing. Ewwwwwww.

blaxabbath

Can we also replace the o with a 0?

Doktor Zymm

I bet you anything that he would give the rationale that he didn’t piss on his hands, so why wash them? if you asked him about that.

entropy

“The only person who has touched this thing in years is me.”

bourb0nblues

Watkins scores TD, injured during play. Awesome!

Bortleback

He knows that his only chance to catch 10 passes a game from EJ is to be on the sideline

JustStopDude

Honest to god…every single fucking time I see Pacman Jones on the field, it causes my brain to fart.

John Difool

Leading the Jets by 3 at half-time. What back-breaking, soul-crushing thing will Cousins do to lose the second half?

Senor Weaselo

I don’t know, the Jets have come out of the bye week Jetsing in midseason form.

Doktor Zymm

So many options….I’m gonna go with pick-six in the last 30 seconds of the game, lose by 4.

blaxabbath

Vick scrambles out on third and 3, waves his defender deep, heaves the ball into the grass 10 yards ahead.

Sharkbait

Watkinsdown. And I didnt start him.

Also he might be dead.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Wow, EJ Manuel looks competent. Did someone put something in my tea?

Spur

What’s Bubby Brister up to these days?

I thought if pacman touched a blue ghost nothing bad happened.

Doktor Zymm

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WCS

Holy shit, Mathman.

blaxabbath

The PIT boo birds are out!

Spur

“To only be down 7 points is a real accomplishment for the Steelers.”
Is this what it’s like to be a browns fan?

Doktor Zymm

13 – 10! Excitement!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

You misspelled excrement.

Doktor Zymm

That actually was an auto-correct suggestion.

blaxabbath

You know, I always hear about how violent kickoff collisions are, but I’m not seeing it. And, thus, am not entertained.

Spur

That Pigeon clearly wanted a piece of that Hail Mary action in Cleveland.

John Difool

LeRibeus, Garcon… there hasn’t been this much Frenchman playing on the same side as [*Redacted] s since the French and Indian War

Doktor Zymm

Don’t forget Jean-Francois!

Brick Meathook

For a while there I thought maybe they fired Joe Buck or he died or something, and then I remembered oh yeah baseball.

Sill Bimmons

At least I’m getting points for this Palmerapage.

Doktor Zymm

WTF, Sunday Ticket?! It’s like they don’t want to show me the good parts of the game…

Doktor Zymm

It’s like the opposite of Red Zone.

fleshwound_NPG

[rules says no catch]

[analysts says no catch]

[replay says no catch]

[everybody says no catch]

Catch.

Sharkbait

The NFL Everybody!

entropy

You’re three yards outside the end zone…. No need to dive.

Lord Joe Don Looney

Wow, that was a make up call for the Lions.

blaxabbath

Wow. PIT just immune to any PI calls today.

Spur

The home officiating advantage is STRONG today.Wave that yellow rag.

Sill Bimmons

SUCK ON THAT ANTIVAXXERS

BrettFavresColonoscopy

PI CALLS CAUSE AUTISM

JustStopDude

Careful…while jet fuel can’t melt steel beams…hot taeks can!!!

makeitsnowondem

Give the Broncos offense this: They have at times looked like they were considering scoring.

Senor Weaselo

It doesn’t matter as long as you try your best.

King Hippo

McManus missed. I am questioning all that I once thought I knew about the universe. That is our entire offense.

Sharkbait

Tomlin, Vick is -6. MOAR LEVEON!

Spur

If the Cards lose this game you can look to all these penalties. Way too many, even if one or two were bullshit.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Okay, even WITHOUT the Calvin Johnson rule, that shouldn’t have been a touchdown.

Doktor Zymm

Great referee moments : Sumo

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Gratliff

FUCK YEAH! I’m all about Golden Tate fantasy points on a bullshit overturned call.

blaxabbath

ARI looking undisciplined.

Need Coach Duchess in there.

John Difool

DeAngelo Hall, you can go ahead and retire now.

Lord Joe Don Looney

The League is still determining the langue of what is a catch.

After how many years?

Sill Bimmons

95

Glorious Chairman Dan

This guy I call him Fitzmagic for magically giving us the ball

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Fat Stafford red zone INT! Order has been restored!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Aw fiddlesticks

Senor Weaselo

Oh goddamnit Marshall.

John Difool

BASHAUD BEASTLAND

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