Your Early Afternoon Slate Open Thread

Oak @ Det: The Raiders have given up more than 400 yards rushing their last two games. They have a chance to get things under control against a Lions run game whose best individual performance this year is 56 yards. (6 QB’s have done better than that so far) The Lions stunned the Pack and pretty much anyone that has a functioning cortex last week. The secondary came up big but they’re banged up this week. You may want to start TE Ebron this week-the Raiders have given a TD to opposing tight ends in 8 out of 9 games this year.

Ind @ Atl: Both of these teams can’t stop anyone at this moment in time so I think that this tilt will be a high-scoring affair that leans towards the home team. Look for the Colts O to adopt more of a West Coast look to in order to better exploit Hasselbeck’s skill-set. That means short crossing routes galore and a heavy dose of the Gore. Atlanta has gotten lucky this year. They’ve played against 4 QB backups so far and sport a 3-1 record against them. They get their fifth in Hasselbeck.

NYJ @ Hou: S Pryor is back for the Jets and the team couldn’t be happier. With him in the lineup opposing QB’s had a 3-6 TD/Intercept ratio. Without him it’s 12-4. Of course injuries to Skrine, Bailey and Cromartie (that’s just the DB’s) may have been a factor as well-I’m not a scientist. If your running game consists of handoffs to the likes of Grimes, Polk and Blue, I’d guess that you’re in a world of trouble going up against the Jetski’s massive D-line and capable ‘backers. Here’s something you don’t usually associate with a 4-5 team. Houston hasn’t allowed a touchdown in 10 straight quarters. JJ Watt will be the first to condescendingly tell you that it’s a team effort but the first to think to himself that it’s all because of him. Yee Haw! TJ Yates gets fed to the wolves today.

TB @ Phi: Tampa is 3-2 in their last five which doesn’t seem like much until you compare it to being 3-23 before that. (slow) Progress! We do like to make fun of HC Smith’s in-game decisioning but his D has responded very well as the season has progressed. The talent was there all along-LB’s David and Alexander, DE’s McCoy and Smith and S McDougald all have above average talent and it’s beginning to shine. Lock up your daughters-it’s Sanchez time. Pedo brings his awesome 4-4 record to bear on an adequate offense that is having trouble scoring. Versus last year at this time the Eagles are down a full converted TD per game. Have teams figured out what HC Kelly is putting out there or is the system held down by god-awful QB play? I’m leaning towards the latter myself.

Den @ Chi: Methinks this is the game that will grab the attention of the majority of zee commenters. I mean, it’s got everything. It’s just that it would take too long to list them all. This one doesn’t look good for Denver, does it? The D has fallen apart and now they’re up against a cool cat at the QB spot that has a scorching 82.6 QBR since week six. Can Osweiler throw beyond 15 yards? A guy like WR Sanders might end up appreciating someone doing that. Denver hasn’t lost three in a row in 4 years until now. Langford has done much more than just fill in for Forte. Jeffery is a game-time decision as is Forte. Don’t you think they’ll keep both out of the game so that they’re good to go against Green Bay in 5 day’s time? If the Bears can get these two wins their season can be turned around in very short order.

StL @ Bal: HC Fisher must be desperate, turning to QB Case Keenum and his 34.5 QBR. His Rams coaching obit will most likely have “Against all common sense, he gave the reins over to Keenum” figuring prominently. Which brings us to the question of “how long will it take for Sean Mannion to get a look-see?”. If you are a Balti-moron (sp?) and are at the game you will get a commemorative coin today! You can use it to not-buy an imitation McCrab cake at your local McDonald’s.

Dal @ Mia: “Huzzah, Romo’s back!” say Cowboys fans and certain fantasy owners much like myself. What? At least I’ve still got my…..uh, thing? [checks] Yes, I still have my thing. Dallas is -2 and I’d jump on that like a Texas hick would his cousin. Suh sure does like his Campbell. He’s more than doubled his tackles, has 4 sacks and has disrupted 8 passes. It’s just a matter of time before he feels like his old self and steps on someone’s face.

Was @ Car: Cousins helped himself to the N.O. D and yours truly to a blow-out fantasy win in my money league. The Slurs have allowed 150 rush yards in 5 straight and it looks to be 6 after today. In PFF overall standings the Panthers have jumped ahead of the P*ts as the number 1 team. This means very little. Ginn bounced back last week but pre-season fantasy darling Devin Funchess gets his very first start today. At 6’5″ and 230 he’s a load.

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Sill Bimmons

Picking up a guy like DiMarco is the difference between winning and losing in DFS.

If only there were some internet-based service that allowed one to play that sort of skills-based contest.

Doktor Zymm

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Sill Bimmons

Not yet…

Gratliff

That was some impressive derpage in Carolina.

bourb0nblues

Called back. This league fucking sucks.

Doktor Zymm

Message to [*Redacted] s Defensive coaching staff. “Tackling Practice” involves football tackles, not fishing tackle.

Romonobyl

Sean Lee played an entire quarter and he’s still on his hind legs?

INCONCEIVABLE!

entropy

Even the announcers are drunk.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace
King Hippo

the threshold has been lowered dramatically

Sill Bimmons

VULTUREDOWN 2: FREEMANFREE BOOGALOO

Sill Bimmons

Do you think Hankerson really hankers for sons?

Romonobyl

boo-hiss.

Sill Bimmons

I’m here all week!

Sharkbait
blackroseMD1

Someone should tell the Dolphins sound guy that Red Hot Chili Peppers are not hype up music.

