Your Early Slate Open Thread

Was @ NYJ: This game features two above average D’s that get it done differently. The Slurs blitz a league-low 11% of the time and the Jets a league-high 53%. QB-wise Cousins has two pick-sixes that have lost games and Fitz hasn’t cracked 1,000 yds yet and has 6 Int’s to go with his 64.5 QBR. TO THE RUN GAME! Ivory  is a tough, slug-it-out between the tackles type that usually doesn’t go down after first contact. No wonder he’s had so much trouble with injuries through his career. Morris is a slogger as well, averaging 3.1 ypc this month. Looks like an old-timey fight-it-out-in-the-trenches kind of game to me. I think the under on this game is 3.

Ari @ Pit: Vick has a dog’s breath QBR of 28-dead last in the league but you already knew that and the fact that this game depends on Bell. ‘Zona’s wins have come against NO, the Bears, the 9er’s and Detroit. So yeah, they can beat down their weaker brothers but this is a test I think they’ll fail. According to PFF, DE Heyward and LB Harrison are the 5th and 2nd best at getting QB disruptions at their respective positions. I’m glad to see the Hall of Fame Fitz is having a big bounce-back year-he’s averaging 8+ targets per game and making the most of them, having scored 6 TD’s already.

KC @ Min: In KC, if you look to the West there are Charcandrick’s as far as the eye can see. Most of the talk in that town centers around how exactly will Andy Reid mis-use him. I’m going with, “chews up significant yardage, gets into a groove and then is taken out of the game for seven minutes”. Meanwhile, no worries in Minny about AP-he just moved into 10th place all-time for RB TD’s. As we all know, Smith is faced with the blitz often on 3rd down and can’t handle it. He’s ranked 34th out of 35 qualifying QB’s with respect to QBR on that down-expect the Vikes to have a series of small get-togethers in the Chiefs backfield over the course of the game.

Cin @ Buf: Dalton is my “Five Games In” MVP. He’s racked up 1500+ yards, 11 TD’s with only 2 picks-he’s doing everything right at the moment. Soooo…needless to say, die-hard Bengal-backers are wondering when the other cleat is going to drop. The Bills should get McCoy back today after Boobie brought the 2.7 ypc thunder against the Titans last week. Hey Look!-over there under “Questionable” status, it’s Percy Harvin getting comfortable again. It looks like Manuel gets the start today-maybe he’ll play really well and the Bills will have a QB controversey on their hands? Nah.

Chi @ Det: Yards per pass attempt-wise you’re looking at the two worst teams in the league. Of course an argument could be made that you’re looking at the two worst teams, period. Let’s move on, shall we?

Den @ Cle: The Bronc’s have given up 79 points total so far this year-don’t expect too many more to be added to that total today. What’s got only one functioning arm and is using it to hang on for dear life? The Peyton, that’s what. His 77 QBR is 20 points below his career average. He should use that big noggin of his to figure out that this is his last year. I’ve turned the corner on Josh. He’s thrown for over 1200 yards (to the likes of Barnidge, Bowe, Hartline and Hawkins-though Benjamin has been a surprise) with just the one pick. That said, he’ll probably double that total to two after this game. The Brownies have numerous problems but the QB spot isn’t one of them.

Hou @ Jax: Speaking of doubling up, one of these teams will do so in the win column today. Hopkins is on fire-his 578 yards and 75 targets lead the league. The one game I saw (yeah, I watched a Texans game, come at me) he did whatever the hell he wanted to do on the field, no matter the coverage and with ridiculous ease. Hoyermallet will get the start though if history is any indicator, we may see some Mallethoyer. The Houston coaching staff is looking more and more like that girlfriend that can’t quite decide between the red dress or the green dress. Over at a Jax fan site they’re celebrating the fact that they’re favoured for the first time this year. Hug that one point close Lennie, I mean Jags fans, but not too tight unless you strangle it a la Of Mice And Men. I do think that a steady dose of Yeldon, Hurns and Robinson should get this done though.

Mia @ Ten: Titans have lost their last 7 home games. Ouch. Meanwhile, new coach Campbell had this to say upon being hired, “Miso excited about this opportunity to turn this team around. Rest assured we will play Miller a lot more-he’ll be ramen left, ramen right and ramen right up the middle. Landry will dashi up and down the field, no doubt about that. The D is going to be more aggressive-I’ll be calling for bisques from all directions. We’ve got to get the opposing QB to say to himself, ‘What The Pho?’ Okay, I’ve got to go and prepare my team, GAZPACHO, one and all!”

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
1.1K Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
JustStopDude

comment image

blaxabbath

Your 2016 Cleveland Browns starting QB, Landry Jones.

Gratliff

Welp. Season’s over for Washington.

entropy

Now now, they can stil embarrass the Eagles for everybody.

Glorious Chairman Dan

Our season ended the year Dan Snyder bought the team.

#FTTD

Kirk Cousins, god damn.

