On a super lousy shitty type day there was some quality distractification going on in last night’s open thread. My thanks to all those who took part. It was badly needed. Hey!-speaking of distractification…
GB @ Det: Here be two teams struggling in their own respective ways to get to 8-8. Neither will get there. Rodgers has done the gentle call-out to his receivers, saying “We’re not on the same page”. Apparently the Packers WR’s are on page 634 of Infinite Jest and Aaron is perusing GQ “for the articles!”. Over the last three games QB Stafford has been playing like a guy that was drafted really high and is expected to lift an entire franchise out of the doldrums. His new “No more gravyshakes/whipped chocolate pizza/slaughterhouse tasting menu/raw dough and Miracle Whip smoothie/post-game athletic cup tequila shooters” diet is starting to pay dividends! If only we fans of the game were capable of such discipline… The new OC The Jim Bob has worked wonders with the rushing game. Did you know that since he grabbed the reins the Lions have averaged 18 more yards per game in that category? I hope you were sitting down when I socked you with that knowledge. Who’d a thunk that was the difference between stinking and winning? Statisticians at ESPN, that’s who.
Jim Tomasula looks like Powdered Toast Man
Also if you want to watch John K v. Billy West (Stern circa 1995) during halftime enjoy!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lYMrAZr89rg
Ooh, I’m saving this for halftime.
No Eddie Lacy. First time I trust him enough to start him for weeks. I want to punch Mike McCarthy directly in the dick
“He has speed? WHY THE HELL DIDN’T WE SIGN THIS GUY!”
– Jim Irsay
-Zombie Al Davis
Janis is not playing like a God. SMGDH…
New game: develop the daily survival routine Phil Simms’s last brain cell.
STEP 1: Wake up
STEPS 2-4: Pretend you’re someone else
STEP 5: Sleep
STEP 6: Repeat
Commentists, I am in possession of a $110 bottle of single malt scotch. I hear it calling to me from the next room but I need to save it for the hopefully joyous announcement that my company is being acquired and subsequently burned to the ground. I also am waiting for the proper tasting glasses to arrive.
And wouldn’t it be funny if the Lions won tonight?
Ooh what kind?
Lagavulin 16 Year.
18 yr. Glenlivet?
Isn’t it nice to have? You love it don’t you?
What glasses did you get?
It’s not really needed, it’s not like wine or brandy, there’s enough peat in that you don’t need to corral the vapors 😀
Glencairn glasses. I ended up getting set of four because a set of two was more expensive with shipping.
Missed the field goal but for a good cause: just finished cooking dinner with the ladyfriend and made myself a Manhattan.
So after having a gig that went until 12:30 last night, I’m enjoying the fact I can kick my feet up and watch this debacle-in-waiting. It’s not there yet, though this Packers drive is making it closer.
Is fat guy rb not playing again?
Starks here, starks there. fuck me.
SATAN: So, ya wizzed on the electric fence, huh?
There is not a single time I hear that line and not crack into hysterical laughter.
“Fruit of the Loom: They Test Their Products, So You Know They Work” needs a spot in the advertising slogan hall of fame next to “Hungry for Apples?”
As a matter of fact, I AM a bit hungry for apples. I should go to the fridge and get an apple! Eh, that implies moving off the couch. Fuck it.
I wish Joique Bell were a better back, mainly so I could say “Happy Happy Joique Joique” more often and ALWAYS POST THIS
I now have the Log song stuck in my head.
It’s better than bad, it’s good!
I used to own the David Chao Civil War First Aid Station kit.
LOG! FROM BLAMMO!
Don’t… whizz…. on the ELECTRIC FENCE!!
Look, I told you I’d shoot.
But you didn’t believe me
WHY DIDN’T YOU BELIEVE ME??
“Hello Moe’s Tavern, I’m looking someone, first name Joique, last name Bell”
“Sure. A JOCK BELL here? I’m looking for a JOCK BELL”
“Hey, I’m Joique Bell. Is that my agent?”
“Here’s he is kid…”
“Uh”
“Hello I’m Joique Bell. You were looking for me?”
“Oh hi Mr. Bell…. have a good season, man!”
“Thank you. Have a nice day!”
*Bart slits wrists*
“I’ll teach your grandmother to suck eggs.”
Hey, Scotchy, while I was cleaning earlier, a came about another Christmas movie for ya: A Crown For Christmas. Typical fare, down-on-her-luck girl takes a jorb as an au pair for a snot-nosed brat who turns out to be a princess. Flash-forward a bit, and naturally, she and the king fall in love. The catch to this one, though, is it stars Danica McKellar, AKA Winnie fucking Cooper. She’s 40, and she still has it.
Do a GIS for the video Danica did with Avril Lavigne, you will not be disappointed.
