Oak @ Ten: After 7 weeks the Raiders were 4-3, had a dynamic, explosive offense and were forcing folks to modify their hot takes with respect to the team. Three consecutive losses have since occurred and the O has dried up somewhat. They should get back on the right path versus the Titans just like 8 other teams have. If the Titans lose again they can blame it on the rain. Apparently it’s coming down hard and will continue to do so thru gametime. Some Titan fan sites have already called it a year and have focused their attentions on the coaching search. The general consensus is that Hue Jackson will be piling up the losses next year.
Buf @ KC: Tyrod is 3-1 on the road and if he is able to pull off the voodoo that he do in KC the Bills playoff chances rise from 36% to 65%. Of the Bills D-line only Hughes is completely healthy and ready to go today. Has HC Reid figurated things out? The Chiefs remind me of St. Joan of Arc-they’re on fire. They’ve won 4 in a row by a combined 91 points. QB Spaghetti Arm hasn’t thrown a pick in 7 games and the team has no TO’s at all in the last 4. Add in 12 takeaways during the same time and you’ve got a victory stew going.
TB @ Ind: Here’s another matchup of 5-5 teams but they appear to be ships passing in the night that aren’t having sex with each other but are headed in different directions. Tampa is 3-2 with one of the losses being a 1 pointer to the Slurs. QB Winston has gone bananas since wk 6-his QBR trails only Brees and Palmer in that time period. The Bucs have forced a TO in 17 straight tilts and the Colts have an NFL-leading 22 of them things. Old man Gore looks to become the Colts first 1,000 yarder since Addai did it way back in 2007. That’s quite a long time to go without an effective run game. (not that I’m saying that these Colts have an effective run game, mind you)
NYG @ Was: This heavyweight tussle puts all the other games this week to shame. It’s the highlight of the 1pm slate. Why? Because you won’t stop masturbating no matter how much I implore, that’s why. The Giants need this game to create a two game buffer between themselves and the Slurs which would then mean that the latter would almost have to win out to win the division. This is not unrealistic ’cause they’ve got the Boys twice and the “Let’s give up on the Season” Iggles. RB Morris and his 404 rush yards looks down condescendingly at Giants RB Jennings and his paltry 403 yards. Giants fans the world over yell in unison, “Give the ball to Darkwa, you old fart!”.
NO @ Hou: The Saints are 4-6 but they feel like a 2-8 disaster. Now that Rob Ryan is coked up full time the Saints D will turn around, right? New DC Allen had a whole two weeks to fix a fundamentally flawed unit that no doubt will have no answer to the question, “DeAndre Hopkins?”. The Texans have cobbled together 4 wins in their last 5 outings and will end up the winners of the AFC South because the universe is meaningless.
Min @ Atl: Minny is another team that has pulled out 4 of the last 5. GB’s loss on Thursday allows them to gain a game in the fairly tight NFC North. First things first though-can CB Xavier Rhodes handle the force of nature that is WR Jones? RB Freeman can’t go so Coleman will man the backfield. Early in the season it looked as though he was going to surpass Freeman but then got injured and Freeman went nuts. He’s a speedy back that will look to break a long one.
StL @ Cin: QB Keenum opted to be concussed rather than be a part of the on-going disaster that is the Rams O (Gurley being the exception). QB Foles, who the Rams have completely given up on, is back to provide baffling decision-making, timely interceptions and barely discernable leadership. WR Bailey is doubtful. Meanwhile, Cincy’s O just keeps rolling along. Their only two losses were by a combined 7 points. WR Green has a chance to go over 1,000 yds. for the fifth straight time since entering the league. The record belongs to Moss at 6. DE’s Dunlap and Atkins have made plans to have an extended light lunch in the Rams backfield today. They’ve invited other team mates to drop in and say “hello” as well.
SD @ Jax: You could sum up the entire Chargers season using only 2 letters. It would go something like this-W, L, L, W, L, L, L, L, L, L. Remember Jimmy Smith? Back in ’05 he was the last Jax WR to grab 1,000 yds. Ten years later Robinson is poised to do the same. What’s more, Hurns looks to join him in a few weeks time. I never thought that Bortles would be this kind of enabler.
Mia @ NYJ: Revis is out with a head oucher so the Fins QB should have an easy time of it. NOT SO FAST. This is Lauren Tannehill’s husband you’re talking about. Actually OC Lazor loves abandoning RB’s Miller and Ajayi at the drop of a helmet and putting the teams fortunes in the hands of a mediocre QB and a drop-friendly WR corps. That’s quality thinkering. Just a few weeks ago the Jets were a stalwart club that ran the ball down your throat until you gagged, gave you more D than you could possibly handle and left its fans wanting more. Now they’re yet another team that has lost 4 of the last 5-two of which were to sub .500 squads. Something always goes wrong for the Jets-it just took a bit longer this year.
