Tom Brady’s PED Scandal, Part 3: Cracks in the Foundation

blaxabbath

blaxabbath

I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
blaxabbath

Here was the thing about last week’s AFC Championship game — whichever quarterback won would need to face a week on Super Bowl Radio Row answering questions which will certainly include vague softballs about his off field regimen, including accusations of illegal performance enhancing substances. With Peyton Manning coming up victorious (17/32, 176 yards), all eyes are pointed to his legacy and the Al-Jazeera allegations of his use of human growth hormone (HGH). For this reason, Patriot faithful have already nicknamed him PEDton Manning (get it?).

Meanwhile, AFC Championship Participant, Tom Brady will have avoided the hard hitting press corps for the 2016 season, basically, in its entirety. With the exception of his appearances on the Patriots flagship, WEEI, and Westwood One during their Monday Night Football pregame broadcasts (which I’m pretty sure are prerecorded), Brady has pulled off a perfect David Ortiz, in that everyone outside of Boston knows he’s a cheater but he didn’t actively admit it all season and, thus, is held in ever higher regard by Massachusetts’ finest fans.

Regarding Manning, the league threw him, not surprisingly, a huge PR Get-Out-Of-Questions-Free Card this week when they announced a ‘comprehensive investigation’ into the allegations of his HGH use. And since this investigation won’t be complete before the Super Bowl, look forward to a whole lot of, “Well, the league is handling their investigation and I’ll refrain from publicly commenting while fully cooperating with [name of some sham attorney that does work with Joe Ellis and handles all of John Elway’s car dealership lawsuits].”

As you may remember, the NFL began an independent investigation right around this time last year, the deliverable being the Ted Wells Report, followed by the hilarious WellsReportContext.Com, which is basically if YourTeamCheats.Com and a second year law student had to put together a website for a class project. Anyways, after all the suspensions, appeals, upheldsions of suspensions, and formal lawsuits had been settled, the only concrete takeaway that everyone could agree on was this: the NFL’s independent investigations are not independent and have no integrity.

Shocker, I know.

So when the league announced that they were going to address whether or not their favorite spokesman had been up to no good, all eyes rolled at the idea of Goodell doing anything other sweeping the whole fucking thing under the rug then taking bids from the various armed forces branches for rights to burn copies of Al Jazeera to the Top Gun soundtrack during halftime at every NFL game next November.

HOWEVA!

In the Al Jazeera report, athletes beyond Manning were mentioned, including MLB players Ryan Howard and Ryan Zimmerman, who have both filed libel lawsuits as a result of the report. As the MLB is working to clean up its image and crack down on PED use (as well as home runs, ticket sales, and overall excitement with regard to the sport), they’ve partnered with the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency to field an investigation into the official claims. The NFL, on the other hand, has declined partnership in the investigation (even though their PR machine says otherwise).

So here’s the thing about lies, right — they have a tendency to create webs. And as those webs get larger — and exponentially more complex with the numbers of parties involved — the amount of stress put on the story, as well as the characters, often grows to a quite unmanageable scale. The NFL is a dirty business. It’s violent and the perpetual battle of Safety verses Sport will never be solved. It’s also enormous; a publicly-protected monopoly worth billions in private revenue, public kickbacks, and military contacts (for signs of patriotism). Finally all, it’s competitive. Competitive to make the team; competitive to keep your job; competitive to win your division; competitive to just make it beyond the 3.3 year average career in the league.

But above all, the National Football League is influential. Directly influential. Providing the attraction that delivers the biggest broadcast ratings every year, the NFL is the most powerful non-stockholder at ESPN. And CBS. And NBC. And Fox. As we all saw with the Peter King apology after botching his report about the Ray Rice elevator tape, the media establishments that feed at the trough of NFL access are as independent as Ted Wells receiving his retainer check and Ballghazi report conclusion in the same pre-investigation FedEx package.

While the USADA is but a pseudo government agency, the results of their findings will no doubt carry significant weight so long as the agency does not completely ignore any consideration of the names Manning, Julius Peppers, or Clay Matthews throughout their investigation. And this is what is causing such a rift between The Shield and their not-so-independent media partners, who are as guilty as the NFL for ignoring the open secrets about PED use in pro football. Like cockroaches scattering from the USADA light, every media organization is looking to abandon the NFL on this one — but looking to do it without showing their golden goose just how much distance they are taking.

The tweet above, between NFL PR and ESPN, is just the beginning of a rift that will not settle until both investigations are complete and with similar conclusions. When the NFL handles ever aspect of an incident — from investigating to delivering punishment to handling appeals — in house, the narrative is simple enough to believe (or impossible to disprove by outsiders without accessibility). Now that a separate organization, a hungry and quite competent organization, is running a parallel and greater investigation, the NFL’s conclusion-first method of research simply will not fly.

