Your One O’Clock Slate Open Thread

TB @ Atl: Winston has 9 TD’s and 7 Int’s-lousy, huh? His opposite today, Ryan has a sparkling 9 TD’s and 6 Int’s (also almost 600 more yards but still). At this point Tampa is just trying to show some progress and get through the season while the Falcons need a win to stay within tobacco juice-spitting distance of the Panthers. I’m not sure how Atlanta is going to pull this out what with Hankerson being out. Hopefully one of the other guys at the WR spot will come through.

Ari @ Cle: The Madden simulation of this game had the Cards winning 149-56. I think RB Johnson is going to break a long one against a Browns run D that almost always falls apart in the 2nd half. Don’t get me started on WR Bowe and his 9 mil. guaranteed contract and his three straight healthy scratches and “redemption time” narrative. Browns fans that want Manziel in are nuts. Why? McCown has made a star (okay, maybe “viable player” is the better term) out of TE Barnidge. What sort of sorcery has gotten these guys to connect for 459 yds. and 5 TD’s? Cleveland gets 3 starters back-CB Haden, FS Gipson and ILB Robertson. It won’t be enough for a win but this will allow them to be more aggressive.

F @ StL: San Fran takes it on the road and most likely on the chin today. The struggling Kaep may be without both Hyde and Boldin today as both are listed as questionable. (much like Kaep’s on-field decisions) Against a top 10 D, that spells more trouble and regression for a guy who doesn’t need either. The Rams are dead last in passing yards per game and Foles is taking some heat for it but I’m not having it. The WR corps consists of Britt, Bailey, Quick, TE Cook, who is inconsistent and Austin. Tavon is talented and just needs to be put into open space with the ball in order to make things happen but that is not happening often enough. I expect with the emergence of Gurley things will sort themselves out somewhat but this group is third rate.

NYG @ NO: Eli should be happy to know that the Saints give up the fifth-most passing yards per game at 275. This stat is actually worse than it seems because the Saints have rarely had a large lead on anyone therefore forcing them to air it out. After losing three straight the Saints have won the last three of four. When they are up they go after the QB hard-13 of their 16 sacks have occurred while they had the lead. The Giants have a measly nine in total. RB Orleans Darkwa of the Giants, a long shot to make the 53 man squad in September is pushing his way into the Giants RBBC.

Min @ Chi: Minny looks to be entering into a multi-year window of competitiveness given what they’ve done in the draft the past two years. Bridgewater, Kendricks, Barr, Diggs, Clemmings and Wayne are young, solid and talented. Also, most of them have no memory of having lost 7 straight at Soldier Field. Here’s this week’s “Stat Dis-Connect of the Week”. The Bears have the 26th ranked rush D yet have only given up 2 TD’s on the ground. Wah? Perhaps AP will close the gap a bit today.

SD @ Dal: Philip “The Loin Master” Rivers just had his eighth kid. Or maybe his wife did. I don’t know. That’s six girls and two boys and increasing pressure on the cervix and the population density of greater San Diego. Speaking of easy to score on, both these D’s like to give it away so we should be in for a bit of a TD/FG bonerama.

Cin @ Pit: “Big Ben Is Back!” yelled the owner of my fantasy team just now. I expect the Two B’s (Bell and Brown) to put it into a higher gear today. Hell, I’m calling it-Bengals get their first loss of the season today. Dalton can’t keep his insane numbers going much longer, can he? The world-weary Bengals fans shout “NO WAY!” in unison. WR Green is getting CB Antwon Blake today because Gay is banged up so Cincy should put up some points. Kudos to the guy who drafted RB Hill right in front of me. Buddy, I owe you one.

Ten @ Hou: This is our third game featuring a one win team playing a two win squad. Whoopee! Say goodbye to Hoyermallet and the lousy run they had and welcome Hoyersavageyates to the party. I’m just kidding, I saw TJ Yates in pre-season and I doubt that the coaches trust him with a clipboard. Foster done tore himself his Achilles and is gone for the year. To those mothers dipping their incipient football-playing sons into the River Styx I can’t stress this enough-DUNK THE WHOLE KID IN, DON’T BE LAZY ABOUT IT! Jeezuz!

