Your Early Game Slate Open Thread

Eleven freaking games now and only two at the late afternoon spot? [sighs]

Buf @ Phi: The Bills have played five games this year in which they’ve not turned the ball over. Guess what their record is in those games? If you said 5-0 I’d have to ask you why you’re talking to yourself. But anyway-QB Taylor has done his part and taken great care of the ball, throwing only 4 intercepts and fumbling but once. Can you believe that he was in a QB competition with EJ Manuel? Can you believe that Coach Ryan gave the starting job to the more competent QB? The word ’round philly is that RB Murray will be 4th on the old depth chart today, behind some guy by the name of Barner (who?). He just doesn’t look good does he? The Chipper stunned the Pats and the Eagles fan base last week. The calls for his head are now at low-grumble levels.

SF @ Cle: MANZIEL! GABBERT! That’s about it for this game-moving on…

Det @ StL: Last week the Lions three game win streak was rudely interrupted by a cold, unfeeling universe. St. Louis-in the midst of a five-game skid-knows all about that. HC Fisher was generous enough to let OC Frank Cignetti (who?) take the fall for the unrelenting lousiness of QB’s Keenum and Foles. It was…time to move in another direction Fisher said, completely oblivious to his own career circling the drain.

NO @ TB: The Saints can score with the best of them but they’re getting scored on at an historic rate. CB Browner and company have given up 35..THIRTY-FIVE TD’s through the air this year. Opposing teams QBR rating is 347.6! I didn’t actually look that up but that number sure feels right. Speaking of made-up advanced statistics, the Bucs are sporting a lugubrious -2.7 BTAR (Banana Temperatures Above Replacement) which makes it crystal clear why they are 3-1 in their last 4.

Ten @ NYJ: The Jets are looking to solidify their gelatinous wild card chances against the Titans. The Titans last two wins have been high-scoring squeakers versus the Eagles and Jags. Which QB gets sacked the least in the NFL percentage-wise? If you answered “Haaaaavaaaad” you’d be lucky, right and just plain silly. Look for Fitz to be passing a bit more than usual because Tennessee gives up just over 8 yards per pass play. WR’s DECKER AND MARSHAL SHALL FEAST!

Pit @ Cin: “Gentlemen, start your Steelers…and Bengals!” We may be looking at a high-scoring affair here. Over the last 4 games each of these teams have scored 30 or more 7 out of 8 times. With a win the Steelers chances of getting a Bowl game increase to 77%. Everybody yaks about the Cincy O but the Ben better beware of DE’s Dunlap and Atkins. This duo is the only one in the league that has 8 or more sacks. As well, S Reggie Nelson leads all players with 7 intercepts.

Ind @ Jax: The Pats are given crap about the patsies in their division but what about the Colts? They’ve won 16 in a row in their division which is a record. For now they hold the tie-breaker with the surging Texans (who?) against whom they’ll play in Wk. 15. Gore should have himself a day what with LB Posluszny out and his replacement Jordan Tripp making his very first start. Bortles’ improvement means that the Jags can now compete in shootouts which comes in handy because the D gives away points like candy at Halloween.

SD @ KC: This tilt should be a foregone conclusion. In the last six games the Chiefs have the fifth-best O and the #1 D. Perhaps Rivers will go nuts but he’ll more than likely have an ugly, turnover-heavy day.

Was @ Chi: Against his better judgement RB Pierre Thomas signed with Washington recently. These are two 5-7 teams that don’t know what to do with themselves. The Slurs are winless on the road and Chicago has one lousy win at home. I’m guessing both teams wander aimlessly around the field all game long, a field goal near the end is missed, hands are shaken after the clock has run out and no one ever speaks of this again.

Atl @ Car: This was a fantastic game around wk. 5 or 6 of the season but for Atlanta the L’s have been coming fast and furious since then. Why? Perhaps it has something to do with leading the league in drives ending with a TO-16.5% of the time Ryan finds a defender with a throw or he and his cohorts fumble it away. I’m not sure if you’ve been made aware of this but the Panthers are undefeated at home! CB Norman recently said that WR Who-who-Julio “completes me”. Whaaa?

