Your “OY! WHO’S UP FOR A HATE-WATCH, THEN?” AFC Championship Open Thread

Why must I be a football fan? It’s not a particularly pleasant hobby to have during this run of Pats dominance. I think this is their fifth straight appearance in this game. OOF! That’s tough to swallow. It’s not hard to envision myself in a simpler time. I can see it now. [screen goes all wavy wavy] Me and my buddies are just back from the hunt, having brought down a noble stag. There’s plenty of mead to be quaffed as we warm our balls by the large fire. It’s damn cold but there are smiles all round.

Soon talk centers on the threat from the East. The land- and power-hungry Quinnzealots have won a number of skirmishes with our neighbouring tribes and will be soon threatening our (The Allthatisgoodnauts) borders. Word has reached us that they are led by a charismatic warrior, Large Teeth. Some say that his successes are due to a shadowy black-robed druid that possesses uncanny powers that cloud the minds of those who oppose him. During battle one does not know where the Quinnzealots will attack from-when they come for you it could be from the left, perhaps the right, sometimes from the trees above, all without warning. Their small yet rabid foot soldiers buzz around one’s ankles so quickly that it is difficult to hit them with your sword. T’will be a difficult task to defeat them-that much is certain.

Well that’s just great. THE PATS DOMINATE MY ALTERNATE HISTORIES AS WELL. On to the game, I guess. The venerable Hippo could break this game down much better than I could so I’ll just toss some nougats (not nuggets!) out there. The Gronk has 6 TD’s in as many games against Denver but it’s something of a boom/bust thing. Three TD’s came in one tilt and he’s been held to as little as 35 yards in another. Brady is 2-6 in Denver over his career which bodes well for the Orange Horsies. Denver led the league with 52 sacks but in order to be successful they must get pressure from the middle of the line and not the edge because Brady lets go of the ball in just over two seconds on those quick hitters to the Amendolas and Edelmans of the receiving corps. Hochuli is the ref and we are blessed with Jim “Prominent Masters apologist and serial philanderer” Nance and Phil “safe to say Morehouse State didn’t have an Elocution elective” Seems. THERE IS GLORY IN TYPING…SO TYPE!!!

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King Hippo

why is Hillman back in the game to do nothing (as best-case scenario)?

fleshwound_NPG

Philip Rivers just came after that float and had 4 more kids after that

jjfozz

Whoa, anyone getting this Shock Top hipster commercial? I am. And I want to go on a murder spree.

Dick E. Phuck

LAMEDUCKSLINGER

ThePirateSloth

Fuck all this foosball and big sweaty men and balls and deep penetration and hitting #datgap….

I’m waiting for our THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE rivebrog

Spur

comment image

American Pie Story

woohoo!

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Float ooooon, float oooooon!

blackroseMD1

Holy shit…that was a great catch.

The Maestro

HOW THE FUCK DO YOU LET THEM CATCH A FLOAT AS BAD AS THAT

Smithchez

Philip Rivers approves of that pass.

litre_cola

So the Donks wideouts decided they will catch this week?

the king in yellow

God bless you, Maestro, for still hanging out with us even though every other person here (including me) wants your team to die horribly.

The Maestro

I’d say I’m a masochist, but honestly saying that Pats fans experience pain that no other fandoms can understand is bullshit of the highest calibre, and I know it.

Gratliff

Acceptable effort

fleshwound_NPG

NECKROIDSBOMB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

jjfozz

WHAT A CATCH

Doktor Zymm

Nice!

King Hippo

why the fuck have we stopped going downfield?

blackroseMD1

“What happened there, Jay?”

“He fucking missed it Jim. Are you even watching?”

fleshwound_NPG

PeyPey has to throw today, Pats stacking the line

ballsofsteelandfury

Over-Under on when his arm falls off?

I say middle of the third.

Wakezilla

Hey, he may lose feeling in his arm and be ass in the Super Bowl, but, it’ll be worth it for us all.

#Peytondiedforoursins

Dick E. Phuck

I think Phil has the hots for Jay Feely.

King Hippo

he DOES seem like a boring white guy who prefers golf to football

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Fun fact: Jay Feely is an alias Marc Trestman uses when he moonlights as a substitute gym teacher.

Spanky Datass

He thinks Jay’s last name is an open invitation.

Smithchez

A kicking expert? Really?

“What happened there?”

“What do you think happened? He fuckin’ shanked it.”

jjfozz

CUNDIFFED IT FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU PATRIOTS

Gratliff

Why did I even turn this on? I don’t want to steer this shit
.

Spur

Wow. Nantz is getting wet over that stat

Redshirt

Shank you very much!

Wakezilla

“This is why you should purposely miss a PAT if you’re perfect going into week 17”

–Some football journo–

blackroseMD1

I hope this game ends with a score of 7 to 6. That would be fantastic.

Sill Bimmons
American Pie Story

Hahahahahahahahahaha he missed

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Yeeeees! Still got the lead!!!

Doktor Zymm

I’ll laugh my ass off if this game ends up being decided by the missed extra point.

ThePirateSloth

I literally just said the same thing

/Top Gun highfive

litre_cola

Dok go pray to whatever deity you believe in and urge this to happen.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Ooops

blackroseMD1

Hahahahahahahaha!

The Maestro

WHAT THE FUCK GOSTKOWSKI

Smithchez

LOLSKOWSKI

litre_cola

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

fleshwound_NPG

BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Dunstan

I don’t condone taking a one-yard penalty just for the chance to injure a Pats receiver.

But I don’t condemn it.

Smithchez

Well, that’s what you get for trusting Ronnie Hillman not to fuck up everything.

King Hippo

total fucking waste of a roster slot

The Maestro

TOUCHDOWNNNNNNNNNNNN WOOOOOOOOOOOOO

ThursdaySkyGoddess

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

American Pie Story

Boooooooooooooooooooooo

ThePirateSloth

THIS GUY WARD, I CALL HIM CAPT AHAB BECAUSE HE JUST SPEARED THAT WHALE OF A RB.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Well that’s a shitty call.
Luckily half the distance doesn’t mean much.

Brocky

I’m not saying that’s not the correct call, I’m just saying I have a hard time believing the refs would reverse that call if it was anyone else.

blackroseMD1

Goddammit…who replaced the Donks Gatorade with idiot juice all the sudden?

American Pie Story

Well when you play against cheaters…

Col. Duke LaCross

Nice 1-yard personal foul penalty there.

WCS

THAH LEAGUE FACKIN’ HAHHTES US NO ONE DENIES THIS

Smithchez

Denver melting down at a record pace.

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