On a super lousy shitty type day there was some quality distractification going on in last night’s open thread. My thanks to all those who took part. It was badly needed. Hey!-speaking of distractification…
GB @ Det: Here be two teams struggling in their own respective ways to get to 8-8. Neither will get there. Rodgers has done the gentle call-out to his receivers, saying “We’re not on the same page”. Apparently the Packers WR’s are on page 634 of Infinite Jest and Aaron is perusing GQ “for the articles!”. Over the last three games QB Stafford has been playing like a guy that was drafted really high and is expected to lift an entire franchise out of the doldrums. His new “No more gravyshakes/whipped chocolate pizza/slaughterhouse tasting menu/raw dough and Miracle Whip smoothie/post-game athletic cup tequila shooters” diet is starting to pay dividends! If only we fans of the game were capable of such discipline… The new OC The Jim Bob has worked wonders with the rushing game. Did you know that since he grabbed the reins the Lions have averaged 18 more yards per game in that category? I hope you were sitting down when I socked you with that knowledge. Who’d a thunk that was the difference between stinking and winning? Statisticians at ESPN, that’s who.
Look at Bill Cowher’s chin wagging!
Or as it is known in Buddy’s Bar, “Jerome Bettis’ Jizz Cup”
She’s, what? About the size of his left leg?
I love interviews with people of disproportionate size!
Tiny women are oddly fascinating.
Things I have never been able to get in to:
– Star Trek
– Jimmy Buffet
– Harry Potter
– Drinking vodka straight
– Baseball
– The Osmonds
I am on the same page, but don’t mind baseball.
Of course you haven;t been able to get into The Osmonds, you’re outside the family smgdh
Well done, sir.
At least tailgating Buffett concerts are amusing people watching. Also copious amounts of alcohol
I like original ST, and straight (chilled) vodka. Other than that, I’m with you.
a) yeah, cool, all you need to know is about tribbles
b) He didn’t invent the idea of time zones, that was railways. Drink when you want.
c) I actually read and enjoyed the books, but how dare a series of books make the “Washington
Wizards” be legit.
d) Depends on the vodka. If it’s shit that comes in plastic or Ketel, than yeah. My fave is Chopin.
e) Yeah, fuck baseball
f) Who?
Just once I want to hear a coach say “We have to suck less.”
Did CBS just show a jailbait pic of their sideline reporter
I thought it was just a pic. Hmmmm…..
Junior Prom? What about your 1st cotillion JEEEM
Go to halftime, idiots.
Nice prom dress, did she take an older referee to her dance?
Nothing like a monster/parasite movie filmed in your own backyard. Go Chesapeake!
Things I’m thankful for : My uncanny ability to tune out halftime shows by such activities as going to the bathroom, refilling/making contact with the bartender to refill my drink, staring at my fingernails (even though they are not interesting!), talking loudly to anyone who is paying attention, or, as a last resort, eating nachos, real or imaginary.
Imaginary nachos? Go on…
I’m pretty sure you are Maria Bamford in the real life.
She’s a vikes fan, but +1!
LOOK AT ALL OF THAT KERATIN
Me, to my wife: “My ears and nose are blocked up, I hate being sick.”
Wife: “Have another bourbon and take some Nyquil.”
Don’t know whether to say thanks, or leave house.
Wow. You’ve got a great wife.
I just assume’re trolling. you
How is Little Ceasars still a thing? I’ve never heard anyone, anywhere say something positive about their “product”.
5 dollars for a pizza. That. Is. It.
There is not enough weed on the planet that I could smoke and then want to eat their bacon wrapped pizza.
That shit looks awful…
I don’t think I’ve heard anyone say anything, positive or negative about Little Caesar’s.
WHAT THE FUCK BALLS?!?!
I just turned on the game (terrible day at work…got home and just fucking crashed on the couch so my sleep is fucked tonight)…
Um…are the packers that bad or are the lions actually doing well???
Worlds tremble at the feet of JIM BOB COOTER
Oh for this hilarious 2-minute drill to end in a pick six…
Or a long Eddie Lacy TD run. Whatevs.
or, the more fitting 3 and out. Not with a bang (sorry, Aaron) but a whimper
The Lions were listed as the worst team in the league for a good part of the season so far. That makes this so-far domination of the Packers (and the hilarious victory over the Eagles) EVEN BETTER.
Detroit monuments seem rather Soviet-like
Appropriate, since neither has been relevant since the early 1980s.
That’s a good idea for Detroit – turn it into a Soviet fantasy camp.
Matt Millen as Dear Leader?
Favre Returns – WHO GIVES A FUCKING FLYING FUCK!
They showed video of Detroit’s people mover. I’ve ridden it. It’s pretty much like the monorail from the Simpsons without the hilarious failure or potential for usefulness.
People movers might be the most ridiculous and unnecessary innovation in all of mankind, and that’s why whenever I see one I have to walk on it.
“Look at me! I’m walking FASTER!”
You’re the kind of monster that uses a broken escalator.
