Your Early Slate Open Thread

We’re more than half way through the regular season. I’ve had a great time so far-oh, if my bottles of scotch could talk…they probably wouldn’t slur their words like I do. Moving on-

GB @ Car: Rodgers is sacked/pressured almost 40% of the time he drops back to pass and he faces another quality D that can really bring it. Lacy needs to stop with the donuts and start with the knockin’ defenders backwards. More good news for GB-starting CB’s Shields and Rollins are doubtful for the game. 7-0 Carolina is an underdog at home. This is only the second time since 1990 that has occurred. The Panthers are hoping that a potential win has nothing to do with WR Ginn, otherwise it will slip through their fingers.

Was @ NE: WE ARE ALL [INSERT TEAM HERE] FANS TODAY goes the refrain whenever someone plays the Pats. Actually, the Slurs don’t stand a damn chance and I’m not going to waste my time bothering to side with them. 20 TD’s and 1 Intercept-Br*dy’s playing at a ridiculous level. I hope he gets leveled.

Ten @ NO: Somethingberger goes back to the bench ’cause Mariota is able to play this week. Will Mularkey have the same effect on the Titans as Campbell had on the Fins? We’ll find out real quick. We’ll also find out what happens when a soft, squishy object collides with a vulnerable not-force. That would be a Titans WR group of draft bust Hunter, nobody Green-Beckham, lousy as hell Douglas and practice squadder Richardson clashing with a colander disguised as a Rob Ryan-led Saints secondary. Watson? Snead? Who are these people and what has Brees done with them? Well, made them relevant for one thing. That should continue as Titans CB’s McCourty and Wreh-Wilson aren’t likely to play.

Mia @ Buf: With DE Wake gone Miami’s sack rate drops from 7% down to 1.8%. The good news is that Bills QB Taylor gets sacked at the 5th highest rate of all players at his position. To no one’s surprise Harvin has gone over to the IR. Actually, that hip injury that he’s been dealing with for a few years now is a bit troubling. It sounds like a chronic condition and I’ll bet he’ll have mobility issues even earlier than the average retired football player. LB Brown and DE Dareus have been vocal in their criticism of Ryan’s “complicated” D packages. Given the talent on this D there’s no excuse for these guys not being a top 8 unit.

StL @ Min: Gurley is averaging 115 yds. per game but he’ll struggle to reach that in this game unless he breaks a long one. Hats off to Gregg Williams (?) of all people for making the Saint Looey D the 5th ranked in the league. I very much like the way these teams match up-they’re the 1st and 4th ranked red zone D’s, have strong running games and middling QB’s that will be running for their lives all afternoon. Sounds like a raucous, hard-hitting, low-scoring affair-just like a night on the town with Greg Hardy. Football Outsiders ranks Minny’s first seven games of the season as the easiest in the NFL. The kicker? They rate the Vikes remaining sked as the toughest.

Jax @ NYJ: One of these two teams leads the league defensively in fewest yards per rush and it isn’t the Jets. That’s right, the Jags did a good. Bortles still hasn’t won a road game in his career and it’s not likely to happen today but he has improved his QBR rating by 21 points on enemy fields. Progress! (is slow) Speaking of highly-ranked D’s the Jets come in at #2 overall. Revis will take WR Robinson out of the game so Hurns should get him some. At least that’s what my fantasy brain is telling me. Of course a Jets blog says they have no one to cover TE Thomas so I’m sure he’ll steal all the points.

Oak @ Pit: The Raiders have a winning record against only one team over the last ten years. Guess who they’re 4-1 against? Go ahead, I’ll wait. Good on you QB Carr-he’s improved his QBR from 28th (38.2) last year to 11th (65.8) this year. I don’t think anyone outside his mom and dad could have seen that coming. The Steel Sieve is 26th against the pass so WR’s Cooper and Crabtree have some easy catchin’ to do. The Steelers defensive captain Heyward will play Sunday despite seeing the birth of his first-born yesterday. Gotta hand it to him for going back out there so soon after seeing the old placenta plop onto the floor of the delivery room. (that sorta stuff stays with you, man) Beware WR Brown now that Ben is back. It’s just a matter of time before the both of them go off big time.

 

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Doktor Zymm

If Khalil Mack ever gets traded to the Packers, what’s the over/under on MACK AND CHEESE headlines?

blackroseMD1

A thousand…and I’d take the over.

entropy

The number of them, or how quickly they occur?

John Difool

+10

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Can you have an over/under on ALL THE HEADLINES?

IronAvenger6491

Here’s hoping JPP gets a sack for every finger he still has.

John Difool

For the Skins/Pats game I’m drinking Icehouse Edge…. and I’m not ashamed of it either.

Why is Diggs praying to Mecca?

Sill Bimmons

He’s Obummer’s nephew.

They’re all related, you know.

Sill Bimmons

Dumb Bills.

Sill Bimmons

Pack attack.

King Hippo

That CobbDOWN fucked me something awful.

Romonobyl

That used to mean something else, this season it’s a bad medical condition.

blackroseMD1

Pats are playing a TE at Right Tackle because they ran out of linemen? Damn…I thought the Chargers O-Line issues were bad.

