Reporter: “The stakes are pretty high here, aren’t they?”
Coach Reid: [rolls eyes] “Of course they are-three quarters of an inch at the very least!. [enters trance, talks in monotone] And the twice-baked potato must have bacon in it. The salad must have bacon. The roasted asparagus must have bacon. [emerges from reverie] Mmmmm. Uh, next question?”
Oh, there’s a game with Reid coaching and you thought you might get through the intro without a food reference? Really? Okay, Gronk is questionable. Pats fans shout in unison, THE ONLY THING QUESTIONABLE IS YOUR DESIRE! ALL HAIL SAT-, WE MEAN BELICHICK. APOLOGIES, WE MAKE THAT MISTAKE MORE OFTEN THAN WE’D LIKE TO ADMIT. I’m sure that Gronk’s new “personal assistant” is going to whip him up some sort of special milkshake with extra warthog ovaries that will enable him to play. How important is it for Brady that his fave TE plays? His QBR rating drops from 80 down to 31 without him. The Chiefs front can and must get pressure on the Pats QB-Brady’s O-line has given up 38(!) sacks this year. Speaking of questionable, WR Maclin and his high ankle sprain made the trip but he’s iffy-there’s only so much warthog parts to go around. He and TE Kelce combined for 49% of all pass targets this year. Yet Another Injury Note: WR Antonio Brown has been ruled out of this game as well as tomorrow’s tilt against Denver. KC’s O looks to be on QB Smith’s shoulders but he seems to up to the task. Since the winning streak started he’s passing downfield a bit more, has rushed for more first downs than RB West and six out of ten times his QB rating has been above 100. Perhaps this weird Chiefs mojo will continue-wouldn’t that be great?
I stopped destroying the Arabs before conquering the English for this shit?
Is that what you call your genitals?
I refer to it as “flogging the monk”.
“Destroying the Arabs before conquering the English” is the most elaborate name for masturbating I have ever heard.
And the first TD is traded for an FG.
This is what is known as “losing football.”
You can see why SL is kinda morose about being in KC broadcast territory
“Go for it!”
–Andy Reid, mishearing “4th down” as “For chow mein”
Yeah, this one’s over.
3rd down. Better call time out.
So KC is using the old Gary Williams vs. Duke strategy. Might as well use the TO’s to avoid the blowout.
A very troubling thought just entered my mind: I’m wondering what Andy Reid’s mustache smells like.
BBQ sauce
Cream of Arrogance
Smelt. Maybe some squid
If he’s smart he combs cologne through it at least twice a day.
That’s how I keep the goat from smelling like a goat.
Even when I let my facial grow out a little bit, it absorbs smells, so I’m going to remember this next time I get lazy and don’t want to buy razors.
19 Years A Beard
The play sheet was covered in bbq sauce
The Chiefs manage to run an offense that has the fun and personality of Joe Flacco…
Was that a Triple option call?
Dan Fouts: the very definition of unbiased and accurate commentary
#alexsmithsmovembermustache
So, is Alex Smith burning all of these timeouts early some strategy to keep Andy Reid from using them improperly at the end of the half or something?
3:26 of the first. Who had that in the “when does Andy Reid burn his first timeout” poll?
Smith is the QB that Andy deserves
A match made in Cocytus.
An Andy Reid team is wasting timeouts? That’s weird.
Andy Reid continuing excellence in clock management
And the ref shit begins…
If Alex Smith keeps this up, he’s gonna get called for roughing the defense….
Woo, Tinyhands scramble!
TINYHANDSCRAMBLE
This should be a breakfast dish at a KC diner.
Checkdown to Victory: The Alex Smith Story.
Motherfucker almost made me choke. That’s hilarious.
If you could wipe one of the following sports organizations from history, who would it be:
Patriots
Duke Basketball
Alabama Football
St. Louis Cardinals
Notre Dame Football
Yup.