Sea @ Bal: What does ignoring new plaything TE Graham for most of the year (until he went on IR) get you? For QB Wilson, according to Pro Football Focus, the second-highest QB ranking of 98.98. Somebody has done a half-decent job for the Seahawks given the loss of Graham and Lynch and the late arrival of S Chancellor. Perhaps it’s time we gave that swaggering, gum-chewing ex-college coach a bit of credit.

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King Hippo

And teh Dok goes wild!!!!!

John Difool

I hope she remembered to wear pants to Soldier Field

King Hippo

Nobody will question her, she’s a Doktor!

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Afternoon fellow Kommentists!
WARNING OFF TOPIC SHIT: I figured out why I don’t care for Sasheer Zamata. She’s the Colin Kaepernick of SNL. They both had promising starts. They’re both sexy. But they have only two kinds of acting(throwing): Too much and too little. And now they’ve overshadowed by someone terrible (Leslie Jones/Blaine Gabbert).
/END OFF TOPIC SHIT

Romonobyl

Mouses of the Midway.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

DEANGELODOWWWWWWWWWWN!

Sill Bimmons

WOO

Sill Bimmons

You should have heard the tone in Scott Hansen’s voice when he said “The Ravens are down to Jimmy Clausen.”

It was like he was describing your last desperate hope against terminal cancer.

Bortleback

Starting Jimmy Clausen is like trying to cure your cancer by infecting yourself with AIDS

MikeWallaceAndGromit

I just want to see Brandon Browner get flagged five times today.
FLAGS FOR THE FLAG GOD!

The Maestro

Ohhh Falcons, y’all are dumb as shit.

fleshwound_NPG

“Challenge accepted.”

– Bears Defense

Gratliff

Oh shit. Cam Newton’s white now.

King Hippo

Come on, DeAngelo! Get me out of the toilet bowl bracket PLEAZ

Romonobyl

I’m not a particularly violent man, but I would love to see Kirk Cousins bifurcated along his midsection prior to the second act.

Sill Bimmons

PICKLE TIME IN CHARM CITY

King Hippo

HOLY SHITSNACKS, them fuckers might not get shutout?

Gratliff

Racism alive and well in Philly

Spur

Bradford needs to get a jersey that fits him.

Shogun Marcus

Over/Under on ejections in stillerkitties?
Over/Under on personal foul calls?

fleshwound_NPG

comment image

The Maestro

Didn’t know @PFTCommenter was doing a roadie to DUVALLLLLLLLLL this weekend.

Sill Bimmons

You have our attention.

Spur

Lots of fighting today already in Cincy. I like it.

Sill Bimmons

The Is Chip Kelly Racist? Bowl Presented By Entenmann’s

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3013/2868369662_95096bda8d.jpg

bourb0nblues

LOOK TO THE COOKIE

King Hippo

half white, half right ,, amirite??

The Maestro

He might not be racist, but he might just puke for the first time since 1980, so he’s certainly not in best form.

The Maestro

Well not much drags me away from the TV on Sundays, but my gf has been baking since 8:00 this morning and wants me to come over in a couple hours to taste test everything she’s made so far, so she can figure out what to keep for herself and what to hand out at the food bank. I am a lucky man indeed. I think there’s like 8 or 9 different things so far… she’s not done yet.

Gratliff

I’m not keen on Shady Cris Cartering Philly today.

Recovery Whiskey

Fat Tony just called the Charmslinger “Russell Williams”

Sill Bimmons

Jest or RZ…hmmm…

comment image

Spur

Redzone and Cincy/Pitt. You can’t get that combo?

Sill Bimmons

Nawt in the Noo Yawk.

King Hippo

11 games on RZ! CHOOSE HEROIN!!

John Difool

LET THE DRINKING BEGIN !!

Romonobyl

Well, at least now Manziel can add Factory Manager to what is an otherwise tepid resume.

His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

Professional Drug Abuser.

Spur

Am not wearing any pants.

Recovery Whiskey

Food porn from my hotel room

Gratliff

CBS airing pressure cooker infomercial at 1. I’m sure no one wants to see Rex Ryan vs. Philadelphia. Nothing interesting going on there.