I was always more of a Jason Hervey man myself… mmmmmmm
[adds A Crown For Christmas to very, very long queue of Xmas movies]
The boy wanted a grill cheese long after he didn’t want me to make him anything for supper. “Here you go son”. [presents a half-melted Havarti, mild Cheddar, Provolone, Marble, Monterey Jack grilled cheese sandwich to him]
Son: “Uh, thanks.”
I had mac and cheese yesterday made with stilton cheese. MY GOD SO GOOD.
Stick in some Branston’s Pickle and you have yourself a grilled Ploughman’s sandwich OF DELIGHT
I can’t take a man named Jim Bob Cooter seriously.
I can’t believe a fella with a name like that would willingly work for a black man, THANKS OBAMA!!!!1111
Wow, those were unnecessarily large graphics.
Corey Linsey, browsing through Guidebook to Detroit: “Hey, I never knew they called Detroit the Rock City.”
Aaron Rogers: “STOP THE BUS! STOP THE BUS RIGHT NOW!”
Train of thought : Clinton-Dix = HAHAHA…hehe…he
That hasn’t worked ALL YEAR. EVERYONE knows that’s what you’re gonna do.
Even AI Madden would stop suggesting it.
Train of thought. Golden Tate = Golden Taint = sounds like a porn trophy = I read an article about porn recently. Did you hear that James Deen has been accused of rape by loads of female porn actresses?
One of the first to accuse him, Stoya, is one of those weird “acquaintance of an online friend” things. He’s a piece of shit.
Yeah, that was the impression I got from the article. Newcomers to the trade got warned off doing films with him.
He had an odd feminist following.
Rape by Loads, my favorite artisanal Cupcake at San Quentin
Pretty derpy punt. Must be windy in there, huh?
Coordinated release of gas on the part of the fans.
So did the NFL come to its senses and end that color rush silliness, or did they just say “fuck it, no way are buying Detroit a goddamn thing?”
THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS, BECAUSE OF YOU, DETROIT!
I think there’s one more this year.
Wife just pitched a 4 day Disney Magic cruise to me for the kids, looks like I’m off to Syria to eradicate ISIS.
Try to convince the wife that the kids are old enough to go on their own.
Certainly there’s a nice man at the mall you can find to take them?
Hold on. Does the cruise include adult beverages for the adults?
I assume at strip club prices.
Wait. Disney cruises have strip clubs now?
Last cruise I was on, paid $450 and drank top shelf for 5 days – my liver got home to Baltimore before I did.
Where’s “Fast”* Eddie Lacy?
/drop the ‘s’
Good evening one and all
http://i.imgur.com/fxHraNr.gif
This Janis guy’s field awareness is incredible; it’s like he has two sets of eyes.
Wow nfl network…way to nawt tape a newer intro!
Come on, mighty Lions. Do good defensive/special teams-y things!
I’ll be drinking Vesper martinis tonight because we have all this extra gin, and it’s not about to drink itself.
There are many fantastic gin drinks if you get tired of that one, but it is a fine choice.
The thing is, when I make them right, I don’t ever get tired of them. I just get too drunk to have more.
We were supposed to go out and see a fancy Hollywood premiere*, but instead my wife is feeling sick so we’re staying in. I do not object to this turn of events (except for hoping my wife feels better).
*test screening of shitty King Arthur movie
That’s some quality timing on the part of wifey.
Trying to stay functionally sober for this will be hard.
If you can avoid being on call for work, do it
I’m not that sort of Doktor, but I’ve seen enough movies and in a couple drinks I will be confident that I can do an emergency appendectomy with nothing but a pen knife.
I’m three Corona deep and feeling like quite the jackanape-I say the leonine ones come out triumphant.
Deion says we will win. We’re fucked.
The opposition doesn’t scare me, my team does.
Xanax for all, and my apologies in advance.
I’ve decided on whiskey. I surveyed my ice and whiskey stock, and was reminded of Sunday. I really ought to measure my pours more accurately when I make a bet with myself on the internet.
What sort of whiskey are you drinking?
Bourbon at the present. Rebel Yell is stupidly named, but a good value bourbon. And I discovered I’m low on sweet vermouth, so the obvious choice is Manhattans, and liquor shopping this weekend.
Rebel Yell isn’t bad, that is true. I am out of Jameson and lazy as hell tonight so it’s beer only here.
I actually have a ranking of value bourbons, and this is the second cheapest. The first is Evan Williams, which I can easily drink straight thanks to one of my past poor dating choices.
It’s nice when there’s a silver lining to those!
I can drink vodka and rohypnols straight due to a previous dating choice also!
Let’s cheers and pass out in a gutter together!
That’s why I can drink Feckin’ Irish Whiskey straight (and it is AWFUL).
Oh what a difference a month makes.
GLORIOUS MESSES OF DIVISIONS!
PARITY! Coming soon to a formerly fun sport near you!
My family is watching “The Wiz” musical in the next room. I’ve never seen “The Wiz” but I already simultaneously hate, loathe and rue it.
Is it raycess to hate it?
In 2015, the answer is yes. No matter what you do or don’t do, its offensive to someone.