Brick Meathook

That Sicilian looks sad

entropy

Jetsception after planes collide in mid-air.

fleshwound_NPG

I do not think NFL officials know exactly what they are doing, you guys.

blaxabbath

That’s the union for ya!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“When in doubt, throw a flag.”

– NFL Officiating Handbook, 2015

entropy

I thought the whole thing was just a laminated photo of a flag on the field?

bourb0nblues

See also, Kirk Cousins.

Doktor Zymm

By my calculation, DirectTV owes me about $2 of football I should have been able to watch today.

http://cdn.meme.am/instances/35728002.jpg

King Hippo

This is a family classic. We have watched this movie so many times.

King Hippo

One MOAR FG, Donks. My heart needs it.

entropy

“That may be a very important play as we get into the 4th quarter here…’

Still four minutes in the 3rd.

blaxabbath

All games converge on the 4th quarter.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I believe the plot is “young people are good with computers”.

blaxabbath

I think I have a problem with nonprofits (special olympics) doing commercials for Microsoft. This isn’t like a “We use the MS cloud.” This is a non-profit playing the role of a paid actor to sell a product.

evilbeaver8

Can’t wait for all the jagoff pieces tomorrow about the Dolphins winning after getting a dose of grit and toughness.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m gonna throw my oven mitts in the laundry so I’ll be able to handle all the hot taeks.

evilbeaver8

Time in the dryer on high is like the Oklahoma Drill for oven mitts IMO.

entropy

I have had many beers. Time for food. Peanut m&m’s it is!

blaxabbath

Really expected PIT to block that with the way this has been going.

blaxabbath

Oh good — called for a penalty. Gotta repunt from 10 yards back.

This will be returned for a TD.

Doktor Zymm

I have no fucking clue what’s going on in this game, and for once it’s not due to the incompetence of my team (though they do appear to be pretty incompetent today.) DIE IN A FIRE SUNDAY TICKET.

John Difool

Consider yourself lucky.

King Hippo

This is why we generally don’t support monopolies.

Glorious Chairman Dan

Hail to the Redzone time…

Redshirt

So Vick is hurt. Which teammate took him out?

The Maestro

Lol, of course it’s snowing in Buffalo. October fucking eighteenth. I love winter, and I’d still shoot myself if I had to live there.

John Difool

The [*Redacted] s basically give no fucks about playing defense right now, they have developed terminal Kirk Cancer.

Senor Weaselo

I thought that was Catler’s Disease. Or smallpox.

Bortleback

Catler’s disease manifests as extreme apathy, to the point of not caring that you’re married to an anti-vaxxer

blaxabbath

Jesus christ, Cards. With the way you’re playing, you would be losing to MICHIGAN.

entropy

Someone throw this marketing fuck in the wood chipper.

Doktor Zymm

Anyone have the addresses of any DirectTV executives? I need to know….for a friend. Not for murder or anything.

Gratliff

Jones going full Adrian Neville on that dive.

Spur

“A game statistically dominated by the Cardinals”…except for where it counts.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Brandon Marshall showing the [*Redacted] s how to nonoffesively show how your QB sucks while still scoring.

Senor Weaselo

That was purty.

blackroseMD1

Did Landry Jones get more passing yards on that drive than Vick had all game?

King Hippo

If he had 0, then yes

blackroseMD1

Vick has 6 passing yards. Landry Jones now has 8.

I was just kidding when I originally posted, but holy shit…how is Pittsburgh still in this game, much less winning?

Damn that’s slick multiple migs.

bourb0nblues

Feel that magic.

entropy

Holy shit Marshal, that was an awesome catch!

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Alohaception!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Do interceptions on two-point conversions count in fantasy?

King Hippo

No

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Boo!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

In the insanity league?

Sill Bimmons

Pretty sure they do in the insanity league.

entropy

Zac Stacy sighting!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Sheesh, Manning, I’ve seen squib kicks that had better spirals than that.

Doktor Zymm

I’ve seen squab shits with better spirals.

Sill Bimmons

oh wtf

Spur

McCown has the situational awareness of those pigeons.

blaxabbath

Doesn’t help to be a film hawk when there’s no film on Landry Lones!

Doktor Zymm

I just sneezed for two minutes straight. I think I’m allergic to this game.

blackroseMD1

The Cards just got Landry Jones’d.

Sill Bimmons

420 TIME IN MARTAVISVILLE WOO

WCS

Jeebus Cripes, Landry Jones did a good?!

comment image

blaxabbath

Oh my god. ARI is going on an 11 game losing streak.

Palmer suffer that season-ending injury?

Senor Weaselo

Ivory ole!

Brick Meathook

I’ve been on a long phone call. Did they bench Vick?

blaxabbath

Yep. Possibly hurt. Possibly not.

WCS

Hamstring injury. He old.

King Hippo

Goddamn, it’s nice to have a defense.

Spur

Can someone please end Harrison’s career with the cheap shots he lays on other people?

fleshwound_NPG

LOLIONS

JustStopDude

Verily with that Fitz TD run, Easterbrook achieved climax, wrote “game over” in his notebook…and petered off to sleep…

1 6 7 8 9 10 13