Sill Bimmons

Did I miss anything good this weekend?

I was incommunicado.

Spur

Spurs won, Warriors lost.

King Hippo

NOTHING GOOD EVAR HAPPENS

Except that The Leftovers got renewed FOAR season 3 WOO!!!

Shogun Marcus

Hmm…Slurcats or Stillergingerkitties?

Gratliff

Anyone but the slurs

montythisseemsstrangetome

My choices are the Fat Staffords vs. FisherStaches, or the Barbecued Reids vs. Puking Laserfaces.

Gratliff

Alright, eliminated from playoffs in all my fantasy leagues. Let’s watch football like a functional adult!

Spur

They could have just given me all that money they used to remake Point Break.

Sill Bimmons

They could have given me about 10%.

Sill Bimmons

hey guys

Spur

sup

Romonobyl

‘yo

Romonobyl

I’m partial the The Goldfish Network.

Sharkbait

So whatever the hell that was on Fox, they got Billy Dee Williams. Seemingly the only one not in the new movie. Good thing he has all the Colt 45 ad money

Romonobyl

It’s faaaaaaan-tastic.

Shogun Marcus

This just in: Mike McCarthy has reclaimed playcalling. I’m cautiously optimistic.

Recovery Whiskey

Desperate times call for desperate measures

Gratliff

Oh shit. Lucha Underground 2 trailer.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wOaZ2tbDhis

Spur

It’s time for the Jimmy Clausen revolution.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Flightless Birds of the World Unite

King Hippo

The emu will NAWT be televised!

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Banner Pic: New School Manziel

fleshwound_NPG

YA BETTA GET SICK ON SOMEBODAAAAAAAAYYYY

https://twitter.com/MikeGarafolo/status/676077779776090112

King Hippo

oh PLEAZ let the RedZone Fairy bring us some live Laserface vomit action

American Pie Story

“HUH? WHAT? HUH?” *Blehhhhhhhhhhh*

John Difool
The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Half my Facebook would be outraged at this cat’s cultural appropriation.

The other half would support this cat’s “bold stance” for not bowing to “Obummer’s PC Thugs” and “wearing what we are all thinking”.

King Hippo

This is why I don’t usually enjoy people in the outside world.

Horatio Cornblower

It can come out of both ends all day as long as some of it goes to Antonio Gates in the end zone.

Daddy needs pretend play-off production!

King Hippo

stomp stomp SQUIRT!

John Difool
JustStopDude

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JustStopDude

Alright…someone needs to explain this Dan Snyder produced, [*Redacted] ’s video. I get you want to get your team and fan base motivated for a playoff run, but this kind of seems…over the top…

https://youtu.be/ERLaZ488I6k

American Pie Story

I don’t feel like putting on pants yet

King Hippo

great first date, eh?

American Pie Story

I give up. Two weeks is enough.

King Hippo

well, you will always have OUR IMAGINARY LOVE <3

/also comes with unlimited booze and ice cream

American Pie Story

Of course!

Sharkbait

Fights in Pittsburgh already

King Hippo

but the game’s in Cincy?

Sharkbait

That goes to show how much Im paying attention. Fighting off a hangover will do that.

fleshwound_NPG

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bourb0nblues

This is so nice.

JustStopDude

comment image

I hope everyone is chilling and hanging lose this morning…

John Difool

Don Meredith cries out from his grave…

Horatio Cornblower

I cannot believe this woman hasn’t found her way to a TLC show yet.

Sharkbait

Something brown and single malt?

John Difool

Some brandy to go with the box of cigars I got as an early Xmas present is what I’d like, but not what I need right now.

Horatio Cornblower

Booze.

American Pie Story

All of it?

JustStopDude

Whatever the dude behind it is selling.

bourb0nblues

Shady better shade me up some points today.

fleshwound_NPG

A potential Blaine Gabbert winning streak? Stay woke, world…

http://38.media.tumblr.com/5e46d192f1ad6dd0a191af1c8e600aff/tumblr_ner815Awaz1s5tlmxo1_500.gif

King Hippo

THE FLOW vs THE BLOW, who ya got?

Sharkbait

If the river was on fire that picture would be perfect.

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