The Packers certainly do practice their “everybody fall down” and “fuck it, I’m goin’ deep” plays. Other than that…
Favorite classic McDonald’s character?
I always liked Grimace. He seemed like the kind of huge, genderless thing you could have a beer with
Fry guys. For some reason they remind me of fellow Raiders fans.
Favorite? Mayor McCheese. Most want to have a beer with? Fry guys.
15c Guy! WOOOOO!!!1!!
http://cdn.history.com/sites/2/2015/05/hungry-mcdonalds-iStock_000017397406Large-E.jpeg
Fat Eddie is entertaining. Not to Packers fans, but to the rest of us.
Hey, look who was unprepared for the desperation shovel pass!
Watching the Packers on TV always reminds me of how much I hate the fucking Packers.
But, but their fans OWN THE TEAM! And the players RIDE BIKES TO PRACTICE! And it’s always colder than A WELL DIGGER’S ASS!
Fuck them.
If anyone ever made me a high school coach, it would be 30/70 trick plays to normies.
Triple reverses, each more reversey than the last!
I mean, how hard could it be to fool a bunch of high school boys, right?
Prediction: that smarmy asshole’s house burns down over the weekend and nobody in the neighborhood saw anything.
Mass shooting in Toronto today. The priest questioned why cameras were snapping during communion.
/tugs at collar
you good or need someone to see you out?
+truth
BOO THIS MAN
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
I CAST THEE OUT!
Oh Fuck. I thought you you Canadians were immune from these things. I hope that you don’t know anyone involved
My apologies for the horrible export.
Nicely done!
The refs have loaded the flags into t-shirt cannons.
Bailout call
remarkably shitty, that one not even close
I’m guessing “Hey, Baby, I’ll hold you to under 70 yards rushing” is not a good pickup line. But at the same time, think what you could do with 70 yards!
It would be truly unique, and make one think
I think that line would work with single members of the commentariat.
Hey, Beastmode, if I’m not in HRTN soon, I’m going to ask for a refund. You’ve been warned.
A personal request? OK, you asked for it…
/prepares anus
Is there that much crime in the Navy that they have to have all these NCIS shows?
When you have that many seamen gathered in one place, it’s gonna get messy.
More grit — Green Bay or New England?
Awww, shit. Mom has just discovered Facebook chat for phones.
I turned off that shit and have never regretted it.
Unfriend
I can support Stevie Wonder bumper music.
On my local sports yak station he was the bumper music all morning. They change daily. It was great today.
Everybody knows the best way to up your tuna salad game is to add Dom Capers.
Hah!
Also. Kinda ew.
If JJ Watt chopped down Clay Mathews alone in the woods, would it make a sound?
“GRIT!”
What is the sound of PK cumming?
It’s indistinguishable from Brett Favre’s voice.
Ugh, creepiness^million
Hey keedz!
Naw, these bee Adidas, nawt Keds.
I hope something football happens!
I think you all know that I have a short fuse. I have been sick all week, and I am tired and cranky. Now I am trying to watch this game. My wife is decorating the tree which is in my line of sight. I am going to be divorced in about 10 minutes.
I’m just stoked that my fictional Fozz seems to accurately replicate RL Fozz.
I’m pretty sure I’ve nailed RL Sill as well.
Verily I am amazed that thee knows my inner soul.
/My view of Sill
It’s like Rodgers isn’t very good. I blame Olivia Newton-John.
/have you seen Xanadu?
There isn’t enough acid in the world to make me think of Xanadu.
Of all the shitty defenses I have rotated through this season, I am really loving my Lions experience.
“How would you rate this? On a scale of 1-5, 1 being a factory of sadness (or potatoes I guess) and 5 being a boom brought by a legion?”
solid 4!
LONG RANGE MAJESTIC FRAG!!!
This is a fun game.
Also, note how the silver pants on the Lions do not hide the crotch sweat. Gray, grey or silver, don’t wear it to the gym.
Is Lacy just the fatter version of Trent Richardson?
He’s been relevantish waaaay longer. His problem is just the fine balance between functional fat and fatty fat.
FAT!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F0Vv9wReLKM
Phatter version
“Shut your mouth, and get your hands out of your pants.” I just said this to my 8 yr old son.
Applicable to everyone here
Are you watching me?
Jim Bob Cooter is like Holy Wayne from The Leftovers.
Ugh, garbage disposal broke. Guess I have my halftime activity lined up. Now I know how Mason Crosby feels.
How’d you break it?
It didn’t work when I came home. So clearly my fault.
Allen wrench and pliers time!
“Don’t worry. Your pal the garbage disposal’s still on your side. Hey, someone dropped a shiny diamond ring down here!”
There hasn’t been a Lions/Lion King crossover. Why, I ask?
THIS SCORPION, I CALL IT MY GRANDMOTHER, BECAUSE IT KEEPS HANGING AROUND EVEN THOUGH IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN DEAD AGES AGO
BONK
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c4wopc9-SJU