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Gratliff

Rooster going to commercial for Atl-TB? I’m not sure I get the relevance.

The Maestro

Just killed the unopened box of 50 assorted fun-sized chocolate bars.

Now, onto the assorted 60-pack of licorice.

My afternoon is turning into “Type 2 diabetes: The Home Game!”

What I’m getting at is that it’s not much different than most other Sunday afternoons, really.

Beerguyrob

Starting Palmer over Brees appears to have gone sideways.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I went Palmer over Dalton. Working out for me

Doktor Zymm

I went Newton over Brees. Cam better have a hell of a game.

Who do the strippers fear more Pacman or Boss Todd

Beerguyrob

Is The Ben not part of the equation?

The Maestro

The real answer is Darren Sharper, obviously.

King Hippo

IceDEEEERRRRRRPPPPP

Sill Bimmons

PAC MAN GON PAC MAN CHUH CHUH

fleshwound_NPG

PACMAN O HE GON GIT FLAGGED, BELIEEEE DAT, CHUH CHUH

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Once again, fuck you Ford!

King Hippo

Ghost of Henry Ford: “Are you a Jew? I bet you’re a Jew.”

bourb0nblues

BECKHAMDOWN 2

synapticmisfires

Big hand buggalo?

Gatoraids

Pierre Paul prepares the celebratory roman candle

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
King Hippo

Am I the only one who thinks of “Darkwing Duck” when they hear “Darkwa?”

synapticmisfires

Cleveland game needs more Duke Johnson.

/spent my whole draft on WRs and QBs

Doktor Zymm

The late games look pretty laughable. Maybe I’ll wander over to Wrigleyville and find a bar with the windows open. It should be reasonably devoid of baseball fans today.

WCS

Le’Veon Bell, on the other hand, continues to be quite good at this footed ball gamesport.

Sill Bimmons

Dri Archer: still worthless.

synapticmisfires

Yes…Soldier Field is the only NFL stadium affected by sun. Good analysis.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

They also said the refs were good because they call the most penalties, tried to work out a joke but got nothing

Doktor Zymm

RESPECT THE SUN

WCS

Dri Archer continues to be absolutely pointless.

King Hippo

Just another way for Boss Todd to kill the soul of every Le’Veon owner.

King Hippo

Diggs, please, please, please….

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
King Hippo

Wait, Pheel and Jeeem not in Yinzerville? Lucky.

synapticmisfires

So I haven’t been following the Buccs at all this year, but they mentioned that Evans is their only healthy wide receiver. And then they showed Winston missing high on consecutive throws with safety help coming over the top.

Seems like more than just a coincidence. If I’m Mike Evans, I don’t stretch out for one of those.

fleshwound_NPG

+For who, for what

entropy

Yo all.

I basically crawled into a bottle of Jameson Caskmates Friday afternoon, then drank my fill of 2 Gingers yesterday… and now it’s off to the bar for Sunday Foobaw.

I have clearly done something right in a past life. I’ll be back for the night thread.

theeWeeBabySeamus

That looks like the most evilest tranny hookworm ever.

fleshwound_NPG

That start was VERY false, Vikings guard.

Old School Zero

Chargers won’t have any players left by the end of the season to move to LA.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Bears had half their roster on the injury report and more out for the year. They lost their #1 corner. No one pretend that Fuller has done anything this year, he was 2

Chrysler and the Hunger Games, the crossover you never knew was possible.

Doktor Zymm

I completely neglected to stop by Walgreens and buy leftover Halloween candy. I have failed at All Saints Day.

King Hippo

I think I still have some from 2014 on top of my fridge.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Stay away from my 50% off Reese’s Pumpkins.

