Your Week 15 Early Slate Open Thread

Chi @ Min: Cutler really likes WR Jeffrey-the latter is targeted 35% of the time on pass plays. The problem today is that Alshon is listed as questionable. Sooo….go Cam Meredith! (who?) SOMEBODY has to help Cutler break his tie with Pheel Simms on the all-time TD list. Eight of the last ten Bears games have been decided by 4 points or fewer. All respect to Minny defenders Barr, Smith and Joseph-when they aren’t on the field the Vikes give up 2 more yards per play. The first two are out today and Joseph looks like a game-timer.

Atl @ Jax: The Falcons are 6-7 but at this point are much lousier than that. Their last win was a 10-7 squeak job versus the Titans. That and a 38-0 humbling by the Panthers last week tells you exactly where they are as a team. I admit I’ve got a soft spot for the pleasantly surprising Jags. The last two years they’ve averaged just 15 points per game-over their last nine they’re scoring 29 and change. Peak Bortles-mania may be a little ways away at this point but if Jax can focus on the D in the draft next spring Florida may finally have something to be proud of in the future.

Hou @ Ind: How does a surging Texans team spell “bourble”? T-J Y-A-T-E-S and his sub 50% completion rate spell bourble. This battle of 6 and 7’s will go quite some way in determining the “winner” of the AFC South but you knew that. I say put QB Whitehurst in there for the Colts in order to level the playing field. Although if Watts and Clowney have their way it may happen at some point regardless.

Car @ NYG: Them Panters are only favoured by a measley 4 points. Why? Perhaps it’s because the Giants love playing undefeated teams after wk. 10 of the season. They are 4-0 in those games. CB Norman and WR Beckham will see each other this game but it won’t quite be a ‘showdown’. You see, Norman tends to stick to the outside while Beckham plays about 20% of the time in the slot. I’m thinking that that percentage will increase as the Giants will try to create scoring opportunities for their star WR.

Ten @ NE: The Lamb Lies Down On Gillette Stadium.

Buf @ Was: The Slurs have allowed the most long TD’s (20 or more yards in the air) and Tyrod has thrown the most in the league this year. If Rex can do the old “2+2=4” then you may want to pull WR Watkins out of your holster if you’re in some fantasy playoff thingy. It’s Pride Day in Buffalo because that’s all they’re playing for. But Washington is playing for something far more important-the honour of being pitilessly stomped into the dirt by whatever wildcard team plays them should they make the post-season.

KC @ Bal: Looks as though the Chiefs will have to do without manbeast Justin Houston for the rest of the regular season. Dee Ford (who?) picked up the slack last week however when he recorded three sacks. With the Jets having won last night pressure is on KC to do the same. This is not an impossible task against a clearly discouraged Ravens squad.

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King Hippo

Romeo Crennel turned into Jabba the Hut so gradually I hardly even noticed.

Bortleback

They’re really going all out with the Star Wars product placement

Senor Weaselo

IT’S PROBABLY STILL NOT HAPPENING!

Sill Bimmons

HASSELDECKED

American Pie Story

CLIPBOARD JESUS TIME

King Hippo

yay, as I walk into the valley of death

Sharkbait

Sudden Giants competence?

Romonobyl

I wonder if JJ Watt has tried to spank it with that club-hand? Could be painful.

John Difool

Imagine him and JPP having a circle jerk….

Sill Bimmons

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King Hippo

On the plus side, it would take Hasselbeck all 10 minutes to go down the field for a TD, and Doop would have no chance to respond.

American Pie Story

Enter Clipboard Jesus

American Pie Story

Humps always have a good first half but implode after halftime

Sill Bimmons

Holy FUCKBALLS these early games are terrible.

Sharkbait

At least Im being paid to watch this garbage.

WCS

How will PK tacitly suggest Cam isn’t worthy of the MVP award, while Peyton is a hands-down favorite?

King Hippo

BRADY. Moar adversity

Sill Bimmons

Still questions about leadership, ability to handle success.

Bortleback

He’ll blame Josh Norman’s behaviour on Cam, but not mention anything about Eli sitting on the bench with his sippy cup while OBJ is losing his shit.

Bugg

Lack of grit. And intangibles. And gunslingerness. Odd though that Brady and both Mannings don’t like or indulge PK any more than Newton. He’s like a battered wife who keeps letting him back on.

Sill Bimmons

What a goddamn joke this fucking Bills team is.

Biggest bunch of frauds EVAR

Bugg

Rex Ryan is still gonna spend half his presser when he’s not mewling like a girl who dropped her lollypop telling you his team is better and is #3 against the run like anyone gives a fuck.

Bortleback

How about the Giants and Panthers just agree that when the Giants have the ball they’ll just put 10 men out there, and bench Beckham and Norman, to avoid getting to Brandon Browner levels of penalties?

Senor Weaselo
Bortleback

……..is that full contact basketball with trampolines?!

Senor Weaselo

There’s some limits of contact, like how you can’t hit someone while they’re going to the trampolines, but yes.

Romonobyl

TD Houston…like anyone cares.

Bortleback

The Oilers are back?

Romonobyl

The Oilers didn’t die…they just went to Tennessee!

Doktor Zymm

THE [*Redacted] S ARE WINNING AGAIN! NOW I AM LEAVING THE LIVEBLOG FOR NO RAISIN!!

Actually, I am leaving because I am having lunch with my folks after attending Handel’s Messiah at the Kennedy Center.

