Your Sunday Afternoon Early Slate Open Thread

Oak @ Ten: After 7 weeks the Raiders were 4-3, had a dynamic, explosive offense and were forcing folks to modify their hot takes with respect to the team. Three consecutive losses have since occurred and the O has dried up somewhat. They should get back on the right path versus the Titans just like 8 other teams have. If the Titans lose again they can blame it on the rain. Apparently it’s coming down hard and will continue to do so thru gametime. Some Titan fan sites have already called it a year and have focused their attentions on the coaching search. The general consensus is that Hue Jackson will be piling up the losses next year.

Buf @ KC: Tyrod is 3-1 on the road and if he is able to pull off the voodoo that he do in KC the Bills playoff chances rise from 36% to 65%. Of the Bills D-line only Hughes is completely healthy and ready to go today. Has HC Reid figurated things out? The Chiefs remind me of St. Joan of Arc-they’re on fire. They’ve won 4 in a row by a combined 91 points. QB Spaghetti Arm hasn’t thrown a pick in 7 games and the team has no TO’s at all in the last 4. Add in 12 takeaways during the same time and you’ve got a victory stew going.

TB @ Ind: Here’s another matchup of 5-5 teams but they appear to be ships passing in the night that aren’t having sex with each other but are headed in different directions. Tampa is 3-2 with one of the losses being a 1 pointer to the Slurs. QB Winston  has gone bananas since wk 6-his QBR trails only Brees and Palmer in that time period. The Bucs have forced a TO in 17 straight tilts and the Colts have an NFL-leading 22 of them things. Old man Gore looks to become the Colts first 1,000 yarder since Addai did it way back in 2007. That’s quite a long time to go without an effective run game. (not that I’m saying that these Colts have an effective run game, mind you)

NYG @ Was: This heavyweight tussle puts all the other games this week to shame. It’s the highlight of the 1pm slate. Why? Because you won’t stop masturbating no matter how much I implore, that’s why. The Giants need this game to create a two game buffer between themselves and the Slurs which would then mean that the latter would almost have to win out to win the division. This is not unrealistic ’cause they’ve got the Boys twice and the “Let’s give up on the Season” Iggles. RB Morris and his 404 rush yards looks down condescendingly at Giants RB Jennings and his paltry 403 yards. Giants fans the world over yell in unison, “Give the ball to Darkwa, you old fart!”.

NO @ Hou: The Saints are 4-6 but they feel like a 2-8 disaster. Now that Rob Ryan is coked up full time the Saints D will turn around, right? New DC Allen had a whole two weeks to fix a fundamentally flawed unit that no doubt will have no answer to the question, “DeAndre Hopkins?”. The Texans have cobbled together 4 wins in their last 5 outings and will end up the winners of the AFC South because the universe is meaningless.

Min @ Atl: Minny is another team that has pulled out 4 of the last 5. GB’s loss on Thursday allows them to gain a game in the fairly tight NFC North. First things first though-can CB Xavier Rhodes handle the force of nature that is WR Jones? RB Freeman can’t go so Coleman will man the backfield. Early in the season it looked as though he was going to surpass Freeman but then got injured and Freeman went nuts. He’s a speedy back that will look to break a long one.

StL @ Cin: QB Keenum opted to be concussed rather than be a part of the on-going disaster that is the Rams O (Gurley being the exception). QB Foles, who the Rams have completely given up on, is back to provide baffling decision-making, timely interceptions and barely discernable leadership. WR Bailey is doubtful. Meanwhile, Cincy’s O just keeps rolling along. Their only two losses were by a combined 7 points. WR Green has a chance to go over 1,000 yds. for the fifth straight time since entering the league. The record belongs to Moss at 6. DE’s Dunlap and Atkins have made plans to have an extended light lunch in the Rams backfield today. They’ve invited other team mates to drop in and say “hello” as well.

SD @ Jax: You could sum up the entire Chargers season using only 2 letters. It would go something like this-W, L, L, W, L, L, L, L, L, L. Remember Jimmy Smith? Back in ’05 he was the last Jax WR to grab 1,000 yds. Ten years later Robinson is poised to do the same. What’s more, Hurns looks to join him in a few weeks time. I never thought that Bortles would be this kind of enabler.

Mia @ NYJ: Revis is out with a head oucher so the Fins QB should have an easy time of it. NOT SO FAST. This is Lauren Tannehill’s husband you’re talking about. Actually OC Lazor loves abandoning RB’s Miller and Ajayi at the drop of a helmet and putting the teams fortunes in the hands of a mediocre QB and a drop-friendly WR corps. That’s quality thinkering. Just a few weeks ago the Jets were a stalwart club that ran the ball down your throat until you gagged, gave you more D than you could possibly handle and left its fans wanting more. Now they’re yet another team that has lost 4 of the last 5-two of which were to sub .500 squads. Something always goes wrong for the Jets-it just took a bit longer this year.

