Your “One Of These Teams Has To Not-Win? NUTCAKES!” NFC Championship Open Thread

I like both these teams. Both will perform very well in the last game of the year against either AFC champion. (What? Did you think that as of [checks pocket watch] 3:32 EST I know who won the AFC thingy?) Rivera and Arians both deserve all the kudos for taking formerly moribund programs to the top. And it just seems like it’s the NFC’s year this year, doesn’t it?

Stats Time: Them Panthers led the league in scoring and the Cards were second. If the Cards depend on the blitz to bring pressure they are fooked. QB Newton completes 59% of his passes, has an 80.4 QBR and has a ridiculous 80.4 QBR when the other team brings the house. As far as rushing is concerned, the Panthers attack as a team averages 4.1 yards per carry. GOSTKOWSKI SUCKS! (just saw the missed extra point)

Okay down to brass tacks (whatever that means) I sorta lucked out last week by identifying DT Short as a difference-maker. This reminds me-GM of the Panthers Gettleman drafted two DT’s back to back in the ’13 draft. Lotulelei went in the first and Short went in the second. BAM! INTERIOR D IS TAKEN CARE OF FOR A HALF-DOZEN YEARS. As far as feel-good stories are concerned the weakest narrative going is QB Palmer’s quest for a Super Bowl ring. He wasn’t that  great a story in Cincy so why all the lovin’ now? Now, WR Fitz is legitimate. THIS GUY-copyright Jon Gruden-is a tried and true big game performer with stats up the whatzizz. On t’udder side of the ball I would love to see a nation of older, pale sports writers back pedal en masse  from their “here comes Vince Young 2.0” interior monologues if QB Cam wins. It’s okay fellas, you’ll always have JaMarcus Russell. What say you persons? Let me know who you like below. TYPE LIKE YOU’VE NEVER TYPED BEFORE, WASTRELS!

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Disengenuous Fake Smile

I guess they took that “worst second-half team in the NFL” snipe pretty personally.

Kungjitsu

Who the hell is Arizona’s backup?

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

So, did Riverboat Ron bet the Over or is he trying to get his starters crippled?

Redshirt

What the… I only switched away for a minute!

Horatio Cornblower

I was joking with my son that Carson Palmer was color-blind but now I think he might be literally blind.

Senor Weaselo

Dammit, how many times do I have to post Hazard-Complete Control?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eL8qBD53F0A

Claymaker

My facebook feed has spoken:

“Going for 2 when up by 25 points is the definition of classless.”

ballsofsteelandfury

GO FOR 2!!

The Maestro

GO FOR 50

DO IT YOU FUCKERS

Doktor Zymm

Now this game is even OVERER

fleshwound_NPG

MOST OVERIST

ThursdaySkyGoddess

PALMERCEPTIONDOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Redshirt

Denver should just empty out their lockers tomorrow and call it a season. Throw the Tennessee Titans at the Panthers in Super Bowl 50 so the fans will have fun and the kids will have footballs.

Senor Weaselo

Titans-Browns, winner gets the 1st pick, loser gets the Panthers.

makeitsnowondem

As a Broncos fan, I won’t drink myself to death if Cam gets a ring.

JustStopDude

My nipples are erect at the thought of all the hot takes about him.

The thinly veiled racism will be epic!

KidFlash

I’m looking forward to the CAM IS CLASSLESS narrative if he ends up filleting the Bronco D.

Senor Weaselo

That seemed… unnecessary.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJ091VmqhAQ

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Old School Zero

This is the end of a perfect day, I’m glad I spent it with you.

ballsofsteelandfury

Indeed

Sharkbait

Up 40-15, going for 2. Douche move?

The Maestro

Cam wants 50, and is determined to piss off every middle-aged white male sportswriter in America in doing so.

Sharkbait

I can get behind that.

Wakezilla

Check. Mate.

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Disengenuous Fake Smile

Ooof.

ballsofsteelandfury

Amazing

WCS

Look at Cam out there, dancing like a GLOREE BOY, no leadership or class whatsoever. Meanwhile, a REAL leader like Jerry Richardson watches stoically, like he’s been there before.

Redshirt

Oh, now they’re just running up the score.

Senor Weaselo

Carolina’s butts are loosened.

Brocky

Jerry richardson is so conflicted

ThursdaySkyGoddess

FUNCHESSDOWN!!!

Bloody Lethal

Dun na na na na HEYY YOU SUCK!

Brocky

Michael Oher with 2 superbowls? something something god’s will, something something white people’s influence

The Maestro

Man, does this mean that Sandra Bullock gets retroactively awarded another Oscar??

