The scene: Doktor Zymm’s secret lab inside the DFO clubhouse, where a large naked man has suddenly appeared.
DTZM: What the heck...?
The large naked man simply stares menacingly at Darkest Timeline Zach Morris, before breaking into a huge grin.
Giant Naked Man (laughing): Ha! I so had you going! You make it too easy, DTZM.
DTZM: OK…so assuming we know each other…
Giant Naked Man: Know each other? I’m Moose, man! The one and only!
DTZM: Umm….
Doktor Zymm: Zo! Our plans vent as expected zen.
DTZM: Oh, good! More plans I know nothing about!
The Giant Naked Man goes over to the corner slab and pulls the sheet off the large figure lying there. It’s an exact duplicate of him.
Giant Naked Man: Damn! I am one good looking sumbitch!
Sill Bimmons: It is good to see you, friend Moose! You have found us in times most trying…yet I sense you know of our plight already.
DTZM (looking from the figure on the slab to the Giant Naked Man and back again): OK, so either Doktor Zymm is building a boyfriend…again…
DTZM glares at Doktor Zymm. She attempts to look innocent, fails. She then attempts to look indignant, fails again, and shrugs her shoulders.
Doktor Zymm: Zat vas a vone-time zing. I told you…I had a class reunion to go to. It vas zuch a shame his molecular stability broke down after thirty-zix hours…he vas a gut kizzer!
Doktor Zymm gives a sad look to a large beaker filled with goo. It has a label on it that says “Devin.”
Sill Bimmons: In truth, Zach Morris of the Timeline Most Obsidian, the plan was formed by good Doktor Zymm and myself. We had need of a body to download our fine comrade Moose into, once our plan of rescue succeeded.
DTZM: OK, but unless I’m deliriously misinformed, that hasn’t happened.
Doktor Zymm: Yet. But ve do zucceed, as evidenced by…
Doktor Zymm motions at the Giant Naked Man (who shall now be referred to as Future Moose).
Future Moose: Of course it works! I’m a huge success.
Future Moose points downward.
Future Moose: Yuuuuuuge.
DTZM (rolling his eyes): Oh, great. Yeah, you’re Moose. So, more time-travelling, then? That’s…just…peachy.
Future Moose: It’s not like I wanted to leave my comfy job and beautiful wife to come back to this primitive era. But when you’re President of Earth…
DTZM: President…of the whole world?
Future Moose (walking into the main part of the clubhouse): Sure! Well, it’s not exactly an elected position, if you know what I mean.
DTZM (following): I really don’t.
Future Moose: It’s more of a lifetime gig. If you’ve got the launch codes, you’ve got the votes, amirite?
DTZM: So you’re more of a dictator…?
Future Moose (flopping on the couch): More or less. But the future’s great, man! No more war, hunger’s pretty much a thing of the past, and I’m married to Debbie Harry!
DTZM: Isn’t she pretty old…?
Future Moose: Well, okay, a Debbie Harry clone. Zymm made her for me for Moosemas.
DTZM (sitting down next to Future Moose): Moosemas…
Future Moose: Boy, I was glad I gave her Bolivia that year! I’d thought of towels…y’know, you can always use more towels…that would have been embarasing!
DTZM: Yeah, of course. Bolivia. Hey, do you know what a stroke feels like?
Future Moose (patting DTZM on the leg): I know it’s a lot to take in, Zach.
DTZM: Kind of. And, no offense, Moose, but I’m not entirely comfortable with a naked man touching my leg. Is that some kind of…I dunno…time travel thing?
Future Moose: What? No, not at all. The future is clothing optional, man.
DTZM: With you in charge, that’s not really a surprise.
Future Moose: Look, if it makes you feel better, I’ll put on some pants. Fozz usually leaves a pair around here…hey, where is he anyway?
DTZM: Lord Revisisle wanted to visit the old country, so Fozz and Rikki-Tikki-Deadly went with him.
Cut to: Amsterdam, where Lord Revisisle, JJ Fozz and Rikki-Tikki-Deadly are wandering the streets.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly: Guys…are you hearing colors, too? Because I’m hearing colors and orange is really loud.
Fozz: Look, we told you not to eat the street vendor’s brownies, but did you listen? No, you didn’t. Dumbass.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly: I was hungry. I was trying to get some food in me after you guys dragged me to every bar you could find.
Fozz: That’s because we like to get messed up the old-fashioned way…with alcohol.
Lord Revisisle: We might be drunk, and in Rikki’s case totally baked, but there’s no way I’m going back to the States without reaching epic levels of debauchery.
Fozz: Sounds good!
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly: Why is that yellow sign telling me to run into traffic? This is getting freaky, guys.
Fozz: Dumbass. Hey, how about this place?
Lord Revisisle: I’ve heard of this place! We even get a free t-shirt!