My prediction? I think the NFL is going to run a quick clean investigation focused on a very high and very specific definition of misconduct, as it relates to the facts presented in the Al Jazeera report. That Al Jazeera America — the arm of the media giant technically responsible for the report — is closing up shop gives them a step up in narrowing their investigative leads. That they carry no formal investigative powers over anyone involved in the accusations (other than Manning) further restricts their scope. The remaining evidence — recanted testimonies and dated, if any, paperwork — will make it all-too-easy for Goodell to stand tall and praise his investigation team for not overstepping their grounds and treating Manning like a guilty man before the investigation was complete before announcing that the NFL has not found sufficient credible evidence confirming the claims published in the Al Jazeera report.

Meanwhile, the MLB/USADA will grind it out for a few months and, well after Manning is good and retired, will announce positive links between the claims the NFL players mentioned. It will petition the NFL to look further into the issue, which the league will not, citing its own independent investigation as adequate. And, regarding Brady, though I don’t agree with his timeline hopes, Boston.Com’s own Rich Levine seems to have put it best,

These days healthy and crazy pretty much go hand and hand with Brady, and that’s because of his relationship with trainer Alex Guerrero — who will at some point get Brady into trouble. That’s just a fact. And for everyone’s sake let’s hope it doesn’t happen until his playing days are over. But it will happen. Guerrero’s up to no good. I’ll be shocked if Alex Guerrero’s even his real name.

CLAY

blaxabbath
blaxabbath
I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
Please Login to comment
14 Comment threads
43 Thread replies
0 Followers
 
Most reacted comment
Hottest comment thread
22 Comment authors
Moose -The End Is Well NighJerBear50King HippoRikki-Tikki-Deadlyentropy Recent comment authors
  Subscribe  
Notify of
Sure Thing: A 2018 Green Bay Packers Preview Post – [DOOR FLIES OPEN]

[…] Rodgers is at the helm. That said, I will always feel fine rooting against Green Bay because of Clay Matthews. And while I think it’s great that DeShone Kizer escaped Browns purgatory (a term I use […]

Tom Brady’s PED Scandal, Part 4: Inner Circle – [DOOR FLIES OPEN]

[…] the last time it even seemed worth making a unique post about Tom Brady’s ongoing cheating history was way back in January 2016 after the Peyton […]

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
entropy

I was reading a review of FOX’s Lucifer show to see if I was the only one underwhelmed and largely annoyed at this version of the character when I read something that I had completely missed while watching the show…. the female detective that Lucy is hanging out with is named Chloe Dancer.

There is a fucking police detective in this show named after a Mother Love Bone song. Fuck you in all the asses, FOX.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

My impression of the show simply based on the previews is that it’s basically Castle or Sleepy Hollow except the non-detective tagalong is Lucifer.

King Hippo

That song also has a lot of personal meaning to me. So add a FUCK and a YOU from Hippo whilst you’re at it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
JerBear50
JerBear50

As petite as she is, you could also say she’s a tiny Dancer.

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

“For this reason, Patriot faithful have already nicknamed him PEDton Manning (get it?).”

No. I don’t get it.

Is that supposed to be a funny play on the fact that his wife has a legitimate HGH prescription delivered to their home?

Because it’s not.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

Pretty obvious ‘Shop job on both, but it’s still funny.

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

Speaking of heads growing, that’s not a sign of anything other than age.

Your head continues to grow as you go through your 20s and early 30s, sometimes massively so.

I went from a 7 5/8 to an 8 between graduating from college and getting my doctorate. I have baseball hats from the 80s that look like propeller beanies on me now. This certainly wasn’t the product of any PED use, just one last huge endocrine rush before everything starts to shut down around 40 or so.

Seriously, go try on a hat you used to wear in college. I guarantee that it’s either tighter than you recall or flat-out doesn’t fit.

This…

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_IBVPgalgRAk/S_lkqopVnQI/AAAAAAAABS8/k2KsNErcr0k/s1600/barry%252Bbonds.jpg

…is completely normal.

People’s heads just get bigger. Boring fact is boring.

indieguy
indieguy

well this is upsetting as i’m already quasi-peyton-esque at only 29

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Speak in a language we can understand, MR. SCI-EN-TIST!

comment image

entropy

Hold on a moment. You wear a size 8 hat?! Dammmmmnnnn I thought MY noggin was huge.

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

Imagine a human fire hydrant with a goatee and glasses.

