INT.  DFO PRODUCTION OFFICE – DAY

A pair of slick Hollywood producers lounge on a pair of couches while an exhausted-looking intern works through a gigantic stack of script proposals, summarizing each one. Neither producer pays much attention; RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY is tapping out text messages on his phone while DARKEST TIMELINE ZACH MORRIS gazes lovingly at his brand-new Apple Watch.

UNPAID INTERN: …so which one is it going to be? You guys have got to green-light one of these.

DTZM: [completely mesmerized] A-maz-ing!

RIKKI: [glances up from phone] Oh! Um…let’s go with the gritty reboot.

UNPAID INTERN: Which one? There were nine “gritty reboot” proposals!

RIKKI: [realizes he has been caught not listening, shows a barely quantifiable amount of remorse]. The, um…wasn’t there one with a superhero in it?

UNPAID INTERN: The Greatest American Hero?

RIKKI: Yeah, that one. [begins humming the theme music]

DTZM: [still mesmerized by watch] Siri, play “Walking on Air” [nothing happens. DTZM raises the watch to his ear and taps the face a couple of times]

UNPAID INTERN: [sighs] You have to turn it on.

DTZM: [without looking up] Don’t tell me how to use my tech, millennial.

From outside the office, a minor disturbance is heard.

TRAYCEE: [from outside] They’re in a meeting. You can’t just barge in!

VOICE: [from outside] If you don’t like it, keep me out.

[door flies open]

CAM NEWTON: [storms into office and throws a copy of Variety on desk] What the fuck is this shit?

RIKKI: Where did you get that?

CAM: The newsstand, downstairs.

RIKKI: [picks up magazine, fondles it] You mean they still PRINT these things?

DTZM: [still gazing at watch] Siri, print “Variety Magazine”.

CAM: [snaps fingers to get their attention] Hey! Says here the nominees for DFO’s “Most Entertaining Player” award have been announced.

RIKKI: [frowns] Oh.  Devin, why don’t you step out and grab us a couple of lattes.

UNPAID INTERN:: It’s KEVIN.

RIKKI: Really? I could have sworn you said it was Devin.

UNPAID INTERN: Uh, no, I didn’t.

RIKKI: Well, I heard Devin, which means you should probably work on your diction, kiddo.  Also, you might think about changing it – never gonna get ahead in this town with such an ordinary name. “Kevin” is a bit…common.

DTZM: [dreamily]  Steve.  You should call yourself Steve.

RIKKI: Two lattes. Intelligentsia, not that Starbucks garbage.

KEVIN leaves.

DTZM: [still peering at his watch] So what’s the problem, Cam?

CAM: What’s the problem?  Is that some kind of a joke?  [points] I’m not even nominated!

RIKKI: Oh. Yeah. Trust me, nobody’s more disappointed about that than us, Cam.

CAM: WHAT? You guys are the ones who put out the list! Look at this shit! Peyton Manning? Kirk Cousins? Did you guys even *watch* football this year?

DTZM: [dazed]…watch…?

CAM claps his hands in front of DTZM’s face, breaking his trance.

RIKKI: Of course we did!

CAM: How on *earth* can you say that these guys are more entertaining than me? Come on! [points] Travis Kelce? Alex Freaking Smith?

RIKKI: Alex had a good season.

DTZM: Alex had a VERY good season.

CAM: And look at this! [points to nominee list] Green Bay White Wide Receiver.

RIKKI: We always have to include a wide receiver! And since Jordy Nelson got hurt a lot of people don’t know the new guy’s name.

CAM: Do YOU know the new guy’s name?

RIKKI: Well…no. The copy editor should have fixed that before it went to print.

CAM: But you know he’s white.

DTZM: Yep.  You don’t forget a thing like that.

CAM: So you’re gonna sit there and tell me that you guys didn’t even consider me for Most Entertaining Player?

RIKKI: [takes a deep breath] Cam, have you heard the word “tastemaker”?

CAM: [through clenched teeth] Yes, I am familiar with that expression.

RIKKI: Well that’s what DTZM and I are. We – among other power players in this town – set the tone for things here in Hollywood. And right now, people are a little burnt out on the whole…how do I put this…racial struggle.