Did I start Reed? At least flags don’t count in fantasy. Fantasy football that is. There’s probably someone with a flag fetish out there.
I think this answers that question:
http://www.blueshieldcafoundation.org/sites/default/files/throw-the-flag-banner.jpg
Yeah, they’re called “The Majority of Americans”. You may have heard of them.
The fan in the Aikman Miller lite commercial is going to kill Troy in the parking lot and put the skin on his wall, right? Because that dude is creepy as fuck.
Skinners don’t go after fit people.
The skin stretches too much during flaying because it’s too tightly attached to the muscular fascia.
You seem to know wayy too much about that subject.
Do I?
LEAVE BUFFALO SILL ALONE! You don’t antagonize the crazy people.
_________________ is still going on?
Rat running along a Mobius Strip?
/the answer is “yes”.
http://i.imgur.com/pb72Nhh.gif
PC Principal on Miami’s sideline looks confused.
Dolphins’ updated team photo:
New drinking game that probably won’t get you drunk : buttchug a handle of Everclear if either team scores a TD in NY/WAS
Any touchdown or just an offensive one? I can see a pick-six happening.
If you changed that to “every time either team does something stupid,” you’d have the second leading cause of death on the Eastern seaboard.
It would be a rapid, highly specific plague.
wow watkins
I’m not ready for a world where the Texans (a franchised American football club based in Harris County, Texas USA) are viable post-season contenders.
I don’t care.
So Jay Cutler would be a Texans fan by default?
Can’t even be bothered with that.
https://www.doorfliesopen.com/index.php/2015/11/02/dfos-spooktacular-halloween-in-review/
This link is my response to every Texans related comment now.
But JJ WATT!!!!!!
Watkinsdown.
http://www.opengeek.net/images/ogeek/weird/picture_413.jpg
Japan is different.
Jerry Sandusky Approved !
Teddyception!
That was a hell of a pattern run by the Slurs, there. Did any receiver even know this was a pass play?
I’m determined not to watch any football today.
So much so that I’m actually watching UtahSt@Duke bball, and haven’t budged off the channel even during the halftime bullshit.
I’m looking forward to (according to my sports package) TBD vs. TBD at 2:30.
Dayton/Xavier is my anticipated highlight of the day.
Teddy Bridgederp.
Woooo MarshallDOWN!
Nice drop, Decker, you fuck.
Deckerdrop.
So I’m just going to have to officially change BEERGH to BLEERGH eh? Hey why not, who could expect a malevolent deity of officiating to have consistency?
I thought His Changing Name was part of the joke. Sort of like the Catechism of the (non) Catch.
The refs being such fuckups they can’t even get his name right would be funny. Done.
I was originally going to ask about that, because didn’t the first one have it as BEERGH? I thought that sounded more like the DFO patron god of revelry with his avatar on Earth, Pacman Jones.
HE IS A GOD OF MANY NAMES AND FACES. CAN YOU NOT CALL A FOUL BY THROWING A FLAG OR A HAT? SUCH IS THE WAY OF BEERGH?BLEERGH?
BLEERGH CARES NOT FOAR CATECHISM
AFTER REVIEWING THE NAME ON THE FIELD, THERE BOTH IS AND IS NOT AN L IN THE NAME.
I just always spelled it like WCS because I’m pretty sure he’s the one who came up with it.
It was me, but I think it’s funny with the changing name. IT’S CANON NOW!
CANNON
AP!
I was so happy when my kids got old enough to watch this with me. I figured 9, 9, and 12 was good enough, because I’m pretty cool.
OK, because I’m a weirdo that is probably on many government watch lists.
I thought I recognized your name.
This is our annual Christmas movie.
“We’re gonna press on, and we’re gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye!”
Have you checked our shitters?
Honey, have you checked the shitters?
Fitzpatrick seems oddly aerodynamic now that he’s removed the dead wookie from his chin.
It was only mostly dead.
That wookie has ceased to be. It is a non-wookie.
Is anybody else already dead due solely to Fatt Stafford and the Lions D/ST?
No?
Fuck.
http://www.technologytell.com/gadgets/files/2014/06/kid-middle-finger.jpg
Only on the inside, since I craftily picked him up as a back-up for Brady and then left him and his 34+ points on the bench.