WCS

Call of Duty:

King Hippo

Hey, at least I told that guy in the FF thread to play Cooks. One decision I got right this week.

Gratliff

Brandon Cooks is going to get murdered by King Cuerno one day.

Senor Weaselo

TOO MANY COOKS

Doktor Zymm

3-2? Did a hockey game break out?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Wait, can I watch a hockey game instead of the bears game?

fleshwound_NPG

With that home run, SF Giants lead StL Cardinals 3-2

ThePirateSloth

I just came here to ask if they were playing a based of balls game there.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace
Moonbatting Average

Can we just go ahead and change the Browns’ name to the Bright Oranges?

The Maestro

Eh, whenever they wear the oranges, I just start calling them the Breveland Clowns.

WCS

CHUH CHUH

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
fleshwound_NPG

Funky bee stripes not doing THE BEN, whom has been out for weeks doing jack shit, any favors.

King Hippo

I can’t wait to see that dude at 50.

“Ah wash mahself with a rag ohn a stick.”

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yay….another FG in B’more.
That Trestman feller is totes genius-ish.

S1 of Fargo looking better and better today.

Senor Weaselo

CoD: Beef Moe Ops

The Maestro

[12:40 pm, realizes that RB2 is on a bye week]

[12:45 pm, picks up Reggie Bush 15 mins before kickoff]

[1:30 pm, Bush goes down hard]

I’m surprised more sports fans aren’t complete nihilists, really.

WCS

We believe in nothing.

King Hippo

Ya, Lebowski

litre_cola

Put him in 10 mins before game time. Gut hunch. More like Gut Punch AMIRITE!

Bortleback

Good thing the niners released that Hayne guy – no way he’d be useful right now

So does halo want to be more like call of duty or call of duty want to be more like halo.

Gratliff

Halo 5 wants to be the Freelancer seasons of Red vs. Blue. Call of Duty wants to be that awful future Battlefield game.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I like Pong. Such multilayered excitement.

The Maestro

To be fair, Pong uses the FUCK out of all 4 bits it has!

theeWeeBabySeamus

It’s way more fun drunk/high.
I mean…so I’ve heard.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Tex was introduced 15 min in what is called the first ep of season 1 on Netflix. It was always about how stupid it was they are there and how bad they are at their jobs. That does remind me I never finished the last 2

Gratliff

While there are plenty high points from the second half of the series, nothing will be as enjoyable as the banter from the first 5 seasons. However, some of the cinematic choreography in Halo 5 feels blatantly stolen from the Freelancer saga. For instance, the opening of the second level involves Master Chief and 3 Not Master Chiefs jet packing through space into a ship controlled by Elites. They bust through a window, and then magnetize their boots so they Elites get sucked out while they walk past them. In Red vs. Blue, they did the same thing, but with killing the artificial gravity instead.

King Hippo

Trick question. They’re BOTH SO JELLY.

Moonbatting Average

Dropping the Vikings defense appears to have been a bad idea

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

They were playing the Bears. What were you thinking?

King Hippo

I did this in Week 2, and have been paying for it ever since.

Moonbatting Average

I was thinking I didn’t need two DEFs (have Denver), and my RB situation is shaky as hell

King Hippo

I had Balmer, and benched them Week 1 because of the Denver offense (HAHAHAHAHAHAHA). Been a carousel ever since.

Have Denver in make it snow’s league, at least.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

If I hadn’t already started drinking I would right now

fleshwound_NPG

Bears special teams still a glorious tire fire

King Hippo

SHIT. I am not gonna get the Bridgewater/Diggs points I need now.

Old School Zero

Dunlap and Liuget both injured. Pretty soon San Diego is going to innovate playing without either an offensive or defensive line.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I was already totes apathetic today, Ravens/Chargers ain’t helping. I think it might be a good day to start trying to clear the dvr.

Doktor Zymm

Tee hee. Flea-flicker is a funny name.

King Hippo

Thank Jeebus for oxycodone

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’d thank you if you’d hand some over you selfish prick.