John Difool

You can do that when the refs are your 12th man.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Roman Harper: Still worthless

entropy

So everyone BUT the Jets knew that was gonna be a QB keeper?

Doktor Zymm

I wouldn’t mind another Patriots 18-1 season.

entropy

Fuck that. I want a Pats 0-16 season.

Doktor Zymm

Too late for that to happen this year. It would be fun though, especially if they were 15-1 or something, then Brady and Belichick retire and the next year, squat.

entropy

I know it won’t happen *this* year, but next? Maybe right after the NFL suspends Brady for PEDs or some other irrefutable scandal? I’m in. I’m SO in.

Doktor Zymm

You got my vote.

King Hippo

They can have 16-2 if’n the 2 are both to the Donks.

Gratliff

5 minutes to go in the third, and Pats start killing the clock.

Moonbatting Average

Eddie Lacy is a fuckboy

Moonbatting Average

4 rushes for 3 yards and a fumble

IronAvenger6491

Giants play the Pats next week, i hope they can somehow, someway find a pass rush in time for it.

The Maestro

I just hope to tits that this isn’t somehow a Super Bowl preview.

IronAvenger6491

With the way this season is going, i kinda feel like the Giants are gonna dumb luck their way to the super bowl.

John Difool

Matt ‘Bones’ Jones……”Dammit Kirk, I’m A Doctor Not A Running Back!”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Who is going to do my laundry so I can keep drinking at the bar?

Romonobyl

There’s a laundromat near me that has an attached bar. Never been there, could be interesting.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Suds and suds?

Sill Bimmons

IF THIS VAN’S A HERPING WE’RE IN HERE A DERPING

Smithchez

DERPskins

Gratliff

Skins going full Fuck It.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Stupid Redslurs.

bourb0nblues

Slurs gonna slur

John Difool

Garcon trying to redeem himself

Romonobyl

Family Guy…still???

Sill Bimmons

People apparently really like references!

entropy

Dennis Miller had a pretty long career, pre-911-freakout.

King Hippo

Too bad, he was actually really funny even if I didn’t share his politics. Then he went over the edge and quit being funny AT ALL. Just became all right-wing rant, all the time.

entropy

Should I feel basically happy that the only real challenge the Pats have had this season were the Jets, or kinda pissed that that same team is now hell bent on being worse than expected at the start of the season?

King Hippo

Wade Phillips is cackling with anticipation.

Croooow

As an Antonio Brown fantasy owner, I can’t complain.

Doktor Zymm

Time for martini #2. I suspect this may be a no solid food type of day.

entropy

ONE OF US ONE OF US ONE OF US

Romonobyl

As long as she’s not wearing pants.

King Hippo

All gin and no solid food is a nice budget high colonic ,, ppl forget that

Sill Bimmons

DAHNTAHN

John Difool

Who doesn’t like a good Rogering?

Doktor Zymm

Patriots have less than 20! I feel less shame than I really should.

Romonobyl

I haven’t seen a wasted bomb like that since Desert Shield.

JustStopDude

Sweet Tuesday is the Fox Business GOP debate.

I swear to god these GOP debates have been utterly hilarious to watch this year.

entropy

Some friends of mine have been watching them with a bell that they ring whenever they’ve had enough and then you can hit the mute button for the remainder of the candidate’s speaking time.

Smithchez

FUCKA YOU DORPHIN

bourb0nblues

BILLS DEFENSE WOOooooO!

Defensive Back Mike Wallace
entropy

I want a hat of discipline.

Romonobyl

GB O-line…not so great at the footy.

entropy

Cromartie is getting older, he has a dozen families to support, of course he doesn’t want the contact as much, he has responsibilities.

Doktor Zymm

It’s no fun getting disability if it’s just gonna be garnished for child support.

King Hippo

Who sat Rodgers last week AND this week? THIS Hippo!!

/still lost by like 85 last week

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I am surrounded by Packers fans

Doktor Zymm

How loud is the wailing?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’ve heard so much complaining about Aaron Rodgers that I assume Olivia Munn is here.

Smithchez

Lookin good, Cro.

Sill Bimmons

I still can’t Jags helmets.

bourb0nblues

Packers regressing to the mean pretty damn hard right now.

entropy

NFL Parity Fever: CATCH IT

Senor Weaselo

Goddamn it Jets D.

Fucking hell Cromartie

Defensive Back Mike Wallace
Romonobyl

Appropriate.

Sill Bimmons

DEDOWN 2: PINKVEMBER BOOGALOO

ThursdaySkyGoddess

DeAngelo down, part deux!

King Hippo

My waiver wire shitheads have a punchers chance in FF after all!

Badger

Jesus Christ Packers

Romonobyl

GB is getting curb-stomped.

Quigley Down Under 40 yards a punt

Doktor Zymm

MAYBE MORE PANTHERS

Doktor Zymm

MOAR PANTHERS.

Despite last week, my decision to start Cam over Brees again this week lookin good.

King Hippo

nicely done SMART PERSON

Smithchez

So glad I started Rodgers over Cam.

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