That’s pretty much what I look like.

entropy

I usually get “mostly shaved Sasquatch, or pretty well-behaved bear,” so I’m not sure which of us is getting the better end, description-wise.

WCS

I didn’t know Tom Hardy played football in the late ’90s.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

I’m assuming that “60 Minutes” only got that high of a rating because everyone falls asleep during the late afternoon games and leaves it on CBS.

Beerguyrob

“Papa John’s and Cyberdyne Systems present ‘The Manning Inquiry: Pepperoni, or Inanimate Carbon Rod?'”

ballsofsteelandfury

Great writeup! I’m glad we can get actual analysis here beyond dick jokes (and butt jokes. Heh, ANALysis, heh)

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

…would run a smere campaign against him.

For years Andy Reid has been desperately hoping that someone would make him into the target of a s’more campaign.

Horatio Cornblower

Andy Reid tried to make s’mores but by the time he decided on the perfect ratio of marshmallow to cracker to chocolate the fire had gone out.

So he said ‘fuck it’ and ate them all anyway.

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

Isn’t that what you would have done?

That’s what I would have done.

monty this seems strange to me

Hines Ward is launching a smire campaign.

Don T

Good article, and a Pulitzer PLEASE for the “Forehead Tranquilizers” tag.

Kungjitsu
Kungjitsu

Why is anyone listening to Tom Brady about health shit? Alex Guerrero and Tom Brady could give a two week seminar on all their bullshit, and Cam Newton could walk in eating his yogurt, and everyone at the seminar would forget everything they’d been told over those two weeks and start trying to spell Oikos.

Also, the pink salt thing makes me think Tom and Gisele are stupid.

Doktor Zymm

I will laugh my ass off if Tom and Giselle develop goiters as a result of iodine deficiency.

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons
Horatio Cornblower

There’s a lot of truth to what that guy’s saying. Sugar’s really bad, (why yes, I did just have two cups of Pepsi at lunch, why do you ask?), fresh food is better for you and we could all probably stand to eat less red meat.
That said sugar is fucking awesome, I really like grilled meat and not every family is a supermodel/bestQBevah combination that can afford a personal chef who goes shopping twice a day and even if you do have that guess what, you’re not immortal and we’re all gonna die some day. I’m just gonna do it knowing good and goddamn well what a banana chocolate chip milk shake tastes like* and I’m willing to make that trade.

*Heaven. They taste like heaven.

Cuntler
Cuntler

You lost me at “banana” there, Michelle Obama.

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

You know what actually kills you?

LIFE

Might as well live it.

http://hottytoddy.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/steak-n-shake-combo.jpg

entropy

The strangest thing about salt I have ever seen:

http://www.improbableoceans.com/blog/

Don T

“Consider this your official invitation to voyage with me.” I once gave a B and scolded a 9th grade student for using that phrase in an oral report. I stand by it. Maybe-ish.

entropy

The writing is… not great, although I did just sign up for his stories so maybe he’ll change my mind. What I like is the idea of making sea salt from oceans that could never exist.

Doktor Zymm

There should be two leagues…one where PEDs are banned, and one where PEDs are required. LEVEL PLAYING FIELD.

Warthog

They could play in Wichita.

/obligatory

monty this seems strange to me

I’d like to see an UNLEVEL playing field, where one team literally has a downhill slope and the other is running uphill.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I was in a work soccer league where we played on a field with a pretty severe slope. It was MURDER.

SonOfSpam

I don’t care how strict the Asian ref was, it’s still not cool.

ballsofsteelandfury

Jeremy Clarkson adores this comment.

Beerguyrob
monty this seems strange to me

Looking at the Weekly Ratings Report, I see America’s Got Talent, but not much taste, apparently.

laserguru

Do people really watch that shit?

/shudders

Horatio Cornblower

One of the most shocking things about this article is that not only is ‘The Mysteries of Laura’ still on the air, it’s doing pretty well.

Fuck you Middle America.

entropy

What the fuck is “Mysteries of Laura?”

ballsofsteelandfury

To be fair, the Spanish version (the original) is really good.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

My reaction, upon seeing that both Mysteries of Laura *and* Madam Secretary are both still on the air (replace “children” with “mouth-breathing fat-heads of Middle America”)

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

“You know what that clip could really use at the end? A ‘Bazinga’ or two!”

– The mouth-breathing fat-heads of Middle America

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

This exists.

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/515qukYVELL._AC_UL320_SR214,320_.jpg

What do you think works faster, transmission fluid or power steering fluid?

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

There was some abortion of a TBS/Papa John’s crossover commercial that I saw last year which implied that “Schrodinger’s Cat” was a BBT reference.

It was at that moment when I realized that humanity was beyond redemption.