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Doktor Zymm

Did I start Reed? At least flags don’t count in fantasy. Fantasy football that is. There’s probably someone with a flag fetish out there.

entropy
entropy

The fan in the Aikman Miller lite commercial is going to kill Troy in the parking lot and put the skin on his wall, right? Because that dude is creepy as fuck.

Sill Bimmons

Skinners don’t go after fit people.

The skin stretches too much during flaying because it’s too tightly attached to the muscular fascia.

Sharkbait

You seem to know wayy too much about that subject.

Sill Bimmons

Do I?

entropy

LEAVE BUFFALO SILL ALONE! You don’t antagonize the crazy people.

Redshirt

_________________ is still going on?

JustStopDude
entropy

PC Principal on Miami’s sideline looks confused.

Sill Bimmons

Dolphins’ updated team photo:

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Doktor Zymm

New drinking game that probably won’t get you drunk : buttchug a handle of Everclear if either team scores a TD in NY/WAS

Senor Weaselo

Any touchdown or just an offensive one? I can see a pick-six happening.

entropy

If you changed that to “every time either team does something stupid,” you’d have the second leading cause of death on the Eastern seaboard.

Doktor Zymm

It would be a rapid, highly specific plague.

Sill Bimmons

wow watkins

Romonobyl

I’m not ready for a world where the Texans (a franchised American football club based in Harris County, Texas USA) are viable post-season contenders.

Sill Bimmons

I don’t care.

Romonobyl

So Jay Cutler would be a Texans fan by default?

Sill Bimmons

Can’t even be bothered with that.

Doktor Zymm

https://www.doorfliesopen.com/index.php/2015/11/02/dfos-spooktacular-halloween-in-review/

This link is my response to every Texans related comment now.

Romonobyl

But JJ WATT!!!!!!

JustStopDude
Gratliff

Japan is different.

John Difool

Jerry Sandusky Approved !

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Teddyception!

entropy

That was a hell of a pattern run by the Slurs, there. Did any receiver even know this was a pass play?

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m determined not to watch any football today.
So much so that I’m actually watching UtahSt@Duke bball, and haven’t budged off the channel even during the halftime bullshit.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Dayton/Xavier is my anticipated highlight of the day.

Wakezilla

Teddy Bridgederp.

entropy

Woooo MarshallDOWN!

entropy

Nice drop, Decker, you fuck.

Senor Weaselo

Deckerdrop.

MikeWallaceAndGromit

So I’m just going to have to officially change BEERGH to BLEERGH eh? Hey why not, who could expect a malevolent deity of officiating to have consistency?

entropy

I thought His Changing Name was part of the joke. Sort of like the Catechism of the (non) Catch.

MikeWallaceAndGromit

The refs being such fuckups they can’t even get his name right would be funny. Done.

Senor Weaselo

I was originally going to ask about that, because didn’t the first one have it as BEERGH? I thought that sounded more like the DFO patron god of revelry with his avatar on Earth, Pacman Jones.

Doktor Zymm

HE IS A GOD OF MANY NAMES AND FACES. CAN YOU NOT CALL A FOUL BY THROWING A FLAG OR A HAT? SUCH IS THE WAY OF BEERGH?BLEERGH?

Sill Bimmons

BLEERGH CARES NOT FOAR CATECHISM

Senor Weaselo

AFTER REVIEWING THE NAME ON THE FIELD, THERE BOTH IS AND IS NOT AN L IN THE NAME.

Sill Bimmons

I just always spelled it like WCS because I’m pretty sure he’s the one who came up with it.

MikeWallaceAndGromit

It was me, but I think it’s funny with the changing name. IT’S CANON NOW!

Sill Bimmons

CANNON

theeWeeBabySeamus

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King Hippo

I was so happy when my kids got old enough to watch this with me. I figured 9, 9, and 12 was good enough, because I’m pretty cool.

OK, because I’m a weirdo that is probably on many government watch lists.

entropy

I thought I recognized your name.

American Pie Story

This is our annual Christmas movie.

“We’re gonna press on, and we’re gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye!”

entropy

Have you checked our shitters?

JustStopDude

Honey, have you checked the shitters?

entropy

Fitzpatrick seems oddly aerodynamic now that he’s removed the dead wookie from his chin.

Romonobyl

It was only mostly dead.

entropy

That wookie has ceased to be. It is a non-wookie.

Sill Bimmons

Is anybody else already dead due solely to Fatt Stafford and the Lions D/ST?

No?

Fuck.

http://www.technologytell.com/gadgets/files/2014/06/kid-middle-finger.jpg

Horatio Cornblower

Only on the inside, since I craftily picked him up as a back-up for Brady and then left him and his 34+ points on the bench.

Sill Bimmons

71 in the insanity league. D/ST went for 77.