“There is no kick because the officials were not in position for the kick off”

Good lord…the derp in Miami is reaching critical levels.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Only play part owner songs

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

No
-Romeo Crennel

King Hippo

NOBODY HAS EVAR DONE THAT WITH A PASS RUSHER!!!!1111

Sill Bimmons

WITCHCRAFT

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Tanny and Romo are having a derpoff.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1tqxzWdKKu8

blackroseMD1

Tannepicksix!

Spanky Datass

RAGONK!

Brocky

Was mike whenchill always on ncis n?

Romonobyl

PIIIIIIIIICK-SIIIIIIX!!!

King Hippo

Boy howdy, was just thinking I wish they’d show MOAR of Jets/Watts.

Doktor Zymm

Case Keenum or Case Western?

1) This Case plays football at a collegiate D-3 level.
2) Which one recently underwent a failed rebranding?
3) The primary rival of this Case is Carnegie-Mellon.

ThePirateSloth

It’s too early for logic puzzles!

Sill Bimmons

Case Blue.

entropy

Casey Kasem?

Doktor Zymm

Bonus points if you can tell me which Case owned the basement in which the Michelson-Morley experiment was performed!

entropy

While that experiment disproved the existence of the aether, it did not disprove the existence of my friend, the Ether Bunny.

Gratliff

Not often you see a solo tackle break an arm.

King Hippo

Donald shall get an extra $500 and a big hug from Gregg for it, too.

Sill Bimmons

Aaron Donald: Manbeast.

King Hippo

Mistuh Forsett, he dead

bourb0nblues

DEAR GOD NO

Sill Bimmons

Yep.

...

Every time I see a Supergirl promo I wait for CBS to proclaim this week’s episode is Jeb Bush boner approved.

Romonobyl

Can you show me where the first quarter of DAL/MIA touched you?
http://www.amamantafamily.com/Images9_09/woman_doll.gif

When does O’Brien resort to JJ as QB?

entropy

Oh, god, I hope it’s soon… I want to see that fucker get demolished.

Brocky

No pi on that toss to langford? Manning isn’t playing refs, don’t need to act like he still is

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Grabbing a guys arm and pulling him twice isn’t PI. Not with these refs

bourb0nblues

That’ll do Jets D, that’ll do.

Sill Bimmons

Yates’ brain now slouching toward Bethlehem.

entropy

You leave Bethlehem alone!

entropy

Let’s see what the Eagles offense can do from Third and six….. NOTHING!

About what I expected. Good to see you again, Nacho!

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

STUPIIIIIIIIIIIID! HE’S SO STUPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIID!!!!!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

He is NACHO best chance to win.

/shows self out

ThePirateSloth

I feel like when Dan Fouts talks, he generally gets ignored like that autistic kid at a 9 year olds bday party, who only got invited because their mothers are friends.

King Hippo

Brock, you were supposed to start getting me kickerPOINTS again, muthafucka

Sill Bimmons

Can you buy booze in the Canada on Sundays?

Sill Bimmons

PROBLEM SOLVED

comment image

blaxabbath

Driving back from the gym this morning, I was listening to the fantasy shows on the radio. They kept being like, “Hey, if you kept Romo this long, then you gotta play him!”

Fantasy Football: Where two wrongs make a right.

King Hippo

Sunk costs. One of many concepts Murrika doesn;t understand.

blaxabbath

Just print more roster spots!

bourb0nblues

How is this Slurs game so entertaining? How many blood sacrifices were made?

blaxabbath

This is what the NFL has been trying to create — games between two bad teams that are loaded with scoring.

Sill Bimmons

ahaha

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Oh Romo….
comment image

Brocky

So bears defense is still awful huh

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Hey they started awful. Now they’re a dumpster fire.

entropy

So, there’s been improvement, is what you’re saying.

Gratliff

Mm, I missed you so much, Tony.

King Hippo

He must have missed us too!

Romonobyl

Welp…Romo’s back.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

ROMOCEPTION!

blaxabbath

Andre Roberts doesn’t do the salute celebration anymore? It’s not like he can ever undo going to Citadel.

Gratliff

Is it too much to hope for Suh hitting Romo with the Pounce?

Sill Bimmons

I’d have thought that would be more effective against Cutler:

http://dgc.imageg.net/graphics/product_images/pDGC1-12185117v380.jpg

blaxabbath

re: Vera Wang – Why do people looks to such a plain looking person to inspire beautiful jewelry?

Sill Bimmons

Because she’s Satan incarnate and has chosen this form to be as non-threatening as possible.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Guy just walked into this Bears bar wearing at shirt that says “I may live in Maryland, but my team lives in CHICAGO”

Doktor Zymm

I guess a regular Bears shirt doesn’t provide enough uninteresting backstory for that guy.

ThePirateSloth

I bet he got that shit made, too.

blaxabbath

I hate those shirts. Mainly because people think they aren’t mass-produced.

“This [nurse, doctor, engineer, lawyer, teacher] loves her [Bears, Packers, Patriots, Broncos]

Doktor Zymm

I think I only have half a running back remaining on my fantasy team right now.

Sill Bimmons

My three WRs don’t add up to one actual WR.

entropy

I HAD PEYTON MANNING.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I still do.

blaxabbath

They should color rush the panthers some silver unis.

Doktor Zymm

ROBOQB!

King Hippo

Shit. Could have picked up Tolbert as desperation play RB2 instead of Bradshaw. Considered it. SHIT SHIT SHIT

entropy

The last eight yards of that Panthers drive brought you by the color yellow.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Moar Camdowns!

Sharkbait

What’s a Patrick Demarco?