Your Monday Night AFC East Disemboweling Open Thread

Let’s not regard this game tonight as the end of week whateveritis but see it for what it could be. This, this my friends is the beginning of a long, glorious week of sport-making that could cause the most loyal and understanding of significant others to say, “You’re watching sports AGAIN?”. Whatever you want you’ll get it. NFL Football? Natch. European football? Got it. Hockey? Got it. College AND NBA basketball? Got it. Something that is not-Baseball? YOU ARE COVERED. It’s a perfect ksunami (I prefer the silent “k”) of wonderfulness that is rarely equalled. Think back to the last week of July…..it was a living nightmare wasn’t it? Now fast-forward to today. This future’s so goddamn bright I’ve gotta throw shade. So watch that Cavs game tonight. Take in the Rangers. Check out the Spurs. I’m going to grab a piece of the LSU/Marquette tilt ce soir so that I can see with my own two eye-holes what the big fuss is about with this Ben Simmons kid. Don’t fight it. Just let the myriad sports options wash over you and bathe in their luxurious, soapy…umm, gotta go!

Buf @ NE: There are two scenarios here. 1. It’s a blow-out right out of the gate, like Secretariat at Belmont-level. 2. Rex comes up with a great game plan, hangs with the P*ts and goes in tied or slightly ahead at half-time. The problem is the damn mother-lover that coaches the home team will make the necessary adjustments and Rex will spend the second half looking up at the Jumbotron and thinking, “Huh, well that’s not working any more”. After the two touchdown loss he’ll wander into the press conference and talk about “key errors”, “lousy execution” and “he out-coaches me every time because my in-game defensive changes suck balls”. Happens every time.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

That pass right there proves the Tyrod would be the perfect Flacco-placement.

WCS

Yay-ish?

entropy

Fuck you, Gruden, if that was the Pats, and the defender never looked bCk, you’d be screaming how you can’t believe there’s no call there.

Col. Duke LaCross

Faceguarding?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
WCS

I didn’t see “Cheeseburger” or “Italian Sub” on that menu.

King Hippo

Hope the P*ts save some of this suck for next weekend.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Come back to Baltimore Tyrod…we were wrong about you and we know we can make it work this time.

I told you Joe…Shut up…he’ll hear you.

JustStopDude

Listening to sports talk radio in Baltimore. Near as I can tell Dan from Dundalk was speaking for the entire fanbase when he demanded the Ravens bring in Ray Rice to fill in the various holes in the team. Would be interesting to see the dude as the leagues tiniest left tackle.

Doktor Zymm

If someone wrote a movie where the Hamburglar killed the King and was hunted down in a cross-country chase by Roy Rogers, would you watch it?

WCS

I’d get it from Redbox.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Bring weed, and I’d watch it.
Oh and hamburgers and/or roast beef.

entropy

Only if The Grimace was secretly behind it all.

Horatio Cornblower

Yes. Yes I would.

makeitsnowondem

I’d watch it in theaters twice but they’d both be matinees.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Brick Meathook
entropy

He brought a boot to a knife fight, and it was surprisingly effective.

WCS

The inevitable outcome of this game?

makeitsnowondem
Horatio Cornblower

“he reminds me of Russell Wilson”

Taylor’s not getting laid either?

King Hippo

Hey scotchy, Cuse just fired their footy coach

Brick Meathook

Bob Dylan shilling for IBM. Okay then…

entropy

Bob Dylan is a great musician, but a terrible human being. Ppl forget that.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Fun Fact: Riley Cooper wrote the original script for “The Purge”. Its working title was “Black Friday”.

JustStopDude

Called up dealership to ask when I can pick my car.

“Come by in the morning to pick up a rental”

I get a new transmission I guess…thank got the car is still under warranty. Needless to say, I am still stuck around my crazy family without smokes or booze.

Senor Weaselo

“No smokes and no booze makes JustStopDude something something…”

WCS

http://31.media.tumblr.com/6f96fc20abbdebdef10a55278fc040bd/tumblr_mzblzcr5mR1skcjpto4_250.gif
I can’t lie to you about your chances, but… you have my sympathies.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Ashe was an asshole of a synthetic.
Now Bishop….that, that was the guy.