JustStopDude

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JustStopDude

Close up of the candle image in question…

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Redshirt

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Wakezilla

PS: Good morning/early afternoon, fellow KSK refugees. It’s been a while. How’re your livers doing now that the season is closer to ending than beginning?

Redshirt

Still angry at me. Welcome back.

Redshirt

Ref Derp. Everyone take a drink.

Senor Weaselo

SERVANTS OF BLEERGH ARE INFALLIBLE, TOUCHDOWN SEAHAWKS!

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Goddamn Falcons.

Gratliff

Oh my god. That Hotlanta derp. So good.

The Maestro

It was originally a fucking nice cutback from Coleman, too. Makes it all the sweeter.

American Pie Story

Oh shit I thought his head might have come off

Romonobyl

Love how Ford pimps “military grade aluminum” because that is nothing more than marketing. Materials specifically produced for military use are known as MIL-SPEC; military grade basically just means it comes from a supplier that also produces mil-spec items.
THE MOAR YOU KNOW!!

Wakezilla

Falcons special teams pulling a turkey. Vikings ball, again.

entropy

JB: ADrian Peterson does’t need much help.

Other guy: Aided by a pass interference call, Minnesota goes for the TD.

Fucking hell.

theeWeeBabySeamus

So, since I’m all footballed out after yesterday’s emotionally taxing JV’er slate, I committed to taking my elderly mother and my 10 yr old ADHD niece to Walmart for belated Black Friday type stuff.

I would honestly sit thru yesterday’s U*NC/NCSU dreck again before taking them both to Walmart again in the history of ever.

Time for drinky.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh, forgot to mention that now I have to put Christmas trees up. So, at least the pine sap will keep me from spilling my beverages later.

entropy

BLEERGH DEMANDS FLAGS IN MANY STADIUMS AT THIS TIME.

King Hippo

TE nobody in the world startedDOWN!!!

Redshirt

Two straight False Starts.

You got one job, Rams. ONE JOB!

entropy

My only exposure to Survivor are the commercials during football games, so maybe I’m wrong, but does it seem like everyone on that show might finally die this season?

American Pie Story

I was nine when Survivor premiered. I don’t think it will ever die.

Wakezilla

While I haven’t watched that show in years, that’s generally how those commercials always make it seem (with the exception of all-star survivor).

Redshirt

MORE FLAGS FOR THE FLAG GODS!

Sill Bimmons

BLEERGH DEMANDS MOAR STILL

MikeWallaceAndGromit

PENALTIES FOR THE PENALTY THRONE!

Senor Weaselo

Woo Re-placement-visception!

Doktor Zymm

Am I incorrect in thinking that there has already been a whole game’s worth of derp in these first 4 drives? I’m not drinking fast enough.

JustStopDude

If you are watching the Skins-Giants “Salute to Offense”…yes…OH GOD YES…

King Hippo

that is an underrated upside of pills. one can catch up, like SUPER FAST

Modderific

I just hoped they stamped the balls pregame for such an occassion.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Tanneception!

King Hippo

TANNYFANNY WOO

John Difool

I see for the first time in my life my decision to start drinking before noon was the correct decision to make.

theeWeeBabySeamus

First time you’ve done it, or first time it was right?
Either way….I’m calling shenanigans.

American Pie Story

He dragged his foot!! That wasn’t two feet.

Redshirt

Two timeouts in the first half of the first quarter. The first eighth, if you will.

Very impressive, Bengals. Very impressive.

Horatio Cornblower

Every now and then something happens in the house that tells me I should really pay more attention to what my wife is saying when I’m watching sports and drinking beer. The fact that I have two children for instance.

Today I walked into the kitchen, no one’s home and there’s a role of yellow caution tape on the table.

I have no idea why.

Redshirt

You might what to send a text message during a commercial break.

entropy

As long as it’s not Police caution tape, you’re fine

JETS D DOES A GOOD!

American Pie Story

Do you know why you have caution tape in your house in the first place?

Doktor Zymm

No chalk outline? You good.

Sill Bimmons

Ladies and gentlemen, the role of Yellow Caution Tape will be played this evening by Police Line Do Not Cross Tape.

entropy

Hullo, everybody. From a quick perusal of the comments thus far, it seems we all have the same expectations from all of our teams: fail miserably. How is such a thing possible?

(and as I type this, the Jets D goes offsides. For fuck’s sake)

Senor Weaselo

Because this is parity, so everyone sucks!

Doktor Zymm

My team is the [*Redacted] s. Nuff’ said.

MikeWallaceAndGromit

Eli Manning currently has negative 11 points for me in Sill’s league.

Sill Bimmons

haha ol’ switch

Sill Bimmons

How alarming is it that Teddy Bridgewater is already a top 10 QB?

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Redshirt

When you look at the bottom 20…

The Maestro

Man, if Teddy Chickenlegs is a top 10 QB, then that means Jameis Crablegs is too…

The Maestro

Aww man, DRC almost did a good.