Your “This Game’s Gonna Be Great!…Hopefully” Wild Card Tilt Open Thread

GB @ Was: The weather in Washington, UK is 41 degrees but it feels like 34. However I don’t think that it’s going to be an issue for this game. It’s been quite some time since the Slurs hosted a playoff game. This’ll give you an idea:

-Bread was only .25 but you had to slice it yourself.

-Women holding mics on the sidelines were called ‘assistants to someone that matters’ or ‘wanton hussies’.

-The NFL called concussions ‘a figment of everyone’s fevered imaginations’.

-Dan Snyder was in grade school, mixing Lysol and tap water together, labeling it as ‘lemonade’ and selling it for a buck a glass to his classmates.

-speaking of school, Tom Coughlin was walking uphill thru 4 feet of snow to a one-room schoolhouse.

-bananas hadn’t been invented in a Monsanto hothouse yet.

Those were the days, huh? Contrary to what every Packers backer thinks/the expectation of the casual NFL fan/common sense/all that is good and right in the world, Wash has an enormous advantage at the QB spot. Over the last 10 games Rodgers has a 57% completion rate and a 16TD/6INT ratio. Over that same span Cousins’ passes have found their mark 72 percent of the time and his TD/INT ratio is a “am I reading this right?” 23-3! But wait! The Slurs didn’t win a single game against a team that was over .500. Also, of Cousins 11 picks, 7 came against the blitz. There is a team playing today that blitzed the 5th-most this year. I’ll give you a second or two to figure out which one it is. Hint-for this game only the Pack D has named themselves “The Cousins Fuckers”. Now that you’ve got every single relevant bit of data related to this game, well, start with the typing!

 

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JustStopDude
ballsofsteelandfury

That’s skill.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

and a bumpy road.

John Difool

Yessss…we can hear all the Greenbay fans in attendance….THANKS DAN SNYDER

King Hippo

Back to shitty Rodgers? OK!

ballsofsteelandfury

No, those are not Packers fans, just racists.

Doktor Zymm

SMALL VICTORIES ARE STILL VICTORIES. And..no. There’s not a good scenario that ends with a [*Redacted] s Super Bowl. Damn. I should be as creative with my football fantasies as I am with my sex fantasies, but it’s just not realistic.

King Hippo

My sex fantasties are more like Abe Simpson’s. I remember seeeeeeeex. I’ve had seeeeeeeeeex.

ballsofsteelandfury

My sex fantasies just got shattered by the knowledge that Rachel Bilson is married to Anakin.

ThePirateSloth

Oh christ, a nap seems to be overtaking me. I CAN’T GO TO SLEEP NOW FUCK YOU LIVER

entropy

I ain’t sleeping, you ain’t sleeping. Play some punk and wake the fuck up

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Nissan: cars for hot young people that are totally iconoclastic and also like to fuck.

blaxabbath

Nothing says individual like being exactly the same as everybody else/

WhyEaglesWhy

I’m gonna start hanging out at Nissan dealers. I keep getting older, but the cars are always right off the line.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Another commercial break… One more Rachel Bilson. I have more Yvonne queued up but got distracted

http://33.media.tumblr.com/67281a4116b71c4225dc808e47e8c237/tumblr_ngqv6rmf5a1qblp8lo3_r1_400.gif

...

She’s married to Hayden Christensen.

ballsofsteelandfury

WHAT? !?

Are you serious?

Sharkbait

Thats almost as bad as the “Candybars!” stoner from Super Troopers being married to Christina Hendricks.

WhyEaglesWhy

That should be enough to bring anyone back from the Dark Side.

WhyEaglesWhy

So is Kirk Cousins GOOD good, or is he having a Don Majkowski-ish charmed season?

Sharkbait

Why hello Sad Fox Injury Music.

blaxabbath

I’m kinda hoping SLURS win here just because there are so many GB fans out here that would attend the game next week.

Also, I think we could see RG3 time after Cousins tried running against the ARI front.

synapticmisfires

Only if Colt McCoy also tried running. Jay Gruden will do anything not to play RG3 until this year is over. An injury would seriously jeopardize their abilities to be rid of each other.

Kungjitsu

If RG3 gets hurt they owe that sumbitch $16 million. Pimpin’ ain’t seein’ the field. Snyder would send Gruden out there to run the offense himself firs.

Doktor Zymm

FIGHT FOR OLD DC.
.
.
.
FUCK DALLAS!
HAIL TO THE [*Redacted] S…

ballsofsteelandfury

Did the song just say “Reds on the warpath”???

Doktor Zymm

No, it’s “Braves on the warpath”

which probably isn’t that much better.

ballsofsteelandfury

Only slightly.

entropy

Moose,my our drawing will either be my masterpiece or make me commit suicide. Either way, thank you for the challenge.

Romonobyl

He has a tentacle thing going on today. As long as he keeps “Japan” out of his search engine we’re OK.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

No, it is for Balls, the got in trouble ballsofsteelandfury; I will not let the joke die. The horse must be dust…..

Romonobyl

Almost 6:00!?!? Better fire up teh grill, it’s FAJITA TIME!!!
Gotta love living in a place you can grill year round. Is a bit chipper out though.

Shogun Marcus

/goes outside. 5 degrees? Maybe wear a sweatshirt. No pants though.

