Holy fucking shit, I need a cigarette. Or more my style, a pipe chock full of opium.

Did God decide to take the Sabbath off? Or go see the new Star Wars movie, now that the crowds have thinned out? Or maybe He just doesn’t control football games based on who’s more publicly self-righteous. In fact, when you say it out loud, it sounds kind of silly, doesn’t it?

In any event, the Panthers came out loaded for bear on offense, defense, and special teams, and it was 31-0 before the SeaTruthers knew what hit ’em. Wilson was battered and confused, tossing two ugly picks (one run back by Keuchly, one setting up the FG) and generally stuck in the figurative mud (despite the Buck/Aikman excusemaking, the field conditions were a total non-factor). Jonathan Stewart punched in two scores, and Cam hit Greg Olsen on a remarkable throw off his back foot for the 3rd offensive TD.

Charmslinger finally started to move the ball toward the end of the half, but got no points. Further progress allowed Seattle to make things mildly interesting down the stretch, but they only got within 2 scores at the 6 minute mark, then within 7 at 1:10 (needing an onside kick to have a prayer, which they didn’t get). Cam never turned the ball over or otherwise seemed rattled at any point – rather, he and Ron Rivera played a ball control game with a huge lead and a solid defense. It may have been nervy, but in the end it was smart. The outcome was never truly in doubt. 31-24, and the dream/proper NFC title bout will indeed take place in Charlotte next Sunday. Can’t wait!

The late show featured two physically limited QBs, and two coaches who I respect the hell out of. Fuck you, I will end my sentences with a preposition sometimes. Mike Tomlin came into Mile High with a great gameplan, and managed to get his speed players open in the middle of the field countless times (on routes The Ben could The Make to much my The Chagrin). Once Pittsburgh pulled ahead 7-6, they kept control of the game the entire way, albeit narrowly, through 50+ minutes of play.

When Denver had the ball, the Yinzers were shutting down the run game, and the big plays down the sideline. So PeyPey took what was given…but his receiving corps most certainly did NOT. The first half especially was a symphony of horrid drops. Only a series of long Brandon McManus FGs (and terrible Stiller punts) kept Denver hanging around, but the kill shot seemed inevitable.

At 13-12, and after several near misses by both sides (in what was a VERY clean game in terms of penalties, too)…we finally got the game’s first (and only) turnover, and it changed the game completely. Pittsburgh was creeping back into FG range when Bradley Roby punched the ball out of Fitzgerald Touissant’s hands, right to the trailing (ok, the “just standing there”) Demarcus Ware for the recovery.

PeyPey then did what he does best at this stage of his career, making the correct calls at the line, working short, safe throws (other than a key 3rd and 11 pickup to Bennie Fowler near midfield) and directing the running game on a long, clock-burning, defense wearing-out, back-breaking drive. When CJ Anderson took it in on 3rd and goal, exactly 3 minutes remained. PeyPey then burned Denver’s last timeout, but the reward was a successful 2-point pass to Demaryius Thomas, making it 20-13.

Having a nice long rest, Denver’s defense stood tall, allowing one first down, then getting it back on a 4th down sack by Von and Ware. 3 CJ runs led to McManus’ FIFTH long FG of the day, and a seeming Donks’ cover.

But Tomlin showed his coaching acumen quickly enough, going for the FG the INSTANT Pittsburgh got in FG range. If only a fraction of head coaches (college or pro) had this level of game and clock manageent understanding. Very simple game theory – you need to preserve as much time as you can to get the TD. If you burn it down to single digits getting the TD first, you have NO CHANCE to get in FG range (or likely even Hail Mary range) after the onside kick anyway, so you have reduced your chances from maybe 1-2% to zero. Pittsburgh didn’t get the onside kick, but Tomlin fought to the end, and he fought SMART, which gave them the best (small) chance they had. That’s all you can ask. It’s what coaches (on game day) are paid to do, and most have no fucking clue.

/off soapbox

Anyway, the early Sunday game will be the Shitriots at Denver. Yes, the Narrative will be nauseating, but at least the Massholes won’t be at home. And if Dreamboat loses his very last matchup with PeyPey, it will eat at him for the rest of his weaselfuck life. That’s something to smile about, no?