71 in the insanity league. D/ST went for 77.
Close up of the candle image in question…
?w=1000
PS: Good morning/early afternoon, fellow KSK refugees. It’s been a while. How’re your livers doing now that the season is closer to ending than beginning?
Still angry at me. Welcome back.
Ref Derp. Everyone take a drink.
SERVANTS OF BLEERGH ARE INFALLIBLE, TOUCHDOWN SEAHAWKS!
Goddamn Falcons.
Oh my god. That Hotlanta derp. So good.
It was originally a fucking nice cutback from Coleman, too. Makes it all the sweeter.
Oh shit I thought his head might have come off
Love how Ford pimps “military grade aluminum” because that is nothing more than marketing. Materials specifically produced for military use are known as MIL-SPEC; military grade basically just means it comes from a supplier that also produces mil-spec items.
THE MOAR YOU KNOW!!
So you’re saying my Corinthian headlights are a lie?
Falcons special teams pulling a turkey. Vikings ball, again.
JB: ADrian Peterson does’t need much help.
Other guy: Aided by a pass interference call, Minnesota goes for the TD.
Fucking hell.
So, since I’m all footballed out after yesterday’s emotionally taxing JV’er slate, I committed to taking my elderly mother and my 10 yr old ADHD niece to Walmart for belated Black Friday type stuff.
I would honestly sit thru yesterday’s U*NC/NCSU dreck again before taking them both to Walmart again in the history of ever.
Time for drinky.
Oh, forgot to mention that now I have to put Christmas trees up. So, at least the pine sap will keep me from spilling my beverages later.
BLEERGH DEMANDS FLAGS IN MANY STADIUMS AT THIS TIME.
TE nobody in the world startedDOWN!!!
Two straight False Starts.
You got one job, Rams. ONE JOB!
Delayed draw on 2nd and 16? That’s my boy, McAdoo!
My only exposure to Survivor are the commercials during football games, so maybe I’m wrong, but does it seem like everyone on that show might finally die this season?
I was nine when Survivor premiered. I don’t think it will ever die.
While I haven’t watched that show in years, that’s generally how those commercials always make it seem (with the exception of all-star survivor).
MORE FLAGS FOR THE FLAG GODS!
BLEERGH DEMANDS MOAR STILL
PENALTIES FOR THE PENALTY THRONE!
Woo Re-placement-visception!
Am I incorrect in thinking that there has already been a whole game’s worth of derp in these first 4 drives? I’m not drinking fast enough.
If you are watching the Skins-Giants “Salute to Offense”…yes…OH GOD YES…
LET’S GO! ZYMM! LET’S GO! CLAPCLAPCLAP!
that is an underrated upside of pills. one can catch up, like SUPER FAST
Kyle Shanahanigans?
I just hoped they stamped the balls pregame for such an occassion.
Tanneception!
TANNYFANNY WOO
I see for the first time in my life my decision to start drinking before noon was the correct decision to make.
First time you’ve done it, or first time it was right?
Either way….I’m calling shenanigans.
He dragged his foot!! That wasn’t two feet.
Two timeouts in the first half of the first quarter. The first eighth, if you will.
Very impressive, Bengals. Very impressive.
Block that kick!
Whoop!
Every now and then something happens in the house that tells me I should really pay more attention to what my wife is saying when I’m watching sports and drinking beer. The fact that I have two children for instance.
Today I walked into the kitchen, no one’s home and there’s a role of yellow caution tape on the table.
I have no idea why.
You might what to send a text message during a commercial break.
BTK Day?
As long as it’s not Police caution tape, you’re fine
JETS D DOES A GOOD!
Do you know why you have caution tape in your house in the first place?
No chalk outline? You good.
Ladies and gentlemen, the role of Yellow Caution Tape will be played this evening by Police Line Do Not Cross Tape.
Hullo, everybody. From a quick perusal of the comments thus far, it seems we all have the same expectations from all of our teams: fail miserably. How is such a thing possible?
(and as I type this, the Jets D goes offsides. For fuck’s sake)
Because this is parity, so everyone sucks!
My team is the [*Redacted] s. Nuff’ said.
Eli Manning currently has negative 11 points for me in Sill’s league.
haha ol’ switch
How alarming is it that Teddy Bridgewater is already a top 10 QB?
When you look at the bottom 20…
Man, if Teddy Chickenlegs is a top 10 QB, then that means Jameis Crablegs is too…
Aww man, DRC almost did a good.