...

THEY’RE PLAYING THE ANTHEM OF YOUR PEOPLE, DOK

Sharkbait

Even the song is rayces.

King Hippo

FIGHT! For old Dixie!!

/this is why the whole South got Redacteds games for so long

WCS

These are your fellow fans, Dok.
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Doktor Zymm

*sigh*
smgdfh

Doktor Zymm

I WILL USE MY WILL TO MAKE YOU WIN SO YOU CAN LOSE TO THE CARDINALS! C’MON D, SACK THE SHIT OUT OF RODGERS, HE PROBABLY WON’T MIND, Y’ALL ARE A FAIRLY ATTRACTIVE GROUP OF MEN. C’MON O, YOU CAN MOVE THE GODDAMN BALL, YOU HAVE A DECENT QB, AND A GOOD COLLECTION OF RBS AND PEOPLE WHO CAN CATCH SHIT.

BE NOT LOSERS GODDAMN YOU!

HAIL VICTORY!

...

Caps Lock Dok is my favorite Dok.

King Hippo

Your 5 most attractive Redacteds, Dok? GO!

Doktor Zymm

Current or all time?

King Hippo

current!

Doktor Zymm

They are mostly a bit young for me, but Kerrigan, Garcon, Jordan Reed, but that’s more for skill, I kinda hate his facial hair, Lichtensteiger ain’t bad….and I kinda have a girl boner for Quinton Dunbar.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Because I think they added an extra commercial in the playoffs so they take longer. One more Rachel Bilson

http://38.media.tumblr.com/d130f1dc370e9f5289318cd4c0b2c7aa/tumblr_ngqv6rmf5a1qblp8lo4_r1_400.gif

King Hippo

I swear, this team is actually FUN. This is so weird for the Redacteds.

ThePirateSloth
ballsofsteelandfury

Damn straight!

ThePirateSloth

It’s correctly colored too!

blaxabbath

Cousins should have offered Clay a handshake there….then pulled it back “too slow” style.

ballsofsteelandfury

Weird score boner continues!

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Doktor Zymm

Jamison Crowder is cool, but he didn’t even wave when we were all yelling about how awesome he was while going into the tunnel at the Bears game.

ALSO. SEE! GRUDEN JUST CALL MY THOUGHTS AND YOU WILL WIN.

Glorious Chairman Dan

ZYMM FOR COACH

...

“YOU LIKE THAT?!”

…eh… Okay I do.

WCS

SOOPER SUNDEE COOOOOOOCCCCCHHHHHHHHH

ThursdaySkyGoddess

KIRKDOWN!!!!

entropy

That hill is really fucking steep!

entropy

I think it’s time for some Perfect Circle.

ThePirateSloth

So you’re desperate? And ravenous?

entropy

Gravity, surrendering to the unknown

Shogun Marcus

GB defense? …Passive

laserguru

Can never go wrong with Maynerd

entropy

I am so happy with all these responses, by the way

Doktor Zymm

I AGREE WITH A THING CHUBBY GRUDEN DID AND IT WORKED OUT WELL! HE SHOULD DO WHAT I THINK MORE OFTEN DAMMIT!

It does usually go well. I refer you to the time I called a QB sneak earlier this year.

entropy

I quote clearly bequeathed you the power earlier. USE IT FOR FUCK’S SAKE

blaxabbath

You are the new Jay Gruden.

blackroseMD1

Jordan Reed is a literal monster.

I’m pretty sure I saw him crawling out of the Potomac before the game.

WCS

I think that was Drew trying to kill himself.

blaxabbath

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King Hippo

Jordan Reed, muthaflippas

litre_cola

Jordan Reed = Gronk?

ballsofsteelandfury

I think so.

...

Throwing the Jordan Reed is a good thing.

Do more of it, you fuckers.

litre_cola

FUCK YOU TROY AIKMAN!!! YOU WOULD LIKE ANY CALL

King Hippo

GO FOR IT YOU FAT FUCK

WhyEaglesWhy

You know, the Slurs are easy to make fun of, but one thing I’ve really been impressed with is how they always come out well in the second half. That staff actually knows how to make adjustments.

Doktor Zymm

This is a new and foreign thing. Usually shit be fucked in the third quarter.

ballsofsteelandfury

Erin, you wear really shitty rings.

King Hippo

she’s also dressed like a Wal-Mart cat burglar

ballsofsteelandfury

I hope Dok has learned her lesson about pants.

King Hippo

pantslessness is working!!

Doktor Zymm

It was an accident. I put them on to go get my package and never took them off. Regrets.

ballsofsteelandfury

Is that code? Dok has a boy in her room!

Doktor Zymm

Nah, nothing that fun.

King Hippo

That also ‘splains why she suspiciously hasn’t declared that she would like Jordan Reed inside her.

laserguru
JustStopDude

They need to so badly clarify the fucking rules.

Doktor Zymm

THROW THE BALL TO REED YOU FUCKING FUCKITY FUCK. FUCK.
.
.
.
.
FUUUUCK.

King Hippo

come on, Redacteds! Win for my dead Paw’s ghost!!

WCS

“Win it for the Great Spirit in the Sky! We play racquetball together on Wednesdays!”

— Dan Snyder

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