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Oher and Bulluck can suck Johnathan Ogden’s cock

JustStopDude

I love how in Baltimore, some people view him as a complete bust.

I mean he wasn’t as good as Ogden was…but he was far from a bust. Is the dude with the tits and the broken foot that was drafted ahead of him by the Bengals even still in the league?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Remember when the Bears traded Olsen away for basically nothing?

/throws my glass through the TV

Col. Duke LaCross

Mike Martz should die of gonhorrea and rot in hell.

Horatio Cornblower

Is there even a point to watching the Superb Owl this year?

makeitsnowondem

Carolina hasn’t seen a defense nearly as good as Denver’s this year.

Yeah, Denver won’t be able to score or even move the ball, but still.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Super salty PK head asplosion?

ballsofsteelandfury

To relive those horrendous Broncos losses from the last century?

Senor Weaselo

Or from two years ago?

Wakezilla

Peyton Manning’s head might fly off?

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Remember when Olsen was mediocre in Chicago? I wonder what was holding him back?

Sharkbait

In all seriousness, Fitty needs a ring at some point.

The Maestro

New England should sign him.

Sharkbait

Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter

WCS

You shut your whore mouth.

makeitsnowondem

The WP graph in my head just went to 100% Carolina.

fleshwound_NPG

moar Simona

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Doktor Zymm

More like Arson Palmer, amirite?

Disengenuous Fake Smile

“WELL IF YOU’RE CHANGING THE WAY YOU THROW, CLEARLY THE INDEX FINGER IS AN ISSUE AND IT’S MAKING YOU ADJUST THE WAY YOU THROW THE BALL.”

ballsofsteelandfury

Moose! Congrats!

King Hippo

MOOSE! WE ARE GOING TO THE SUPER BOWL!! WE ARE GOING TO LOSE BADLY, BUT WOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dunstan

Billy got away with all of his murders because of his attorneys’ clever “Not Me” defense

Redshirt

I just want to remind everyone that Carson Palmer threatened retirement because of the Bengals poor performances.

I submit to you all that it wasn’t entire the Bengals fault.

ballsofsteelandfury

Agreed. That’s why I’ve never liked him.

Horatio Cornblower

Carson Palmer sure is picking a funny time to start reading the fucking playbook.

Disengenuous Fake Smile

With 5 turnovers, Carolina has avenged the 2008 Delhomme meltdown. Unfortunately Brady failed to reach the Super Bowl and allow the Panthers the final, perfect stop on their glorious revenge tour.

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m not complaining.

Wakezilla

Anyone got a good stream to watch the Royal Rumble?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

comment image?w=650

Wakezilla

#1 on my a hate f*ck list

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

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Horatio Cornblower

Alex Morgan is a not unattractive woman.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

THIS GAME I CALL IT A TWIN PEAKS PREQUEL CAUSE PALMER IS COMPLETELY OUT OF CONTROL AND IS PROBABLY GOING TO END UP GETTING MURDERED.

JustStopDude

Dear god I wish that show never had a second season.

It just…got lame…

Horatio Cornblower

Carson Palmer’s like a kid out there…a kid with Down’s syndrome.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

PALMERCEPTION 3(?): THIS AGAIN

Senor Weaselo

Wait he wasn’t in the end zone when he made the catch was that a safety?

Senor Weaselo

Wait never mind he was facemasked into the end zone.

/Sorry for the reply to own post… again

Doktor Zymm

Dude, full on Carson Palmer meltdown

ThePirateSloth

Wait wait wait can someone with DVR rewind that shit and PLEASE tell me that Jerry Richardson had a gotdamn Bojangles cup there with him. PLEASE TELL ME THAT

Brocky

So the only downside to panthers stomping the broncos is the idiotic claims from patriots fans that brady would never lose to them

makeitsnowondem

Larry Fitzgerald just destroyed a defenseless receiver.

Wakezilla

Why are Aussies natural thieves?

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makeitsnowondem

genetics mostly

ballsofsteelandfury

Because they steal hearts.

BOOM!

JustStopDude

No bullshit…working in Australia, I not only had my lunch stolen, but also my fucking pink tool set.

I got a pink tool set specifically because it prevents most people from trying to steal them. I would rather people think I am gay than deal with fucking steel workers ganking my shit. Had those fucking things for 5 years.

Less than 48 hours, they were fucking stolen. Nation of thieves…

Senor Weaselo

The British Empire sent all their criminals there, ppl forget that.