Doktor Zymm

An all-out blitz is more effective at stopping an offence than all-out bratz

http://www.mtv.com/shared/promoimages/bands/b/bratz/Bratz.jpg

King Hippo

These were surprisingly accurate foreshadowing for actual teenager-dom

Sill Bimmons

FUCKING KILL HIM REX

bourb0nblues
entropy

MEN. OH, MEN! I ain’t gonna fuckin lie, we got no shot at winning this thing. I’ve got a better chance of licking Giselle’s feet after the game. But if we’re gonna lose, I want you to do one thing for me: RIP BRADY’S FUCKIN HEAD OFF AND KICK IT DOWN FIELD.

I have word from on high the organization will cover the fines.

jjfozz

Gruden is showering in Dreamboat’s jizz tonight

WCS

WVU wins 97-44! At least I have that to soothe me somewhat.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Woo hoo! Some sisters are gonna get kissed tonight!

[fires guns off into the air]

makeitsnowondem

What the fuck, Rikki?

It wasn’t a tie.

Doktor Zymm

They should start playing the London games in meters.

Senor Weaselo

Evening everyone. I just had to Lysol the literal shit out of my car. I am not a happy camper.

WCS

There are easier ways to huff substances…

The Maestro

Man, that sucks, but we told you not to lend it out to Aaron Hernandez, dude.

makeitsnowondem

We’re not going to give a running into the kicker for diving straight into his plant leg then?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Not if the Patriots do it, no.

Senor Weaselo

Running into the Bills kicker. On the Bills.

jjfozz

OH SEXY GIRRRRRRLFRIEND!

comment image

Brick Meathook
Sill Bimmons

“I don’t know what their record is in this place, but HGHGCJHGCJHGCJHGCXHJGCX”

–Jon Gruden

entropy

Seriously, how could he, of all people, not rave against the bullshit Pats every game he calls with them playing?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

THIS BUFFALO WIDE RECEIVER CORPS I CALL IT WARREN SAPP’S MAILBOX CAUSE IT’S FULL OF BILLS THAT ARE BEING IGNORED.

makeitsnowondem

That’s the stuff.

Doktor Zymm
entropy

Couldn’t take a fuckin punch, though.

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

LIFE BY A MILLION CUTS

makeitsnowondem

“This is a shotgun operation.”

— Dick Cheney filling in for Ben Carson

Sill Bimmons

“How would you describe the pain, from one as the least to ten as the worst?”

http://theconnectedcause.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/Dial-In-Those-Google-Analytics-Settings.jpg

American Pie Story

I want a donut.

King Hippo

just had some mini-raspberry filled from Publix. I feel all the shame.

American Pie Story

Feel no shame! Eat all the minis!

WCS

Whatever The King is on, it must be good.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Not sure it’s a movie; this may have actually just randomly happened at the mansion.

entropy

First attempt at filming Wilbur?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

….filming, Wilbur?”?

entropy

The FX comedy with Elijah Wood who is the only person to see his dog as a human being that still does dog stuff.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Yes. Mine was a joke fail.

Doktor Zymm

I wish I got paid $3 million a year to kick stuff.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I like it so much I do it for free.

entropy

I’d get nominated for awards and shit.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Horatio Cornblower

Lucky lollipop

Sill Bimmons

Fuck. These. Idiots.

/bearded since 1996

Sharkbait

So…you were bearded before it was cool?

Sill Bimmons

Bearded once it was necessary to offset the baldness or end up looking like Frosty The Snowman.

King Hippo

I tried to grow a beard once. It was a very sad thing.

entropy

Both of my brothers have that issue. I grew a beard before I left high school. I’d like to say it’s a look thing, but I’m honestly too lazy to shave every day.

Sill Bimmons
American Pie Story

Needs more bling and sparklies

Horatio Cornblower

Needs more empty Genessee Cream Ale cans scattered around it.

Fuck yeah Utica!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Sharkbait

Ice Giants 1-0 Ice Titans. Despite being outshot 25-7

King Hippo

There is no God but BLEERGH, and Gene Steratore is His prophet.

Sill Bimmons

You stupid Bills.

Sill Bimmons

This is all the shit I hate in a football game and it’s barely five minutes old.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Shit, with that kind of pass protection even Jimmy Clausen could–BAHHAHAHAHAA I couldn’t do it

American Pie Story

Implying Jimmy Clausen can do anything is a long shot.

entropy

He theoretically breathes unassisted, so there’s that.

WCS

PK is always available to offer mouth-to-mouth.

entropy

Christ, Tirico, how can you speak with your head so far up Brady’s ass?

Sharkbait

HAIL BLEERGH