Chi @ Min: Cutler really likes WR Jeffrey-the latter is targeted 35% of the time on pass plays. The problem today is that Alshon is listed as questionable. Sooo….go Cam Meredith! (who?) SOMEBODY has to help Cutler break his tie with Pheel Simms on the all-time TD list. Eight of the last ten Bears games have been decided by 4 points or fewer. All respect to Minny defenders Barr, Smith and Joseph-when they aren’t on the field the Vikes give up 2 more yards per play. The first two are out today and Joseph looks like a game-timer.
Atl @ Jax: The Falcons are 6-7 but at this point are much lousier than that. Their last win was a 10-7 squeak job versus the Titans. That and a 38-0 humbling by the Panthers last week tells you exactly where they are as a team. I admit I’ve got a soft spot for the pleasantly surprising Jags. The last two years they’ve averaged just 15 points per game-over their last nine they’re scoring 29 and change. Peak Bortles-mania may be a little ways away at this point but if Jax can focus on the D in the draft next spring Florida may finally have something to be proud of in the future.
Hou @ Ind: How does a surging Texans team spell “bourble”? T-J Y-A-T-E-S and his sub 50% completion rate spell bourble. This battle of 6 and 7’s will go quite some way in determining the “winner” of the AFC South but you knew that. I say put QB Whitehurst in there for the Colts in order to level the playing field. Although if Watts and Clowney have their way it may happen at some point regardless.
Car @ NYG: Them Panters are only favoured by a measley 4 points. Why? Perhaps it’s because the Giants love playing undefeated teams after wk. 10 of the season. They are 4-0 in those games. CB Norman and WR Beckham will see each other this game but it won’t quite be a ‘showdown’. You see, Norman tends to stick to the outside while Beckham plays about 20% of the time in the slot. I’m thinking that that percentage will increase as the Giants will try to create scoring opportunities for their star WR.
Ten @ NE: The Lamb Lies Down On Gillette Stadium.
Buf @ Was: The Slurs have allowed the most long TD’s (20 or more yards in the air) and Tyrod has thrown the most in the league this year. If Rex can do the old “2+2=4” then you may want to pull WR Watkins out of your holster if you’re in some fantasy playoff thingy. It’s Pride Day in Buffalo because that’s all they’re playing for. But Washington is playing for something far more important-the honour of being pitilessly stomped into the dirt by whatever wildcard team plays them should they make the post-season.
KC @ Bal: Looks as though the Chiefs will have to do without manbeast Justin Houston for the rest of the regular season. Dee Ford (who?) picked up the slack last week however when he recorded three sacks. With the Jets having won last night pressure is on KC to do the same. This is not an impossible task against a clearly discouraged Ravens squad.
Romeo Crennel turned into Jabba the Hut so gradually I hardly even noticed.
They’re really going all out with the Star Wars product placement
IT’S PROBABLY STILL NOT HAPPENING!
HASSELDECKED
CLIPBOARD JESUS TIME
yay, as I walk into the valley of death
LEVEL PLAYING FIELD.
Sudden Giants competence?
I wonder if JJ Watt has tried to spank it with that club-hand? Could be painful.
Imagine him and JPP having a circle jerk….
On the plus side, it would take Hasselbeck all 10 minutes to go down the field for a TD, and Doop would have no chance to respond.
Enter Clipboard Jesus
Humps always have a good first half but implode after halftime
Holy FUCKBALLS these early games are terrible.
At least Im being paid to watch this garbage.
How will PK tacitly suggest Cam isn’t worthy of the MVP award, while Peyton is a hands-down favorite?
BRADY. Moar adversity
Still questions about leadership, ability to handle success.
He’ll blame Josh Norman’s behaviour on Cam, but not mention anything about Eli sitting on the bench with his sippy cup while OBJ is losing his shit.
Lack of grit. And intangibles. And gunslingerness. Odd though that Brady and both Mannings don’t like or indulge PK any more than Newton. He’s like a battered wife who keeps letting him back on.
What a goddamn joke this fucking Bills team is.
Biggest bunch of frauds EVAR
Rex Ryan is still gonna spend half his presser when he’s not mewling like a girl who dropped her lollypop telling you his team is better and is #3 against the run like anyone gives a fuck.
How about the Giants and Panthers just agree that when the Giants have the ball they’ll just put 10 men out there, and bench Beckham and Norman, to avoid getting to Brandon Browner levels of penalties?
Slamball face-offs?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N3AmH7_Iyus
……..is that full contact basketball with trampolines?!
There’s some limits of contact, like how you can’t hit someone while they’re going to the trampolines, but yes.
TD Houston…like anyone cares.
The Oilers are back?
The Oilers didn’t die…they just went to Tennessee!
THE [*Redacted] S ARE WINNING AGAIN! NOW I AM LEAVING THE LIVEBLOG FOR NO RAISIN!!
Actually, I am leaving because I am having lunch with my folks after attending Handel’s Messiah at the Kennedy Center.
Good show?
Nevermind, thought you said you already went…
If you get to meet Handel give him a raisin and say it’s from me. THANKS!