To be continued…
One detail The Doktor was SOOOO kind as to mix these two gene pools:
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-YDI8my2Ww0M/TiWKOWhI23I/AAAAAAAAASo/1baemMZsiYo/s1600/deborah-harry-13772.jpg
and….
http://iv1.lisimg.com/image/3663056/600full-lynda-carter.jpg
Future Moose is Dr. Manhattan in my mind, all naked and hanging out and flopping out and what not.
http://imgur.com/gallery/mmAwPF5
I would have bear-hugged DTZM until turgid.
It is also interesting that this clone in the future gets erection as frequently and as hard as I did at 14, even though I’m ~137, but I than the Good Doktor for the anti-aging genes.
*thank
Um…… I thought Martin was doing the Sexy Fridays.
All kidding asside; I was never so glad to have shaved and oiled (extra-virgin olive) my balls before I read a post as today.
http://33.media.tumblr.com/1940f2e61d6bd1a7734d193e1534ebf7/tumblr_mzt70r8fxJ1r08o57o2_500.gif
“Hey, do you know what a stroke feels like?”
This is my favorite throwaway line in anything in a very long time.
Best handjob ever?
Old Mrs. Parkinson’s………
http://thestrandedstarfish.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/why-am-I-here-again.jpg
Zymm is a doctor of SEO. You’d think she would have an easier time finding these characters across the space-time continuum.
Space Engine Optimization?
I’m concerned that with the introduction of Moose The Thread Ender, he could now be Moose The Epic Saga Ender.
For it to be an Epic Saga we would have 18 Episodes with 10 to 20 chapters (posts) each and this one hasn’t even gotten to where Mulligan, the “usurper”, has taken the DFO clubhouse over yet in Episode I.
http://38.media.tumblr.com/401edb96b648ceab410ec8357e851573/tumblr_nin9feTEzx1qf5do9o1_500.gif
Give it another five years or so. Sure, I’ll be down to a single reader by then, and DTZM will have spent far too much time & energy trying to get me banned from WP, but it will be epic.
Found out that dog hates the smell of toothpaste.
Oh God, I hope this doesn’t turn out like the LAST time I went to Amsterdam.
Let me guess, you went on the Amstel Brewery tour, then had some special brownies, then visited the Anne Frank house.
I thought the Anne Frank Huis was OK but it lacked a certain je ne sais quoi I found at other sites like Dachau and Buchenwald. The suffering was just not emphasized enough and it was even a little boring. Little pictures on the wall in the attic just don’t have the same effect as crematory ovens, you know? Name five worse Holocaust memorials. You can’t.
Coffee, beer and public transport were all excellent, all at the same time! Looking at you, Acela!
Poor Devin.
He was too good for this world.
R.I.B.
(Rest In Beaker)
I can’t help giggling like a schoolgirl every time Sill shows up talking like an olde timey Quaker.
I have a couple of questions about Future Moose’s benevolent dictatorship.
Does he take over after Goodell’s breeding pools have been destroyed, or is his rule an interregnum that leads to that dark period.
Second, and most important, are there more clones available as wives? If so, I call Lauren Bacall.
Verily forsooth.
Mr Daniel, I presume? Godfrey Daniel?
I’m assuming Moose banished Goodell and his breeding pool remnants to the fighting pits of the Oakland DMZ.
There may be more clones available but the question is, what did you get for Doktor Zymm for Moosemas?
Goodell is in a re-education camp; not as bad as it sounds; at these they have to get a bachelor of arts degree in any of the formal arts, get stoned, and help poor, old and handicapped people.
YES! VANDERSEXXX!!
This thing just gets better and better. Also, I pledge allegiance to Future Moose.
http://s7.postimg.org/i5dcy4st7/Hail_Moose.png
I, for one, welcome our new antlered overlords.
In this future we are all about personal freedom as long as it is environmentally friendly and doesn’t harsh anyone else’s buzz. Global warming has hit to the point to where most people in Minnesota have lost a LOT of weight.
Better und better
Merry Moosemas everyone!
and somebody get Future Moose a sock ,, smgdh
Future Moose cannot be restrained by simple socks.
Certainly an interesting variation on the traditional xmas stocking…
This is just begging for a “Twas the night before Moosemas” poem
‘Twas the night before Moosemas, and I was missing a sock….
…but I later found it, placed over a large mans cock.
Crude.
So I guess this marks the start of the holiday season at [DFO]!
“Why is my sock so hard?
and crusty?”
Moosemas is a month long celebration to all non-controlling belief systems; the only thing that is strictly regulated is that nearly everybody has a bar tending or cooking shift that they have to show up for clean and competent, since these are 36 hours apart and everybody has a specialty dish, meal, or drink it has not been a problem since we finished the Giant Scheduling Spreadsheet of Moosemas.
http://33.media.tumblr.com/2fd2e997063f5560964aa32e1ebc2384/tumblr_nildxt6HDu1qf5do9o1_500.gif
Internet Moose:
http://www.thingamababy.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/ogresock.jpg
RL Moose:
http://mocsocs.com/image/cache/data/mocsocs/1_0008_BROWN%20SOLID%202-600×600.jpg
I’m a toer, not a shower.
I guess that is something Rex Ryan could say too.