1936 Olympic Committee
But then we wouldn’t have this moment:
http://fa12phl301.providence.wikispaces.net/file/view/Jesse%20Owens%20Berlin%20Olympics%201936_thumb.jpg/471656956/Jesse%20Owens%20Berlin%20Olympics%201936_thumb.jpg
Patriots. I would say Duke, but then the Holes would just have won more, and that’s no better.
I was all “Patriots!!” until you threw in that last choice.
Patriots. The other 3 are insufferable largely because of fanbase. Pats are the total package
Patriots and it’s not in the same galaxy.
Bama. As soon as Belichick and Brady transcend their corporeal forms and return to the underworld, the Pats will revert to sucking. And it will be entertaining.
FIFA
STL, only because I am primarily a fan of the scum bunch.
Patriots
WVU-OU tied 34 up at the half. I know you’re all very interested!
Okies are #2 bro…
http://www.cbssports.com/collegebasketball/eye-on-college-basketball/25447402/west-virginia-tops-ku-to-land-its-first-w-vs-a-no-1-team-in-33-years
Ah.
wow
In what quarter will a critical referee “error” cost the Chiefs this game?
A) 1st
B) 3rd
C) Where the hell is Otto Man?
D) I fucking hate the Pats!
E) Screw this garbage, I gon’ drank!
5th
F) All of the above
If this were the EPL, they would just keep the clock running until NE won.
/pissed off Everton fan
SAINTS WOO FUCK YOU WHITEY
When in doubt, always guess C) WHERE THE FUCK IS OTTO
Jeremy Maclin’s legs: intact-ish
Having had a high ankle sprain, I can assure you he is on every drug imaginable to be out there and sorta mobile.
So…he’s an honorary member of the commentariat then?
I have a strong feeling we’uns gonna join WCS in watching most of the Boomer Sooner/Cousinfuckers 2nd half…
Tied at the half. But we all know how that can go.
/OK, we don’t all, but us Wolven sorts know it’s merely an illusion.
//Go WVU!!!!
Smiff!
Drink it in, Philly Phans- this is you for the next three years.
oh well
belichick: alright, time to hack Andy and KC’s communications
[fires up jamming device]
belichick: okay, off of jam, set to intercept
[listens]
belichick: wtf
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_NQ4_YjBNtY
I thought you were going here.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FcArnepkhv0
What is the farthest that Cassel has thrown the ball in the air during an NFL game this season…15 yards?
Er I mean Alex Smith…sorry you noodled arm honkies all look the same to me.
Cassel? Are you being sassel?
Are the professional camera people on strike? These camera angles blow.
Belicheck insists on his own cameras getting the best placement.
Holy shit. There’s a remake of A Boy and His Blob coming out Tuesday.
Whuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut?
Judging from that ad, Supergirl looks like the worst TV show ever created.
Honey Boo Boo would like a word with you….
I love it.
“I didn’t even know I had it in me”
Supergirl sounds like every ex-gf of mine.
Early contender for CoTW
I BELIEVE IN ALEX SMITH
When the men in white coats arrive, just remember that they’re there to help you.
Am I the only one who never got the superhero thing?
Like, ever?
NOAP
Goddamn it. I go out for beer and pizza and come back to this?
Did you bring enough for everyone, young man?
No runs on that drive, so nice of the league to make passing unevenly favorable.
I betcha PIT and DEN will run!
Who among us is not rooting for Cam Newton to stop the Patriots when they finish the B League championship?
Peter King
King, Prisco and GREGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG?
Old white people?
They aren’t one of us daggummit!
I concede this is an acceptable outcome.
Remember, we can still root for crippling.
I never stopped.
Vontaze just got traded to the chiefs, ibhear.
How will a Super Bowl orgy help us?
At least he’s going to be dead of MRSAAIDS in ten years.
Brady to Gronk.
It would appear that security caught the sniper I hired.
Could be traffic.
Welp. Here we go.
Insurmountable lead? Sigh.
OH YEAH YOU LIKIN THAT UNIVERSITY OF PITTSBURGH CAGER SQUAD AINTCHA
Beat #1 in the country, and then we’ll talk.
INSURMOUNTABLE LEAD
Ugh, it most likely won’t get better.
But it will likely get much, much worse.