Don’t insult my safe space!
The original Wiz had a truly terrifying scene set in a weirdly alive subway station. The rest of it was basically a stereotypical reimagining of the Wizard of Oz (to the best of my recollection, anyway; that subway scene freaked me out so bad as a child I never watched it again). This one just looks raycess.
I drank my cava and neglected to put another in the fridge. Freezer for 15 minutes, room temp cava, or switch drinks?
Ah, the hard questions in life.
This is an easy question. The answer is yes.
Has anyone seen the Cleveland fanbase? They haven’t been heard from since the Monday Night game and I’m getting concerned.
Whilst home for thanksgiving, I was rightly tasked with being the holiday bartender. I procured the supplies and was in charge of everything from, um, chill to garnish. For a portion of the time I was making Four Roses Manhattans to rave reviews. Short story long, my mom texts me the following today (paraphrased and sic’d):
WENT TO THE LIQUOR STORE BECAUSE WE HAVE DINNER PLANS NEXT WEEK AND I ALSO NEED TO DO A GIFT BASKET FOR ANOTHER EVENT. COULDNT FIND THAT 3 ROSE WHISKEY EVERYONE LIKED.
I was supposed to start my calculus homework four hours ago, but I ended up watching reruns of Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn instead.
Calculus homework is not that difficult. If you ever have to miss an exam, I recommend telling them you’re doing renal calculus instead, and letting them discover that this is a synonym for kidney stones. I only TA’ed calc for one semester, but I would have been really entertained if someone had used this for an excuse.
I thought renal calculus was anal beads
Renal, rectal. Details, but probably important details.
True. You probably don’t want a renal exam administered rectally.
SUPER BEARS! SUPER BOWL!
Someone said Aaron Rodgers is gay, but puh-leeze, I’ve seen more personality in Raymond Burr’s corpse than that nebbishy bastard!
My favourite Bears? Bob Mould, Chris Nelson, and Cade McNown
BOB MOULD! Hells yes! My favorite writer for professional wrestling!
I probably shouldn’t post a picture of Aaron Rodger’s favorite bears….
What’s the emoticon/emoji for ‘mischievous grin?’
I’m also hoping this game is on local broadcast. It isn’t a Bears game, but it is a divisional game, which is suddenly important with the Bears having actual playoff hopes now. I bought my tickets to WAS@CHI ages ago, and look! Relevance! Take that person I bought my ticket from who could probably get double now!
It is. CBS and NFLN simulcast. JUST FOR YOU
Huzzah!
I’m working from home tomorrow, so I can sleep in until 6:30. IMMA BE AWAKE FOR THE WHOLE GAME AND I DON’T HAVE TO FIND A SHITTY FEED!
Everything’s coming up Zymm!
Watching the Boston tree lighting. The production value is like a public access channel compared to the tree lighting in New York.
The Nobody Fucking Cares North division.
One Texans team shy of everyone saying, “Who?” after each team is mentioned…
I enjoy rugby. Both because rugby is awesome, and occasionally in the way Aaron Rodgers enjoys GQ.
Thanks Zymm, half of my bar just stole the Purel and there’s a fight for the bathroom!
Women…
Still a more cohesive governing body than our current Congress:
http://36.media.tumblr.com/f427f7df0c8a71d15173a26da0dbcdbb/tumblr_nxxamwp7sw1uf51wyo1_1280.jpg
From the outside looking in, there seems to be little if any governing going on… Now posturing- you’ve a surfeit of that.
I for one welcome our indoor public urinating troll overlords…
OK gents. Two queries.
1) I need to select a QB/defense duo. Either Carr/Lions or Rodgers/Giants. Right now, going with Carr/Lions because I am starting Crabtree for sure anyway, and I think Rodgers might be hiding an injury from the Bears game still (plus his OL sucks). The Lions D has also been really good 3 weeks running.
2) Right now, I have Golden Taint slotted in as my WR3. GB did shut him down in their first meeting, but my other options (Funchess, Hartline) are kind of meh. My hunch would probably be Hartline (full PPR, why Taint is ever a decent play), but this might be cray-cray. Don’t want to play banged-up Snead against the Panthers, or Diggs against Richard Sherman.
Must win this game and get help to sadly make the playoffs at 6-7. It’s like NFC East Fantasy Camp!
I dunno, I’m tempted to tell you to start Funchess just so that we get 3+ hours of every third comment being “THROW IT TO GOD DAMN FUNCHESS YOU BASTARDS” from Hippo….
Taint is the worst. Hartline has a grit you just can’t measure. Also PPR, and Megatron always gets 1st looks, tight end 2nd look, Taint 5th after checkdowns and KFC fill up bowls.
I think I’m gonna do this. Plus, it means starting THREE players fresh from waivers (DeVante Parker as WR2 and the Lions already there, one doesn’t get to 5-7 by having good players, yo) and that’s just fun.
If’n I’m going out, I’m going out full-fucktard no ofense