The movies had that movie thing
But nonsense has a welcome ring
And heroes don’t come easy
1.) Pharmacies are stapler-happy. Why must they always staple my receipt to the bag? Don’t they know I need that shit for my taxes? “Hey Monty, IRS Auditor here, you got a receipt for this $13.27 prescription you paid for out of your Health Savings Account? No? Okay, that’s an extra $4.14 you owe in taxes, plus $0.65 in interest, and a $10,000 fine.” So now I gotta extract the receipt from the bag, without ripping the thing so as to make it unreadable. And they ALL do it, too. Every pharmacy folds the top of the bag over and then staples about 4 pieces of paper to it, including my receipt. Is that taught in pharm tech school? ‘Cuz it needs to stop. Just ask me if I want the receipt with me or in the bag, like every other retailer.
2.) There’s another thing that retailers do, especially fast food restaurants in the drive-through, and it’s handing me my change with the bills forming like a little bowl for the coins to sit in. I almost always end up dropping some coins on the floor in my car, or worse, on the ground outside my window. Even if I do manage to hang on to all of it, I have to make a fist with the bills/coins in it to make sure I DON’T lose any of it, and I have to stuff that crumpled mess into my pocket. Here’s how you should be handing change back to me: “Your total is $7.71, out of $20… (hands me 29 cents) $8, (hands me two one dollar bills and a ten), $9, $10, and ten makes $20.” That way I can drop the 29 cents in the little change compartment in my car, then stick the nicely-folded bills in my pocket.
3.) Who even uses cash anymore anyway? I almost never have cash on me. You should be able to accept my debit or credit card. It is 2015. That little white square thing means that anyone with a smartphone can accept cards now. You have NO EXCUSE. What’s that? I can write a check? A HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! Sorry, church fundraiser, Amish woman selling her baked goods outside Walmart, or angry Girl Scouts that strung up Balls in a tree because he didn’t pay for his cookies… I’m not writing you a check and I’m certainly not running to the ATM for you.