Your Early Afternoon Slate Open Thread

Oak @ Det: The Raiders have given up more than 400 yards rushing their last two games. They have a chance to get things under control against a Lions run game whose best individual performance this year is 56 yards. (6 QB’s have done better than that so far) The Lions stunned the Pack and pretty much anyone that has a functioning cortex last week. The secondary came up big but they’re banged up this week. You may want to start TE Ebron this week-the Raiders have given a TD to opposing tight ends in 8 out of 9 games this year.

Ind @ Atl: Both of these teams can’t stop anyone at this moment in time so I think that this tilt will be a high-scoring affair that leans towards the home team. Look for the Colts O to adopt more of a West Coast look to in order to better exploit Hasselbeck’s skill-set. That means short crossing routes galore and a heavy dose of the Gore. Atlanta has gotten lucky this year. They’ve played against 4 QB backups so far and sport a 3-1 record against them. They get their fifth in Hasselbeck.

NYJ @ Hou: S Pryor is back for the Jets and the team couldn’t be happier. With him in the lineup opposing QB’s had a 3-6 TD/Intercept ratio. Without him it’s 12-4. Of course injuries to Skrine, Bailey and Cromartie (that’s just the DB’s) may have been a factor as well-I’m not a scientist. If your running game consists of handoffs to the likes of Grimes, Polk and Blue, I’d guess that you’re in a world of trouble going up against the Jetski’s massive D-line and capable ‘backers. Here’s something you don’t usually associate with a 4-5 team. Houston hasn’t allowed a touchdown in 10 straight quarters. JJ Watt will be the first to condescendingly tell you that it’s a team effort but the first to think to himself that it’s all because of him. Yee Haw! TJ Yates gets fed to the wolves today.

TB @ Phi: Tampa is 3-2 in their last five which doesn’t seem like much until you compare it to being 3-23 before that. (slow) Progress! We do like to make fun of HC Smith’s in-game decisioning but his D has responded very well as the season has progressed. The talent was there all along-LB’s David and Alexander, DE’s McCoy and Smith and S McDougald all have above average talent and it’s beginning to shine. Lock up your daughters-it’s Sanchez time. Pedo brings his awesome 4-4 record to bear on an adequate offense that is having trouble scoring. Versus last year at this time the Eagles are down a full converted TD per game. Have teams figured out what HC Kelly is putting out there or is the system held down by god-awful QB play? I’m leaning towards the latter myself.

Den @ Chi: Methinks this is the game that will grab the attention of the majority of zee commenters. I mean, it’s got everything. It’s just that it would take too long to list them all. This one doesn’t look good for Denver, does it? The D has fallen apart and now they’re up against a cool cat at the QB spot that has a scorching 82.6 QBR since week six. Can Osweiler throw beyond 15 yards? A guy like WR Sanders might end up appreciating someone doing that. Denver hasn’t lost three in a row in 4 years until now. Langford has done much more than just fill in for Forte. Jeffery is a game-time decision as is Forte. Don’t you think they’ll keep both out of the game so that they’re good to go against Green Bay in 5 day’s time? If the Bears can get these two wins their season can be turned around in very short order.

StL @ Bal: HC Fisher must be desperate, turning to QB Case Keenum and his 34.5 QBR. His Rams coaching obit will most likely have “Against all common sense, he gave the reins over to Keenum” figuring prominently. Which brings us to the question of “how long will it take for Sean Mannion to get a look-see?”. If you are a Balti-moron (sp?) and are at the game you will get a commemorative coin today! You can use it to not-buy an imitation McCrab cake at your local McDonald’s.

Dal @ Mia: “Huzzah, Romo’s back!” say Cowboys fans and certain fantasy owners much like myself. What? At least I’ve still got my…..uh, thing? [checks] Yes, I still have my thing. Dallas is -2 and I’d jump on that like a Texas hick would his cousin. Suh sure does like his Campbell. He’s more than doubled his tackles, has 4 sacks and has disrupted 8 passes. It’s just a matter of time before he feels like his old self and steps on someone’s face.

Was @ Car: Cousins helped himself to the N.O. D and yours truly to a blow-out fantasy win in my money league. The Slurs have allowed 150 rush yards in 5 straight and it looks to be 6 after today. In PFF overall standings the Panthers have jumped ahead of the P*ts as the number 1 team. This means very little. Ginn bounced back last week but pre-season fantasy darling Devin Funchess gets his very first start today. At 6’5″ and 230 he’s a load.

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ThursdaySkyGoddess

Fuck you very much, Jeff Fisher.

entropy

If tucker misses this FG I am going to lose my mind.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

MIND SAVED

Beastmode Ate My Baby

So who thought Case Keenum at QB was a good idea?

Oh, right. Jeff Fisher. Never mind.

Sill Bimmons

“Uh, Bravo-Six Actual this is FOB Lancer reporting multiple rounds inbound and numerous enemy aircraft heading right for us.

Yep, it’s Case Keenum.”

bourb0nblues

Cue up another missed FG for Tucker in 3… 2…

Sill Bimmons

He needs to come out.

Dunstan

Save your Aaron Rodgers comments for the afternoon game thread.

WCS

Either Rams receivers are universally fuckterribad, or Case Keenum is incapable of throwing a catchable ball.

Dick E. Phuck

The answer is yes.

Redshirt

Yes.

Bortleback

He just got bodyslammed to the turf, with his head rebounding off it pretty badly, so I think he gets a pass for his play from that point onwards.

WCS

I’ve been forced to watch this disasterpiece since 13:00. He’s Matt Schaub-like.

Dunstan

Huh. Welker dropped a pass. That never happens.

Sill Bimmons

ELEVENTY BILLION TIMES OUT OF A HUNDRED HE MAKES THAT

Redshirt

Why is Case Keenum still playing? I thought he hit his head?