Remember to stand for the Hallelujah chorus. We have no idea why it’s a thing, but it’s tradition now.
Doopy did a good!
Garbagevulturedown!
My team’s demise notwithstanding, am I the only one that has minimal interest in the rest of the season?
Don’t be all jelly that Doop is going to teh playoffs
Things that should not be in this universe
I’m this close to giving up on this dogshit year
There’s a part of me that truly pains me at the prospect of seeing my team winning this division…..GARCON TOUCHDOWN
12 men on the field? Swear to god Humps don’t be so fucking stupid
I love how on every single play Norman and OBJ are trying out Krav Maga moves on each other.
I’m waiting for one of them to dropkick the other
c’mon, Humps. You can’t lose to fucking DOOPY PANTZ
My thoughts exactly Hippo. Fucking Doopy Pantz AT HOME
I thought he was finishing the play.
Get them tutus for fucks sake.
FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT
Man, I don’t think I’d care to fight Josh Norman. He’d cut a bitch.
ODB can grip your head and crush it like a melon.
yeah, ordinarily I would put my money on him. but not against Norman
Bleergh has a new prophet in OBJ
Does Fox normally show random celebrity tweets during the games?
Gotta stay #fresh #relevant
I’m gonna level with you-I don’t like the Giants chances right now.
Your relationship with reality is as strong as that take.
That was a take?
Exactly.
I was talking about you.
Lucas Oil Stadium and Sawmill Gravy Reservoir.
It’s quite lovely in person, ppl forget that
Lets not run the ball skins and burn clock, let’s just throw it…. no way the Bills will come back down by 11 this late in the 3rd….
T.J. Yates is dead, is it open season on quarterbacks already (‘cept Brady of course)?
That was quite an f bomb rant there
Ladies and gentlemen, Cam’s officially “having fun out there” according to Troy.
FAVREIAN
Anyone else notice how much arm the Archbishops of Bleergh are putting into their proclamations lately? They’re gonna put an eye out!
…what’s that? Oh right…that did happen.
Everyone on the Giants’ coaching staff is getting shitcanned at the end of this season.
Dave Wannstedt is wrong.
Shall I dare to check my fantasy team? Shall I dare to eat a peach?
Hello yeah.
Ain’t wastin’ time no more….
Never fear, The Skins have a comfortable 18 point lead with 6:48 left in the 3rd…..oh, wait
http://sd.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk/i/forget-calm-it-s-time-to-panic.png
They’re playing the Bills and I could use a shitload of Watkins points so I think you’re safe.
Relax a bit. Rex Ryan has no idea how the gameclock and timeouts work.
http://49.media.tumblr.com/c937604d412a281e6d057e1fcbbb996d/tumblr_nnekk65pos1rpc5kho2_500.gif
Can’t wait to see how this ends.
Imagine the things that dog has seen.
Weeden with all the running grace of a three-legged gazelle.
http://a5.files.airows.com/image/upload/c_fit,cs_srgb,dpr_1.3,q_80,w_620/MTI4OTk4MDc1OTg4NDgxMjk4.jpg
Kate Upton v2.0?
[puts hands on hips every single fucking time his team screws up like he had nothing to do with it and everyone around him doesn’t measure up to his exacting standards that he somehow hasn’t been able to communicate to the team over the last umpteen years]
-Tom Coughlin
The man has coached two teams that have beaten the Patriots in the Super Bowl. As far as I”m concerned he can do whatever he wants.
I’m not into facts right now.
Coughlin looks totally befuddled.
Great, finally came to terms with the final demise of Dallas, turn on the teevee and get an unwelcome dose of Doopy Pantz. Like I haven’t already had my fill over the season.
I was shocked he was still in he league and that Ol’ Double J hadn’t had him killed.
I’m sure he’s missing a pound of flesh from somewhere, probably the tushie.
Wow, Brady just tried to murder LaFell.
Didn’t he learn anything from Hernandez? You always need to have your LaFell guy around.
I’m all for Tom Brady being convicted of attempted murder.
Never doubt the Skins chances of fucking it all up
So does Coughlin get fired now? Or after the season?
I think he retires.
Is Jacksonville doing Bro Hymn for touchdowns? Are they a hockey team 10 years ago?
BORTLESDOWN!
“You didn’t make the TD catch? You’re such a fucking Ginn!”
I think they threw a flag on #50 for that visor. Makes him look untrustworthy
Doopy Pantz derp
http://40.media.tumblr.com/3ca027d50c775a29cb4214c2e6bdae29/tumblr_nsbhfto7px1uxx5yxo2_250.jpg
I think that when quarterbacks tiptoe along the sideline to eke out as much yardage as possible on a scramble, the defense should occasionally blow him the fuck up just to teach him a lesson and just eat the penalty. I’m looking at you, emu-boy.
“Oh, do you like yards? Well here’s 15 more!” BLAM-O!
This sudden Slurs competence is really weirding me out.
They’re a different team at home; they really play without any reservations there.
I saw what you did there…
good thing Buffalo kicked that FG, huh?
“Gotta take the points there, Hippo”
-Phil Simms