DTZM: Selma, Twelve Years a Slave, Django Unchained…

CAM: [bewildered] Racial struggle? What the hell does any of that have to do with me? Because I’m a black?

RIKKI: It’s just the current climate in Hollywood right now. This list of candidates – this TYPE of candidate – it’s what people expect to see. And it’s our job to provide it to them.

CAM: [confused] Wait, but you just said that…

RIKKI: It’s not something we’re comfortable with.

DTZM: We hate it every bit as much as you do.

RIKKI: But at this point in time, it’s what people want.  They don’t want a showboat – they want a blue-collar, lunchpail type guy. The kind you can have a beer with! You know how all the Packers fans chant “Kuhn” when he touches the ball? We’re looking for THAT sort of guy. Someone who’s popular with the fans.

CAM: I’m popular with the fans! They chant my name all the time!

RIKKI: Cam. Cam. I don’t want to insult you, but is that REALLY what they’re chanting? Or are they saying “PAAAAN-thers”

DTZM: It’s a team game, Cam. It’s not about one player.

CAM: But the award says it’s for the most entertaining PLAYER…

RIKKI: And this whole thing about giving away footballs – you know, handouts to minorities are NOT popular with rural folks, especially with the way the economy is.

CAM: Most of those footballs are going to white kids!

DTZM: It’s not like the NFL is getting those balls for free – someone has to pay for those, you know.

CAM: Yeah! Me! I have to write a check every time I give one away!

RIKKI: Exactly, and when you do that you’re playing into the stereotype of black athletes just frittering their money away. It’s your money, Cam, you can do whatever you want with it, I’m just saying…

DTZM: It looks…extravagant, is all. We’ll be the first to tell you that it’s a garbage stereotype…

RIKKI: Complete trash.

DTZM: …but that’s just the way that some people look at things. I wish we had the power to change it.

CAM: Yeah, but you just said that you guys “set the tone”…

DTZM: But hey, listen, we’re not here to tell you how to present yourself. That’s a conversation you should be having with your publicist.

RIKKI: [earnestly] Cam, I’m not saying that you won’t ever win this award. But you gotta pay your dues first. People need to see that you’re capable of winning on the big stage.

CAM: I won a national championship!

DTZM: Yeah, but that was in college. As a system quarterback.

CAM: No credible journalist EVER called me a system quarterback.

RIKKI: Trust us, Cam. Next year we PROMISE you’ll receive due consideration. But this year…with the election and all…it’s just too thorny of an issue. You understand, right?

CAM: No!

RIKKI: You know what?  [his expression changes to one of steely determination] You’re right, Cam.  This has gone on for too long, and enough is enough.

DTZM: Rikki’s right.  It’s time that Hollywood got a wake-up call.

RIKKI: Things are about to change in this town, and it starts right here.

DTZM: We’re gonna put our foot down.  We’re gonna START A COMMITTEE!

RIKKI: That’s right!  One that ensures proper diversity in the nominations for these awards.

CAM: But what about the people who vote for the award?  They’re a big part of the problem too.

DTZM: We’re gonna change that too.  Somehow.

CAM: For real?

RIKKI: Of course!

CAM: Cause it’s not just me. A black man has only won the MVP once in the last eight years.

RIKKI: Well that’s not right…

CAM: And we make up more that 67% of the players in the league…

DTZM: That many…?

The two of them pat CAM on the shoulders as they shepherd him to the doorway and usher him out. RIKKI closes the door and the two of them return to the couch, slumping back down.

RIKKI: It really is awful the way black players get overlooked when it comes to awards.

DTZM: It sure is.

A pause.

RIKKI: We’re not gonna actually *do* any of that stuff we talked about, are we?

DTZM: Oh, good God, no.

RIKKI: Cause of the foreign markets, right?

DTZM: Yeah.

RIKKI: Those guys are the ones demanding such a whitewashed product.

DTZM: That right.  They’re the REAL racists.

RIKKI: But what are we supposed to do?  Turn our backs on those markets?  Quit the entertainment business altogether?

DTZM: I don’t think there’s anything we CAN do.  Other than carry on as we have been.

RIKKI: Sucks to have our hands tied like this.

DTZM: It sure does.

RIKKI: It’s a shame.

DTZM: You said it, buddy. A real shame.