Latest posts by Horatio Cornblower (see all)
- Horatio’s Dumbass Mock Draft 2.0 & 2019 NFL Draft Open Thread – April 25, 2019
- Someday My Prince Will Come, And That Day Is Here – April 23, 2019
- Horatio’s Wildly Inaccurate 2019 Mock Draft – March 20, 2019
Open: A bar, tastefully decorated. Oh yes, there are ferns. Conversations can be had, although one has to lean close to do so. Three athletic looking men sit at a quiet corner table engaged in conversation. One can’t quite make out what they’re drinking but it looks like some kind of Schmidt’s.
Tyson Gay: Man, glad you guys could meet me here for a drink or two. it’s good to get out of the house, away from the women and just be myself with you Gays.
Rudy Gay: You said a mouthful Tyson. If it weren’t for our monthly Gay Night Out I don’t know what I’d do. Aside from stay home with the wife and kids, look at my NBA Championships and set fire to random $100 bills. Fag?
William Gay: No thanks Rudy I quit smoking. Still not sure why I took it up in the first place. Kinda queer. My wife suggested it was some kind of oral fixation but I sure showed her what an oral fix…Hey, that’s Gaye!
(‘What’s Going On’ plays on the jukebox)
Tyson: That’s why I like coming here, best jukebox in three states. Hey whatever happened to that old bar we used to go to? They had a really good juke too.
Rudy & William, together: Too many faggots.
(they look at each other and start laughing at having said the same thing at the same time)
Tyson: Say what?
Rudy, composing himself: Oh you remember; they put those two fireplaces in and got a permit to burn real wood and next thing you know they had piles of faggots stacked asshole high all over the place.
William: You couldn’t even move without bumping into a faggot. Came home covered in wood chips and bugs and smelling like Smoky the Bear’s prom date.
Tyson: Hoo boy, that’s Gay!
Rudy: No man, we’re talking about firewood.
Tyson: Not the faggots, that Gay. (points to bar)
All three, in unison: Gay Talese!
Gay Talese: (turns, raises glass) Gentlemen.
William: Oh man, Gay Talese. That story he wrote about Frank Sinatra having a cold was what got me into literature. Magazines anyway. A classic of the genre.
Tyson: And now he’s drinking in the same bar we are. Amazing.
William: I’m stunned; like I just ran into a Stonewall or something.
Rudy: Another classic Gay Night Out. Gentleman, to Gay Pride!
(they clink glasses and….FIN)