Romonobyl

Good show?

Romonobyl

Nevermind, thought you said you already went…

Spanky Datass

If you get to meet Handel give him a raisin and say it’s from me. THANKS!

Senor Weaselo

Remember to stand for the Hallelujah chorus. We have no idea why it’s a thing, but it’s tradition now.

Sharkbait

Doopy did a good!

Senor Weaselo

Garbagevulturedown!

Romonobyl

My team’s demise notwithstanding, am I the only one that has minimal interest in the rest of the season?

Sill Bimmons

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King Hippo

Don’t be all jelly that Doop is going to teh playoffs

American Pie Story

Things that should not be in this universe

American Pie Story

I’m this close to giving up on this dogshit year

John Difool

There’s a part of me that truly pains me at the prospect of seeing my team winning this division…..GARCON TOUCHDOWN

American Pie Story

12 men on the field? Swear to god Humps don’t be so fucking stupid

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I love how on every single play Norman and OBJ are trying out Krav Maga moves on each other.

Bortleback

I’m waiting for one of them to dropkick the other

King Hippo

c’mon, Humps. You can’t lose to fucking DOOPY PANTZ

American Pie Story

My thoughts exactly Hippo. Fucking Doopy Pantz AT HOME

Sill Bimmons

I thought he was finishing the play.

Get them tutus for fucks sake.

Sill Bimmons

FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

King Hippo

Man, I don’t think I’d care to fight Josh Norman. He’d cut a bitch.

Sill Bimmons

ODB can grip your head and crush it like a melon.

King Hippo

yeah, ordinarily I would put my money on him. but not against Norman

Sharkbait

Bleergh has a new prophet in OBJ

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Does Fox normally show random celebrity tweets during the games?

American Pie Story

Gotta stay #fresh #relevant

Sill Bimmons

Your relationship with reality is as strong as that take.

Sill Bimmons

Exactly.

Romonobyl

Lucas Oil Stadium and Sawmill Gravy Reservoir.

American Pie Story

It’s quite lovely in person, ppl forget that

John Difool

Lets not run the ball skins and burn clock, let’s just throw it…. no way the Bills will come back down by 11 this late in the 3rd….

Romonobyl

T.J. Yates is dead, is it open season on quarterbacks already (‘cept Brady of course)?

American Pie Story

That was quite an f bomb rant there

Senor Weaselo

Ladies and gentlemen, Cam’s officially “having fun out there” according to Troy.

Sill Bimmons

FAVREIAN

Shogun Marcus

Anyone else notice how much arm the Archbishops of Bleergh are putting into their proclamations lately? They’re gonna put an eye out!

…what’s that? Oh right…that did happen.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Everyone on the Giants’ coaching staff is getting shitcanned at the end of this season.

Col. Duke LaCross

Dave Wannstedt is wrong.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Hello yeah.
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Spanky Datass

Ain’t wastin’ time no more….

John Difool

Never fear, The Skins have a comfortable 18 point lead with 6:48 left in the 3rd…..oh, wait

http://sd.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk/i/forget-calm-it-s-time-to-panic.png

Horatio Cornblower

They’re playing the Bills and I could use a shitload of Watkins points so I think you’re safe.

Bugg

Relax a bit. Rex Ryan has no idea how the gameclock and timeouts work.

Horatio Cornblower

Can’t wait to see how this ends.

Romonobyl

Imagine the things that dog has seen.

Romonobyl

Weeden with all the running grace of a three-legged gazelle.

Romonobyl

Kate Upton v2.0?

Horatio Cornblower

The man has coached two teams that have beaten the Patriots in the Super Bowl. As far as I”m concerned he can do whatever he wants.

Bugg

Coughlin looks totally befuddled.

Romonobyl

Great, finally came to terms with the final demise of Dallas, turn on the teevee and get an unwelcome dose of Doopy Pantz. Like I haven’t already had my fill over the season.

Horatio Cornblower

I was shocked he was still in he league and that Ol’ Double J hadn’t had him killed.

Romonobyl

I’m sure he’s missing a pound of flesh from somewhere, probably the tushie.

Horatio Cornblower

Wow, Brady just tried to murder LaFell.

nomonkeyfun

Didn’t he learn anything from Hernandez? You always need to have your LaFell guy around.

Senor Weaselo

I’m all for Tom Brady being convicted of attempted murder.

Gratliff

Never doubt the Skins chances of fucking it all up

Sharkbait

So does Coughlin get fired now? Or after the season?

Horatio Cornblower

I think he retires.

Gratliff

Is Jacksonville doing Bro Hymn for touchdowns? Are they a hockey team 10 years ago?

ThursdaySkyGoddess

BORTLESDOWN!

King Hippo

I think they threw a flag on #50 for that visor. Makes him look untrustworthy

American Pie Story

Doopy Pantz derp

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I think that when quarterbacks tiptoe along the sideline to eke out as much yardage as possible on a scramble, the defense should occasionally blow him the fuck up just to teach him a lesson and just eat the penalty. I’m looking at you, emu-boy.

Horatio Cornblower

“Oh, do you like yards? Well here’s 15 more!” BLAM-O!

ThursdaySkyGoddess

This sudden Slurs competence is really weirding me out.

Horatio Cornblower

They’re a different team at home; they really play without any reservations there.

John Difool

I saw what you did there…

King Hippo

good thing Buffalo kicked that FG, huh?

Horatio Cornblower

“Gotta take the points there, Hippo”

-Phil Simms