Bortleback

The alternative is Nick Foles, that’s why. He’s fucked though. Won’t remember the end of this game!

Sill Bimmons

PORCELLIANCEPTION TO END IT

entropy

Thank you, Fox, for going to the Rams/Ravens game. What did I ever do to you?

Romonobyl

Same here…ugh.

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

WELCOME TO THE TERRORDOME

Sill Bimmons

please miss

Sill Bimmons

yus

So much for the 4-1 star

Romonobyl

Fitzmagic denied.

Dick E. Phuck

Doug Martin: 235 yards and NO touchdowns. Fuck you Lovie Smith.

Redshirt

Based on these kickers, Rams-Ravens may be destined to end in a tie.

King Hippo

Dueling kicker derp!!!

WCS

Will WIP break down the doors at Iggles Headquarters, drag Chip out by his ankles, and tar and feather him beneath the statue of William Penn?

Sill Bimmons

FSM willing!

Doktor Zymm

Ankles?

Sill Bimmons

Does anyone know why Zuerlein sucks all the sudden?

Dick E. Phuck

The spirit of Ray Lewis stabbed his leg.

WCS

Lack o’ roof

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

Rams malaise.

Doktor Zymm

I think I will shower and go out for the late games. My phone is charged so when the bar turns out to be full of annoying people I can go back to talking to you people.

Dunstan

DFO: Slightly Better Than a Bar Full of Annoying People

John Difool

comment image?w=300&h=204

Dunstan

Intentional safety! The safety gods are pleased with the sacrifice.

John Difool

Panthers just playing with the Skins now like a ball of yarn.

Romonobyl

Yarn?!?

-Catler

Bortleback

Intercepted by Fleener – what can’t those basketball players do?!

Sill Bimmons

Type?

Sill Bimmons

Matt Ryan with The Float To End All Floats.

I’m pretty sure even I could have thrown it that far at his age.

entropy

Nachoception. That seems so oddly familiar to me.

King Hippo

AND WITH THAT, King Hippo will have a net positive week in imaginary DFO gambling!

Sill Bimmons

HIs butt was down before he lost control–that should be a fucking catch.

Dunstan

Interestingly, “his butt was down before he lost control” was the caption to my high school yearbook photo.

Redshirt

What? No 80-yard field goal attempt?

King Hippo

WOW, that was almost amazeballs by teh Julio

entropy

Fitzception. I am not drunk enough for this nonsense.

Sill Bimmons

THAT’S A CATCH

Brocky

Amazing how they went a whole 3 hours without mentioning that the bears top 3 receivers are out.

Oh wait. CBS, dan fouts, makes sense

Col. Duke LaCross

No shit. I’ve got a bunch of Denver fan buddies talking a bunch of shit right now. By all means with like 80% of our skills guys hurt and their supposed best defense in the league it should’ve been a cakewalk for them. Hope they feel good beating a rebuilding team.

Argggggggg

King Hippo

Can’t fucking believe Demayius is on teh hands team BUT HE GOT IT!!

Sharkbait

Last minute fantasy call: Jimmy Graham or Richard Rogers?

Sill Bimmons

Did Richard Rogers play basketball?

Romonobyl

Who’s better outside the arc?

Redshirt

Sorry, Bears fans. I tuned out and they scored a TD. I turned in and they did that on the 2-point conversion attempt. That’s my bad.

Sill Bimmons

WOW dumb call Bears.

Dunstan

To be fair, the alternative was trusting Jay Cutler.

Sill Bimmons

Or you could have run a pitch-out and given the back a chance to find a lane.

Dunstan

A pitch-out? Don’t confuse me with your fancy trick plays.

Sill Bimmons

SORCERY

WCS

“OSWEILER YOOOUUUUU PUSSSSYYYY!!!!!”

Brocky

Are you serious john fox

WCS

King Hippo needs Percocets, stat!

King Hippo

WOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

/celebration vicuprofen as two pointer fails

Romonobyl

So they have a pill that makes you Johnson harder than Chinese Algebra…how about something that makes semen taste like chocolate?

Doktor Zymm

Lime would be better. It’s frequently a tequila chaser.

Romonobyl

The salt would sting though.

Doktor Zymm

No one said anything about a salt rim.

Bortleback

“There’s no lime juice coming out!”

“Keep trying, there’s a lot on the way…..”

Sharkbait

The upside of not working: Beer
Downside: Stuck with Miami-Dallas and Chicago-Denver

Still coming out on top

Dick E. Phuck

Brock Osweiler with a 127.1 QB rating. I think it’s time to decommission Peyton.

Doktor Zymm

The fuck Detroit?

John Difool

I’m gonna create a pill to prevent erections called Flaccidia

Bortleback

A video of Joe Flacco trying and failing to do normal everyday activities would have the same effect

Romonobyl

I’d call it Budlightia.

Fitz must really hate his memories, the way be is trying to concuss himself.

Doktor Zymm

Huh. So there were 11.2 inches of snow recorded at O’Hare yesterday, which sets a record for snowiest November on record already. Great start, mild El Nino winter.

Romonobyl

Been stuck in that airport more than once. Sucks when the bars close.

Doktor Zymm

O’Hare sucks even when the bars are open. The only good thing about that airport is the rainbow tunnel.

Sill Bimmons

Amateur.

You go to each bar and buy a couple drinks at a time–one for now, one for the Snapple bottle. That way you avoid getting cut off and still have plenty to drink for later.

Sill Bimmons

You stupid Falcons.

Sill Bimmons

THE HARVARD LUMBERJACK STRIKES AGAIN

Bortleback

After that hit he’s no longer smart enough to go to Harvard